Santa Faces Foreclosure; Victim Of Subprime Debacle; Seeks Christmas Government Bailout



Ho! Ho! Ho! boys and girls (and real estate investors) — it’s that time of year again–Christmas –when the holiday spirit is in the air. Jingle those bells! You know you want to. But, there is a slight problem this Yule time season (well, okay, a big problem) that just may dampen your good cheer.

Santa is facing foreclosure!

I know, this has not been widely reported in the news because, frankly, Santa thinks it’s none of your freaking business . . . but, the mortgage on his North Pole residence is about to go South since it was financed with one of those subprime loans we keep hearing about.

I know, you are asking yourself, why did Santa need a subprime loan? Well, come on, if you only have a job that requires you to work one night a year, don’t you think it might be hard to get a bank to give you a regular mortgage?

Now, don’t get me wrong . . . Santa is no deadbeat . . . a little too fat, maybe, but no deadbeat. The problem is the subprime mess that led to the credit crunch has led to fewer people buying toys for their tots this Christmas. This is impacting Santa in a BIG way. He’s almost doing as badly as FedEx.

Santa Learns From Fannie, Freddie, the Banks & Big 3 Autos

Santa was heartened at first by the federal takeover of Fannie and Freddie. But the sad fact is, it’s done zero for him. His elves are being laid off. His reindeer have taken to crystal meth to cope. And Mrs. Claus is moving to Miami cause she can’t take living in the North Pole now that the heat has been turned off.

Last week, Santa did try one last thing. He secretly went before a Congressional committee to ask for a small loan–something like $4 or $5 trillion dollars, I think (come on, overhead is high at the Pole).

Congress is thinking of giving Santa a loan in exchange for strict controls over the elves and his promise to develop a more fuel efficient fleet of reindeer.

Santa is sort of okay with this…he actually can’t stand the elves anyway…they are so—well—height challenged!

The fact is, if Santa doesn’t get the dough, he will default on his mortgage payment and probably have to give up his abode and workshop.

Santa is not exactly in a holiday spirit, boys and girls (and real estate investors) — Truth is, he’s a bit drunk right now. Not to worry. He’s a pro and he will be fine when the time comes.

Just please keep this in mind–when Santa comes down your chimney–he will be in a foul mood. Whatever you do, don’t talk to him, look at him or question the toys he’s brought your kids. Santa is believed to be armed and could be dangerous considering his mental state.

So, have a merry Christmas . . . keep the faith…believe in miracles and send Santa a few bucks because he’s too fat to fail!

BREAKING: BiggerPockets Conducts Follow-Up Interview With Santa!

Check out the interview

Photo Credit: Homeless Santa by azrainman

About Author

Charles is currently reporting for KNX Radio in Los Angeles, is the co-author of the book No Time To Think, and can be found commenting about the news on his blog, The Feldman Blog, as well as on The Huffington Post.


  1. Hey Santa..I cleaned up my act..I got a job doing loan modifications..

    Give me a call!


    Heard the head elf is headed to Washington, taking Obama’s seat…give him a call maybe he can “buy” you a bailout for a couple of extra toys for the kids.

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