US Taxpayer: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

US Taxpayer: ‘Ello, Thief?

Hank Paulson: What do you mean “thief”?

US Taxpayer: I’m sorry, I had a 401K. I wish to make a complaint!

Hank Paulson: We’re closin’ for the election.

US Taxpayer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this
market what I invested in not half an hour ago from this very
exchange.

Hank Paulson: Oh yes, the, uh, the DOW…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

US Taxpayer: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. It’s dead,
that’s what’s wrong with it!

Hank Paulson: No, no, it’s uh,…it’s bottoming.

US Taxpayer: Look, matey, I know a dead market when I see one, and I’m
looking at one right now.

Hank Paulson: No no it’s not dead, it’s, it’s bottomin’! Remarkable
market, the DOW idn’it, ay? Beautiful returns!

US Taxpayer: The returns don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Hank Paulson: Nononono, no, no! It’s bottoming!

US Taxpayer: All right then, if it’s bottomin’, I’ll restore its
confidence! ‘Ello, Mister Market! I’ve got a lovely investment for you
if you show…

(Paulson approves a bailout)

Hank Paulson: There, it recovered!

US Taxpayer: No, it didn’t, that was you bailing it out!

Hank Paulson: I never!!

US Taxpayer: Yes, you did!

Hank Paulson: I never, never did anything…

US Taxpayer: ‘ELLO MARKET!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing!
This is your nine thirty opening bell!

(Goes out and buys a car and a house to stimulate the economy watches
the market break support.)

US Taxpayer: Now that’s what I call a dead market.

Hank Paulson: No, no…..No, it needs another bailout!

US Taxpayer: ANOTHER BAILOUT?!?

Hank Paulson: Yeah! You froze the credit market, just as it was
recoverin’! Credit markets freeze easily, major.

US Taxpayer: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad
enough of this. That market is definitely deceased, and when I
invested in it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total
lack of movement was due to it being volitile and scared following
prolonged bad news.

Hank Paulson: Well, it’s…it’s, ah…probably priced in.

US Taxpayer: PRICED IN!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did
it crash the moment I my trade closed?

Hank Paulson: The DOW prefers to correct every now and again!
Remarkable market, id’nit, squire? Lovely returns!

US Taxpayer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that market when I
got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been doing
so well to begin with was that you had been propping it up.
Hank Paulson: Well, o’course it was propped up! If I hadn’t propped
that market up, it would have clobbered the economy, caused massive
unemployment, and BOOM!

US Taxpayer: “BOOM”?!? Mate, this market wouldn’t “boom” if you didn’t
keep interfering! But now it’s bleedin’ demised!

Hank Paulson: No no! It’s priced in!

US Taxpayer: It’s not priced in! It’s passed on! This market is no
more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!
It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t bailed
it out it’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is economic processes are now
‘istory! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off
‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir
invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-MARKET!!

Hank Paulson: Well, I’d better bail YOU out then.

Hank Paulson: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the
shop, and uh, we’re right out of bailouts.

US Taxpayer: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Hank Paulson: I got a Treasury bill.

US Taxpayer: Pray, does it have a positive yield?

Hank Paulson: Nnnnot really.

US Taxpayer: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Hank Paulson: N-no, I guess not.