Realtors who bully other Realtors

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Realtors who bully other Realtors

Kendal Lamb
Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes

I'm sure there are many Real Estate Agents on here that have dealt with pushy/mean Realtors. As an Agent I always strive for a WIN/WIN situation between both agents and clients on a sale of a property. Lately I have been dealing with an Agent who seems to think bullying is the way to work. 

What have you done as an Agent to overcome and push through the sale with a positive attitude when working with a bully agent.

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Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
5y

Ignore them. I've tried reasoning and that usually doesn't work. So I ignore them unless it's something that requires a response.

If they are doing something that is a violation of the Code of Ethics, I send them written notice of the violation with a warning that another violation will be reported to their Broker and/or the State. I keep it very short and factual. That usually shuts them up pretty quick.

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  • Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
    5y

    Ignore them. I've tried reasoning and that usually doesn't work. So I ignore them unless it's something that requires a response.

    If they are doing something that is a violation of the Code of Ethics, I send them written notice of the violation with a warning that another violation will be reported to their Broker and/or the State. I keep it very short and factual. That usually shuts them up pretty quick.

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  • Kobe Xin
    Real Estate Agent · Houston, TX · Member since 2019 · 240 posts · 155 votes
    5y

    This is going to sound absolutely bonkers and counterintuitive but the best way to deal with negative and abrasive people in business or in life really is to listen to what they're saying and identifying their pain points. Usually people who use assertive tactics to bully other people is giving off the illusion of control. These people rarely ever "win" in a negotiation. When you are dealing with someone like this it's hard not to get your emotions in the way but that's exactly what you have to do to. You should listen to what they're saying and let them know that you understand them. When people feel like they're being heard that's when they let their guard down and work towards a positive outcome.

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  • Joe S.Pro Member
    Investor · San Antonio · Member since 2020 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    5y

    Are they the seller’s agent or the buyers agent? You really didn’t give an example of bullying. What one person considers aggressive and blunt may not even be considered that from the person speaking. If you’re representing a buyer and they are asking for certain concessions the seller’s agent may not tell you what you want to hear and for some people that would be considered bullying. For one person speaking in their normal voice tone would be interpreted by someone else as raising their voice. 

    1Reply
  • Irene Nash
    Realtor · Member since 2018 · 138 posts · 174 votes
    5y

    Sorry you're having to deal with this. It would help to know what the context is, or an example of what's being done by the other agent. 

    0Reply
  • Steve Morris
    Real Estate Broker · Portland, OR · Member since 2019 · 4k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    5y

    By bullying, what specific behaviors do you mean?

    If it's yelling on the phone, tell them to call back when they want to talk in a normal voice.

    If they make a ton of verbal demands, tell them to put it in writing.  Sometimes that's enough to shut them up.

    I think the issue isn't as much as making them tone it down, but you standing up for yourself.  These guys usually unload on the easiest targets.

    3Reply
  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    @Nathan Gesner

    @Kobe Xin

    @Joe S.

    @Irene Nash

    @Steve Morris

    All responses are amazing! Thank you!

    I am the Seller's Agent and she is the Buyer's Agent. She is very abrasive when she talks and gets very close to your face with hand movements... 

    She cornered me and ripped me a new one for 45 minutes and was constantly bringing up court... all because she didn't like how the property corners were marked. I let her know that I wasn't going to engage in the conversation and if she had a problem she could call my Broker. She did not like that response. I kept my cool the whole time she was yelling and getting in my face. (it was not easy lol)

    She has had her license for 3 years and just recently got her Brokers License. My Broker is now heavily involved in the transaction (thank the lord).

    I have just been following the contract that she wrote and trying to come to a Win/Win situation. 

    I just have to remember that as much as it sucks to have another Agent running around bashing my name, in the end it only makes her look bad. And if people believe her then I wouldn't want to work with those types of people anyway. 

    We are still under contract and practically renegotiating the contract that she wrote... We have gone back and forth with an Amendment about 6 times now and my Seller has had enough. Hopefully they agree and we can just move forward.

    Chin up right?! I'm glad to hear it isn't just me dealing with these type of Agents.

    Don't get me wrong, I have made my fair share of mistakes. But owning up to them and learning from them is the best thing you can do as an Agent. (she doesn't agree lol)

    5Reply
  • Kobe Xin
    Real Estate Agent · Houston, TX · Member since 2019 · 240 posts · 155 votes
    5y

    @Kendal Lamb

    Have you read the book Never Split the Difference? That seems like a good situation to employ some of the negotiations tactics taught in that book. It gives a lot of good pointers on how to deal with aggressive negotiators and people who use intimidation as a tactic.

    2Reply
  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    @Kobe Xin

    Thank you! I will definitely check it out!

    1Reply
  • Kobe Xin
    Real Estate Agent · Houston, TX · Member since 2019 · 240 posts · 155 votes
    5y

    No problem! I would also look into the audiobook version. Tone is very important so it might be better to listen to as an audiobook

    0Reply
  • Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
    5y

    Yeh, I wouldn't allow someone to chastise, yell, lecture, or insult me for 45 minutes. Hell, I wouldn't put up with it for ten minutes. I would have pulled my phone out and asked permission to record the conversation for the ethics board hearing.

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  • JD MartinBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Rock Star Extraordinaire · Northeast, TN · Member since 2015 · 10k+ posts · 16k+ votes
    5y

    Well, back in Jersey we would just send a guy to break their knee caps, but that Soprano stuff probably don't float well in Montana :D

    I think you've received good advice already. Don't put up with anyone getting in your face yelling and screaming - walk away, even if it means sinking a sale. Your self-respect is worth more than a commission split. Nowhere in your contract with KW does it say you have to put up with abuse. 

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  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    @JD Martin

    We were on my Seller's property and I asked her to leave. I wasn't going to leave her there to wonder around.

    Also I like the knee cap comment!

    1Reply
  • Irene Nash
    Realtor · Member since 2018 · 138 posts · 174 votes
    5y

    I agree with @Kobe Xin about the book Never Split the Difference. Among other things it teaches some basic language that is helpful to use and not use in many situations, i.e. "it sounds like" (rather than "I'm hearing..."), "what is causing your client to do (whatever thing)", rather than "why is your client doing (whatever it is)".

    Way more than just that stuff and I took pages of notes on the book, but basically it ties in to what Kobe was saying about making the person feel heard.

    That being said, it was a helpful book for me because my first and immediate reaction is to want to simply pepper spray people like that in the face - which I'm guessing would also work here. :)  You're in a difficult spot because you're trying to protect your seller. Good luck!

    (Also for what it's worth I liked the book best on Audible, a lot of what he teaches has to do with voice intonation and the guy who narrates it has a great voice for that.)

    1Reply
  • Renee Moomey
    Real Estate Agent · Bennett, IA · Member since 2018 · 62 posts · 40 votes
    5y

    @Kendal Lamb I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I can definitely relate. Of course, I resort to email as much as possible. I am lucky in that my husband is my assistant so I take most my phone calls on speaker phone so he can document/pull up files etc, that cools people down pretty well knowing there is more than one person in the room. I pep talk myself to respond as myself, not as them. Often I find myself absorbing someone else's negative energy and responding with anger and I'm a calm person. Even when I control myself and conduct myself the best possible way, I have a hard time shaking off anxiety when I'm not talking to them anymore. For people who are very difficult, stick to emails so you have a paper trail, some kind of barrier to their negative energy, and you can respond with forethought.

    1Reply
  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    @Renee Moomey

    Yes, I only contact her through email now! It's helped so much. She has a lot less to say through email.

    When she was yelling at me I did ask her if she talked to her mother or her clients like that and she was taken back quite a bit by my question. She had no response so I concluded by saying I have another appointment to get to so if you have any questions please email me.

    3Reply
  • Henry Lazerow
    Real Estate Agent · Chicago, IL · Member since 2017 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    5y

    I used to deal with similar when was a new agent. Its always from low producing agents who want an ego boost. After a while your confidence will give a vibe that no one disrespects. In rare times I would just say call me back when your calm. Keep your cool and treat them like a child having a temper tantrum.

    2Reply
  • Harlan Papert
    Member since 2020 · 3 posts · 0 votes
    5y

    Bullying can lead to repercussions, especially if they tangle with the wrong one. I don't know why some have attempted that with me, or why anyone is doing that to you, what ego psycho issues they have, doesn't matter. They have no idea who YOU are or who I am. But do not let them get away with it. WE need to represent our PROFESSION. Contact your area Association of Realtors and see how they handle bullying or harassment or ethics issues. It also seems that 2020 is bringing out the best in some and the worst in others. Best to you. Don't take it personally. Its just business. 

    0Reply
  • Young S.
    Real Estate Agent · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2011 · 24 posts · 4 votes
    5y

    MY wife also had this situation. I told my wife, you have a power, the power that need to be used. A lot of time when someone gets nasty and power over you, at that moment, you will need to use your power. Using a power needs practice. Next time, don't forget you have a power and use it very this moment. When that happen you feel free and and more grateful. Amen!!

    0Reply
  • Jay HinrichsBusiness Member
    Real Estate Consultant · Summerlin, NV · Member since 2014 · 45k+ posts · 66k+ votes
    5y

    You did the right thing  by bringing your broker into the situation.. My wife will always do that..

    when I was at the street level in real estate  my dad always told me your an independent contractor you are under no obligation to take guff from anyone.. I learned that day one.. Agents buyers sellers etc...  we are not obligated to anyone.

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  • James Hamling
    Real Estate Broker · Minneapolis, MN · Member since 2011 · 5k+ posts · 6k+ votes
    5y

    @Kendal Lamb is it possible there is some jealousy and desperation happening? In my market I am running into more and more buyers agents flip their lid when I inform a listing has gone to multiples and call for H&B, I have had some truly bizarre responses of anger and rage. I simply account it to jealousy and desperation. 

    0Reply
  • Clint ShelleyPro Member
    Surveyor · Dothan, AL · Member since 2014 · 425 posts · 391 votes
    5y

    when she starts yelling, start snickering and tell her she has a booger on the end of her nose. She'll have to go check allowing you opportunity for a getaway. 

    Clint

    3Reply
  • Jaquetta T Ragland
    Real Estate Agent · Winston Salem, NC · Member since 2014 · 486 posts · 303 votes
    5y

    @Kendal Lamb I dealt with a rude listing agent before. Very short. Would try to make you feel dumb for asking certain questions. She was known to be rude to everyone. I guess it was just her personality 🤷🏽‍♀️

    0Reply
  • Heather Reed
    Realtor · Centennial, CO · Member since 2018 · 30 posts · 10 votes
    5y

    Unfortunately, I have come across this more than I would prefer. Here are a few tactics I have found helpful:

    1. Stick to written, documented communication (avoid texting and talking on the phone when it gets ugly). Then you also have proof if you need to report anything.

    2. Be short, simple, and DIRECT. Show them you won't let them push you around. Stand your ground, but with kindness. No need to stoop to yelling, name calling, etc.

    3. Hang up the phone when you need to. If someone is out of the control on the phone, unreasonable, irate, etc. I normally very calmly say, "Joe, I am going to hang up the phone now. When you are ready to talk rationally please let me know."

    4. Don't let it get to you too much! This is a hard one! We are personally involved in our transactions, with our clients, helping them with their purchase/sale. But those bullies don't define you. Let it go and forget about it. Dwelling on it doesn't do anyone much good. LOL

    Hope this helps!

    0Reply
  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    @Heather Reed

    Thank you for the advice! This has been a great learning experience for me. I now know what I can say and what actions to take when dealing with Agents like that. It sure was difficult to not let her get to me, but I was over feeling down on myself after a few hours. 

    In the end my client is still happy with me and everything I have done to continue this transaction and that's what is important. My Broker is also happy with how I handled the situation and has given me advice and tactics for when I have another problem agent! LOL

    0Reply
  • Kendal Lamb
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Kalispell, MT · Member since 2020 · 129 posts · 80 votes
    5y

    I just thought I'd give you all an update. The transaction has closed!! Yay! I was able to push through this transaction with the other agent. It wasn't easy, but I've learned so much from this transaction which I am thankful for. Thank you for all of the advice and encouragement. 

    1Reply
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