Bleeding Heart Syndrome

General Landlording & Rental Properties
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Bleeding Heart Syndrome

Todd Handriegh
Investor · Lockport, IL · Member since 2015 · 25 posts · 35 votes

Hi all

Started landlording in 2018 and I have grown to 3 properties since then.  I have never evicted anyone, or even terminated a lease, despite a few situations that warranted it.  

As you may predict, that is my weakness.  I am having issues confronting tenants on issues and putting my foot down, and the thought of handing someone a termination notice gives me an ulcer.  I fully realize this is the wrong business for a person with too much compassion.  My landlord friend calls it "bleeding heart" syndrome and just shakes his head at me.  He's been in the business 30 years and has seen it all.  He doesn't bat an eye at evicting people for almost any reason.  The way he views people and their issues is quite...desensitized.

I'm looking for any words of wisdom on how to evolve mentally to where I am comfortable doing whats right for my business without losing sleep at night.  What do you tell yourself when you are forced to put your bottom line over someone's ability to put a roof over their heads?  I imagine its the same for most managers that are tasked with terminating employees.  I'm sure they could give me advice as well on how to cope with feeling guilty about this.

I need to learn how to get over this if I am going to be successful.  Appreciate your input.

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Joe SplitrockPro Member
Moderator
Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes
4y

@Todd Handriegh the best approach is:

1. Have written rules and procedures for everything. For example, rent is due on the 1st, late fee X on the 5th and notice to vacate on the 8th. Have a clear process and enforce it no matter what the circumstances. Failure to enforce your rules evenly could actually be seen as discriminatory. Letting some follow the rules and others break them is unfair at best.

2. Pretend that you work for your rental company. Your job is to enforce the policies. If your day job had a rule against something, would you just do it anyways? This is where mindset is important. You can even tell tenants, sorry but these are the rules and my partners require me to follow them. That may help so you don't feel like the bad guy. Blame the policy.

3. Stop thinking you are compassionate, because you are not. Your problem is you fear confrontation, which is different than being compassionate. There is nothing compassionate about letting a tenant break the rules and live rent free. People who have trouble managing their lives or finances need consequences, so they learn better behavior. Would you let your child draw all over the wall or sit on their iPad for eight hours a day? They may WANT to do these things, but letting them is irresponsible, NOT compassionate.

4. Separate your business from your personal charity. If you want to help struggling tenants, donate money to rent assistance funds. Donate your time to big brothers or mentoring programs. Being compassionate and helping people is wonderful, but do your good deeds on a personal level separate from your business. 

5. Don't listen to the "story" because you don't know if it is true and it is immaterial anyways. Tenants (and people in general) will use emotions to manipulate you. Often it is a lie or a half truth. They may say rent was stolen or their hours at work were cut, but in reality they blew the money. You are not a lie detector and you need to stop trying to figure out who is worthy and who is not. I used to try to figure out who was telling the truth and now I don't care, which is very freeing. Just pay the rent and take care of the property. 

6. You can be compassionate to a situation, yet firm in your response. You can show sympathy for their situation and even offer suggestions to help, but still enforce consequences of their actions. "I am sorry to hear your hours were cut. I heard XYZ is hiring part time workers so that may help you. Since rent was late, you will owe a late fee of $XX."

It may be hard to understand, but even eviction can be very helpful to people in the long run. For many people eviction is a "rock bottom" moment in their lives that helps them change their mindset around money management. They learn to control their spending, show up for work, have an emergency fund and pay rent on time. People with money problems are no different than people with drug problems or other addictions. It is not money that solves the problem, it is learning the right behaviors around money. Most tenants who struggle are dealing with their own mindset issues. It could be procrastination, disorganization, depression or any number of issues that get them "stuck" in a bad pattern. Your "compassion" is enabling their bad behavior and this is the key thing you need to understand. Your landlord friend isn't as much "desensitized" as he is "enlightened" to human behavior. 

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  • Shiva Bhaskar
    Investor · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2017 · 523 posts · 476 votes
    4y
    Originally posted by @Todd Handriegh:

    Hi all

    Started landlording in 2018 and I have grown to 3 properties since then.  I have never evicted anyone, or even terminated a lease, despite a few situations that warranted it.  

    As you may predict, that is my weakness.  I am having issues confronting tenants on issues and putting my foot down, and the thought of handing someone a termination notice gives me an ulcer.  I fully realize this is the wrong business for a person with too much compassion.  My landlord friend calls it "bleeding heart" syndrome and just shakes his head at me.  He's been in the business 30 years and has seen it all.  He doesn't bat an eye at evicting people for almost any reason.  The way he views people and their issues is quite...desensitized.

    I'm looking for any words of wisdom on how to evolve mentally to where I am comfortable doing whats right for my business without losing sleep at night.  What do you tell yourself when you are forced to put your bottom line over someone's ability to put a roof over their heads?  I imagine its the same for most managers that are tasked with terminating employees.  I'm sure they could give me advice as well on how to cope with feeling guilty about this.

    I need to learn how to get over this if I am going to be successful.  Appreciate your input.

     Ted, being a compassionate, caring person is a good thing! The thing is, taken in the wrong way, it can cost you money. I think if this part of the business is uncomfortable for you, hire a good property manager or lawyer to correspond with the problem tenants, and let them run point on any eviction proceedings. 

    Here's the bigger reality: If you don't put your bottom line first in this business, you won't make it. I'm sorry to say, but it's the truth. You obviously have a goal you hope to achieve by investing in real estate. Every time a tenant plays games, think about how that goal is being frustrated and won't be achieved unless you take action. 

    Really feel what it will be like to look back in 15 years or 25 years, and realize you could have done it but did not. Some negative visualization can help you get back to focus. 

    0Reply
  • Marian Smith
    Real Estate Investor · Williamson County, TX · Member since 2011 · 1k+ posts · 961 votes
    4y

    @Ted Hendry Best to own better properties where you can truthfully say it is better for your tenants to move out and rent a cheaper place. It amazes me that tenants often want to rent the nicest place they can qualify for instead of trying to cut their largest expense so they can get ahead. I like that there are cheaper places for tenants to go so if I do not renew I know I am saving them money long term.

    0Reply
  • Tyler Bobo
    Realtor · Wasilla Alaska · Member since 2019 · 131 posts · 94 votes
    4y

    Set the expectation in the beginning, if not clearly with the tenant, than with YOURSELF.  If they are not upholding their end of the legally signed lease agreement, they lied to you when they signed it. They agreed to pay, and abide by the rules. 

    If they're not doing this, they are stealing from you and your family. If you allow this, you are allowing theft from you and your family. 

    I was talking to a client this week and he was saying how his tenant give a new sob story every month and falls more and more behind, he's now over a month behind. The client is so frustrated, and doesn't know what to do.  I told him: If he is over a month behind, and the rent is $1,000, this tenant has "borrowed" $1,000 without asking.  Would it be ok for anyone else to dip into your families budget and borrow $1,000 without asking?  Another word for that is "theft!"  

    Hold the line, blame the lease, your lawyer, spouse, the phase of the moon or whatever, but hold to what you both agreed an signed and you will be treating yourself and your family how you deserve to be treated for your hard work.

    They almost definitely can afford the rent, they just prioritized something else before you. Something that wasn't a pushover. 

    3Reply
  • Brian G.
    Rental Property Investor · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2013 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    4y

    @Ted Hendry consider hiring a 3rd party property manager.

    0Reply
  • Todd Handriegh
    OP
    Investor · Lockport, IL · Member since 2015 · 25 posts · 35 votes
    4y

    Great stuff guys.  I'm already making progress with the tone of my dealings with tenants and contractors.

    I'm thinking of wearing a different hat when I have to adopt my landlord alter ego, like Walter White/Heisenberg.

    2Reply
  • Robert Edwards
    Specialist · Butte, MT · Member since 2021 · 27 posts · 17 votes
    4y

    Hire a property manager to do these things for you.

    0Reply
  • Andy Nathan
    Rental Property Investor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2019 · 203 posts · 119 votes
    4y

    @Ted Hendry there is nothing wrong with caring. However, like a lot of people already mentioned you need to have a limit. If someone is a few days late once in a while, don't worry. If it is ongoing or they don't treat your property with respect, you owe them nothing. That is why the lease is in place. Follow your lease to evict and find better tenants.

    I have a friend who has a section 8 tenant that is a hoarder. The house smells and is not cared for properly. He told her that he was not renewing her lease. It sucks but he gave her time to find a new place. Respect and rules together.

    1Reply
  • Tom DegroodtPro Member
    Evans, GA · Member since 2016 · 122 posts · 65 votes
    4y

    I'm thinking of wearing a different hat when I have to adopt my landlord alter ego, like Walter White/Heisenberg.

    Absolutely you have a need for this attitude.  I will sometimes sit in the car and take a minute to remind myself of the “role” I am about to play.  Sometime you are a business man talking to the contractor, sometimes the property manager, talking to the tenants. Sometimes the guy just joking about the college game from last Saturday.  You still need to be authentic in each role, but  I will always remind myself of what the goal is before the conversation.

    2Reply
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