As the never ending presidential debates go on and on and on and on and on and on — and on, it only seems fair to find out what the candidates think about the expanding subprime mortgage/housing/credit/banking/stock market/unemployment/recession crisis (or, SMHCBSMUNRECR, for short) we currently find ourselves in. But, since none of the YouTube questioners picked by CNN seemed to care enough to ask the questions about this (perhaps because none of them actually live in homes???), I have taken it upon myself to find out what the major candidates think about the SMHCBSMUNRECR and what, if any, solutions they might have.

Here are just some of their answers:

BARACK OBAMA:

I think we need to show the mortgage industry that we are one people, one nation. There are no Democratic foreclosures, or Republican foreclosures, or even Independent foreclosures–everyone gets kicked out of the homes they really can’t afford in the same way.

I am about change…I am about changing the old banking system. I am about changing the credit markets. I am about…..well, actually, I’m not really sure what I am about, but, know this, whatever it is I am about, it is about change.

Change is how we will fix this mortgage mess. Change is how we will repair the world’s credit system. Change—-does anyone have change for a five??

HILLARY CLINTON

It’s easy to talk about changing the nation’s mortgage system; but, talk is not action. I am about action…well, I am also about change, of course, but, mostly about action.

Bill and I know something about living in a house that was way beyond our means. Some of you may have actually seen this house. We called it the White House because, well, it’s painted white. Now, the mortgage on this house was enormous and , to be honest, when we moved in, Bill and I were in so much debt from the campaigns, we needed a subprime mortgage and a very low initial percentage. It was a Godsend…until, that is, the rates started to go up and up. Well, it got so darn expensive, Bill and I couldn’t afford it anymore so, before it went into foreclosure, Bill and I just moved out of that sucker and let it become someone else’s headache.

Only now, Bill and I really miss that old house and would like to move back in. Only, no bank in its right mind will give us a mortgage on it, so, we may have to settle for something a little smaller in not such an up-scale neighborhood.

JOHN EDWARDS

First of all, when it comes to fixing this mortgage mess, I agree with my good friend Obama. We are both about changing the mortgage system in this country. We are both about changing how lenders lend their money. And, Obama, I happen to have the change of that five you wanted. Now, Hillary and Obama will tell you they have a plan for getting us out of this housing crisis. But, we don’t need another plan. We need radical action. Now, I can’t exactly tell you what that action might be, but I do know we need action to fix it. And, my friends, if I keep talking like this, I just might end up being someone’s Vice-President someday. Does anyone know how much the Veep’s house goes for?

JOHN McCAIN

My friends . . . I say, get our troops out of Iraq and bring them back here to help people move out of the homes they can’t afford. I mean, a lot of good folk are going to get kicked out of their homes pretty soon and they are going to need help moving their belongings. Why not use our brave men and women in the armed forces to help do this work. America can’t afford to have all those people sitting out on the curb all night with their coffee tables and such.

Now, I always thought we should use our troops to help with this mortgage crisis. I still think it is the right thing to do. Now some people may not want to hear that and they don’t have to vote for me. Of course, in the end, I will have the last laugh because those people who don’t vote for me will all get kicked out of their homes if I become President. I swear to God.

MITT ROMNEY

First, let me say, when I was governor of that real liberal northeastern state that I’d rather we not talk about thank you, I was all for fair and low priced mortgages for everyone who wanted to live the American dream of home ownership. But, now that I am running for President, I say, to hell with them all. Let them live in shelters.

I actually felt that way when I was governor, I just couldn’t say it or all those Kennedy relatives living there would have kicked my ass. Now, however, I can speak the truth. The thing is, I am really, really,really rich. So, to be honest, I really don’t care all that much about this mortgage crisis because, heck, I’ll never be homeless.

One thing I do plan on doing , I can tell you, is to use my own personal money to buy up all those vacant homes and flip em real quick and pocket a fortune.

MIKE HUCKABEE

huckabeeWhat mortgage crisis?

 
 

 

 
 

 

Anyone Else??