Eric James
Investor · Malakoff, TX · Member since 2017 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y
Don't talk to them about it.
38 Reply
Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
5y
Exactly. Don't even bring it up in their presence. Spend your time around people that support you (within reason) instead of talking trash about something they probably know nothing about.
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16 Reply
Jim K.
Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
5y
Originally posted by @Douglas Curtiss:
Any ideas in dealing with relatives who mock your plans to invest in real estate?

Keep in mind that there are only two kinds of objections people that you talk to can raise about real-estate investing:

1. Objective, specific, process-based. Examples include:
a. How are you going to get the money?
b. How are you going to fix the houses?
c. I don't know how you can find good tenants.
d. It's hard for me to see how refinancing happens.

2. Subjective, vague, character-based. Examples include:
a. Do you really think you're cut out for this?
b. My cousin tried it and he failed, he's pretty capable, so I don't see how someone like YOU is going to make it.
c. If you want more money, why can't you just go back to school for a higher-paying job?
d. Sounds like a lot of work and gotcha fees for very little money when you talk about it.

If you're hearing No. 2 and not No. 1 from your relatives, don't curse them out and make Thanksgiving awkward. If you're hearing No. 1, listen carefully and make sure you know how to answer those questions. "Haters gonna hate" is the idiot's reply to No. 1.

But as @Nathan G. just put it, just don't talk about it to them. Sooner or later, if you even have minimal success in this, you end up with two circles of friends: your old friends and your real estate friends. There are family members I've known for 30-plus years, really good guys, that I can't have a conversation about real estate investing, and I know it. The better I've done, the more awkward the conversations get.
16 Reply
Theresa HarrisPro Member
Member since 2019 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
5y
Who the heck cares what they think? Just don't talk to them about it if they don't agree with you. If you have the money to do it and the numbers work, do it.
3 Reply
Jonathan GreeneBusiness Member
Real Estate Consultant · Madison, NJ · Member since 2016 · 6k+ posts · 7k+ votes
5y
I agree with what everyone else said about just ignoring, but since we have no backstory, let me propose a counterpoint. If you read these forums you will read a lot of stories of people with no money saying they are going to become an investor but have no idea how, no knowledge, no special skills, no plans, they just want to. So, in that case I think family and friends probably have some good points. Also, if a kid says I am going to drop out of college to wholesale, I would think family would have good things to say as to why not to do this. You may be a different story, but before everyone goes and hands you another reason to do it, I think more information would help.
How much savings do you have? Are you leaving a job to do this? What real estate experience do you have?
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7 Reply
Eric Gerakos
Investor · Costa Mesa, CA · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
5y
My dad always said that I would never amount to anything. He died in January after renting one of my properties for the last 20 years of his life. Onward and upward my friend.....
6 Reply
Jan A.
Member since 2019 · 1 post · 3 votes
5y
Tell them they are right. Smile and walk away.
3 Reply
Karl B.
Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y
The same people who mock you for wanting to get into real estate are the very same people who will complain about (or at the very least hold your success as some sort of bizarre personal grudge) your success in real estate once you own multiple properties.

They mock you because their fragile ego is damaged because they don't have the guts to take a risk and potentially be successful and the fact you have the guts is seen - by them - as a personal attack against them.
4 Reply
Douglas Curtiss
OP
Investor · CT · Member since 2019 · 67 posts · 15 votes
5y
Thanks everyone. You’re right. Keep my nose down, shut up and just grind away. This one blindsided me though. I just put on my Instagram description “pediatrician looking to transition out of medicine into real estate investing”. Then my sister’s mother-in-law of all people saw it and told my sister who says “you’re quitting pediatrics???”
1 Reply
Pat L.
Rental Property Investor · Upstate, NY · Member since 2012 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
5y
My big shot world traveller family member has been telling us for years we are 'doing it all wrong'. About 8 years ago as the proverbial 'business consultant' he insisted that he have a sit down. He interviewed us for about 2 hours about our strategies & a week later we received an 8-10 page dissertation detailing everything we were doing wrong & how we were going to go bankrupt. Just as most of my co-workers had opined during my youth before I retired at a young age.
For years since he has sent emails with all the doom & gloom REI click bait, especially during the 2008 crash. He was astonished that we kept accumulating & expanding especially as we are free & clear on everything. To this day he has NEVER owned any investment property.
None of his college graduated kids, (weighed down with student loan debt), owned property until married with children & are currently mortgaged 80-90%. All of our kids graduated without student loans & all were heavily invested, drawing passive income from the time they entered college & thereafter. All owned homes the year they graduated, none indebted over 75% LTV & all had passive income covering the majority of their costs.
Last week he spent another weekend with us at our Lakehouse. He had just turned 68 & intimated that he cannot afford to retire. Furthermore, he revealed he had already pulled the trigger early on social security. He then spent a lot of time asking about REI & how to get invested.
The week before that weekend my wife & I looked at several potential properties, visited the very happy buyers of another we just sold after 15 years of rental income & just had REI-laxing fun.
14 Reply
Jay HinrichsBusiness Member
Real Estate Consultant · Summerlin, NV · Member since 2014 · 45k+ posts · 66k+ votes
5y
Originally posted by @Eric Gerakos:
My dad always said that I would never amount to anything. He died in January after renting one of my properties for the last 20 years of his life. Onward and upward my friend.....
thats really sad My Dad always said I would be a millionaire by the time I was 40.. now for todays audience that would be 30 or shoot even 25. My Dad was all about encouraging me in real estate.

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11 Reply
Matt Groth
Contractor · Grand Marais, MN · Member since 2016 · 249 posts · 417 votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss ALL the people that said to me "you don't want to be a landlord", were never landlords
3 Reply
Matt Groth
Contractor · Grand Marais, MN · Member since 2016 · 249 posts · 417 votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss FYI, they will also mock your plans for stocks, options, ira's,, starting a business, working overtime, getting promotions, etc... fortunately, my family is very supportive, but i know others who are less than encouraging. Stay the course
2 Reply
Jim K.
Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
5y
Originally posted by @Douglas Curtiss:
Thanks everyone. You’re right. Keep my nose down, shut up and just grind away. This one blindsided me though. I just put on my Instagram description “pediatrician looking to transition out of medicine into real estate investing”. Then my sister’s mother-in-law of all people saw it and told my sister who says “you’re quitting pediatrics???”

Doug, what you see here is the power of the middle-class belief that being in a highly selective profession with good earning potential is what gives you economic security and respectable social status. You know, as the guy who's now stuck in it, that wealth is the only thing in the world that actually gives you economic security and I'm pretty sure you've figured out that respectable social status isn't worth having.

If you do get out of pediatrics and go into real estate, there's going to be a stigma involved with these people, no matter how successful you are and how carefully you try to explain it. When I tell my old high-school and college acquaintances I gave up teaching to fix up low C-class houses and rent them out, NOT ONE PERSON in the white-collar profession group among my old peer group ever asks how much I make on those houses versus what I made teaching. They always ask why I don't make enough to be able to afford to sit back and pay people to fix the houses.

4 Reply
Matt M.
Specialist · Easton, PA · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss
Don’t even discuss with them. In 2000 I was 24, buying my first house. My mother said I had no business buying a house, I have no idea what it takes to own a house. In 2003 I sold that house and made $45,000. I was hooked.. and showed her.
2 Reply
Mike Dymski
Investor · Greenville, SC · Member since 2016 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
5y
Tie your identity to internal rather than external validation. And when you can't do that, prove them wrong.
4 Reply
Will GastonPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Columbia, SC · Member since 2010 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss are any of them financially successful? If they're not I think you already know what you should do.
Before taking advice from anyone on anything (including me!) ask yourself this:
What authority does this person have to give me wisdom on this topic?

5 Reply
Grey Stone
Investor · Palmdale · Member since 2016 · 112 posts · 80 votes
5y
Yeah, I literally don't tell people in my real life what I do, unless they need to know or if I meet them while networking. I'm a big fan of move in silence because I don't seek most people's approval, nor do I need most people's advice. I've learned the hard way, sometimes when you tell people what you have it makes them treat you differently and can make you a target....and worse it can make you doubt your instincts and research. I would focus on info you get from people that are where you want to be and info you get from doing your own research. Good luck!
1 Reply
Jason Meade
Frankfort, OH · Member since 2017 · 8 posts · 3 votes
5y
I dealt with the same. It was to the point I had nothing to do with a number of them. Fast forward 3 years. They are now asking me to find house for them or asking for jobs from me . They are still working. And I retired at age 42 after just a few years of investing in real-estate.
so how to deal with them....use it as fuel on your fine .
3 Reply
Chris Szepessy
Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
5y
I've had relatives and other acquaintances say similar things..."have fun fixing toilets at 2AM," "nobody's gonna pay," "all tenants are bad people," "you're never gonna make money." The list can go on for days. I'm far from a big player in the game, but some of these people now try to gently talk RE with me, trying to get advice or insight on properties they're "looking" at. I think they know they look foolish, so they're afraid to just come out and ask or admit they were slightly wrong. Bottom line is, ignore them. No matter what someone does in life, there are many people who will tell you why it's a bad idea.
2 Reply
Chris Szepessy
Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
5y
Originally posted by @Pat L.:
My big shot world traveller family member has been telling us for years we are 'doing it all wrong'. About 8 years ago as the proverbial 'business consultant' he insisted that he have a sit down. He interviewed us for about 2 hours about our strategies & a week later we received an 8-10 page dissertation detailing everything we were doing wrong & how we were going to go bankrupt. Just as most of my co-workers had opined during my youth before I retired at a young age.
For years since he has sent emails with all the doom & gloom REI click bait, especially during the 2008 crash. He was astonished that we kept accumulating & expanding especially as we are free & clear on everything. To this day he has NEVER owned any investment property.
None of his college graduated kids, (weighed down with student loan debt), owned property until married with children & are currently mortgaged 80-90%. All of our kids graduated without student loans & all were heavily invested, drawing passive income from the time they entered college & thereafter. All owned homes the year they graduated, none indebted over 75% LTV & all had passive income covering the majority of their costs.
Last week he spent another weekend with us at our Lakehouse. He had just turned 68 & intimated that he cannot afford to retire. Furthermore, he revealed he had already pulled the trigger early on social security. He then spent a lot of time asking about REI & how to get invested.
The week before that weekend my wife & I looked at several potential properties, visited the very happy buyers of another we just sold after 15 years of rental income & just had REI-laxing fun.
I would have a hard time hanging out at someone's lake house that was probably bought with income from RE after telling them they were wrong about RE. Some people have no shame. lol At least he sort of came clean, so I will give him that.

2 Reply
Anthony Vander MeerPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Brooklyn NY / Upstate, NY · Member since 2019 · 52 posts · 46 votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss
Use it as motivation. The best revenge is massive success! Being negative about someone else’s motivation is usual just envy disguised. Is the nay sayer themselves successful. Most likely not.
2 Reply
Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Brooke Park Drive · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
5y
Lol moms in CT googling Douglas Curtiss MD are going to see this
0 Reply
Edward Dandrea
Rental Property Investor · NY · Member since 2018 · 61 posts · 35 votes
5y
I spent ten years avoiding real estate because my parent had tried a bad buy an hold with high hoa.
finally I bought a multi unit with 18% cap rate because it was so obvious and it's doing great!
Now as I'm looking to buy another which is only 12% cap their nay saying is well you just got lucky with the first.
I feel your pain, take your time and make sure it's a good deal because the I told you so is so so sweet.
Some people will never see your vision I believe due to fear, just stay focused and be smart.
0 Reply
Jeff Ronningen
Investor · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2015 · 242 posts · 182 votes
5y
@Douglas Curtiss. My initial reaction was to pile on and say the naysayers are fools who lack vision. However after further consideration I conclude the following:
1) you’re not a youngster just coming out of college, you’re a seasoned successful physician, you should be beyond worrying about their negative comments
2) it’s understandable that people who presumably care about your welfare are concerned when you tell them you’re going to leave medical practice, that profession is considered among the most desirable to attain
3) they’ll come around when they see it’s working
4) change the topic if you don’t like where the conversation’s going, your convictions are your convictions and not everyone will understand
1 Reply

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