Staying Focused When You’re Scared
This is my very first blog post so I’m a little (who am I kidding, a LOT) nervous. I am a newbie to Real Estate investing and decided to write this blog for several reasons: to get outside my comfort zone, hold myself accountable and just talk about my journey as I go through this process. Who knows, I might make a few friends along the way.
First let me say, I do not like writing. Like really, it scares me. But in order for me to accomplish my goals I feel like this is something I need to do. I have been reading tons of posts in the forums, listening to BP Podcasts, attending the weekly webinars and I purchased and read J.Scotts book on flipping houses (great book with tons of info). One of the things I hear repeatedly is how important networking is. To an introvert like me, networking is SCARY. But you know what is scarier? Not seeing my dreams of being a successful Real Estate investor come true.
A little bit about me. I am a mother of 5 (3 stepchildren and 2 biological), a wife and a Nurse by profession. I love my career however since I became a mother I have wanted nothing more than to spend more time with my family while maintaining a decent income. I believe Real Estate will help me accomplish this.
I have always been drawn to Real Estate, even as a teenager. Back then I used to have discussions with my mother at the dinner table about how she should refinance her house, take some money out and buy income property (she never took my advice). As I got older, I even went to school and got my Real Estate license. But you know what stopped me from being successful then? FEAR. I was scared of talking to people I didn’t know. So I gave up and went back to Nursing.
Fast forward to 2016 and here I am again face to face with Real Estate. This time something is different. I believe I’m more equipped to look my fear in the face and confront it head on. This time I won’t back down.
Like I stated earlier I have been reading books, listening to podcasts, reading tons of posts and attending the weekly BP webinars. I have been learning tons of new info and having discussions with my husband on what my goal is. However I wanted to take ACTION and I needed to network. This time I looked FEAR in the face and said I can’t let you stop me anymore. The only way to network is to engage and build trust. So for my first baby step, I started engaging in the BP forums.
My second step was researching and attending my first REIA. I was SCARED out of my mind. I went by myself. I sat in my car for 30 minutes and almost talked myself out of going inside. I called my husband to boost my confidence and I said screw it. I went inside. I didn’t know a single person there. I didn’t have any business cards, or anything. But guess what? I talked to complete strangers about real estate! I had fun; l learned a few things and the people there made me feel welcomed! And oh yeah, I even told people about Bigger Pockets!
I was proud of myself for not giving in to fear. It may seem like a small task but it was a big deal for me. It gave me the confidence to get my head in the game. I’m attending another REIA next week, this time with my husband (who is the socializer) and I’m looking forward to it. Am I still nervous? Yes, but I now know I can do it and I will continue to do it.
For my third step I reached out to someone on BP who offered me a few suggestions. We’re having lunch together next week. Will I be nervous? Yes, but I’m still going. I figure if I keep engaging in networking activities it will get easier, I will build trust and hopefully find a mentor/partner to guide me on this endeavor.
My goal is to buy and flip at least 2 houses in my first year. When I’m done reading J.Scott’s The Book on Estimating Rehab Costs (almost done) I will start educating myself on the flipping math and from there research my market area (I have 2 areas close to home in mind).
I’m taking baby steps, I have a goal in mind and I’m not going to let FEAR stop me. Even if nobody reads my post, just coming here and writing it down will keep me pushing forward.
Thank you BiggerPockets!
Comments (32)
I love the transparency in this post!
@Jiana Bickham
I used to struggle with this as well until I decided to create an alter ego of sorts that was an extrovert. New people don't know any difference! I did this until it became a natural part of me. Keep expanding your boundaries !
Kendra Jones, over 7 years ago
This is a wonderful post! I experienced the same thing at my first meeting. I sat in the car until after it started so I had an excuse to leave (tardiness). Then I called my wife for encouragement, went in, and had a great time. That was February and I haven't been back (fear), even though I had a wonderful time. I think I will go to the next one. Thank you!
Eddie Atkinson, over 7 years ago
Hi Jiana,
Thank you so much for posting this. I am an agent in the Philadelphia area, which I love, but I just recently moved towards buying my very 1st investment property. I am so nervous. I know we are never alone on our journey, but it's so nice to hear once in a while. Thanks again for sharing!
Tamica
Tamica Oglesby, over 7 years ago
I wish you are the best,too.
Account Closed, about 8 years ago
Great post! I'm sure many can relate to the "FEAR" factor that's involved when you step out of your comfort zone. I know I can. I continue to move forward with my first investment using baby steps, but I know I'll reach my goal too. Good luck to you!
Letitia Poteet, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana,
This is a great start, to overcoming your fear. I find it a bit touching and amusing at the same time. I honestly couldn't say I know how you feel. I am just the opposite, I get right in there and strike up a conversation as quickly as possible, where ever I am.
I think we are all mindful of what we say, otherwise, we would end up like a presidential candidate, with people picking apart every little thing we say. Anyhow, most conversations start with a little hi, my name is. To break the ice. But here is the major tip - stay positive, even in a bad situation.
When people feel or see, (recognize) that you are a very positive person, they will follow your positivity <- new word, :D And I say in a bad situation, cause most Real Estate Investor Guru's tell you - you are looking for distressed properties, those that sell way below market.
There's a few things here I picked up on - I prolly will only touch on a couple. You work as a nurse, hopefully not nervously. You handle that well, I would imagine. So steal a little from what you do there and apply it to this situation - meeting and greeting people, in person or on the phone or as here, while writing.
Your noticing that Real Estate had value at an early age is a positive. You have the ability to see "value" accentuate that. My story is somewhat similar - my grandmother passed - I had 5 uncles and 2 aunts. I suggested that on a piece of property, almost city center, in Pittsburgh, PA that they build an apartment house, 2 to 4 apartments. They laughed and said I was crazy.
This apartment house, would have paid for itself and for the property my grandfather bought in 1951 and built his own home on. There was a building built on that spot, but for selfish purposes, to detailed to get into here. But some 31 years later, I have the property and a big mess to clean up behind them. See, the thing is, we were all in the building industry, it would have costs us next to nothing to build and we would have had a perpetual income source, had my uncles listened.
In those days, the men had the head of the family and all decisions went to them. Bad decisions often cost us greatly - my grandfather and Italian immigrant, build up something, his heirs threw away. Two of my surviving uncles, live in an "old folks" home, not by choice but because they cannot afford to live anywhere else. Your idea of living comfortably, both for yourself and your family, will help you overcome your fears.
See, it is a choice - whether to live in poverty and six children can break the bank, I know, I have 6 or to live comfortably, with a steady cash flow coming in. I thank you for this great story and this opportunity to reply to it. Good Luck!
No not just good luck, another little tip here, have fun doing what you wanna do - have fun - have fun! :D
Nick Sabat, about 8 years ago
Hi @Nick Sabat
Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it.
You would think that by me being a nurse and taking care of people that I would be a “people’s person”. I think what helps me as far as nursing is that I have a deep compassion for the patients I take care of because they were in a tough situation (sick and in the hospital, etc) so that gets me past my fear, the fact that I want to help them.
Eventually I think this will spill over into real estate, it’s just that I’m so new and not comfortable that I know enough. Realistically I know that I will never know enough, I just have to learn enough to get started and push forward. I have set a goal of educating myself for 6 months maximum and then I need to take action (market, take phone calls, etc., and get a property under contract). Responding to this actually made me set this goal of 6 months, so thanks!
Also, now that you have your family’s property, you can show them exactly what you were talking about. Some people are the type that will “believe it when I see it”. So let them see it!
So do great things and have fun (stole that from you, lol)!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana, I too am a newbie and have always been confident in everything I've done but for some reason doing real estate has always been intimidating. I decided this year is going to be very different and my goal is to close at 25 deals before the year is out. I do have to say, you need to surround yourself with like minded people who will help you, educate you, and want to see you succeed. Remember also, to talk about real estate everyday to anyone and everyone and let people know what you are doing. Best of luck to you!!!
Emma Morris, about 8 years ago
I really love this post Jiana! So honest. I feel the same way. I wish you the best!
Alison Decastro, about 8 years ago
Thank you @Allison Leung!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Hi @Brent Bowers! I plan to do just that. I'm working my plan, practicing the numbers and looking for properties. I figure if I find a good deal, the money partner will follow.
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Hi @Jiana Bickham you had a great post! It's clear that you are being so authentic in your writing which is surely appreciated. Keep up the good work and don't stop writing. I would love to see where you go in your journey and am surely a subscriber.
All the best!
Account Closed, about 8 years ago
Hi @Amber Butler . Authentic is the only way I know how to be:-)
It was also important to me to just be completely honest if I wanted to learn, grow and help others along the way.
I went to another REIA meeting last night with my husband and plan on updating the post about my experience so stay tuned!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Max S., about 8 years ago
thank you @Max S. I completely agree.
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
@Jiana Bickham Now go and do what you told your Mother. Go get that first income property now!
Brent Bowers, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana,
As I read your blog, congrats, I realized how similar our situations are. I have been studying for years, have attempted several times to do deals with no success, did go to REIA meeting even though I was scared, and have 30 years nursing experience. I also have one child which is more than enough. Fear is the biggest obstacle in real estate investing and action is really the only cure. The more you do whatever you are fearful of, the less fear you will have. We learn from our mistakes and hopefully from the mistakes of others. You have to believe in yourself and then focus on where you are going and why. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the very best.
Mary Stead, about 8 years ago
Thank you @Mary Steadfor taking the time to read my blog and for your kind advice. I plan to continue to overcome my fears and move forward in my real estate goals and in life in general. I hope you continue to push past your fears as well and continue to move forward. Best of everything to you!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Hi @Jiana Bickham, thank you for posting and congratulations on taking the steps you're taking, despite your fear. Continue on your path and the fear will slowly decrease - it will likely never completely disappear, but you will be able to control it more effectively and not allow it to control you. Wish you much success on your first flips!
Sergey Tkachev, about 8 years ago
Thank you @Sergey Tkachev! Good luck to you as well!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
@Jiana Bickham Hi Jiana, great read and I am looking forward to hear about your growth and Successes. I am relative newbie, making mistakes but moving on to my goal. Never Give Up, Period! Something to pass on to you even before you sign the contract, go to your box stores and lumber yards to visit, walk around, make friends with employees and customers so you can learn pricing, labor cost, the good, the bad, and the really ugly of contracting. Make deals for discounts beyond what you can get alone and find who does what for the best price. My biggest mistake so far was finding out that I paid too much for labor. Go Get Em!!!
Tom Keith, about 8 years ago
Hi @Tom Keith! Good advice about the box stores. I have made a few runs to Home Depot for my home and always end up looking at things like drywall, etc to get an idea of prices. I've rented a few tools from there as well and ask plenty of questions. Ppl there seem to like to help. Another thing I have recently started doing is going to Home Depot's workshops to learn things like changing kitchen faucets, installing ceiling fans, etc. I do this because I love working with my hands, it gives me an opportunity to get to know ppl and I get to know the products and pricing. After getting a bit more comfortable, I plan on asking for references for contractors. I figure Home Depot would know the good and bad like you said.
Thank you for the encouragement. And now that you know more about labor costs, you can be a negotiating machine! Good luck!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Thank you @Kent Clothier!
I'm looking forward to the challenges and rewards as they both will help me grow as a person and an investor. I also want to show my family what hard work and dedication can do for us in our own business and the freedom it will give us. I'm really excited and scared to be honest, but I just have to remember WHY I'm doing it. That's all it takes for me now :-)
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana, welcome to BP and to the exciting and scary world of real estate investing! I'm always excited to meet new investors who are starting out on their journey and who are facing down their fears and pushing through anyway. There will be challenges and setbacks, but also triumphs and rewards. And you've hit on the most important thing to drive you -- your family! Well done getting started. I can't wait to see your progress here!
Kent Clothier, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana!
I feel like fate led me to your post. I'm a huge introvert and I haven't built up the courage to go to an REIA meetings or any other local real-estate meet-ups. Writing gives me anxiety (after I read your post, it took me about 30 minutes to finally reply). I've also been reading J. Scott's book on Flipping Houses, reading post and listening to podcasts, but networking - oh no no no.
I'm a mother of a 20 month old and I'd love to be able to home-school him when the time comes - at least for the earlier years. I'd like to spend more then just a few hours a day with him during he week.
I have a pretty specific real-estate plans/goals and it's becoming increasingly clear that networking will be necessary in getting there. Once I'm done writing this post, I'm going to research my local REIA and in turn, attend the next meeting.
You're an inspiration. Looking forward to more blog post : )
Michelle Hopson, about 8 years ago
Hi @Michelle Hopson . You're going to find a wealth of information in J.Scott's book. I'm glad and honored that my blog post inspired you to move forward. I know how you feel. As long as your "Why" is strong enough, you'll push through any challenge that faces you. And if you need encouragement you can always reach out to me. I hope your first REIA meet up is amazing and keeps you inspired!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
Good luck! I'm just starting out also. I once had a boss whose mantra was "If you know where you are going, you just might get there." Sounds like you know where you are going, so you'll get there!
Tracey Geary, about 8 years ago
@Tracey GearyI concur with your boss's statement. I know I want financial freedom and to retire from Nursing in 6 years. Listening to BP podcasts I heard the term "freedom number" a few times. I just finally said ok, I need to map out my plan and work it so I can reach my freedom number. By doing this, it made it real to me and it surprisingly didn't seam so out of reach. It actually showed me that it is very doable. I'm glad I did it and I'm excited about the journey I'm about to take.
Thank you and good luck as well!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
thanks @Rachelle R. Best of luck.
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago
That makes me feel like I need to start my first blog too. Best of luck with your Real Estate Investing Career.
Rachelle Rodavia, about 8 years ago
Hi Jiana,
Awesome, you made yourself go into that REIA meeting. I am with you there, I am new too, and I am ready to learn and take chances.
Five kids, OMG, I have only one and I find it incredibly hard. Cheers to you.
Good luck, to you.
Sharon Dittrick, about 8 years ago
@Sharon Owens thank you. Being a mother of 5 and working full time is tough. I just tell myself that I have to really focus and make time for Real Estate. It's a struggle but I have to push forward now so I can retire from Nursing in 6 years. That's why I HAD to walk into that REIA meeting. It was one of many more steps to come.
You can do it too. Good luck!
Jiana Bickham, about 8 years ago