BiggerPockets

You're either in this together, or you're not in it at all. I'm not much good on relationship advice but I can tell you a rule that's worked for us; if one says NO, then it's NO.

You say she's hesitant to start investing " again" since moving. Again implies you've had another foray in REI.

How successful was that one?

What was the cause of the move?

How is your overall financial situation?

How astute an investor (of any kind) are you? I read a lot of horror stories about " investors" who've never been in REI suddenly going to a seminar and the next thing they know they've signed up for a couple of deals about which they know NOTHING. For a very recent example of this see the thread started by " nicenurse" on Saturday about the boat her parents are in.

REI is not for everyone, in fact it's not appropriate for MOST people. It requires a certain mindset, skillset and PATIENCE. There are a lot of successful investors hanging on this site. I don't know any of them who've " gotten rich quick" . Most of us have been at this for a looooong time, built our portfolio slowly and carefully, and have waited years to truly reap the rewards of the RISKS that we took when we were younger.

all cash

You and your wife NEED to be on the same page, if you are not either your REI career, your marriage, or both will come crashing down. You need to prioritize which is more important to you. (You better say your marriage!)

I went through the same thing when I started researching REI. My wife was not on the same page as me and it was tough. I went to a veteran business man and told him what I was going through and he explained it to me this way. " You are running up a mountain and right now you are by yourself. You need to go hand in hand with your wife or you will never make it to the top." So I chose at that point to turn around, go back down the mountain to the place my wife was at take her hand and continue from where she was coming from. I slowed down and started explaining to her all the areas of what I was learning so we could learn together. She eventually came to the same " elevation" that I was at and then and only then were we able to move on with the REI. It meant that I had to put an awesome deal off and wait another 6 months until WE made our first purchase. I am so glad I waited now. And actually at times now it is me telling her that we need to hold back a bit.

I agree that she'll have to be on board for me to really be successful, but I don't think a divorce is necessary.

To answer your questions, all cash, my investing in Iowa was fairly successful, but not as successful as I had hoped and definitely not as successful as I told my wife it would be. That might have been my biggest mistake. I think her major concern was the amount of time I spent on some of the projects, since my first couple of flips I did all the work on with a friend. In my opinion what I was doing with those projects was mostly hiring myself to be a contractor on a house I owned, then trying to resell it, as opposed to finding good enough deals where I could hire somebody else to work on the homes for me and still make good money.

Anyway, we moved to Kansas City so she could go to med school. We'll be here for 10 more years.

Our overall financial situation is not the greatest, since she is just a student and doesn't bring in any income right now. My opinion is that there are things I can do to help us increase our income, but she's not having any of it.

Zucchini5k

Divorce is not required. It will become more likely if you and your wife are not on the same page. It was an extreme alternative but 50% of the marriages end up there.

Back on topic...

F.U.D. - Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt.

If you over promise and under deliver that undermines the conversation. When one is new you see the possibilities but not the pitfalls. You over promise without even knowing you are doing so.

If the present financial position is weaker than it was before (her loss of income) then consider doing deals where you do not close in your name. Bird dog, flipping contracts, partner who funds 100% of the deal, etc.

When it comes to time commitment, that is a bit harder. Granted once she gets going with school you will not see her much. Make sure that when she does have a bit of free time you are available to spend time with her.

John Corey

Yeah man. I would say do your homework. Keep your wife updated with whats going on. Learn more about the business so that you become more confident in that. If your wife loves you and wants to understand then over time it will. If she doesnt then she won't.

My girlfriend wouldn't even after year. .. . we arent together anymore lol.
:violin:

My husband is the one who got me interested in real estate investing. He did two very important things that got me on board with him.

1- It was something that the two of us were to do together. Not just something that he wanted my permission to do himself.

2- He was patient with the time it took me to learn about investing and shed some of my fear about it. He always shared everthing that he was learning about with me.

3- He would always listen patiently to my views and respected my opinions even if he did not agree with me.

Good Luck!

FYI Zuc,
My dad's been investing for 20 years. Brings home more in monthly rent than most make in a year. Mom still hates the whole risky " real estate investing" thing....lol.

Sometimes you just have to love them, shut it out of your head and go forward anyway...lol.

Tim