How do you cope emotionally with nasty tenants?

[Carol Venolia]

I'm one year into being a landlord, and I loved it for about the first six months--in spite of numerous challenges. I could handle it! My motto was "Nothing's gonna stop this cowgirl!" I rode high in that saddle.

But then a series of unpleasant tenant things happened, and too many units needed to be rehabbed and rented out at once. I got physically and emotionally depleted, and I rarely had time for any life outside of rehab, rent, deal with tenant problems. 

Now I'm worn down--and NOW I get my worst tenant situation of all, involving a felon with serious anger problems, who moved in with a seemingly good single-mother tenant, without my permission. 

Dealing with the problems themselves is one thing, but I'm really struggling to not collapse emotionally. I'm female, I'm sensitive, I'm somewhat introverted... is it possible I'm just not cut out for landlording, or are there good tricks for riding above the storms?

Thank you for your input. I'm going to slither to the floor now.

[Nicole A.]

@Carol Venolia We totally understand and feel for you! Try not to let it overwhelm you. I think with time as a landlord, you will naturally become a little more tough-skinned.

Has this unauthorized tenant been angry directly at you?

Always remember, you do NOT have to stay in a conversation that is going nowhere or is making you feel stressed. In fact, you don't even owe a conversation in the first place. Send a notice that the lease is being violated (assuming you have a clause about unauthorized tenants or guests). Or like someone mentioned, have someone else handle these conversations for you.

Another big part of being a landlord is having a team of people to help you. Don't feel stressed. It's bad for our health. And remember this problem will pass.

I, too, was going through a very stressful period as a landlord when I first started. If it wasn't a nonpaying tenant, it was an angry one, or one threatening to sue me, or a neighbor claiming my property was damaging his! So much. Too much.

I finally somehow just learned to disconnect emotionally. I learned to not have lengthy conversations with tenants (especially when talking about an issue). I've learned not to make promises. I've also learned not to respond to tenant's calls and texts immediately--especially if it's in the evening--unless it's a true emergency. Once they realize I don't jump to their every tiny complaint (the neighbors are loud! my mailbox is crooked!), they stop "harassing" me so much.

Disconnect emotionally. Run your business like a business. Don't take people's rude behavior personal. You're a great person! And never never take your stress out on loved ones. :-)