I can be a real A-Hole help me mend my ways

I can be a real A-Hole help me mend my ways

Rental Property Investor · Windsor, CO · Member since 2017 · 79 posts · 57 votes

Let me start off by saying normally I’m funny, easy going and a joy to be around. But when it comes to real estate deals I’m the complete opposite.

Not only am I an agent myself but I purchase mainly out of state rentals so I have to rely on others to get me the necessary information in a timely manner. The other day I put an offer on a 28 unit, in order to get a prequal which of course the seller was demanding right away I needed a rent roll at the minimum for my lender. I asked my agent to get this information for me, three days later I finally received it. I was pissed because in my lenders eyes I look dumb for pushing hard to get a timely prequal when all she needed was a basic piece of information and we took forever to get it to her. Instead of letting it go I ripped my agent who is also my out of state property manager. In retrospect I know he can only go as fast as the seller but something about it just really set me off.

This is just one of many things where I have flown off the handle because I am not in the drivers seat of the situation and felt like I would have handled it better/differently. I feel like as an agent myself I have different expectations for what needs to get done and how I expect them to go. I know that no one will ever do deals like I do personally or manage my properties how I self manage the few that I still do but is my anger for these situations unrealistic. If not how can I be productive in my frustration?

I torn because my agent/property manager is great in so many areas; finding the best price on repairs, smoothing over issues with the city, managing remodels without crazy up charges and managing tough tenants but if I’m going to keep this relationship growing I need either learn to deal with my frustrations or I need to do something different.

Anyone else like me and if so who did you work on it?

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Rental Property Investor · East Wenatchee, WA · Member since 2014 · 10k+ posts · 16k+ votes
7y

I saw your title and a few BP members came to mind. Ooh, whose finally feeessing up? LOL Don't worry, you aren't one of them Jeremy.  I can certainly be one as well :)

It's natural to be frustrated when an expectation isn't met. That's the definition of frustrated and it happens in one form or another pretty much every day to every person.  The difference is how we respond to it. 

A lot of us invest in RE specifically because of control. If we didn't need control, we would invest in index funds or something.  The more moving parts outside our control (lenders, agents, sellers, title issues) the more likely we are to feel out of control and frustrated. Duh, right?  The more outside our market we invest, the more moving parts. The more moving parts, the higher likelihood of having missed expectations.  As an out OOS investor, you are in high frustration-ville from go.

I'd just apologize to my awesome PM (especially if he is awesome!) and count to ten next time.  Realize an apathetic LA or seller is likely. Ask yourself if this (insert current missed expectation) will matter in 5 years and have a higher perspective.  

It's normal to feel how you felt. We all have. Thanks for sharing!

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  • Member since 2017 · 1 post · 0 votes
    7y

    Try a daily meditation to focus your mind on what's really important to you (your integrity, character, etc. 

    this may help

  • Specialist · Lakewood, CO · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    7y

    @Jeremy Woods I haven't seen it posted, but it looks like you are using a property manager as your buy/sell agent just because he's going to manage afterwards. You know, "an agent's an agent". Not good. That's like saying you are going to have your mechanic go buy your car and then get mad that they don't know all the stuff in advance about what is needed to get the car loan. You are using the wrong specialty. Your manager needs to have input, but not be responsible for the buy/sell. He's on "the team" but he isn't the center.

    As far as how to keep your cool, I don't have a whole lot of good advice. I used to be extremely confrontational and very assertive. I ended up in a job with a very quiet boss that always seemed to be unruffled by anything or anyone, but over time I saw that he was ridiculously successful. He bent and swayed without ever losing ground. I just hit back harder and smarter. We both won, but his wins usually somehow brought people onto his side and he built an army of people willing to help him. I would win every time, but I had to fight the hordes of foolishness alone. It gets tiring without others to help. Whenever I start losing my cool I try to remember that it is easy to prove someone wrong, but more valuable to help them learn to be right. Good luck; I still suck at it!

  • Rental Property Investor · Windsor, CO · Member since 2017 · 79 posts · 57 votes
    7y

    @Meryl McElwain it definitely wouldn’t hurt to set the expectations of timelines. I struggle with that for sure. 

    @Bryan O. he’s also an agent. Being an agent myself I wouldn’t use someone who is incompetent on the basics of buying and selling but I expect everyone to be exactly like me and even though that’s clearly not how life works it’s a struggle for me to come to terms with that. It’s going to take me sometime to work on this aspect of my character. 

  • Columbus, OH · Member since 2015 · 117 posts · 175 votes
    7y

    @Jeremy Woods For me, this would be a spiritual issue with myself. My first question would be What are your intentions with the post? Did the question truly come from a place of you wanting to be a better person? If so, I would suggest looking at the entire situation and taking ownership of what YOU did wrong. It can be a very hard thing to do for us. I'm guessing there may be more going on than this one transaction that caused the blow up. Maybe other areas of your life are causing stress that is effecting this area. I don't know you and I hope these answers don't seem condescending or preachy. I'm currently working on this specific area in my life and there is a ton of info and self help tools out there to not only improve our business but also our well being. I'm obsessed with real estate and could work on it from sun up till my eyes are so blurry I can see the words on my computer screen. Then lay in bed and be super excited about waking up the next day to do it all over again. I found I needed balance and to learn tools to help me achieve that in all areas of my life. I wish you the best and hope you find what you're looking for.

  • Rental Property Investor · Galveston, TX · Member since 2018 · 49 posts · 29 votes
    7y

    @Jeremy Woods Get a good counselor. Try this book: Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Feelings https://www.amazon.com/dp/1573249157/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QGUtCbA83WJV4

    Make this a higher priority than your real estate portfolio. Your relationships with others are far more important than getting all the deals you want.

  • Joe SplitrockPro Member
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    Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes
    7y

    @Jeremy Woods I would apologize to your agent for losing your temper over something he had no control over. 

  • Rental Property Investor · Windsor, CO · Member since 2017 · 79 posts · 57 votes
    7y

    Don’t worry everyone I am a man of humility and will apologize once I talk to him about how I came across. You all will be glad to know that while more items have hit the fan since my initial post I have done well in giving an urgent yet rational response. 

  • Real Estate Broker · Cleveland Dayton Cincinnati Toledo Columbus & Akron, OH · Member since 2013 · 31k+ posts · 20k+ votes
    7y
    Originally posted by @Jay Hinrichs:
    Originally posted by @James Wise:
    Originally posted by @Jeremy Woods:

    @James Wise very true, I guess I have to take some ownership if I have certain expectations. I use an Agent primarily because he’s also my property manager so it’s great way to continue that relationship (since he’ll be the one managing it) but also so that I have someone who can handle everything that I can’t being a state away. 

     If he's good at what he does he'll probably just fire you eventually. Then where are you going to be? My opinion is you can't really change your personality as easily as you can fix the process. Certain stuff pisses you off. Totally cool & normal. Lots of stuff pisses me off. If me being pissed off & going off on someone is going to have a negative impact in my business like being a state away & getting fired by my agent / PM i'd fix the process to avoid the situation.

    You've got tools at your disposal. You are an agent, you know the biz. You don't need your hand held. Talk to your agent & explain what roll you are planning on taking during these transactions. Explain the new reduced roll you'd like your agent to take & see if he's cool with it then you can move forward without positioning him as the bad guy when all he really is, is the messenger most likely.

     when I did this at the street level no way i would work for anyone that was just plain rude..  I would suggest they find someone else.. life is to short .. and as a broker you dont want to have this negativity affect your other deals..  I cant even imagine what you guys have to wade through in the PM business..  IE my rent is late by 12 hours what are you going to do about it. .. and how come there is a 37 dollar charge did you get 3 bids..  takes a certain personality to handle that crap..  but flip side you get a great client that you like dealing with and who U going to call first.. who are you going to bend over backwards for.. and then again in our industry depends on where we are in the cycle.  but that is the great thing about real estate brokerage we are all Independent contractors and answer to no man or women at the end of the day.  My favorite was refusing to let my agents work with the all hat no cattle I need to make 50 offers but I really have no money.. so many new agents would fall into that trap.. i would make them bring this buyer in and let me qualify them.

     Lol oh yea. That's why my advice to the OP was what it was. You can't really change your personality. It's best to just change the situation & the process to fit your personality. Like me personally I'm running a $50M portfolio I am gonna loose it if some investor who's got no clue what's going on in the business starts yabbing at me for a $37 charge. Buuuuuuut I understand that it's a necessary part of the business & customer service is essential to a Property Management operation such as mine so I have put many team members in place who's personalities are much more suited to handling that type of complaint over & over again.

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