Rehab on Relationships: What to do when your SO doesn't want in?

Question

In your experience, how has real estate investing affected your romantic relationships? Would love to hear some positive stories!

• - Did you or would you buy an investment property if your romantic partner didn't want to?
• - What level of involvement does your romantic partner have in your investment properties?
• - Did you have to convince them to come along for the ride, or did they convince you?

Here's my situation, for context:

I'm 32 and a recent returnee to the Philly area where I grew up. I moved back to be with my momma during her final months. She died in March, and left her 6 adult children with an unexpected and sizable inheritance. It's not Retire in Your Thirties money but even after the tax man cometh, I have plenty to invest. Based on things she said to us in her last days, I believe my mom's wish for me and my siblings is to create generational wealth or start family businesses—which will be, in a way, her gift to the grandkids she will never get to meet.

Well, my husband is pretty against the fixing/flipping/renting game, citing our inexperience and the risk involved. Meanwhile, I'm setting up property tours and meeting with lenders next week. The possibility that we could get a high ROI is motivating of course, but I'm also excited to get my hands dirty too.

I've assured him that I'm embracing this venture with humility and won't insist on buying a hellscape gut reno that would sink us financially just to prove a point. But I'd like to dive in deeper and let the experts advise us on what to do or not do.

So, yeah, I'm not quite ready to simply drop my interest just to make my husband comfortable right now. The thing is...I love and respect him and he's brought up sound reasons for why we should be wary. Nonetheless, if a good opportunity presents itself, and he still ain't feeling it, do I let it go? My money is his money. My debts are his debts. Or is my thinking all wrong here?

Rich O'Neill · Answer

@Joseph Cacciapaglia makes a great point above. The other thing separating it in this way does is hopefully makes you run it more like a business than a hobby. Having that check on your enthusiasm can actually be a blessing.

You could also partner with someone who is experienced in it. People are always looking for money and it sounds like you have it. Maybe be a lender on a few deals. Worst case you end up with the property and take a small loss. Better (more likely) case is that you make some good money on your money, and gain some experience in the process. It's a unique situation you find yourself in so you might as well leverage it as much as you can. Most newbies have the opposite problem.

Good luck and let me know if there is anything I can do to help!

Drew Petro · Answer

@Joseph Cacciapaglia and @Rich O'Neill make really good points on this. I was in this situation as well. For me, I didnt want to rush into anything. I spent time researching which asset class I wanted to play in (and thought may be of-interest to my then-not-interested wife). That time researching also showed interest and motivation that I was serious about the idea. I discussed how it would help diversify our investments as well as add cash-flowing assets to our portfolio. Also - personal connections help. Family friend, relatives, etc that have done it successfully before give a sense of ease. Sharing social media posts (Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad quotes or Bearded Brandon's getting started ideas) helped the causet. The appreciation of real estate helped the discussion. Ultimately, I needed to make the initial plunge myself, knowing that my wife may not be fully invested emotionally, but that she wouldnt divorce me for the move! Since then, she has slowly grown interest and actually helps manage the property!

Joseph Cacciapaglia · Answer

My wife and I have much different levels of risk tolerance. Early on it hindered my investment decisions considerably. We bought several properties, but it was a major emotional discussion every single time. Eventually, we decided that I would form a separate LLC, and fund it with $X. I can do anything I want within that LLC without her knowledge or input, but if I need to make any personal guarantees on mortgages or inject additional cash, then we talk about it. She just looks at the LLC as my business, and it doesn't put us in any personal financial risk. This may be a good solution in your situation. The only issue that comes up is that it limits your options for financing. If you're planning to do fix and flips, this probably won't be a problem as long as you're either doing all cash or using hard money. If you're trying to get conventional financing, then it won't really work for you.

Bradley Dosch · Answer

My girlfriend was super supportive during our first rehab. I think the main crux is clear communication. If either side feels forced, there will be resentment. Make sure both sides have understanding and empathy for the other's. It's all about creating a win win environment!

Jonathan R McLaughlin · Answer

@Carla Faith maybe set aside a chunk of the money to enhance your security is a couple pay off a bunch of student loans mortgage debt set up a college fund for kids whatever.

After that come up with the amount of money together that you could conceivably lose without it being a huge crisis use that as the seed money. Think of a nervous spouse is a great sounding board￼.

And maybe consider a partner they are comfortable with…

Rehab on Relationships: What to do when your SO doesn't want in?

Rehab on Relationships: What to do when your SO doesn't want in?

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