Poem I wrote about being a landlord

Poem I wrote about being a landlord

Rental Property Investor · Gothenburg, NE · Member since 2015 · 74 posts · 111 votes

I am blessed to be bored,

living life as a landlord.

Business is grand when everything’s slow,

that’s the time to be saving my dough.

No shortage of stunning problems to face,

still way better than running the rat-race.

Meeting some applicants at the units I show, leaves me shaking my head like ah hell no! Wondering when I will get paid all my rent,

then the sob stories all the money got spent.

Trying like mad to elude any feud,

back of my mind afraid to be sued.

Constantly looking for that next deal to buy, then getting outbid like a poke in the eye. Hours and hours of work on my phone,

talking to people but feeling alone.

But when things start to feel sour,

I just think of the dollars per hour!

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Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
6y

I like it! This is going to be a fun thread!

Become one of my tenants you will not
For I looked you up on Facebook and saw posts about pot

You're not moving in as I don't like that smoke
And I also saw that post about you being broke

I also looked you up on the court docket site
Goodness you must really love to fight

Battery, harassment and terroristic threats
Know who is better trained than you? My pets!

I like well-mannered tenants who pay on time
I'm the landlord Marshall Mathers oh watch how I rhyme

I admit we're not rappers but give me a break
Because on the bright side, we all have more street cred than Drake

So turn up the volume, do the landlord shuffle
And if you don't like my flow then let's kerfuffle



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  • Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
    6y

    Come up with my rent,

    Or go and get bent,

    You're the tenant I picked,

    I don't want to evict,

    I know that you're stuck,

    Three days' notice will suck,

    I just can't let you sit,

    You must pay up or quit.

    No, I won't let you be,

    Go sell your kidney,

    I know when to say when,

    Turn off your mother's oxygen,

    Put you out in the snow,

    At fifteen below,

    Kick you both to the curb,

    You'll no longer disturb,

    The sleep of my wife,

    I'm sick of the strife,

    JUST GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!

  • Real Estate Investor · Elk Grove Village, IL · Member since 2015 · 2 posts · 0 votes
    6y

    @Jerrad Shepherd

    Awesome !

  • Investor · Wichita, KS · Member since 2017 · 584 posts · 813 votes
    6y

    Then out on the lawn arouse quite the clatter. I sprung from my application screening to see what was the matter. Then what to my landlord eyes should appear? A boyfriend, a two foot green bong, and a 40 of beer.

  • Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
    6y

    Deadbeats in arrears,

    Stand high among my fears,

    I'll trust in my vetting,

    To keep me from fretting,

    But it's just a forlorn hope,

    They always sell soft soap,

    Sooner or later,

    Along comes a masturbator,

    To ruin my day,

    And show me that, hey,

    A landlord's life's a joke,

    Far more than most folk,

    A parade of liars,

    If you're lucky no fires,

    "You're a slumlord," they say,

    No justice, no way,

    My soul's bitter and twist,

    Hands bloody to the wrist,

    No celebrations, no rockets,

    Just Bigger Pockets,

    To share my woes,

    Get past my lows,

    Look up from my toes,

    Tell tales about bozos.

  • Kingsland, TX · Member since 2018 · 164 posts · 86 votes
    6y

    Great poem, @Jerrad Shepherd! Thank you for sharing!

  • Real Estate Appraiser · Isabella lake, CA · Member since 2018 · 628 posts · 491 votes
    6y

    LOL, good stuff.

    Where's the tenant from Nantucket?

    I'll just say, the stories about him are greatly exaggerated. 

  • Real Estate Agent · Menomonee Falls, WI · Member since 2016 · 54 posts · 45 votes
    6y

    This is awesome! Not to mention the benefit to your mind for even writing it! Well done!

  • Rental Property Investor · Member since 2019 · 4 posts · 6 votes
    6y

    That's pretty cute!

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