Should I help my girlfriend pay off her debt?

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Should I help my girlfriend pay off her debt?

Benjamin Couch
Vancouver, WA · Member since 2021 · 12 posts · 24 votes

BTW this is my first post!

I am 22 and have been saving up for my first property, I currently have 23k saved in cash and I am saving $2800 a month that I am adding to that total. I want to buy a single family property and live in a trailer on the side of the house while renting the house out. This would be paid for and only in my name, but I would have my girlfriend stay with me.

She has 35k in student loans and is about to incur even more. When we get married and eventually combine finances I am unsure of how to approach her debt pay down. Should I continue investing my savings? Should I dump all my extra cash into the debt? Should I not help at all?

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Caroline Gerardo
Lender · Washington DC · Member since 2015 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y

If you are my son: no you don't payoff a girlfriend's debt. When you are married, then talk about it. What line of work will she have to pay it off after college?

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  • Account Closed
    Investor · Scottsdale Austin Tuktoyaktuk · Member since 2021 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    5y
    Originally posted by @Benjamin Couch:

    To clarify I am only considering after we get married, not before. 

    Once you become married, the $$ pot becomes "yours" as a couple, it is no longer his and hers.

    0Reply
  • Jon KellyPro Member
    Investor · Bethlehem, PA · Member since 2016 · 929 posts · 951 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch what's the IRR on investment properties you're analyzing and considering buying? If this number is higher than your future wife's student loan interest rate then go with the investment property. If it's lower then pay down debt. Take emotions out of it and make this a simple numbers game.

    1Reply
  • Steve Vaughan
    Rental Property Investor · East Wenatchee, WA · Member since 2014 · 10k+ posts · 16k+ votes
    5y

    Marriage should change our pronouns.  She becomes we.  We have $× in student loan debt.

    There will probably be opportunities to work in hospitals and such as a PT that qualify for loan forgiveness after 5 or 10 years.  Just make sure the paperwork is filled out at the time of employment.  They should be getting better at actually forgiving the loans than they have been. 

    3Reply
  • Pete Garcia
    Investor · Hurst, TX · Member since 2016 · 12 posts · 6 votes
    5y

    I definitely wouldn’t even consider it until you are married and she is finished with school.  You said she still has 5 years of school left.  Buy the real estate, in 5 years if you are married the property you bought will help pay off the student debt buy either selling or refying, or the rental income pays the debt back monthly.  Either way it’s smarter to invest now.

    1Reply
  • Shera Linares
    Investor · Foothill Ranch, CA · Member since 2021 · 35 posts · 25 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch

    Don’t pay off someone else’s debt, including your significant other, because it won’t teach them anything. Help her to get on a budget to pay the debts off. School loans aren’t bad to have, like CC debt.

    As thoughtful as it is, you will not be helping her in the long run by paying her debt off. Even when you get married, you can still keep your finances separate and get a joint account for common expenses, like mortgage, utilities, etc.

    If you win the lottery, then please feel free, but until then, don’t use your hard earned and saved money to pay off her debt. She will thank you later.

    1Reply
  • Jim K.
    Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
    5y
    Originally posted by @Chris Pasternak:

    Who's plan are you following?

    What will your vows say?  In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, so help you God?

    or... With a prenup or else, only in good times, only when you're healthy and beautiful?

    How committed are you?

    I always knew I liked you, Chris.

    1Reply
  • Jim K.
    Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
    5y
    Originally posted by @Trevor Carlson:

    @Benjamin Couch as a physical therapist I commend your girlfriend on her career choice. It is a very rewarding career that pays okay. I personally graduated with $80K in debt from a private school in Washington. That was 10 years ago, my wife supported our living expenses and I entered PT school with only $10k in debt. I could have done it cheaper but not a lot cheaper. 

    If your girlfriend has 5 years left of school that means she has 2 more years to get her bachelor's and then 3 years of PT school to get her doctorate. Already having $35k in debt is a lot to start the rest of this journey with. I would start by talking with her about these numbers and how she intends to pay this off and minimize the expenses going further. From the very little information in these posts it appears that you two may view money differently.

    The easy part is you deciding whether or not to pay off her debt. The hard part is having the deeper conversations about how each of you value money and what you want to use money for in your lives. Take time with these conversations (multiple, not trying to figure it all out in one conversation) so that you can genuinely see, from her perspective, how she views money. Disagreement in how to spend money is one of the primary reasons cited for divorce. Consider this issue carefully.

    I hope this helps :)

    OK, so if I'm reading this correctly, Trevor, she's only gotten through the first two years of a four-year-degree, and she's racked up $35K in debt? Basically completed community college?

    Unless I'm missing some critical information, I know you don't need to go to any sort of elite school to become a physical therapist. Doing so will not improve your salary or give you a network of people that will get you easier access to a high-earning PT position, or an easier promotional path to such a position.

    You can finish the first two years of college almost for free with CLEP exams if you're properly motivated and not a dolt. I already had my first 22 credits through high school/community college joint enrollment (ACE credits) when I entered college, and I was just about as lazy as you get in high school. THIS WAS BACK IN 1992, for Christ's sake. Listen to some of the BP Money Podcasts for more info.

    3Reply
  • Sawyer Smith
    Specialist · Joplin, MO · Member since 2019 · 79 posts · 58 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch

    I married into debt. My wife is a nurse and had some pretty heavy loans to pay off. I never saw that debt as “hers” I saw it as “ours”. That being said, I can now be as creative as I want with how we approach paying them off.

    If you have the money for a down payment on a home I would invest in the asset of a rental. Then use the cash flow for monthly payments on the student loans. That way you are generating equity in a solid asset while it also covers most, if not all of the monthly payments for your student loans

    2Reply
  • Matthew Irish-JonesBusiness Member
    Real Estate Agent · Buffalo, NY · Member since 2017 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch tell her to put a ring on it first. 

    Irish Jones Realty4.947 Reviews
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    2Reply
  • Andrew S.
    Rental Property Investor · Helena, MT · Member since 2017 · 282 posts · 117 votes
    5y

    A house hack that you purchase and you both live in, might make the biggest possible dent into future wealth, reduced future student loan needs. 

    0Reply
  • Peter Schafer
    Member since 2020 · 34 posts · 13 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch I wouldn’t help her out at this very moment if I were you. I would continue to save so you can get that property you are wanting. But that’s just me…

    1Reply
  • Calvin Thomas
    Developer · New York City, NY · Member since 2015 · 812 posts · 718 votes
    5y

    NO

    1Reply
  • Sofia Sharkey
    Property Manager · Kansas City, MO · Member since 2018 · 280 posts · 221 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch I have two different suggestions. Either way, you’re smart for thinking about this. Good luck!

    Suggestion #1- After you’re married & combine all accounts, create a financial plan as a family. What are our goals? What do we want to save for? What do we want to pay?. Then, instead of thinking this is mine and this is yours, you tackle goals together. Make sure you educate her on the benefits of real estate. I have been married for 10 years and my husband and I have paid debt together and bought property this way too. I supported our family while he obtained his masters and years later he doubled my income. The key to this is that both parties need to be making money and contributing to what you both feel is most important.

    Suggestion 2: You can enter a marriage with split responsibilities. For instance, you buy your property, she pays her loans, and outside of those two things - you combine your finances. You guys are very young and while you love each other, you also need to make smart decisions for your financial future. I’m sure she had a plan to pay her debt when she started school, she can carry out that plan while you focus on investing.

    1Reply
  • Benjamin Couch
    OP
    Vancouver, WA · Member since 2021 · 12 posts · 24 votes
    5y

    @Wale Lawal

    I'm planning on doing a trailer on the side of a house that I would rent out, not many duplexes available in my area

    0Reply
  • Benjamin Couch
    OP
    Vancouver, WA · Member since 2021 · 12 posts · 24 votes
    5y

    @Sofia Sharkey thank you, this is super helpful!!!

    0Reply
  • Benjamin Lemieux
    Investor · Southington, CT · Member since 2019 · 18 posts · 6 votes
    5y

    Wait until marriage man. I did this when I was engaged about 5 years ago. We broke it off prior to the wedding and I chose not to pursue getting the $ back. 

    0Reply
  • Alan DeRossett
    Investor · Thousand Oaks, CA · Member since 2017 · 302 posts · 123 votes
    5y

    also, consider she could work for the State where State pays off her entire student loan for 10 years of service. my Neice did this here in California with her $200,000 in student loans. while the pay was slightly less the benefits of $20,000 per year of Debit being forgiven made it a no-brainer. Also, Lenders liked it after she was on the job for three years as it looked predictable for her first mortgage. 

    0Reply
  • Joe SplitrockPro Member
    Moderator
    Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes
    5y
    Originally posted by @Jim K.:
    Originally posted by @Trevor Carlson:

    @Benjamin Couch as a physical therapist I commend your girlfriend on her career choice. It is a very rewarding career that pays okay. I personally graduated with $80K in debt from a private school in Washington. That was 10 years ago, my wife supported our living expenses and I entered PT school with only $10k in debt. I could have done it cheaper but not a lot cheaper. 

    If your girlfriend has 5 years left of school that means she has 2 more years to get her bachelor's and then 3 years of PT school to get her doctorate. Already having $35k in debt is a lot to start the rest of this journey with. I would start by talking with her about these numbers and how she intends to pay this off and minimize the expenses going further. From the very little information in these posts it appears that you two may view money differently.

    The easy part is you deciding whether or not to pay off her debt. The hard part is having the deeper conversations about how each of you value money and what you want to use money for in your lives. Take time with these conversations (multiple, not trying to figure it all out in one conversation) so that you can genuinely see, from her perspective, how she views money. Disagreement in how to spend money is one of the primary reasons cited for divorce. Consider this issue carefully.

    I hope this helps :)

    OK, so if I'm reading this correctly, Trevor, she's only gotten through the first two years of a four-year-degree, and she's racked up $35K in debt? Basically completed community college?

    Unless I'm missing some critical information, I know you don't need to go to any sort of elite school to become a physical therapist. Doing so will not improve your salary or give you a network of people that will get you easier access to a high-earning PT position, or an easier promotional path to such a position.

    You can finish the first two years of college almost for free with CLEP exams if you're properly motivated and not a dolt. I already had my first 22 credits through high school/community college joint enrollment (ACE credits) when I entered college, and I was just about as lazy as you get in high school. THIS WAS BACK IN 1992, for Christ's sake. Listen to some of the BP Money Podcasts for more info.

     My friends daughter is enrolled in PT school and I learned it is actually hard to get into programs and there are limited schools even offering it. I am not saying they are elite schools, but limited schools and high demand programs. They are difficult programs. There are two questions in my mind:

    1. Is the program and profession, the best financial choice? Can she pursue other professions with less education that make as much money? As you mentioned, she is two years into the program. She could pivot to many different degrees at this point. She could even quit school and enter the work force immediately making $40K+ per year without any degree. Imagine 5 years from now, she could go to school and add $90K in debt or she could enter the work force and make $200,000. What is better for your family long term? (Theoretically school is better if her increased income is able to generate a return on investment).

    2. Is she skilled enough to get into a PT program and pass the program? My friends daughter had a 4.0 GPA and had to go on a waiting list, waiting a year to get into a program in Phoenix, AZ. She said the program is very difficult and time demanding. The only thing worse than taking on all this debt is if she can't even get through the program. If she is not getting straight A's in her first two years of college, this program may not be a good fit for her. 

    Any intelligent and driven high school graduate should enter college with college credits. It is not difficult to have a year's worth of college done in High School. Between AP classes and college classes offered through high schools, this is very common today. It seems she is not on a fast path, leading me to wonder if she is up to the challenges of PT school. 

    3Reply
  • Chris Szepessy
    Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
    5y

    I don't recommend you paying off her debt until you two are married. Once you're married, it's now both of your debt. Combine finances and debts after you're married, then start paying the debt down. I'm not doubting that you guys will get married, but sometimes stuff happens and it doesn't always work out.

    0Reply
  • Adam David Graning
    Rental Property Investor · Minneapolis MN (minneapolis, mn) · Member since 2020 · 50 posts · 28 votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch I paid off my wife’s loans when we were dating. I’m happy to be debt free but I regret not buying a cash flowing property to cancel out the payments instead of paying them off. There are tax benefits to paying down her loans, and who knows if some of that debt will be cancelled with the current administration in the White House.

    1Reply
  • Joseph Valenti
    New to Real Estate · Member since 2020 · 1 post · 1 vote
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch you’re already in a great financial position having the ability to save $2,800/month. I definitely recommend buying a property but would seek multi family over single family for the higher cash flow and opportunity to house hack. Fix it up if needed to maximize the rent, keep all cash flow in the bank and refi in 5 years when she finishes school to tackle the debt. Paying it off with cash in hand represents an opportunity cost since you could have a house and pay off the debt, too.

    At the rate you’re saving, you might even be able to purchase an additional property within the next few years to flip and use that to pay off her debt and keep the first property in your portfolio.

    Best of luck, Benjamin!

    1Reply
  • Steven Goldman
    Lender · PA · Member since 2019 · 533 posts · 461 votes
    5y

    Your question is both financial and personal. I have five kids and I would be very unhappy if they paid off their significant others debt. Before you plan on getting married you should discuss the situation with her and have an agreement and plan on how you are going to merge your finances. As a father, I would not advise my son to pay off a partners debt. Good luck!

    1Reply
  • Mike Dymski
    Investor · Greenville, SC · Member since 2016 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
    5y

    If she's willing to live in a trailer on the side of a house, put a rang on that young lady!

    2Reply
  • Addison Robertson
    Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2019 · 14 posts · 1 vote
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch you should help her by following through with your plan that you have saved up for, creating cash flow, and showing her the benefits of assets. To help you decide for yourself. Compare your CoC ROI and potential appreciation of the property and compare that to the opportunity cost of her APR on her student loans.

    0Reply
  • Matt M.
    Specialist · Easton, PA · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    5y

    @Benjamin Couch

    She owes $35k now and has 5 more years of school?!

    Omgggg she’s going to owe $200k!

    0Reply
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