Today, just for fun, I thought I’d write a slightly tongue-in-cheek post from a fictional renter’s perspective.
Hopefully it’ll give some landlords a nice laugh.
(Who’s experienced some of this? Show of hands?)
Without further ado —
8 Things I Hope my Landlord Never Finds Out.
#1. Even though our rental agreement says I cannot have any pets, I’ve had a puppy for the last two months.
Yep — a teething, non-house-broken, furry, shedding, scratching, adorable little puppy. Don’t be mad at me for hiding it — everyone hides their puppy!! Besides, you were planning on replacing the carpet anyway, weren’t you?
#2. I punched a couple holes in the wall.
I hope that you never find out, at least not before I move out (and get my deposit back in full. I’ll be very mad if I don’t get it back in full).
Here’s the thing: Sometimes, late-night parties end up with drunken brawls that turns into damage to your home. Friends, parties, and newly-built homes simply don’t go together.
#3. I broke the plate-glass sliding door to the kitchen, and I put cardboard up to keep bugs out.
Hopefully, I’ll get out of the home without you knowing where I ran off to.
#4. My friends thought it would be funny to wash my clothes in the dishwasher several days in a row.
Even though they thought it was funny, the dishwasher didn’t seem to enjoy it. It hasn’t seemed to clean the dishes the same way used to. Hey — can you come fix it?
#5. My pet snake got loose in the house … and I still haven’t been able to find him.
Yeah, I know the rental agreement said “no pets,” but I figured a snake isn’t really a pet. Right?
I didn’t expect him to get loose in the house. Oh well, I’m sure he’s long gone. I doubt his snakeskin will get spotted by the next tenant after I move …
#6. I had a huge party and — um, it may be possible that one of my friends jumped off the roof, into the backyard pool.
This would probably constitute a break in the lease, but it was just so awesome to watch. I’m just thankful he didn’t get hurt. Your insurance covers injuries like that, right? (Because if not, then we might have to sue …)
#7. Remember those brand-new window blinds that you installed right before move-in?
Well … the thing you have to understand is that they break so easily! It’s not my fault!
#8. I may or may not have lit bottle rockets and various other fireworks inside the house.
I just hope you don’t discover the burn marks in the ceiling … I don’t think you would find it as funny as my friends and I did.
Photo Credit: jspad