Deadly Disease Outbreak Infects Real Estate Investors!

Deadly Disease Outbreak Infects Real Estate Investors!

3 min read
Adam Davis Read More

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Special Public Service Announcement
***You can help prevent the spread of a deadly strain of disease afflicting real estate investors***

To stop this outbreak, we must journey into the mind of an infected real estate investor.

Our subject for today is “Fred.”

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Fred is suffering from a chronic condition called “dealfundexia,” which studies have shown is infecting a large population of real estate investors across America. Fred’s condition has worsened of late and researchers are hoping that a closer examination of his daily activities will shed some light on a possible cure.

We gave Fred an ammonia rag, quarantined him, and then stole his diary. It was pretty boring at first, but then we got to the good stuff.

Following is an excerpt:

December 3: “Just got a call from an agent buddy of mine. I have such a great deal on my hands. And I know because I have this great deal, I just need to go about getting it funded. All those guys on TV always said that if the deal was good enough, I could get the money. Let me see…”

December 20: “Made a bunch of calls to mortgage companies and banks. No dice. This deal is too awesome to pass up. I just talked to this hard money lender and they gave me a bunch of paperwork, but no commitment. I’m gonna keep trying…’

December 25: “I should have known better than to eat that last piece of fruit cake. Note to self: skip all food with hard things buried inside of it and incubated for months on end.”

January 8: “Jeez…what’s the deal, people? Everyone I talk to wants to either blow me off or they want a mountain of paperwork from me. That money financing website lead was a dead-end. What a bunch of clowns. Man, I thought this deal was a cinch. But, persistence pays off, so I’m gonna make some more calls…”

January 17: “My agent buddy isn’t so much my buddy anymore. He’s screaming at me to close this deal. I’m going to lose my earnest money deposit and he’s going to lose his reputation with the seller. All the books I read said the money would be there if the deal was there…but where is it? Universe, have you forsaken me?!”

January 21: “American Idol is on?! Cool.”

January 25: “Lost my earnest money deposit today. Looks like I’ll have to make that up somehow. The casino is looking mighty inviting now. I could use a drink.”

February 4: “Just saw that another investor snatched my deal. They already have contractors in there and I’m pretty sure they’re gonna make a killing. Wish it could’ve been me.”

The rest of Fred’s diary becomes progressively more despondent after the last entry on February 4. We’ll spare you the details (plus, we’ve sold the rights for it to the next M Night Shyamalan movie).

However, even the untrained eye will notice two things about Fred from our glimpse of his diary:

  1. Fred needs some romance in his life. For any single ladies out there, Fred enjoys watching TV, eating, sleeping, occasionally working, real estate investing and playing Mafia Wars on Facebook.
  2. Fred needs some dealfundexia treatment. Fast. Since he is not a terminal case (yet), we can prescribe something that will eradicate the disease. There is hope for Fred.

The CDC is quite concerned about a widespread outbreak of dealfundexia. To make sure there isn’t a runaway outbreak, be sure to test yourself regularly for dealfundexia.

Common symptoms & side effects of dealfundexia include:

  • Running around like you dipped your head in gasoline and lit it on fire to try and find financing for your investment deals
  • Chronic fatigue from talking to mortgage brokers, hard money lenders who are blow-hard’s and don’t want to lend money but like to waste your time and make you buy lunches and coffee
  • A burning feeling in your stomach as you watch other people make money that you could be making

Fortunately, scientists have developed a revolutionary treatment for dealfundexia that works as both prevention and cure. All real estate investors are encouraged to quickly implement the following dealfundexia treatment regimen: raise private money.

Extensive studies have shown that real estate investors who raise private money to fund their deals are more profitable, build bigger businesses and sleep at least 8 hours uninterrupted each night.  These same studies show real estate investors with private investor backing have plenty of romance in their life as well.

Luckily, Fred began his private money treatment regimen in earnest.

We’re proud to report that he is closing on a deal very soon that will net him close to a six figure profit.

The next step for his family and friends is to schedule an intervention for his Mafia Wars addiction.

Stay tuned.

Photo: otisarchives2