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Maria Moya
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Invest with Spouse?

Maria Moya
Posted Mar 2 2024, 11:42

Hello all, I was wondering if it’s advisable to invest with your spouse? I’m really into purchasing real estate as an investment property and renting it out rather than buying real estate to live in it. My spouse is interested in the concept of living in a home. That said, I figured our first property could be our primary residence in Orlando, FL (we currently live/rent in New England). After living in the primary property in Orlando I figured we could move back to New England and rent that property out which seems like a win-win as far as getting a conventional loan rather an investment loan. It would be easier (i.e combining capital) and nice to have a common goal but I’m not sure if it’s advisable if my spouse’s mindset isn’t as investment oriented

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Chris Seveney
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Replied Mar 2 2024, 11:54

@Maria Moya

I’m not gonna provide any advice. I can share some stories that we have. Currently, we do own and live in our single-family home. We also own some investment property. There have been opportunities for additional investment property that we have looked at, and when reviewing with my wife, she did not think it was a good idea. Therefore, I did not pursue it.

I would recommend that people be on the same page, especially with that large of an investment. But there are so many factors involved, including the overall strength of one relationship.

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Replied Mar 2 2024, 11:58

@Maria Moya

If you are married, you are likely going to be forced into working together with your spouse on any real estate venture. Unless you plan on purchasing the property with all cash; obtaining any type of financing for a property as a married couple will mean that both of your incomes and financials will be factored into the financing with conventional lending. It would be very difficult to get approved for this financing with a non-cooperative spouse. Talking it over with one another to ensure you are both on the same page is likely in both of your best long term interest. 

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Maria Moya
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Maria Moya
Replied Mar 2 2024, 12:13
Quote from @Chris Seveney:

@Maria Moya

I’m not gonna provide any advice. I can share some stories that we have. Currently, we do own and live in our single-family home. We also own some investment property. There have been opportunities for additional investment property that we have looked at, and when reviewing with my wife, she did not think it was a good idea. Therefore, I did not pursue it.

I would recommend that people be on the same page, especially with that large of an investment. But there are so many factors involved, including the overall strength of one relationship.

Thank you for the reply, that make sense. We’re on the same page as far as buying in Orlando (or Tampa) and renting it out. My concern is I tend to be less risk adverse especially with short term losses if the long term gain is worthwhile (i.e maybe the property might not cash flow today but it gains more equity). Last thing I want to do is bite more than my spouse was willing to chew as far as risk. Or perhaps we mitigate that risk with properties I would be able to buy outright in cash in the event anything happens, especially for our first property 

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Shawn McCormick
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Shawn McCormick
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Replied Mar 2 2024, 13:01

@Maria Moya I could help both of you argue your cases, but at the end of the day you should really both be on the same page. Financing and tax related issues will force the other into becoming part of whatever you decide to do and you don't want to overcomplicate your marriage with financial decisions that both of you are not on board with wholeheartedly.

That being said, there are other ways to invest in real estate that don't involve you moving or evening buying a home. You could become a private lender for people who flip homes, invest in notes or tax liens/deeds, speculate a bit on buying new construction and then selling for a profit when complete, buy shares of a REIT etc.

Orlando is a fantastic place to buy and hold, build new construction or even own a STR. Appreciation here is well above the national average and growth here if phenomenal. Happy to discuss further if you like.

Keep us posted as to what you do.

Best of Luck

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Alecia Loveless
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Replied Mar 2 2024, 18:33

@Maria Moya My partner and I are NOT on the same page as far as real estate investing goes. I bought our current home, a duplex, as a house hack/investment, by way of my own decision without her input and she is still aggravated about it almost 5 years later. She owned her own homes for 22 years prior to moving in with me and still is not happy about sharing the property with a tenant nor the location of the property.

On the same note I have tried to get her to invest in other properties with me and she is terribly risk adverse and just can’t stand the thought of having her name and credit being attached to a large mortgage even though I have explained numerous times about how the bills and mortgage payments are made by the rent payments.

97% of the time she continues to be supportive of me pursuing the real estate on my own and has been supportive of me retiring from my job to pursue it full time.

I think it would be a lot more fun if she was on board with going to look at properties and in participating in the day to day operations of things. Also it would be nice to have someone who was more interested in talking about the real estate. It gets lonely. Is it necessary? No. You can definitely do it without your spouse. I just think it would be better with your spouse on board.

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Replied Mar 2 2024, 21:29

@Maria Moya

If I could get my wife to be on board with me from the beginning, there might have been a serious chance we would have been billionaires before we retire. But that's not the case. Thus, we are nowhere near that, nor will we ever be in this lifetime.

My wife is NOT into REI. All of my investing has been fraught with emotional drama. Therefore, I do all of it and she just shows up to sign papers when needed. There was a point where I had to force her to see what we own because I wanted to make sure she knew what we had in case I passed away. These days, I have accepted it. I do my deals. I mention them, if she cares to hear it. She generally disagrees and feels I'm making a mistake. She is content as a worker bee. Mind you, her spending habits have creeped up exponentially, but that's another discussion.

At the end of the day, she let's me make all the final financial decisions. I respect her viewpoints and always take her into consideration, balancing the amount of chaos a move would cause. My goal is to keep a level of tranquility in the home, but also grow wealth for our legacy. It's the dynamic of our relationship, and I accept it. She is a great wife overall because she puts up with all my shenanigans over the years.

The point is, you may not always be able to get your spouse involved, but you need to respect each other. Pursue your dreams, but not at the detriment of your relationship. NEVER put money/investing over your relationship. That money won't wipe your butt when you are old and feeble, but your loved ones will, and will do it with care.

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Replied Mar 2 2024, 22:12
Quote from @Sam Yin:

@Maria Moya

If I could get my wife to be on board with me from the beginning, there might have been a serious chance we would have been billionaires before we retire. But that's not the case. Thus, we are nowhere near that, nor will we ever be in this lifetime.

My wife is NOT into REI. All of my investing has been fraught with emotional drama. Therefore, I do all of it and she just shows up to sign papers when needed. There was a point where I had to force her to see what we own because I wanted to make sure she knew what we had in case I passed away. These days, I have accepted it. I do my deals. I mention them, if she cares to hear it. She generally disagrees and feels I'm making a mistake. She is content as a worker bee. Mind you, her spending habits have creeped up exponentially, but that's another discussion.

At the end of the day, she let's me make all the final financial decisions. I respect her viewpoints and always take her into consideration, balancing the amount of chaos a move would cause. My goal is to keep a level of tranquility in the home, but also grow wealth for our legacy. It's the dynamic of our relationship, and I accept it. She is a great wife overall because she puts up with all my shenanigans over the years.

The point is, you may not always be able to get your spouse involved, but you need to respect each other. Pursue your dreams, but not at the detriment of your relationship. NEVER put money/investing over your relationship. That money won't wipe your butt when you are old and feeble, but your loved ones will, and will do it with care.

I'm in the same boat as Sam. My wife doesn't care for REI as well. She hasn't seen the 2nd property we just bought. She said just show me when it's completed. She doesn't care about the whole rehab process we are currently going thru. I'm doing the BRRRR strategy and I just try to ask for her thoughts of colors and lighting and styles of cabinets and countertops. I told her it's for us and the kiddos. If I didn't follow my heart I wouldn't be in REI since she doesn't care for it. If you want to Invest in RE then go with your heart. I hope your spouse will participate one day. I hope my wife would like to learn and show some interest as well. Do what makes your happy. We are go getters and I respect all REI out there. We are just trying to play the game Monopoly in real life!

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Nicholas L.
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Replied Mar 3 2024, 05:00

@Maria Moya

hello and welcome.

just to ask about a different aspect of your post - why all the moves?  you're saying you'd move to Orlando, live there for a while, then keep that property, and move back?  is that because one of you is moving to Florida anyway for a job?  it seems like if you're going to be in New England long-term, just invest there.

but let me know what i am missing =)

and there's no reason you can't buy a primary AND invest.  so if your spouse thinks that investing is going to take capital / energy away from buying a primary - then maybe that is a problem!

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Replied Mar 3 2024, 07:21
Quote from @Clint Jusino:
Quote from @Sam Yin:

@Maria Moya

If I could get my wife to be on board with me from the beginning, there might have been a serious chance we would have been billionaires before we retire. But that's not the case. Thus, we are nowhere near that, nor will we ever be in this lifetime.

My wife is NOT into REI. All of my investing has been fraught with emotional drama. Therefore, I do all of it and she just shows up to sign papers when needed. There was a point where I had to force her to see what we own because I wanted to make sure she knew what we had in case I passed away. These days, I have accepted it. I do my deals. I mention them, if she cares to hear it. She generally disagrees and feels I'm making a mistake. She is content as a worker bee. Mind you, her spending habits have creeped up exponentially, but that's another discussion.

At the end of the day, she let's me make all the final financial decisions. I respect her viewpoints and always take her into consideration, balancing the amount of chaos a move would cause. My goal is to keep a level of tranquility in the home, but also grow wealth for our legacy. It's the dynamic of our relationship, and I accept it. She is a great wife overall because she puts up with all my shenanigans over the years.

The point is, you may not always be able to get your spouse involved, but you need to respect each other. Pursue your dreams, but not at the detriment of your relationship. NEVER put money/investing over your relationship. That money won't wipe your butt when you are old and feeble, but your loved ones will, and will do it with care.

I'm in the same boat as Sam. My wife doesn't care for REI as well. She hasn't seen the 2nd property we just bought. She said just show me when it's completed. She doesn't care about the whole rehab process we are currently going thru. I'm doing the BRRRR strategy and I just try to ask for her thoughts of colors and lighting and styles of cabinets and countertops. I told her it's for us and the kiddos. If I didn't follow my heart I wouldn't be in REI since she doesn't care for it. If you want to Invest in RE then go with your heart. I hope your spouse will participate one day. I hope my wife would like to learn and show some interest as well. Do what makes your happy. We are go getters and I respect all REI out there. We are just trying to play the game Monopoly in real life!

 I feel you!

keep going and don't let it stop you. My kids see what I do and I know they will learn to follow their passions too. As long as she doesn't force you to stop, it means she still respects your individual desire to achieve more. 

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Replied Mar 3 2024, 21:20

@Sam Yin

Same here, I have a separate partner and keep my wife away from everything, she just enjoys what the money affords her. She has no care in the world for rei, if she was involved in the business we would be able to do so much more but what can I do? Nothing but continue to show her the money that I could never generate working for someone else.

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Glen Wiley
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Replied Mar 4 2024, 05:21

Unequivocal yes! We have been married for 33 years and RE investing is one of the thigns that we have really enjoyed doing as a team. It gives us something to do together than is fun, challenging, gives a few opportunities to argue, make up, prove each other wrong, etc. :)

I feel strongly that our assets are "ours" not mine or hers, consequently it is logical that she should be involved and have a say in it.

My wife went from really not liking it to absolutely loving real estate investing. The one big downside is that to make her happy I have to keep buying houses.

An added benefit is that she qualifies as a real estate professional (per IRS) which saves us a ton in taxes.

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Maria Moya
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Maria Moya
Replied Mar 4 2024, 06:04
Quote from @Nicholas L.:

@Maria Moya

hello and welcome.

just to ask about a different aspect of your post - why all the moves?  you're saying you'd move to Orlando, live there for a while, then keep that property, and move back?  is that because one of you is moving to Florida anyway for a job?  it seems like if you're going to be in New England long-term, just invest there.

but let me know what i am missing =)

and there's no reason you can't buy a primary AND invest.  so if your spouse thinks that investing is going to take capital / energy away from buying a primary - then maybe that is a problem!

Thank you for the question! I was thinking: what if we get started in real estate as a primary residence in Orlando or Tampa but we rent in New England. Then as the first property builds equity from our tenants, we purchase our 2nd investment property and eventually leverage our 2nd property to purchase our 3rd. But I figured the place where we would live ourselves would be a rental. The reason being: we’d love to live long term in New England but we’re very discouraged by the housing market up here (a lot of expensive run down properties and seems like a lot of red tape)

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Replied Mar 4 2024, 07:30

@Maria Moya

understood.  Florida has its challenges too - high insurance costs, for example.  I would strongly recommend that you get started locally rather than buying a random property in another state.

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Replied Mar 5 2024, 03:01
Quote from @Maria Moya:
Quote from @Nicholas L.:

@Maria Moya

hello and welcome.

just to ask about a different aspect of your post - why all the moves?  you're saying you'd move to Orlando, live there for a while, then keep that property, and move back?  is that because one of you is moving to Florida anyway for a job?  it seems like if you're going to be in New England long-term, just invest there.

but let me know what i am missing =)

and there's no reason you can't buy a primary AND invest.  so if your spouse thinks that investing is going to take capital / energy away from buying a primary - then maybe that is a problem!

Thank you for the question! I was thinking: what if we get started in real estate as a primary residence in Orlando or Tampa but we rent in New England. Then as the first property builds equity from our tenants, we purchase our 2nd investment property and eventually leverage our 2nd property to purchase our 3rd. But I figured the place where we would live ourselves would be a rental. The reason being: we’d love to live long term in New England but we’re very discouraged by the housing market up here (a lot of expensive run down properties and seems like a lot of red tape)


It's going to be difficult for you to be able to purchase a primary resident in another state using conventional or FHA financing. Unless you have documentation from your employer showing that you're going to be moving to the state. These loan times will also require you to sign a document that states you are going to occupy them within 60 days of closing. Now, there is no mortgage police that comes to knock on your door to verify that you've actually moved in. But by signing the document knowing full well that you're not planning to move to the property would be committing mortgage fraud. Committing fraud is bad.

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Adrian Lammersdorf-Scioll
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Adrian Lammersdorf-Scioll
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Replied Mar 5 2024, 10:00

I did this with my partner about 3 years ago and it ended up being one of the greatest decisions we ever made together.  Make sure you have some clear agreements written, or even signed depending on your trust level.  

Once my partner saw the power of depreciation she was pretty much hooked.  We bought a duplex recently and rented our original property and our cost of living has dropped dramatically from when we were renting before.  Definitely a great idea it will help you with qualifying for more and allow you to get into small multifamily.  

We started with a single family home and rented the rooms to friends because it was impossible to get a duplex at the time with all the investors pouring in at the time.

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Replied Mar 5 2024, 10:16
Quote from @Maria Moya:

Hello all, I was wondering if it’s advisable to invest with your spouse? I’m really into purchasing real estate as an investment property and renting it out rather than buying real estate to live in it. My spouse is interested in the concept of living in a home. That said, I figured our first property could be our primary residence in Orlando, FL (we currently live/rent in New England). After living in the primary property in Orlando I figured we could move back to New England and rent that property out which seems like a win-win as far as getting a conventional loan rather an investment loan. It would be easier (i.e combining capital) and nice to have a common goal but I’m not sure if it’s advisable if my spouse’s mindset isn’t as investment oriented

 @Maria Moya this is a tough debate and question I see all the time... 

If your spouse is interested in the CONCEPT of real estate then that is a win! As long as you don't have a NO then I think that's something to work with. 

Speaking from personal experience my wife was not fully on board with house hacking and having a rental but she could see my passion for it all so she was kind of bought in. 2 years later she understands the concept and is fully on board with things. 

Everyone starts at a different place with real estate! The one thing you don't want to have to do is drag someone around with dead weight and them absolutely hate everything about RE, and it sounds like your spouse is at the beginning stages of RE!

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James Carlson
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Replied Mar 5 2024, 21:10

Shared capital, double income on loan, blah blah blah ... 

Everyone's answering as if you asked a real estate question. To me, this is a marital question.

When we talk with house-hacking buyers or investors in Colorado, we insist that both partners are on the phone because so often they say they're on the same page when in reality one partner wants to house hack and the other wants to nest. 

Maybe put some numbers on paper? I assume your spouse understands the power of a 401k. REI is just a supplement to that. Find average appreciation in your market, conservative cash flow numbers.

Demonstrate to your partner how this could help you live a freer life later on and maybe they'll get on board.

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Shawn Parsh
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Replied Mar 6 2024, 08:51

Maria,

You have been given a lot of advice so far, but I will add my comments. I believe you have to compromise. If your spouse wants to own the home you live in and you want to invest do both. I don't understand the thought process that investing in real estate to rent is a good investment but investing in a  home to live in is not. You could flip houses to pay off your personal residence quickly or just build up rental income to pay off your personal residence quickly. 

On another note, I would not buy any investment property to rent that did not cash flow. I'm not sure why anyone would. Yes you have to pay taxes on income, but who cares. Get a good CPA and enjoy the income you get to keep. Also you can buy properties on your own without your spouse if you can qualify for the loans on your own. I buy all of my properties in just my name. My estate plan ensures everything flows to my wife when I die. With the properties just being in my name I don't have to bother my spouse with going to closing and signing paperwork. Good luck. 

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Eric Goldman
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Replied Mar 6 2024, 12:03

my wife only cares when we we get a flip sold..... Her grand parents own duplex outside of NY. OG land lords. she has no interest in being a land lord and does not want to hear about the issues. be on the same page. if you find a good deal and the budget allows it make the pro/cons list.

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Dillon Cook
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Replied Mar 11 2024, 11:44

Buy a duplex somewhere and live in one unit.  Boom, you both win.  Tampa and Orlando small multifamily remains very hot (and liquid), so it'll gain equity and you'll subsidize your mortgage a ton. 

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Replied Mar 11 2024, 11:52

I would also take into serious consideration that FLA is not a community property state (according to my research)....