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<\/p>\nIs the white-hot fire of real estate investing burning in your heart? Do you solidly know within your gut that real estate investment will be life-changing? Do you have vivid pictures of the freedom owning property will offer you?<\/p>\n
Fantastic!<\/p>\n
Hmm, now how to impart that passion to your spouse…<\/p>\n
You want them to see it as you do. You want them to feel as intensely committed as you feel. You want them to be as excited as you are. You want them to see the vision for your future.<\/p>\n
You can do this together. You have a lot of practice.<\/p>\n
Now let me say, this may seem different than other decisions in your relationship, but actually it\u2019s not. Really!<\/p>\n
I say this because all types of big decisions like this in a relationship require similar elements. Among these are a bit of understanding, a whole bunch of open-hearted listening, a giant amount of belief, and a huge heap of trust in each other. I mean it!<\/p>\n
Planning a wedding, having a child, changing jobs, moving, buying a car together, taking out a student loan, purchasing your first home, raising your kids\u2014every one of these requires discussion and negotiation. The point is, every big decision obliges you to be there for each other\u2019s excitement. But it also necessitates being patiently present for each other\u2019s fear and anxiety.<\/p>\n
So, let\u2019s step this out.<\/p>\n
First, have you already talked to them about investing? If you haven\u2019t, then that is where you need to start. And then keep the tips below as tools in your tool bag to make the convo go smoothly.<\/p>\n
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However, if you have already talked to them\u2014and they were less enthusiastic than you wanted or expected\u2014perhaps the conversation had one or more of these possible outcomes.<\/p>\n
You two discussed it and:<\/p>\n
OK, so none of these three scenarios are what you most want, but they are manageable. You have managed to work out compromises on other large events in your life, right? You can do the same here.<\/p>\n
Think of it as excellent practice for negotiating a complex real estate deal. (I\u2019m not kidding here.)<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s get into the reasons, the \u201cwhy\u201d they didn\u2019t feel your same sense of sureness and excitement.<\/p>\n
When you negotiate with a property seller, your first job is to find out what they really want or what is holding them back from saying \u201cyes.\u201d And honestly, when you first start talking with a seller, you cannot assume that they even know or are truly \u201cin touch\u201c with what their hesitations are. Nor can you be sure that, even if they do know what\u2019s bugging them, they will confide their reasons to you!<\/p>\n
They might be too embarrassed or ashamed to say them aloud\u2014or even to admit them to themselves. Or it might make them feel vulnerable to admit their hesitations to you. You have to uncover objections by asking questions. You have to listen carefully and openly. You need to pay very close attention.<\/p>\n
This is the same process you will use with a hesitant spouse.<\/p>\n
If they aren\u2019t overly enthusiastic to talk about real estate investing, be patient. Talk with them in a setting that is quiet and relaxed. Let them finish their sentences. Ask questions without anger, accusation, or judgement.<\/p>\n
Remember, you are collecting information so you can solve the problem. Don\u2019t make this an argument. Use your best puzzle- and problem-solving skills.<\/p>\n
The solution to this puzzle is one of the most important solutions you will ever uncover. So, I repeat, pay close attention. Listen to the clues.<\/p>\n
You are not just a \u201cspouse\u201d in this situation, you are a detective, a troubleshooter, an analyst, an entrepreneur, a visionary.<\/p>\n
You see, if you can truly get to the heart of what is making them uncomfortable, only then can you begin to brainstorm solutions. Those solutions need to be two-sided, because when you can help your spouse feel better and more comfortable, you minimize their negative reactions and you increase the likelihood of their participation and willingness.<\/p>\n
Related:<\/em><\/strong> Investing With Your Spouse? STOP and Read These 4 Survival Tips!<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n You also increase the possibility you will engage your spouse in your excitement about the opportunities real estate offers your family.<\/p>\n OK, after years as a therapist, I will tell you that when it comes to real estate investing, there are some very specific stressors, fears, and anxieties that people tend to experience. These usually boil down to one or more of the primary concerns listed below.<\/p>\n That said, no two situations will be identical. Your situation with your spouse will be unique.<\/p>\n If you review these potential concerns before you have the conversation, you can develop some well thought out and realistic solutions for how you can alleviate your spouse\u2019s specific hesitations. Anticipating objections and concerns this way should increase your chance for a successful conversation and positive movement ahead in your joint real estate investing future.<\/p>\n Pick out the issues below you are most likely to face (or have already experienced) when talking with your spouse about your desire for their participation in a real estate investing venture. Write out the questions you might encounter and how you might respond. Note the trigger words you might want to avoid with your spouse\u2014you know, the ones that tend to spark an unfortunate outcome!<\/p>\n Then, pick a time and place, and go for it!<\/p>\n Money fears: <\/strong>The fear of losing money and being left without security or unable to pay the bills.<\/p>\n Not enough time:<\/strong> In the beginning, real estate takes time and commitment. As with all skills and education, it requires study, reading, practice, and repetition until it becomes seamlessly familiar.<\/p>\n Afraid of failure:<\/strong> Whenever we start new things, we run the risk that until we master the skills and knowledge, we may not be as successful as we want. But practice improves everything!<\/p>\n Uncomfortable with change:<\/strong> Some people love change\u2014even crave it\u2014but there are others who abhor change. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. But in truth, fear of change is almost as common as the fear of public speaking, which is the highest reported fear. The best way to deal with this concern is to just jump in and try. The sooner you start, the sooner the transition is in the past.<\/p>\n Not knowing who to trust\/fear of being taken advantage of:<\/strong> Being new at something means listening to lots of other people\u2019s advice, paying attention to tons of new information, and not knowing which is trustworthy and which is not. Practice makes perfect, or at least very good. So, the more you perfect your skills in listening to your gut while really hearing the person opposite you, the sooner you will know \u201cwhen to hold them and when to fold them.\u201d<\/p>\n Fear of getting started:<\/strong> When learning something new, it can be very difficult to decide where or how to “jump in,” and those concerns can be intimidating.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t think they’re interested:<\/strong> Sometimes when we don\u2019t know a lot about a topic or skill, we perceive it as boring or uninteresting. Then, once we are exposed to it, we may recognize that we have lots of talents that would make us incredibly successful in that area. But we don\u2019t know until we try.<\/p>\n Afraid of handling tenants:<\/strong> It can seem quite daunting to suddenly have so much power over people\u2019s daily comfort and happiness, but it\u2019s not as hard as it seems at first. Start by giving people the service you would want (just that good ole \u201cgolden rule\u201d stuff). Over the years as an investor, I have found that communicating with tenants, sellers, and buyers in the manner I wish to be communicated with goes a long way toward creating positive results, happy tenants<\/a>, and satisfied colleagues.<\/p>\n No experience\/\u201cI don\u2019t know enough\u201d:<\/strong> No one wants to look like they are clueless. It never feels good. Word of wisdom: sometimes the honesty of saying, \u201cI\u2019m new at this,\u201d goes a long way in getting people to warm to you, open up, and be willing to help you deal with any of the hiccups occurring in any new line of business.<\/p>\n Other investors will always be able to find better deals:<\/strong> It\u2019s true! My answer to that is, \u201cYes, because they keep trying.\u201d They keep networking to meet more people, they make offers on more properties, they talk to more sellers. Does any of that mean you shouldn\u2019t start? Nope. Why? There will always be a \u201cJoe Investor\u201d who will do a deal and make $60K<\/a>. That doesn\u2019t mean that a deal you do that makes $30K is any less a good deal. Your wallet will still be VERY HAPPY! (This I guarantee you!)<\/p>\n Scared to get it wrong and look foolish to family and friends:<\/strong> This is a really significant fear for a lot of new investors. But are those same family and friends taking risks to build wealth? Are they investing in themselves and their futures by learning new things and creating new investment opportunities? Probably not, and therefore your willingness to invest and trust yourself makes you something special. You and your spouse are pioneers on the adventurous journey of increasing your wealth and building your own personal future success.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.biggerpockets.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/couple-case-study.jpg\" "\\"\\"")
<\/p>\nConsider Their Fears<\/h3>\n
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