I've made more lifelong friends in real estate than I can count. Most of them lasted about three weeks.

We were partners. We were building something together. We believed in long-term relationships, mutual trust, and creating opportunities for years to come. Then the deal closed. I haven't heard from some of my lifelong friends since 2019. Perhaps they're all very busy maintaining our relationship.

There's something fascinating about how casually we use the word relationship in this business. Relationship lending. Relationship banking. Trusted partners. Building lasting connections. A borrower calls me his friend because I found him financing. A broker tells me we're going to do great things together. Somebody I've spoken to twice announces that we're practically family. Wonderful. I didn't realize I had so many relatives. Then the commission clears, the loan funds, and everybody goes back to being strangers.

Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. A business transaction doesn't have to become a friendship. If I help someone obtain financing, deliver what I promised, and get paid fairly, we've both fulfilled our obligations. Nobody owes anybody Christmas cards. But why pretend otherwise?

Trust and friendship aren't the same thing. I can trust a contractor to do excellent work without inviting him to Thanksgiving. I can have a productive relationship with a broker I don't particularly like. And I can genuinely enjoy someone's company while knowing I'd never lend him a dollar.

Of course, real business relationships do exist. Some people keep their word when there's no immediate profit in doing so. They return calls when they don't need anything. They remember you when the next opportunity comes along. Those are the relationships worth keeping.

But here's the uncomfortable part. I'm in lending. I use the language of relationships myself. I tell people I want to build long-term partnerships, and I mean it. At least, I think I do. But how often do I call somebody just to see how they're doing, when there's no deal to discuss?

Maybe we've confused being good at networking with being good at relationships. And maybe there's nothing wrong with a perfectly honest, mutually beneficial transaction that ends when the paperwork is signed.

So here's my question. Wouldn't business be a little more honest if we stopped calling every customer a friend and every completed transaction the beginning of a beautiful relationship? Or is that just what we call salesmanship when we're trying to make it sound romantic?