Unconfounded roommate fears

Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes

Hello!

In the near future, I will be making a move on a property that I will be house hacking.

However, my soon to be wife is afraid that any roommates we may have that she does not personally know will turn out to be evil, trashy, or serial killers....

I however know that there are plenty of good people out there (especially in our area of Denver) that can be excellent long term tenants.

Aside from a thorough application and screening process, and potentially just getting a duplex so we can have completely separate units, what are some ways you have dealt with fears like these that could hold us back from a great deal?

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Dennis M.

Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2018 · 6k+ posts · 9k+ votes

I Would Keep her out of your business decisions going forward

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Daniel Haberkost
Rental Property Investor · Colorado Springs, CO · Member since 2018 · 682 posts · 729 votes
6y
Originally posted by @Derek Hutson:
Hello!
In the near future, I will be making a move on a property that I will be house hacking.
However, my soon to be wife is afraid that any roommates we may have that she does not personally know will turn out to be evil, trashy, or serial killers....
I however know that there are plenty of good people out there (especially in our area of Denver) that can be excellent long term tenants.
Aside from a thorough application and screening process, and potentially just getting a duplex so we can have completely separate units, what are some ways you have dealt with fears like these that could hold us back from a great deal?

Hey Derek, is there anyone that you know or have some connection to that may be an option for your first tenant? Perhaps that would ease her mind and help begin the process.
Another thought, do you know anyone locally that house-hacks that you could have your wife talk to?
I'm house-hacking down in The Springs and it's amazing the quality of tenants you can get if you screen them properly.

4 Reply
Derek Hutson
OP
Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Daniel Haberkost

Hey Daniel,

Yes, there are a couple options we could have initially. However we are not sure they will be sticking around for the 1-2 years that we plan on living in the house.

Because of that, I would prefer not to have them as tenants if they are planning on moving halfway into their lease.

I agree on proper screening, particularly letting them know that when they apply that I will be talking to their previous landlord, and paying a visit to where they live now with them so I can see how they treat where they live (in addition to normal background checking and other procedures).

Additionally, I think it might be a good idea if we find a great potential tenant to maybe have all of us go out to dinner so we can get to know them more, and she might feel more comfortable with them.
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Dennis M.
Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2018 · 6k+ posts · 9k+ votes
6y
I Would Keep her out of your business decisions going forward
5 Reply
Marc Winter
Real Estate Broker · Northeast PA · Member since 2017 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
6y
What does "unconfounded" mean? Marital advice: it's a tough one, but happy wife, happy life. Good luck!
1 Reply
Derek Hutson
OP
Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Marc Winter

Basically her fears are coming from her own mind and the majority of them won't really happen like she believes they will..

I agree, it can be tougher but I know it has been done many times before where the wife and the business are both happy :)
1 Reply
Daniel Haberkost
Rental Property Investor · Colorado Springs, CO · Member since 2018 · 682 posts · 729 votes
6y
Originally posted by @Derek Hutson:
@Daniel Haberkost

Hey Daniel,

Yes, there are a couple options we could have initially. However we are not sure they will be sticking around for the 1-2 years that we plan on living in the house.

Because of that, I would prefer not to have them as tenants if they are planning on moving halfway into their lease.

I agree on proper screening, particularly letting them know that when they apply that I will be talking to their previous landlord, and paying a visit to where they live now with them so I can see how they treat where they live (in addition to normal background checking and other procedures).

Additionally, I think it might be a good idea if we find a great potential tenant to maybe have all of us go out to dinner so we can get to know them more, and she might feel more comfortable with them.

I think what you said at the end there, finding a potential tenant and taking her out to dinner, is probably your best solution. That would humanize the person and help your wife realize there are plenty of great tenants out there.
I know you said that you don't want someone to leave after 6 months or so but from my experience there is such a lack of affordable housing here and in Denver that filling vacant rooms is extremely easy.

1 Reply
Todd Rasmussen
Rental Property Investor · Clarksville, TN · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
Originally posted by @Marc Winter:
What does "unconfounded" mean? Marital advice: it's a tough one, but happy wife, happy life. Good luck!

I was confounded until I figured out he meant to type unfounded. Now I'm unconfounded; confounded grammer!

3 Reply
Derek Hutson
OP
Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Todd Rasmussen

Real estate and grammar knowledge lives here.. love it!
1 Reply
Todd Rasmussen
Rental Property Investor · Clarksville, TN · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
@Derek Hutson

If duplex is on the table that will be the easiest option. You might be able to make single family fly with a seperate entrance. That might go a long way to creating a feel of privacy and security that your fiance is requesting.

I agree with you that, realistically, the risk is minimal. She's probably more at risk for being victimized by a random break in than a screened roommate turning on you guys. Maybe have a conversation about providing a means to have some real security in the house.

No matter how you decide to make this work, especially since she's uneasy; I'd let her pick the first room mate if you two are torn between a couple applicants. You'll never recover her confidence in house hacking if you win that disagreement and it ends up being a train wreck. Marriage and real estate are about the long game.

Also, find a couple near you that are househacking and can share their experiences over dinner.

If that doesn't work you could always advertise the room "athletic college age male preferred, shirt optional." What could go wrong?
1 Reply
Todd Rasmussen
Rental Property Investor · Clarksville, TN · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
Originally posted by @Derek Hutson:
@Todd Rasmussen

Real estate and grammar knowledge lives here.. love it!

The sad part is, I have a lot I should be doing and took the time to double check my definitions before I posted that. Congrats on hopefully getting started and impending nuptials!

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Max T.
Investor · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
6y
Originally posted by @Marc Winter:
What does "unconfounded" mean? Marital advice: it's a tough one, but happy wife, happy life. Good luck!

I think it is a hybrid of "unfounded" and "unconfirmed."
1 Reply
Colleen F.Pro Member
Investor · Narragansett, RI · Member since 2013 · 8k+ posts · 4k+ votes
6y
@Derek Hutson I would consider the shorter term renters you know and she will accept first. Honestly, a good first experience is probably better then a longer first experience.
You also need to decide whether you want a roomer or a roommate. Do you want someone who keeps to themselves but you can get along with or someone who is going to join you for dinner. Setting the tone for that can make a difference. Probably a good way to start is to discuss with your future wife what house rules she wants on visitors and such. what kitchen expectations etc. Aligning on house rules/responsibilities goes along way to making sure you have a good match for a room renter.

2 Reply
Joe SplitrockPro Member
Moderator
Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes
6y
@Derek Hutson can't you see any possible reasons this is a bad idea? I would call her concerns less fear and more common sense.
I don't know anybody who had roommates after they got married. What you are asking is not common. She is not crazy to want privacy.
Having strangers or even friends live in your personal space can be stressful and create issues. You are sharing a kitchen, living room and bathroom with people. Sharing a refrigerator. (Am I the only one that had a roommate eat my food)? There are plenty of annoying behaviors that will show up when someone lives with you. Yes you can have house rules, but maybe her vision of married life doesn't include her babysitting strangers. You sit down for a quiet dinner together and your roommates are there. You are having sex and your roommates are literally on the other side of the wall. A roommate pees all over the toilet or someone goes through your personal belongings or says inappropriate things to your wife. How do you deal with it?
Screening will only tell you they have financial means and they pay rent on time. Having a dinner with someone will reveal nothing besides the fact they have good social skills.

Just buy a duplex and the problem is solved. You have physical separation and you are not sharing living spaces.
4 Reply
Kris L.
San Antonio, TX · Member since 2019 · 930 posts · 836 votes
6y
An ADU or multi-family type property might be your best option TBH. I think your wife is probably in the majority in not wanting to have roommates, and fighting it isn't likely to work out well.
Disclosure: I am not a marriage councilor. I don't even play one on tv.
0 Reply
Isaac S.
Member since 2018 · 563 posts · 562 votes
6y
@Derek Hutson I think I am your perfect roommate! Now could you help me move this rolled up carpet that is shaped like a human body to my creepy van?
But seriously, my units are mostly studios and one bed, my two most common reasons for people moving in: 1. Broke up with bf/gf 2. Couldn't stand roommates anymore.
Food for thought.
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Derek Hutson
OP
Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Dennis M. I wouldn't want to be forced to live somewhere without any opinion on it because of business decisions, would you?

@Daniel Haberkost That is a great opinion thank you. I'm gonna send you a quick message!

@Todd Rasmussen That is a great point that communication is important for the long term. I will look into the college hunks :)

@Colleen F. A good first experience is a great point! Would definitely make it easier in the long run to make bigger decisions also

@Joe Splitrock Common sense says you should always consider the negatives in real estate investing. So I do. You could have saved a lot of typing by just using the last 2 sentences :)

@Kris L. Yes I have heard about ADU's, not familiar with the legal hoops of them in my state though so mostly considering duplex/triplex.

@Isaac S. Sounds like you watch a lot of movies.. if there is a body in a carpet I get a free eviction of a horrible tenant. We will not be investing in studios or 1 beds.

1 Reply
William Wright
Raleigh, NC · Member since 2019 · 26 posts · 11 votes
6y
@Derek Hutson
If you and your wife share a home with someone she is afraid is a serial killer, I assure you, nobody wins.
0 Reply
Mark S.
Real Estate Investor · Saint Paul, MN · Member since 2017 · 543 posts · 474 votes
6y
@Joe Splitrock I agree with Joe. Personally, the last thing I would ever do is have strangers move in with my new wife and me.
1 Reply
Natalie Schanne
Real Estate Agent · Princeton, NJ · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
@Derek Hutson - I’d say proceed with caution. You have to get her buy in with some kind of trade off like bigger house plus roommate or not her dream home and no roommate, or of the $1000 rent she can keep $300 for a monthly house maid and two hour massage or $200 shopping spree or something.
I bought a 3000 sf foreclosure (upgraded from 1000sf 2/2 condo) that I had segmented in my mind into 8 bedrooms (5 upstairs, 3 downstairs) and we only needed 2 for our family. I convinced my husband to allow several young ladies traveling nurses for 1 month each (so only 1 bedroom was ever a guest room). I barely could tell they lived here they were such ghosts. We pocketed $3000. After 3 months and the last one (a female couple), he said I don’t want to share with anyone else. He claimed he cleaned up after one engineering intern who spilled food in her room (maybe?-nothing is ever perfect). And that was that. No more money. Though I’m still paying for the house maid biweekly... he won’t listen that there are some tax deductions I can’t take if we’re too picky to accept the next reservation. All things equal as a female I’m more comfortable with another woman (preferably ugly) for month to month but willing to stay long term if we like each other. Some people are irrational about their privacy or financial preferences. Double check this is the right partner for you.
3 Reply
John Teachout
Rental Property Investor · Concord, GA · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
6y
We have airbnb spaces in our home that my wife took a while to adjust to. At the time we started, we really needed the income so it was important to utilize a spacious house resource with all the kids moved out. She's gotten used to it and it's not a big deal anymore but it is important to get them onboard with sharing a home...Don't force the issue.
2 Reply
Daniel Sager
Rental Property Investor · Anchorage, AK · Member since 2019 · 39 posts · 13 votes
6y
@Derek Hutson
I did this for 6 years in 2 different homes with the most recent being in the Springs and as long as she is chill and you get the folks it'll be great. It's all about the people you get in there as you know...just don't rush it. Its very common for the gf/wife to be leery of this set up (even after being presented the numbers!!) So maybe suggest making it all girls? Maybe this will make it worse? 😂. I'll mention three things from my experience:
Get a place with a separate master bath. This is a must!!
Go large SF over duplex; especially in a market like Denver. I highly doubt you will find any (non destroyed) duplexes that won't have a mortgage payment barely less than 2 houses.
Use month to month leases only so you have an out of for some reason it isn't working out but you'll know pretty quick.
It can be a stressor on a relationship but honestly man it's set me up to be much further ahead financially than most people I know. My age or older!!
2 Reply
Daniel Sager
Rental Property Investor · Anchorage, AK · Member since 2019 · 39 posts · 13 votes
6y
@Natalie Schanne
Preferably ugly!!! I'm glad someone else said it haha
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Russell BrazilBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Agent · Washington, D.C. · Member since 2012 · 17k+ posts · 30k+ votes
6y
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Adam Vadnais
Cold Lake, AB · Member since 2019 · 12 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Derek Hutson my wife and I (along with a few small children) used to rent out a room in our basement. I have found that disturbing people do not like to live close to their landlords. All the people we had were very well mannered and very respectful of our space.
IF someone moves into your living space and creeps either of you out, move them out. Just make it a part of the "roomate agreement" that either party can end the arrangement with very little notice if there are concerns. (I am not phrasing that well) If it's the other side of a duplex, regular laws will apply.
But you will find that there will be no cause for concern. Make sure she is involved in the screening process. It will give her a greater feeling of control and will let her find a roomate she IS comfortable with.
2 Reply
Derek Hutson
OP
Denver, CO · Member since 2017 · 38 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Natalie Schanne Yes ideally our roomies would be ghosts, the one we have now that we will potentially keep already is.. 1-2 more years max for having roommates is where I am at, I believe her seeing the $$$ she saves on expensive rent will help.

@John Teachout awesome.. was there an issue for you/her with the turnover using airbnb and always having new tenants?

@Daniel Sager good points! That is what I keep telling her... it is just 1-2 years to set us up for decades of success

@Adam Vadnais I agree that letting her be in control will help, good point.. Also will help to have a well written and inclusive lease contract!
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