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Andrew C.El Paso, TX 
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My wife is not too keen in investing in real estate, she just wants me to stay in the army and depend on them untill I reach retirement. How can I convince her to agree with me about investing in real estate, also how can I get her to read any of the investing books that I have read in order to have a remote understanding as to waht I want to do? |
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Eric F.Real Estate InvestorPortland, OR 
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You just need to TELL the little lady the way it is... Just kidding... Feels good to say that though. I would suggest this... " Ask" her if you found a way to buy a property with very little or no money, could you give it a try part time... if it didn’t take too much time? Or something like that... Then bribe her with something she wants with some of the profits. If she is not interested in investing at this point, she will have no desire to read about it. Just do it and show her the green stuff at the end. PS Make sure you make money on the first deal... or you will never get permission again! Good luck! |
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Anthony S.Real Estate InvestorMillsboro, DE 
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My fiance......same way. I discovered options, ran ads, routed all calls to my cell phone, and just did it without her knowing. (I think she knew, but she is the kind of person that if its not in her face, she will brush it off) Im not saying lie, but I am saying shhhhhhh, in the beginning. This is all being said with the assumption you have a plan, and couldnt help but be successful, once you start. With that said, she spends all the money I make, and enjoys it, as far as I know. All the money she thought was " not a good idea" , when I mentioned real estate. The t-shirt Im wearing in my picture? Yea, its 7 years old....... |
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David S.Real Estate InvestorVerne, IN 
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I know what you are talking about !!!!! I sat down and made an LONG list of how nice and comfortable the military lifestyle is...... You know your check will be there on the 1st and 15th each and every month. Free medical for you, her and the kids (if you have them now or will have them). No layoffs, plant closings. Pretty secure as far as jobs go!!!!! Then, made a list of just adding an additional 50% of our current income would help out " the bottom line" every month. And gave a few examples of different RE deals. I explained we would take it slow and she would be invoved in every aspect of our venture. That was 18 years ago... I stayed in the AF, 22 years and counting since last Sept. I am an E7, she is a Commercial Loan officer. I make far more with REI than our salaries today. For us, we decided the security of my military job was the BEST time to invest. It acted as a " safety net" that I knew was there, but never needed. Educate yourself and your wife. You can do it without her, but it will be easier, more fun, and more profitable with her. As you gain knowledge about REI, you lower your Risk. With lower Risk, you increase you chances of success based on anaylisis outlined in your personal plan and goals. Good luck!!!! |
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Connie B.Real Estate InvestorMont Belvieu, Texas 
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That first deal is always the hardest-- wives worry about losing money that isn't there in the first place (which is usually when you *need* to be investing... In our case, I was the one pushing to start and DH was holding back-- maybe because of that buying-and-reselling old sewing machines on ebay business I started back in '00 (that made absolutely nothing.) Or maybe it was the background check company I started in our home office that showed a grand total of about $32.50 in profit the year we closed it down. He thought I was being overly enthusiastic yet again and viewing the projected profits through rose-colored glasses. I just kept talking, kept running the numbers for him and showed him every scenerio I could think of-- best case, worst case, in-between case. Eventually, as he became aclimated to the idea, the enthusiasm kicked in but it took awhile. I'd try to get the go ahead for *just one* and make sure its a goodie. There's nothing like success to bring a spouse on board pronto :train: |
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P N.OR
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You do understand that you can do both? My spouse was in the military. He did his military thing and I did the real estate investing. We had twice the spendable income of anyone else he worked with, we still got to travel and live in different countries, and now he is retired and we still get his piddling little retirementr check and the extremely valuable medical coverage that pays for all medications. I did all my investing in the home town that we knew we would come back to eventually. It's nice to copme home to a fully paid for house and several nice rentals already making income. |
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Anne *.Real Estate InvestorDenver, Colorado 
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Nothing to add, but I thought this blogger's comments were interesting: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/12/my-wife-wont-let-me-start-my-own-business/ I know it's from 2005, but still relevant. Apparently, it's a common gripe. On our first deal years ago, we got lucky and made money. Our first major rehab (just last year), we lost a crapload of money. Fortunately, the 6 deals after the first were all money generators. You live, you learn. You make mistakes, but you keep going. That's the secret to success. |
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Jared C.Real Estate InvestorFort Wayne, IN 
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That is a great blog! My wife got addicted to it a few months ago and reads everyday... |
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Tom C.Real Estate InvestorOH 
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You know, she is either a business partner or not. It's a business. If she doesn't agree with it, thats fine, but there is no reason why your wife has any say in your business activites if she is not part of the business. Cut her out and stop discussing it around the house. Again, there is business and there is your personal income. They are 2 different things. If she's not on board then I guess she not part of the business. Hide your cash flow and buy her nice gifts! |
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Anne *.Real Estate InvestorDenver, Colorado
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I've been an avid reader for a while now, too. His idea about playing audiobooks at high speed is a great suggestion, especially for those taped seminar real estate courses that tend to be a little slow! I should have thought of doing that sooner. I was thinking after I posted the link that it made a reference to a business (as opposed to REI), and people here might think it doesn't relate to them. But tonight at our local REIA, the speaker made a comment about how real estate investing really is a business. I'd have to agree. |
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Michael Q.
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as to the original question... You might need a new wife... I know its harsh... But if your wife isnt on board you will never be.. The fear of the unknown is a great motivator for people to never try... I would ask her if it was okay to make the two of you a better lifestyle.... Then ask if she trusts your decission making ability. If yes to both you dont have a problem... And use embedded commands when speaking to her... something like..." You can see yourself with more money in the bank cant you?" Or " Our finacial situation isnt enough is it?" Learn how to use them and life gets much more rewarding Michael Quarles |
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Barclay S.
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Well, I think there is always a way of telling things. Probably you just will have to try a little harder, women usually need some persuasion on these things. All the best!! |
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Phillip R.Jasper, AL 
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I got the response from my wife, " You better not!!!" But I did anyway. I wasn't needing her permission, I was talking with her to see if she was " with me" in the deal. Apparently she didn't want to be involved so she wasn't. I was off one day and when she came home from work she asked how my day was. I said fine. (the usual answer) Later that evening I said, " Oh, by the way, I bought that property today that I was telling you about." She hit the roof and let me know how mad she was at me for buying it anyway after she told me she didn't want to spend the money on it. Today, she loves the property and when it comes up in conversation she refers to it as " ours" . I call it " the property" . Only my name is on the deed... I say do your homework and if you see a deal you cannot let slide by then buy it and do what you planned on doing. What's the worst she can do? Get mad? |
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Michael Q.
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7 find a good attorney. |
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Jared C.Real Estate InvestorFort Wayne, IN
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Man, I have to once again bring up how lucky I am. My wife is my business partner and my real estate agent and has been working together with me full time since January 2007. We have a great relationship, great communication, and are NORMALLY on the same page. Listening to you guys talk about " whats the worst she can do? get mad?" And Michael with " you may need to get a new wife" and " get a good attorney" . Damn... :shock: |
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Eric W.Real Estate InvestorSan Jose, CA 
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Sit down with her and educate her. Come up with some numbers to show her why it's a good investment. Tell her, lets start off with one and see how goes, if it doesn't work out, than we will stop. When my wife sees me doing repair work, she is amaze at the things I can do and gains full confidence that we can do this. It's definitely have to be both of your decision, not one, what happens if something goes sour, than one person is going to get mad at the other. Your buying a house, not a big screen tv. |
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Kimberly A.Real Estate InvestorMillbrook, AL
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Wow lots of Information from divorse to ?. I am lucky my husband and I are both enthustiac investors. We have a friend who's wife wasn't really sure about what he was doing. Getting her involved in some area of investment changed that to excitment and understanding. We got her out shopping for deals. Some people are good at the paperwork, number crunching or research. Maybe taping into your wifes abilities and making her a part of the big picture for your future wealth will bring her around. |
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Jay D.Real Estate Investor
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heavychevy, how are you doing? did you get any useful answers? Before you do something stupid like concider divorcing the woman of your life.. I feel I gotta say something.. I'm not married, as a matter of fact I'm not even in a relationship at the moment. BUT! I do know a lot about human relationships.. In this particular situation , Your wife's concern is probably that she doesn't want to take the risk of losing any of your money. What she is actually telling you is that she doesn't trust YOU to invest , I feel , if you want to invest, you gotta walk the walk and talk the talk, keep on asking her what her concerns are and find answers. keep on educating yourself in REI and convince her, that if you were to invest your money, it would be a safe investment decision (just be sure you feel the same way) A woman is always more cautious, just see every concern she might have as another point to work on, then work on her trust in this particular area.. When you start producing results, she will forget all of her worries. Try that, if that doesn't work, buy a copy of Napoleon Hills Classic " think and grow rich" , Read it yourself first, then let her read it, that ussually does the trick.. " Refusing to broaden their vision has kept most people doing the same thing all of their lives " Let us know how it works out and have a great day! Jay |
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P N.OR
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Did you show it all to her in writing? This is what we buy, this is how much it costs, this is how we pay for it, this is how we sell it, and this is how much money we make? Or are you one of the guys who clog up the forums, coming here and saying: I just quit my job. I don't have any money. I have terrible credit. I don't know how to do real estate. So how do I get this million dollar deal under wraps, because I am really ready to be rich and I plan to have 5 million by the end of the year. The way you have presented it to your wife is going to have an effect on the way she feels about it. |
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John M.Real Estate CoachChicago, IL 
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Lots of scotch -- preferably single-malt. |
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Posted: 01/06/2008 at 05:16PM
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