Building a Personal Relationship with Tenants - Good or Bad?
Shiloh LundahlPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Gilbert, AZ · Member since 2016 · 3k+ posts · 4k+ votesI hear a lot on the podcasts and have read on the forums that many property owners pretend that they are not the owners of the property when they meet a tenant or potential tenant. Instead, they lead that person to believe that they just work for the owner. They don’t want the tenant knowing who they really are.
So I tried following that same pattern by trying not to have much contact with tenants or potential tenants and just having my assistant be the go between for everything. Then I met another investor who had a few rentals he was selling and I was looking at buying his small portfolio. He set up a time for me to go take a look at the houses and when we got there his tenants were happy to see him and gave him a hug and talked with him about how things were going as they showed the house.
I compare that experience to a different experience I had where we purchased a property that had 2 homes on it where the tenants had no relationship with the owner. It was very difficult to get any info about the tenants before we purchased the property and soon after we purchased it the tenants in one house moved out.
I realize this is a very small sample size to draw any conclusions from, but I guess I want to challenge the belief that it is better for the owner that the tenant not to know who he or she is. Real estate is a relationship business after all, therefore, would it not be better to build relationships with tenants?
You realise that you are the employee in that scenario - they are paying you to provide a service.
I appreciate the feedback. What it seems like people are saying is that it is harder to have appropriate boundaries with people you know or people who are close to you.
It really isn't though. You can be friends and still maintain those boundaries - the key is there has to be a mutual respect.
Depends on what you're calling a personal relationship. Dating? Dinner? Babysitting? Nope. Reasonable pleasant human interactions? Sure. I think there's a clear difference between being "friends" and "being friendly.' I self-manage all my properties (7) and have friendly relationships with all my tenants. I have been told by multiple tenants that they chose my house over another because they wanted to deal with me. This starts during the showing and screening process.
I also work to maintain what Shiloh called "appropriate boundaries." We don't go out for drinks, but I do ask about their lives, share a little (the basics) about mine. I consider landlording to be a two-way business relationship -- I have agreed to provide a decent place to live at a fair price (and have the responsibility to respond quickly when anything happens), and I emphasize (often) that the tenants have also agreed to follow a set of expectations and requirements, including paying the rent on time. If things get testy, I consider myself to be in the manager (or parent) role: "them's the rules, you agreed to follow them, here's what happens next." So far so good.
@Shiloh Lundahl I like to maintain a friendly attitude with tenants, the same way I do with coworkers or employees. I would define me as easy to get along with, responsive, fair, but firm on policies. Some landlords believe they need to be jerks when dealing with tenants. I don't see the point. Having good rapport is valuable in business. That doesn't mean I hug tenants, send birthday cards or hang out with them on the weekend.
You realise that you are the employee in that scenario - they are paying you to provide a service.
Yes, of course i realize that my tenants pay me and as a result are my "customers." But I don't think that that fact primarily drives our relationship . I also own two retail stores and the relationship i have with those customers is very different than the relationship i have with my tenants . People move in and out of roles on a daily basis and I do not think that "retail customer" BEST decribes the role of a tenant in the landlord tenant relationship though it is an element of it. In a highly competitive industry that must work hard to attract and keep talent, employees are in a since "customers" as well as you the employer are paying them to provide a service.
@Shiloh Lundahl I find it productive to be friendly with Tenants but not friends. I follow them on social media etc so I can monitor their world with an occasional comment etc but don't attend their events, Birthdays etc.
I think that it is a good idea to have a relationship with your tenants. My reasoning is that when you are the nameless, faceless landlord, the tenant does not think of you as a person and may be more willing to pay late and not take as good of care of the property. However, when they know and like you, they don't want to "screw you over".
There is a line though. Even if you have a friendly relationship with your tenants, ultimately the business side of the relationship has to take priority and you cannot let them take advantage of you.
So what I am reading from the majority of the posts, and I appreciate everyone’s comments so far, is the following:
1. Be fair but firm
2. Be friendly but don't be a friend
3. Always follow the contracts - don't make exceptions
4. Have a professional relationship but not a personal relationship
5. Treat your tenants well, be accessible, attentive, and responsive to build trust which may turn into long-term tenant relationships and may reduce turn over
Anything else that I am missing?
Another question - Do any of you give anything to your tenants during Christmas time or do you feel that that would be crossing into being a friend over being a friendly land lord?
I self manage the properties in our portfolio that are local to us. I maintain a friendly, but professional relationship with all of our tenants. It would be nice to befriend some of them, but it blurs the lines when it comes time to hold them accountable for late rent payments, damages, and addressing other non-compliance issues. Additionally, when they give you their sob story as to why they can't come up with rent, it puts you in a really bad spot.
Best to keep those lines clear.
However, nothing says that you can't be friendly with them. They shouldn't necessarily dread your arrival. :)
So what I am reading from the majority of the posts, and I appreciate everyone’s comments so far, is the following:
1. Be fair but firm
2. Be friendly but don't be a friend
3. Always follow the contracts - don't make exceptions
4. Have a professional relationship but not a personal relationship
5. Treat your tenants well, be accessible, attentive, and responsive to build trust which may turn into long-term tenant relationships and may reduce turn over
Anything else that I am missing?
Another question - Do any of you give anything to your tenants during Christmas time or do you feel that that would be crossing into being a friend over being a friendly land lord?
I differ on 3. A contract binds you to meet it's obligations it does not bind you to assert it's rights.
Forgoing of a contractual right is a time honoured widespread business practice. People will argue of impending Armageddon if you don't slavishly follow your contract but it's not true.
It can be a way you choose to operate your business - most it's not how most businesses operate (ever heard of the gesture of goodwill) and there is no real reason (no it will not necessarily get you in Fair Housing trouble) for a rental business to be an exception.
I self manage the properties in our portfolio that are local to us. I maintain a friendly, but professional relationship with all of our tenants. It would be nice to befriend some of them, but it blurs the lines when it comes time to hold them accountable for late rent payments, damages, and addressing other non-compliance issues. Additionally, when they give you their sob story as to why they can't come up with rent, it puts you in a really bad spot.
Best to keep those lines clear.
However, nothing says that you can't be friendly with them. They shouldn't necessarily dread your arrival. :)
If you have a good relationship with your tenants they are more likely to tell you the truth than give you a sob story.
I self manage the properties in our portfolio that are local to us. I maintain a friendly, but professional relationship with all of our tenants. It would be nice to befriend some of them, but it blurs the lines when it comes time to hold them accountable for late rent payments, damages, and addressing other non-compliance issues. Additionally, when they give you their sob story as to why they can't come up with rent, it puts you in a really bad spot.
Best to keep those lines clear.
However, nothing says that you can't be friendly with them. They shouldn't necessarily dread your arrival. :)
If you have a good relationship with your tenants they are more likely to tell you the truth than give you a sob story.
That's even worse. Because now you feel like a total jerk when they tell you that they lost their job, or their baby is sick and the hospital bills were a higher priority than rent. Now you feel horribly when you start the eviction process. However, this is a business. It has to run the way it was intended without those emotional complications. If you are friendly, but professional, you avoid putting yourself in that position.
So what I am reading from the majority of the posts, and I appreciate everyone’s comments so far, is the following:
1. Be fair but firm
2. Be friendly but don't be a friend
3. Always follow the contracts - don't make exceptions
4. Have a professional relationship but not a personal relationship
5. Treat your tenants well, be accessible, attentive, and responsive to build trust which may turn into long-term tenant relationships and may reduce turn over
Anything else that I am missing?
Another question - Do any of you give anything to your tenants during Christmas time or do you feel that that would be crossing into being a friend over being a friendly land lord?
I differ on 3. A contract binds you to meet it's obligations it does not bind you to assert it's rights.
Forgoing of a contractual right is a time honoured widespread business practice. People will argue of impending Armageddon if you don't slavishly follow your contract but it's not true.
It can be a way you choose to operate your business - most it's not how most businesses operate (ever heard of the gesture of goodwill) and there is no real reason (no it will not necessarily get you in Fair Housing trouble) for a rental business to be an exception.
I disagree. Unless you only manage 1 property, then selective enforcement (or whatever flower language you want to put on it), puts you in a HUGE Fair Housing cesspool. There should be NO exceptions. Otherwise, how can you A) Enforce it for the next guy without exception and B) Enforce it the next time the same Tenant wants the same exception. It just doesn't work. At least not in a professional capacity, without consequence and substantial risk of liability.
I have been curious about this as well, especially since I am a woman....wondered if it would make a difference...I have a friend who has had a few rentals in the past and he felt that his big and tall frame and his look made a intimidating factor...he also was quite handy on beign able to fix things...where as I am everything the opposite...so I have also exercised the idea of pretending to be some sort of manager....I like this question.
I have tenants who love me and give me gifts, and tenants who hate my guts and have told me as much. I treat them all the same. However, I've found that males treat me better than female tenants, and the best tenants are a little bit afraid of me. Fear is good.
I normally say keep it on a friendly business relationship and my one experience where I didn't it actually turned out fantastic. They cooked for us on a regular basis and one of them helped my spouse successfully change to a much more lucrative career and they even developed a professional working relationship. I think that is the one out of a million chance and probably will never happen again.
So what I am reading from the majority of the posts, and I appreciate everyone’s comments so far, is the following:
1. Be fair but firm
2. Be friendly but don't be a friend
3. Always follow the contracts - don't make exceptions
4. Have a professional relationship but not a personal relationship
5. Treat your tenants well, be accessible, attentive, and responsive to build trust which may turn into long-term tenant relationships and may reduce turn over
Anything else that I am missing?
Another question - Do any of you give anything to your tenants during Christmas time or do you feel that that would be crossing into being a friend over being a friendly land lord?
I differ on 3. A contract binds you to meet it's obligations it does not bind you to assert it's rights.
Forgoing of a contractual right is a time honoured widespread business practice. People will argue of impending Armageddon if you don't slavishly follow your contract but it's not true.
It can be a way you choose to operate your business - most it's not how most businesses operate (ever heard of the gesture of goodwill) and there is no real reason (no it will not necessarily get you in Fair Housing trouble) for a rental business to be an exception.
I disagree. Unless you only manage 1 property, then selective enforcement (or whatever flower language you want to put on it), puts you in a HUGE Fair Housing cesspool. There should be NO exceptions. Otherwise, how can you A) Enforce it for the next guy without exception and B) Enforce it the next time the same Tenant wants the same exception. It just doesn't work. At least not in a professional capacity, without consequence and substantial risk of liability.
You can disagree all you want but that is how most businesses operate, banks, insurance companies, retailers will all listen to customers, make execptions as gestures of goodwill and they know more about running a business than you do.
So what I am reading from the majority of the posts, and I appreciate everyone’s comments so far, is the following:
1. Be fair but firm
2. Be friendly but don't be a friend
3. Always follow the contracts - don't make exceptions
4. Have a professional relationship but not a personal relationship
5. Treat your tenants well, be accessible, attentive, and responsive to build trust which may turn into long-term tenant relationships and may reduce turn over
Anything else that I am missing?
Another question - Do any of you give anything to your tenants during Christmas time or do you feel that that would be crossing into being a friend over being a friendly land lord?
I differ on 3. A contract binds you to meet it's obligations it does not bind you to assert it's rights.
Forgoing of a contractual right is a time honoured widespread business practice. People will argue of impending Armageddon if you don't slavishly follow your contract but it's not true.
It can be a way you choose to operate your business - most it's not how most businesses operate (ever heard of the gesture of goodwill) and there is no real reason (no it will not necessarily get you in Fair Housing trouble) for a rental business to be an exception.
I disagree. Unless you only manage 1 property, then selective enforcement (or whatever flower language you want to put on it), puts you in a HUGE Fair Housing cesspool. There should be NO exceptions. Otherwise, how can you A) Enforce it for the next guy without exception and B) Enforce it the next time the same Tenant wants the same exception. It just doesn't work. At least not in a professional capacity, without consequence and substantial risk of liability.
You can disagree all you want but that is how most businesses operate, banks, insurance companies, retailers will all listen to customers, make execptions as gestures of goodwill and they know more about running a business than you do.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....That is hilarious! THESE are your examples? I think you have just proven my point! Our biggest housing crash in decades happened because banks and lending institutions got willy nilly on their policies and were making exceptions all over the place as to what they called a 'qualified borrower". Shortly after, they were looking to the Government to bail them out of the hole they dug for themselves.
YOU run YOUR business like that, and I will run MY business with policies in place that are fair, consistant, and expected to be followed every time.
It may be TEMPTING to become 'friends' with your tenant, but doing this can put your business at risk. Tenants who think you are their 'friend' will start demanding more for less and assuming they can contact you and make requests more often than they would if they didn't know their landlord.
Plus, if you feel an emotional connection to your tenants you could get taken advantage of financially - agreeing to rent for less than you should, giving the existing tenant a sweetheart deal, etc.
IMO business should be separated from friendship!
We self manage our properties, and emphasize professionalism as the first and foremost aspect of the relationship. If they call, we fix it-- fast. If they are late, they pay extra. "Friends" isn't a term I'd describe a tenant, because then you get emotions involved, and there aren't emotions in business IMO. The line needs to be clear. We do have some tenants I joke that I'd do cartwheels for because they are A+, and literately we'd try and move mountains to keep! We don't do birthday or Christmas cards, however what we do is after each year-- we improve the property! We ask them what upgrade they'd like, up to $200, how can we make their quality of life better? It keeps tabs on the property, and also you keep it up to par so if they ever move, it'd be easy to re-rent it.
We are always nice, and prompt with conversations, and some tenants give us hugs, some people ask how we're doing, others don't contact us for anything other than if there's an issue. The amount of personal contact desired is a person-by-person basis, so I'd say feel them out individually, and mirror how they treat you!
As an example, last week at doing an inspection, we realized our lowest paying tenant didn't have a dryer in his unit, as no dryer hookup was ever installed. His pregnant niece is moving in with him. The next day we got him a stacked W&D, and did the dryer hookup. If it was a friend, I'd expect a huge thanks, this will significantly improve his quality of life, no more going to the laundry mat, hence saving him money. Crickets. Nothing. #nofeelingsinbusiness