BiggerPockets

My dad was the same way. At first it annoyed me. I would try to change his mind.

After a wile, I came to the realization that the only person in this world I could change was myself. So stopped talking business with him.

When ever he brought up the topic of business, I would change the subject by simply saying: "Dad, I love you and life's to short to be fighting with each other. Now tell, me how are the Bulls are doing?" (We lived in Chicago)

Also, don't forget to tell him you love him every time you talk to him.

Hope that helps.

Ivan,

You just need to go out and be successful. You know what your doing is honest and legal. Your father is old school and sounds like he hates America and Americans. You will never be able to change his mind and thats ok. Sometimes you just need to let it go. I used to MLM back in the day and I could never understand why my close friends and family did not understand the great opportunity I had. You just need to not talk about real estate with him. Keep in mind, you are going to be successful and your father will not be.

Ask him if he has a mortgage on his home? Amortized over 30yrs he will have paid almost double in interest.

Be prepared to leave anyone who does not believe in you behind. You do not need them!!

Abraham Lincoln once said: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." There is no point trying to change his mind, just do your business in an ethical manner and know that you are doing the right thing. I would imagine that your dad is a blue-collar worker or in a profession where he trades money for time.

:cool:

Real estate is not usually a win-win situation - that's just guru nonsense that is intended to make newbies feel better about themselves.

The truth is that when you're buying a property for 50 cents on the dollar - someone lost BIG TIME! Clearly not a win-win. On the other hand, YOU did not cause the seller to be a loser. In many cases, they made poor decisions that caught up with them. In other cases, they lost their job or had a death in the family. At any rate, even though they lost big, that doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. Your job is to make money and all you're doing is taking advantage of opportunities that arise.

Back to the original question. I agree with Jose. If your dad is critical of your real estate investing, don't talk real estate with him.

Mike

As usual, Mike is right. For the most part, RE is a zero sum game so when you get a good deal, the other party usually doesn't. Now, you may have filled an immediate need for them to have $10k in hand for example but you also eliminated the possibility of them having $20k in hand 3 months from now if they had been able to wait and sell at full market value. I guess it all depends on someone's perspective of "winning".

It's no different than when I was happy getting rid of our crappy old car as a trade-in for $3k last year (felt like I won) until I saw the dealer wash the car and put it on the lot for $6k the next day (felt like I lost). I'm sure he didn't get that much but he probably got more than I thought he could which leaves me feeling like I left money on the table - my win became a 'push' at best within 24 hours...

I do respect your desire to put family first though, Ivan. I agree with the strategy of just avoiding the topic but in my book, family trumps all else - especially the almighty dollar.

My dad was a real estate investor, taught it to me, and still was critical of me when I first started. Until he started calculating my returns and realized I was actually listening the whole time. I've figured out that with some fathers, the negative attitude is really a test to see if you can hack it. It's tough love.

Tim

Thanks for asking this question, Ivan! I really enjoyed reading the replies. I know how you feel: I spend time once a week with a person twice my age and ten times my intelligence and all he can ask is how ethically I can justify ripping people off like that.

But let me tell you this: two years ago I had a half-remodeled duplex that I would have paid someone thousands of dollars to take off my hands. My experience with it was so psychologically painful that I didn't care about the money. For me, it's a balance of what's more important in life to me: my sanity or a building. If someone had helped me out of that situation, I would never have changed my mind about selling to them, no matter how much they made off it.

Ivan,

How old are you? If you are caught up in the GURU mindset I agree with him.

Your father is right about business in America. We have one of the largest herds of lemmings in the history of man. The funny part is. In the downturns in the economy you understand what works. The old rules work. Your father follows the old rules. Work hard, save your money. If I am wrong about that please correct.

He also probably does not understand Real Estate. Ask him what does he feel a good investment is? If he says the stock market, that sure could be debunked. He is probably income focused not gain focused.

He is worried for you because he cares about you. Always keep that fact in context. This type of friction is what the books and sales/MLM predators prey upon. Nothing like enabling your "my dad does not get it" genes. People buy and sign up for stuff just to "show them".

I see a LOT of some called real estate investors who con people. Almost all Guru's con people. Just do not be one of them. Show him some results that are not ill begotten gains. He will come around. Investment is about obtaining acceptable returns within a margin of safety. Someone how the Guru's hijacked this into get rich quick with no money, credit or sense.

Jeff I'm only 22.

My dad's biggest objection is that "back in Russia, we did business like men" and here business is about ripping off the weak ones.

I think I do agree with you about the "lemming" mentality in America as you put it.

I don't think I have guru mindset and my results will come when the puzzle comes together :)