Help! HOW Do New Parents Do This?!

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

I do! I use a Becco Gemini, carry him all over. You're right, it's usually pretty helpful, except after longer periods, and if I'm doing something that bugs him or he wants. Like if I'm trying to type a message on my phone, he keeps trying to get the phone and cries if I don't let him (because he messes up my message, and has hit "send", LOL!) On the laptop? Forget about it! He wants it. On the phone? He suddenly decides he wants to be out of the carrier, and starts fussing. In public, as long as I'm walking around, he's fine. But if I'm sitting at a table trying to analyze records, nope -- he wants out of the carrier, starts fussing. So this is really hard.....

Nope, no colic, no rashes, no illness, no allergies. I'm a super crunchy vegetarian parent, not quite vegan but I don't eat dairy so he doesn't even get a stuffy/runny nose ever. He used to use pacifiers until teething, now he just takes them out and chews on them. He's 9 months old, can't talk yet (well, other than "mom" and "bwaabwaanaananana" LOL). It's just...the Universe, ah...he always seems to want out of the carrier or fuss when I need him to be quiet and calm so I can try to do business. *sigh* Like now... he was doing so well until I started typing this.

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

Ok, I also posted this on a mom's website, and some replies were saying to hire a mommy's helper / babysitter / nanny to assist me with the baby during my real estate "business hours". Now this would be great! Except that I need the money to hire one, which I won't have until I start making enough in real estate to afford it, so I need to figure out how to make this work with a baby first. Oh, such a challenge. My own husband doesn't like to be on the phone with me if the baby's crying in the background because it's somehow ear-piercing through the phone (even at a distance). So I imagine the irritation a buyer or seller would be having....yikers.

208-608-4884 Podcast Guest on Show #80

Becca Summers

Real Estate Agent · Highland, UT · Member since 2015 · 407 posts · 272 votes

10y

I have a nursing baby that is seven months old and started real estate when I had a nine month old. Tips I've learned, when I was broke I paid a sitter $10 an hour with a $100 bounis with every closing. My husband and kids drive with me to the one off showings so if it's only one home we all go together. My husband watches the kids often. I do a lot of texting and Facebook messaging with my clients who are mostly younger. Now I pay my sitter very well to cover last minute showings and appointments.

I wouldn't be able to do it without all my support.

2 Reply

Jonna WeberPro Member

Moderator

Investor · Boise, ID · Member since 2011 · 1k+ posts · 736 votes

10y

Can you do a trade with another mom a few hours a week? I did that some when my kids were little. Other than that, early morning or late nights were computer hours for me when needed.

3 Reply

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Becca Summers That's some great advice about the bonus! But how do you find someone trustworthy?

@Jonna Weber That's a good idea too, but how do you find someone trustworthy? It's actually not the mom I'd worry about, but her kids....I've heard some pretty bad stories from my friends growing up. I am thinking structuring my "business hours" for the early hours and late hours (before and after hubby's work hours) might just work....

Thanks!

Eric Dowling

Real Estate Agent · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2015 · 201 posts · 82 votes

10y

Holly Iske I was a stay at home dad the first 9 months with my son. I started real estate when he was born and he would come with me to the office for class and meetings. I took him door knocking which I would suggest, everyone opens the door for a baby! I can't believe people don't let you come to REIA meetings with him. Day to day it is basically impossible to get anything done when he is awake, and then you have the guilt of not being present when he needs your attention. What I did was when he was awake it was his time, and when he was asleep it was my time to work. So during his naps and the evenings was the only time I made calls. It was extremely hard because when I put him down for a nap all I want to do is sit on the couch and stare at the wall for an hour. I ended up putting him in daycare, which was hard, but like you, I had to choose to go all in on real estate or continue to struggle. It is tough. Going into it, it seems like you should be able to work from home and take care of a baby, but put to practice it is very hard.

3 Reply

John Whittle

Vendor · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2014 · 144 posts · 58 votes

10y

Originally posted by @Account Closed:

@Becca Summers That's some great advice about the bonus! But how do you find someone trustworthy?

@Jonna Weber That's a good idea too, but how do you find someone trustworthy? It's actually not the mom I'd worry about, but her kids....I've heard some pretty bad stories from my friends growing up. I am thinking structuring my "business hours" for the early hours and late hours (before and after hubby's work hours) might just work....

Thanks!

You worry too much. My mom sheltered me too and it just made it harder when I got older. Get the kid out there let him play with the other kids. They'll probably end up fighting and push each other down but they'll be alright. The best part is they learn how to interact with each other early.

My mom on the other hand just made me shy and awkward. I had to learn social skills on my own as I got older and its not easy don't do that to your kid.

Becca Summers

Real Estate Agent · Highland, UT · Member since 2015 · 407 posts · 272 votes

10y

It started out slow, the person who watches my kids is a stay at home Mom who lives close to my office. she has kids the same ages as mine and watched my kids on day a week when I went to team meeting. As I got to know her better it evolved into more time.

I'm getting to the point where I might need to change as I'm super busy but I love it

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Eric Dowling I absolutely love your response, thank you! I resonate with it so much (staring at the wall, lol), and yea -- I can't believe some REIAs won't let me take him either.... It is seeming like the hours when hubby is home is when I'll need to call my "business hours" (evenings). I do agree that taking him door knocking may help in my favor. Thanks, I needed this.

@John Whittle Yes, I do worry a lot, but I wouldn't say too much (well maybe), but it's because in my personal experience, I know three guys who were molested as boys. One was 8 years old, and a 17-year old neighbor boy would babysit him for his working mom. One was 6 years old, and his mom's friend would come over to visit, and bring her 13-year old daughter (yes, a girl!) who'd go molest him in the backyard when the moms thought they were playing together. Another was a family member molested by a church leader when he was young. He told on the guy, but my other two friends didn't due to successful threats that scared them. And that's just people I know personally, I've heard many more stories throughout my life, including about people's immediate family members. It's so disheartening. I don't plan on sheltering him by preventing him from doing anything, but I'd like to be present and aware of what's going on. Thanks for the insight. :)

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

I didn't see an option to "delete" a duplicate post, so I had to "edit" by deleting the text, but it won't let me save a blank post, lol.

Kizzy Brooks

Investor · Conroe, TX · Member since 2013 · 30 posts · 8 votes

10y

Oh Holly! I'm due at the end of June and I'm worried about the same things! I'm currently going through a remodel of a property we just closed on and will need to find new tenants (& make repairs) by 7/1 for another property. I'd like to follow your journey as I believe this is a peak into my near future! #nervous

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Kizzy Brooks Love it! Yes, let's follow each other! I'd like to hear how you do it, too. Good news is you're already doing it. I'm still in launch stage. I need to figure out how to get this going, and you need to figure out how to keep it going! Oh, I wish you all the best! I'm sure we'll figure this out, I'm thinking it's a matter of restructuring our systems and schedules.

Is this your first? It's mine. I had NO idea what it would be like, no sleep for the first 2 months (well, 20 minutes here-and-there, we tallied it up at 4 hours a day), it was crazy. But then it got better as he began sleeping 6 hours at night after 2 months, and since then we've been learning new systems and schedules. So it's probably the same thing with adjusting our REI.

I heard a really great analogy the other day, that when you have a baby it's like your relationship/life situation is going through a rehab! Haha, a REI analogy! But it really does feel true.

Regina Sitterley

Wholesaler · Marietta, GA · Member since 2013 · 106 posts · 20 votes

10y

Sounds like this is totally normal stress you are dealing with! Just to encourage you - it's something any new mom would face, not just one in real estate. Have compassion for yourself. This is all to be expected and "this too shall pass."

Some of the very best advice I heard as a working mom is to be "present" with whatever I'm doing. If I'm working on a deal ... I need to be fully engaged with that deal. If I'm with my kids, I need to be fully "with" my kids. The purpose of being present is to avoid that guilt. Do you know what I mean? When you're at work you feel bad, thinking about how you're not with your kids. Then when you're with your kids, you feel bad that you're not giving your all to work. It's a vicious cycle!

While I admit to finding this difficult to implement, I think it's vital to schedule time. If you are having trouble trusting, perhaps you can hire a mother's helper to be in the house with you while you supervise from a distance. Maybe you can trade off time with another mom. Listen to webinars while your in the shower or driving.... Just a few ideas from one mom to another.

Hang in there!

Karen MargraveBusiness Member

Moderator

Realtor, General Contractor, and Developer · Redding, CA · Member since 2009 · 7k+ posts · 4k+ votes

10y

My kids are all grown and two have kids of their own. When my youngest, Michael, that's now 27 was little we ran our construction/real estate development office at our house. I did most of my calls when he was napping. Sometimes I'd do some of the work at night. That's what's great about this business, you can work flexible schedules.

Of course it wasn't always possible to do that, so I made sure the house was all child proof, and had certain rooms where I could set him down and he could roam around without worry. We basically lived in his playhouse. My husband also used to take him a lot onto the jobs. The guys would just pass him around. He got on equipment when he was a toddler, and learned to operate it when he was in grade school.

We also used to take him to business meetings. He learned very young to keep quiet and draw, look at books, etc. He also learned if the phone rang and I put my finger up to my mouth, it meant shhhhh...

As far as restaurants, choose those where noise doesn't matter when you have little kids.

Kids are only little for a flash, then they're having kids of their own, and you're wishing you could have your babies back! If hearing a baby cry is too much for someone, do you really want to do business with them? I always say, if you don't like the sound of kids, go to the graveyard... there's plenty of quiet there!

4 Reply

Samantha Hiscock

Investor · Barre, VT · Member since 2015 · 129 posts · 96 votes

10y

I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with #5, and my baby of the bunch just turned 1. It's totally doable, but you really need to find a babysitter. I live in a small town and bring my kids to do title searches, deal with the town, talk to the assessor, an drive-bys on properties, but I would never ever take my kids, especially the baby, to meet with clients. I don't need that distraction and while most of the clients I have know I've got a handful of kids, they also know that they have my full effort and attention. When the baby was smaller and confined to a carseat I would take her to REIA meetings, she refused bottles and no one ever seemed bothered by her presence. My older kids have gone to plenty of meetings. I bribe them with use of their tablets and a soda, they will sit quietly in the corner.

I found a sweet older woman with 6 mostly-grown kids that is the perfect on-demand sitter. She doesn't work, and her her grand babies are 8 states away, so she loves on my kids as substitutes. She comes to my house, if you have such difficulty trusting people you can put up nanny cams. Ask the other moms you know/meet and I'm sure someone will have a local solution for you and know of someone available. There are going to be times when it's just super unprofessional to be toting kids around, like to a closing at an attorneys office!

I use my time while the kids are napping or at school to make phone calls, but do most things via email. I show property in the evening when my husband gets home from work or on weekends, that tends to wok best for my buyers anyway.

Real estate is super flexible and a great career choice when you've got kids, but the reality of the situation is that you will need daycare of some sort, even ifor it's just a babysitter that is on call and available a day or two a week. It sucks leaving babies in the beginning, but you'll quickly "get over it". Honestly, I'm rarely away for more than a few hours anyway, so it after the first few times it won't be as rough on either of you.

2 Reply

David Faulkner

Investor · Orange County, CA · Member since 2015 · 2k+ posts · 3k+ votes

10y

What about family? Parents or siblings with kids that you trust to watch your children from time to time? What about on your spouse's side? It helps if they are close by, but even if they are not ... I once had my wife do a road trip with our 2 small children from CA to visit relatives in Michigan. While she was gone I ripped apart our bathroom, and the only trick was putting it back together before she came back :) On other occasions, we've "tag teamed" ... I'll take the kids to my parent's house for a long weekend and she'll hang back and paint. The keys are having trusted resources to help (both in the REI business and with the kids), very good planning, and being very efficient working when your planning creates the opportunity for it. BTW, these are all things that are needed to be successful in business anyhow, so having kids force you to do what is good for your business anyhow is not necessarily a bad thing.

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Regina Sitterley Thank you, that's a great reminder to be present. Also, a mother's helper keeps coming up, so I'll have to check into that! I have been listening to podcasts while breastfeeding, so the shower/driving tip is helpful too -- thanks!

@Karen Margrave Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you mentioned the idea of babyproofing the entire house! That's a great idea, because there are times he gets out of my approved area when I'm engaged in something, and I have to stop to get him. This way, I can worry less. Thanks!

I actually can't wait to take him onto jobs, I'd love him to get interested in doing this, I can't wait for him to learn and have the opportunities I never did as a kid. Oh, I wanted to do real estate my whole life, was so interested in houses, but didn't have any family doing it, or in any related field. I talked to a woman recently whose dad and uncle took her on jobs and taught her all about it! So jealous! It seems with many things, you really need to know someone. I called a construction company about interning for free when I was a 15 (over 20 years ago), and was told they don't hire females because they're too distracting to the men! Wow, that was discouraging.... my dreams went on the backburner for a while after that. :/

How did you get him to be quiet and calm during meetings and phone calls? Please share! I used to do company training for Hilton, and the HR Director let a lady bring her toddler to Orientation, and boy oh boy, he was all over the place and making noise, I had to ask her to leave. :(

LOL, graveyard, that's a good one!

@Samantha Hiscock Thanks for the reminder that I can't take him everywhere. Not that I want to, but I do feel like I'll have to sometimes, and it's good to hear that I need to remind myself I can't, so I can be professional.

I'm also so grateful you mentioned how flexible real estate is, and therefore a good career for people with kids, because this is a great reminder that if I went back to a regular job, I will most likely not have this kind of flexibility. I will ultimately make my own hours at this, whereas I could not do that when I was an HR Manager (there was some flexibility, but not this much). So thank you. :)

@David Faulkner Ah yes, planning and efficiency! Thanks for helping imprint those keys in my brain. I keep telling hubby we need to "rehab" our system and schedule to make this work with the baby (I just don't know what that looks like yet!). I do wish I could trust my local family to watch him solo, but there's reasons it won't work. Poo. So I'm thinking I'll check into this mother's helper thing... have someone watch him "near" me (like across the room), so I can still keep an eye on things while doing business, ideally.

Sarah Lorenz

Specialist · Ann Arbor, MI · Member since 2016 · 355 posts · 191 votes

10y

@Account Closed Oh, it is so hard to adjust to working in tiny fragments of time! I remember coming to work, before I had kids, with a massive new proposal that I had created over Christmas break. My co-worker with kids looked at it and said in astonishment, "When did you have time to do this?" I didn't even understand what she meant--I just sat at my desk for twelve hours one day and wrote it! Now, after twelve years of being interrupted every time I go to the bathroom, I understand! I highly recommend reading All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. It made me feel so much better to understand why I was so stressed out, and that parenting today is truly more difficult than even 20 years ago.

I would agree that the best thing about real estate is that YOU are the boss and can decide when you are going to work. I love that I can take my kids with me to look at houses, or to shop for materials, etc. Not that it is always pleasant, but I'm the buyer, the customer--not the employee--just own it. You really have to adapt to taking advantage of tiny bits of work time--but it's hard to readjust when the baby wakes up unexpectedly or just won't cooperate. That's when I get so frustrated and impatient--when my expectations are ruined. Finding some kind of childcare is important. I'd highly recommend getting connected to some type of moms' group, for your overall sanity. Try a church or a playgroup, use NextDoor to start one in your neighborhood, find a LeLeche group nearby, etc. The social support for you and friend potential for your little one is so important. If you are in your neighborhood for the long haul, it's really great to develop friends close by, so that when your child gets older, he has someone to play with. It's such a sweet relief to have kids able to go play on the fly, instead of having to arrange playdates they have to be driven to. That takes time to develop, so start now if you can. In the meantime, you could find/create a playgroup that has parents interested in doing a co-op type of thing--social time for parents, and then an hour or two of escape time for the adults, while one parent watches the kids. You could even start this with parents interested specifically in real estate--screw the jerks who won't let you bring a baby to a meeting! Sounds like an authoritarian male dominated group to me. I also had success in hiring a neighbor kid who was about 10 or 11 to come play with my little ones while I worked in the house and could listen for trouble. I paid him about $5 an hour, and then he turned into a real babysitter when he got older, because I knew he was so trustworthy.

It's hard, but you can do it! Hang in there! And like @KarenMargrave said, don't forget to enjoy the baby! He won't be a baby for much longer.

Karen MargraveBusiness Member

Moderator

Realtor, General Contractor, and Developer · Redding, CA · Member since 2009 · 7k+ posts · 4k+ votes

10y

You've received some great advice, and ideas. Your child is only small for a flash of life, so relax, enjoy it, and work around it. In this day and age with video conferencing, etc., and all the other options for connecting with people there's creative ways to deal with most situations. Things you once had to see people in person to discuss, can now be done online, share documents, photos, etc.

Here in southern California subs can be miles away and hours in traffic. What I once would have driven over and dropped off (plans, etc.) I now upload to our website with a link for the subs to click on to and print out the plans they need for their bids. Take advantage of technology where you can!

The biggest thing, is trying to get your child on a routine, then you'll have an idea when it's safe to schedule phone calls, etc. without interruptions. However; when you know that he (?) is in an area that is safe, with nothing he can choke on, outlets covered so they don't put keys in them (my son did that once) nothing breakable that can fall down on them, nothing close to shelves where they can climb up on them, no pieces of anything they can wrap around their necks, nothing they can climb up on counters with, etc., you can make sure they have toys, turn on a movie and make your calls. ;)

Alexis S.

Wholesaler · Taylor, MI · Member since 2015 · 35 posts · 6 votes

10y

@Holly Iske I am in exact situation. I got into real estate last summer. I have slowly got started. In the beginning i felt it wouldnt be possible due to me being a stay at home mom of a two yr old. My fiance is an over the road truck driver and mu lil one has seperstiin anxiety so i have been away from him only a handful of times. But then i got my mind right. Yes it will be a challenge. But there are no limitations unless you place them. I am a hustler so i hope anyone would respect that i am running my business even with a small child. It shows your work ethic.

In my experience i got a headset so i can speak on phone handsfree. I wesr my son on my back with my meih taei wrap. I try to make seller calls while he naps and when he goes to bed in the evening. I get on a mastermind call ince a week with other investors and i mute the call when he starts to fuss. Then i unmute if i want to speak. Pick one day a week to make appts for houses and either get a sitter for a few hrs one day a wk or bring someone along to sit in car while you go look at the house. You can do this! We can do this!

Erin Estes

Realtor · Goodyear, AZ · Member since 2015 · 151 posts · 59 votes

10y

I have three... my strategy so far has been to wait until they're all in school... 3 more years until my youngest gets to Kindergarten! (and I have to resist the urge for a 4th...) Good luck! It's a challenge for sure!

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Sarah Lorenz Oh gosh, I know what you mean by the Christmas break example! In fact, my family says stuff to me like, "Why do you need me to come over to help? You should be able to clean and do everything you need to do and still watch the baby." Ack! I once would've agreed with them, until it happened to me.

Thanks for the tip on that book, I'll have to check that out. And for the reminder of the flexibility real estate offers to parents, that's such a huge thing for me to keep in mind...it'd be so much harder if I was still working for the man, lol, and I'd lose all this precious time with my baby boy.

I'm also glad you mentioned finding social groups, because I've been meaning to do that anyway for a different reason, and I totally forgot! We're vegetarians, almost vegan (avoid dairy), so we've discussed the challenges of raising a child around everyone else being meat-eaters in our circle, we really need to find some vegetarian/vegan friends so he has some little veggie buddies that won't hassle him. ;)

@Karen Margrave Thanks again. And what a great tip about posting links for subs on your website! We're not doing rehabs yet (hopefully soon, can't wait!), but this is a great tip! I'd actually love to get some flipping info, like how did you get started? What did you learn on your journey that you wish someone had taught you in advance? PM if you'd like to share, I'd love that.

And thanks immensely for the multiple examples of household dangers for babies, I hadn't thought of some of those, so thanks!

@Alexis S. I love your enthusiasm! I need to borrow some.... Thanks for pointing out about work ethic, that's a nice way to think of it. I'd love to see how you wrap the baby on your back, I've watched a few videos on youtube, haven't figured out which one to try so never bought a wrap, I use a Beco carrier currently (my husband picked it out). Those wraps looks great though. How is your wholesaling going? Would you feel up to PMing me with info/advice on what you've learned so far? I absolutely love hearing stories from others.

Thanks!

OP

Rohnert Park, CA · Member since 2016 · 39 posts · 7 votes

10y

@Sarah Lorenz Oh! I forgot to say, about the REIA that won't let me bring the baby.... one really good positive came out of it -- since I wasn't allowed to attend, the organizer was kind enough to personally take time educating me on the phone about what I was hoping to learn there anyway, so that was nice, saved me a trip too. After I received that education on the phone, it prompted me to start calling/emailing others for help too, so it opened up a door of learning opportunities to me that I wouldn't have considered prior.

Sarah Lorenz

Specialist · Ann Arbor, MI · Member since 2016 · 355 posts · 191 votes

10y

Check out your local LeLeche group--there should be meeting lists online. That's a great place to find crunchy mama friends! I'll bet there are tons in California.

What are your real estate goals? If you are trying to become an agent, that's a big job with a baby and no childcare. I started working on that when I had a toddler and infant, and never finished. But if you are looking to hold or flip, that's another story, because you are the buyer and a client to most of the people you are working with. That puts you in a different category--you can be catered to more and your needs accommodated.

I was thinking about this issue more after I replied the first time, and I think if I were back in your situation, as I once was, I'd try to set some parameters for having time to cultivate the real estate investing but also protecting my time and sanity and joy in parenting. First of all, I'd find ways to get out and relax with my husband on a regular basis. Then I'd find a chunk of time each week--3 hours?--to work on a project related to real estate--some intensive number-running, probably. I'd find a way to do this for free by swapping time with friends. In addition, I could probably take the baby with me to look at houses when needed, and also listen to one podcast per day and give myself 30 minutes per day of checking the updated listings and sold comps on my targeted niche or reading BP posts. If I don't set limits, it's easy to get into a cycle of endlessly looking at listings or reading forum posts while kids are occupied and then getting super-annoyed when they interrupt me. When I set limits, then I can finish and get back to focusing on the kids and house and the rest of my life--and enjoying it. It's also important to give yourself some down time during naps or in the evening--if I was constantly switching to work mode during those times, I'd end up exhausted and snappy when the kids got up.

Good luck on figuring out the balance for yourself and your family . . .