An Investor Answers: ‘How Do I Get My Wife to Say “Yes” to Real Estate?’
This week I noticed a thread on the Forums that asked the question, How do I get my wife to go along? The poster Stephen has been studying REI on BiggerPockets for two years, and in that time managed to save up some seed investment capital. His wife, however, has other ideas for this money…
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So, he asks, “How do I get her to go along with MY plan?”
This topic seems ever more appropriate with the recent launch of the biggerpockets.com/love, where it’s all about couples, wives, and girlfriends.
By the way, if you scroll down the page a bit, you’ll see the “Cutest Couple” as one of the Success Stories. I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that this WAS indeed the cutest couple — until Brandon Turner stepped into the frame, at which time it became the “Beauty and the bearded Beast in a flannel shirt.” Are you with me?
Seriously, not even his gorgeous wife can make Brandon look cute. I’ve said before that I love Brandon Turner, which I really do, but it sure as hell ain’t for his good looks. Wow 🙂
Happy Wife = Happy Life!
Seriously, Brandon knows it, I know it, Serge S. knows it, and Josh Dorkin knows it. Wife must be happy if you want any semblance of peace and harmony in your life, and relative to REI, this happiness on her part is only possible in one of two ways:
In the best possible case, your wife will simply share your passion, your reasoning, and your commitment to taking action. If so, then the two of you form one unit, and nobody has to give in, give up, or compromise in order to be “all in.”
The reason I say that this is the best option is because at the end of a hard day, of which you’ll have many, she will understand and therefore tolerate your crappy mood and short temper. She’ll feel your pain. She won’t view the sacrifices that she’ll inevitably have to make to facilitate early survival and later success as sacrifices and won’t blame you for them. She’ll understand you without words — if you’ve got that, you are made!
This is the best possible scenario since it constitutes “happy wife!”
But, there is another option…
If she is not like-minded with you about REI, she could still go along and accept the sacrifices and the pain — accept them for YOUR benefit because she loves you! If getting involved in REI is so important to you, she might choose to support you, even though she’s not particularly keen on the idea. She might choose to forego herself in order to prop you (and your manhood) up…
If she does, this can also constitute “happy wife,” though, I must tell you, in this scenario you’re walking on thin ice and you better not mess up!
No Other Options
That’s it — unfortunately, there are no other options. If your spouse can’t get on board in one of the two ways I described above and voluntarily offer her support, then by definition you’d be “crossing her” by taking action, and I’ve never heard of that leading to anything good.
You can’t “make her understand.” The 2 questions you need to answer, therefore, are:
1. Does my wife believe in REI as I do?
2. Will my wife support me in spite of herself?
If you answered NO to both, you’ve got a problem, and I don’t see how you can move forward without jeopardizing you marriage, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms altogether…
Investors: How have you dealt with a spouse who doesn’t understand the appeal of real estate?
Leave your comments and suggestions below!