13 observations and lessons in Landlording
I have over 30 rental units which has allowed me an insider view of some great lessons and observations in landlording. These are all true, and lessons that I have had to learn.
1. If someone gets shot in your house, regular carpet cleaner does not work to remove the nasty stuff, that comes out when you get shot.
2. People do not want to live in a house where the neighbors have spray painted R.I.P James Smith on the side walk
3. If a tenant calls and begins the conversation with "I have always liked you", or " I hope your having a blessed day" it simply means, I do not intend on paying rent this month.
4. When a prospective tenant says "I live with my grand mother, or any other relative" they are actually saying "There is not a landlord in the world that would give me a good reference, so I will just say I live at home"
5. If a tenant offers to paint a rental unit for there security deposit, and they say they are good painters. It really means I am an expert carpet,vinyl and window painter (but no paint on the walls). Do they make a 2000 sqft tarp?
6. When they say they dont do drugs, they really mean than dont do a certain drug. Do you do drugs? No..... What I really mean is I havent tried heroin yet, but crack, vicodin, weed, and meth dont count.
7. If your cieling is torn down in one of your rental properties and the tenant tries to convince you that "It just Fell", what they really mean is There was a drug bust here, and we were growing weed in the cieling.
8. Somehow the postal system is being very discriminate to only my tenants. This is an actual quote "Eric, I know this is the third month in a row that my social security check hasnt shown up on time, but the postmaster said he fixed it" what I really know it means is "You have a lexus and a corvette and a harley, so I dont need to pay you rent this month, youll get by", by the way I have heard that one too.
9. Do not call a heating and cooling guy when a tenant calls and says "My furnace isnt working" because what they really mean is I have the heat set at 90 and its 95 in here, so my furnace isnt coming on.
10. This is just a suspicion, but I think tenants are in cahoots with the gas companies, because I have walked into units where the landlord is paying the heat and I swear its 100 degrees, and they have all the windows open in the middle of winter. I asked them why the windows were open, yet the heat was so high. Another quoted response "Heats Free".
As if they are somehow generating a profit from making the landlord go broke.
11. A house, is just not a house, until it has what I call the "ghetto stamp of approval", this is when I install new carpet and within 30 minutes of moving in, the tenant has burned the outline of the iron into the carpet in at least 6 spots.
12. I have found this very interesting, I live in a nice neighborhood with very nice homes, and many of my neighbors work 60+ hrs a week, and they have yard that look like the ninth whole at a PGA event, and they do it themselves.
Many of my tenants on the other hand, work 2 hours a week depending on the length of unemployment line, so one might deduce that their yard would be drop dead gorgeous, as they have so much time to work in it. This is not the case, they have accumulated so much trash, in there hay field of a yard that I once lost my dog behind a Mcdonalds bag.
What are they doing with their time?
13. It is possible to mow a lawn, with a push mower in one had and a 40 oz of Colt 45 in the other. I was very happy to learn this because I have been mowing my lawn for years and was always stuck wearing a beer helmut.
Just a couple of true observations that I have made, I would love to hear more.