How do you cope emotionally with nasty tenants?
Flipper/Rehabber · Monterey, CA · Member since 2014 · 193 posts · 117 votes
I'm one year into being a landlord, and I loved it for about the first six months--in spite of numerous challenges. I could handle it! My motto was "Nothing's gonna stop this cowgirl!" I rode high in that saddle.
But then a series of unpleasant tenant things happened, and too many units needed to be rehabbed and rented out at once. I got physically and emotionally depleted, and I rarely had time for any life outside of rehab, rent, deal with tenant problems.
Now I'm worn down--and NOW I get my worst tenant situation of all, involving a felon with serious anger problems, who moved in with a seemingly good single-mother tenant, without my permission.
Dealing with the problems themselves is one thing, but I'm really struggling to not collapse emotionally. I'm female, I'm sensitive, I'm somewhat introverted... is it possible I'm just not cut out for landlording, or are there good tricks for riding above the storms?
Thank you for your input. I'm going to slither to the floor now.
@Carol Venolia We totally understand and feel for you! Try not to let it overwhelm you. I think with time as a landlord, you will naturally become a little more tough-skinned.
Has this unauthorized tenant been angry directly at you?
Always remember, you do NOT have to stay in a conversation that is going nowhere or is making you feel stressed. In fact, you don't even owe a conversation in the first place. Send a notice that the lease is being violated (assuming you have a clause about unauthorized tenants or guests). Or like someone mentioned, have someone else handle these conversations for you.
Another big part of being a landlord is having a team of people to help you. Don't feel stressed. It's bad for our health. And remember this problem will pass.
I, too, was going through a very stressful period as a landlord when I first started. If it wasn't a nonpaying tenant, it was an angry one, or one threatening to sue me, or a neighbor claiming my property was damaging his! So much. Too much.
I finally somehow just learned to disconnect emotionally. I learned to not have lengthy conversations with tenants (especially when talking about an issue). I've learned not to make promises. I've also learned not to respond to tenant's calls and texts immediately--especially if it's in the evening--unless it's a true emergency. Once they realize I don't jump to their every tiny complaint (the neighbors are loud! my mailbox is crooked!), they stop "harassing" me so much.
Disconnect emotionally. Run your business like a business. Don't take people's rude behavior personal. You're a great person! And never never take your stress out on loved ones. :-)
@Aly W., thank you very much for your thoughts on "middle-of-the-night availability." I've struggled with those same concepts. If I give a tenant a list of people to call in an emergency, they could abuse that privilege; I sure prefer to always be in the middle of that conversation. And, yeah, what subcontractor is going to answer their phone in the middle of the night?
Sounds like my best bet is to show tenants how to turn off utilities in case of an emergency (which I do in our beginning walk-through), check messages even during my off hours--and not worry about what happens while I sleep.
You're welcome Carol, and you're on the right track! My contractor shows our condo tenants how to turn off the water if they have to, and how to reset the breakers. He does the walkthroughs with them in FL; we live in NJ. For our SFR's in NJ, my husband and I do the walkthroughs with them and show them how to do those things. Also, how to check the water meter for unknown leaks so they don't ever end up with a huge water bill since they're paying for it.
The FL tenants have our contractor's number and can call him directly - but only during business hours, and they email or text me as well. He'll call me before he does anything. I have an exterminator that one tenant has been calling whenever she sees an ant or thinks there's a mouse - I recently told the exterminator not to go over there when she calls, but to call me instead, or tell her to call me. I told her that too.
I used to have a knee jerk response whenever a tenant called about a repair, but now I stop and think - would I even be able to get a repair person to my own home any faster? If not, it will have to wait until the next day or whenever it can get fixed.
@Carol Venolia - don't let a tenant's threat of legal action worry you. I've had that happen quite a few times, and only once did a tenant ever obtain counsel; when she was being evicted for non-payment of rent and got a legal aid attorney to try to settle. A tenant's threat of legal action is almost always an empty threat. Until something shows up in the regular mail, ignore them.
Thanks, @Aly W.! I like the idea of having a contractor that my tenants can call, but they have to get my blessing except in a true emergency.
Because I'm 3 hours' drive from my rentals, I always tell my tenants, "Let me know if there's anything that needs to be fixed--and be sure to include your assessment of the urgency. If it can wait a week or two, we'll handle it. If it can't, I'll call my local people."
@Carol Venolia - don't let a tenant's threat of legal action worry you. I've had that happen quite a few times, and only once did a tenant ever obtain counsel; when she was being evicted for non-payment of rent and got a legal aid attorney to try to settle. A tenant's threat of legal action is almost always an empty threat. Until something shows up in the regular mail, ignore them.
That's a helpful perspective, Aly. In this case, things were already pretty bad and the legal threat was all I needed to stop the nonsense and give 30-day notice.
After managing rental condos with the help of my wife for nearly 10 years, I started using a management company. It's a completely different experience; I don't have to call tenants about late payments, don't get involved in emergency calls or repairs unless they are major, and don't even get involved in finding new tenants. My management company also takes care of evictions, many do not. For me, paying 10% to a management company has been worth every penny. Once a new property is turned over to the management company, I can go back to being retired.
I think landlording CAN be done by anyone, but maybe that it shouldn't be.
Honestly ask yourself if the money you make self-managing is worth the headache and heartache.
If you don't LOVE it, and you can afford not to do it, then don't. For your sake and your tenants!
I've been thanking you all individually, but now I want to give you some blanket appreciation and an update.
Appreciation: Y'all have been better for me than even my closest friends! You've given me everything from sound advice to emotional comforting to sharing your stories so I can see (and feel) how others have struggled and survived similar situations. You are all a big part of how I'm getting through this current crisis. And especially those of you who firmly advised me to bring in legal help and move forward with eviction! I'd been thinking, "I should be able to handle this myself--but now I have to really study up and make sure I don't do anything wrong, cuz now this precious squatter is threatening me with legal action--AND I want to avoid lawyer's fees." But many of you helped me cut right through that with your strong suggestion that spending the money is well worth it. Thank you, bless you.
Update: Hm, maybe I shouldn't say much because this is a public forum and I've begun legal action? So I'll vaguely say that the person in question has escalated things, and I now have a legal dude taking over for me. I felt kind of weak until the illegal occupant stepped up his outbursts and threats to the point where he made me strong again; there's no more grey area ("oh, maybe I should give him another chance; maybe I should spend more time looking for reasons to accept his application..."); he has shown his hand, and I'm rising up tough.
I'm back in the saddle, and nothing's gonna stop this cowgirl! Thank you for riding the trail with me. And thanks to the founders of BP! Where would we all be without this forum?
Glad to hear you're back in the saddle! Thanks for the update.
Since you have a signed rental application, you were able to obtain more information from him and do a background check, yes? What type of felony did he have? Makes a difference if his felony was for a crime against person and/or property. Since you are a distance from your property, in addition to the attorney for the eviction process, I suggest you arrange for someone local to keep an eye on the property.
Also, check to see if the utilities are current and if they are breaking other terms of the rental agreement to protect your interests and shore up your case. Is this a SFR or a multiplex? That makes a difference too in how you interact with the neighbors. Desperate people do desperate things, so be prepared. It's like a chess game... move and counter-move... think three steps ahead.
Lastly, keep all communications with your tenant and her "guest" (now unauthorized occupant/tenant) in writing from this point onward, or have a witness with you if you talk to either of them. Document well all interactions and observations; stick to facts. Follow the advice of your attorney. Keep within the law. You'll be staying on the trail and riding high!
Carol,
I commend you for being "back in the saddle" again and toughing it out. I can relate to your pain. Listen to http://biggerpockets.com/show65 so you can see how I lost money and have more gray hairs than my age because of a having 20 tenants like yours in a 30+unit building in a war zone of Cincinnati. Ouch! But, I got back in the saddle and bought a bigger apartment complex (100+ units) after learning from my many mistakes.
So, if I can tough it out with 20 times your problem, you can do it too. Oh and I am an introverted, analytical, engineering guy so I can relate to your situation.
So now that you hired an attorney - great. I agree with what @Marcia Maynard said - from here on out - communicate everything in writing. NO more verbal communication so everything is documented. Even though you have an attorney, I strongly suggest you read through the tenant-landlord laws in your state so you're well equipped with enough know-how so you can intelligently talk with your attorney and strategize your plan of attack against this "tenant from hell".
Whatever happens, don't give up.
Real estate investing can be fun. There are many more ways to make money with it in addition to buy-and-hold. I personally love rent to own because the landlording is not as extensive as normal rental property. For example, in a rent to own, the tenant/buyers are responsible for repairs and maintenance. You get better quality tenants since they've put some significant downpayment. Anyway, I don't want to derail your thread. You can search my posts here on BP about rent to own.
Keep us posted!
Carol I could rub your back and tell you to keep at it and it will be ok but why lie. Honestly not everyone is equipped to handle the issues that pop up so turn it over to someone who is. No shame in that. Its what those outside management places are for. At the end of the day your just trying to make money not friends. You have rules and you need them enforced. Go get you an enforcer and de-stress !
I also hope wannabe potential REI investors read articles like this. REI investment is not for everyone. It can be an aggravating stressful sleep losing en devour at times not to mention bankrupt you.
I'd honestly say go for the girlfriend -- if she gets an eviction on her record she can't serve as a front for this guy, and they both know it. She's the real problem, since she let him in. Can't fix stupid. Have you offered to let her out of whatever lease she is in since "her circumstances have changed"?
So, few points. First -- good to have the lawyer. Get the Nolo Press book too - know what the landlord/tenants laws are for CA.
Does the guy have the right to demand that you allow him to live there? No.
Will he try? Yes.
Are you discriminating? YES! Absolutely! Positively! You betcha! You are absolutely allowed to discriminate against people with evictions, people without adequate income, people with bad credit rating, etc. You can even discriminate against people who are rude and abusive. Felons are NOT a protected class!!! This guy is trying to bully you.
Pick yourself up, brush off the knees and get back to it!
Run it like a business, do whats necessary, get a hard and get on with life!
@Martin Carty, @Josh Autery, @Marcia Maynard, @Wendell De Guzman, @Jay C., @Deanna O., and @Darron Stewart, thank you all for the helpful input! I've been caught up in dealing with it all, so apologies for not responding sooner.
Your experiences, insights, and advice are all very useful! I've read every word and am taking them to heart. Because this is a public forum, I don't think I'll say more about the particulars of the situation. But know that you are heard and appreciated! Blessings to all.
You can easily include a series of obscure clauses such as "eviction can occur due to...lack of character.....multiple complaints by neighbors....questionable sourcing of income....lying on an application..." list goes on and on.
The key point is, put something vague into your leases, and use it. Remember, people dont get into a career to be belittled every day. People dont get into investments to lose money.
Try your best to not do, be, or become both.
FYI, my fav is "failure to adhere to the rules of the lease or lied on or during the application process" and inject clauses such as "any individual over more than (x number of days) is considered a tenant, and must apply or be added as an occupant". Easiest in court to prove, and to defend if you have to. People often have their closest friends over to their place often, far more than say, 7 times a year. Easiest thing in the world to stick them with, and it holds well.
Notice how many of the major MFU Complexes have those stipulations in their leases? It works a lot more for just keeping additionals from coming in later on.
So how do you prove another person is staying longer than 3 days. Just a photo would work? How to prove it to judge ?