When to discuss your investments with your significant other?

Question

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes.

My SO and I rarely talk about money. It has not come up because I do not want to let on that I have a portfolio of assets, mainly because I do not like talking about money. However, it will need to come up at some point because I want to have her onboard to align or parse out our long-term goals.

What are your general thoughts on this? When did you broach the subject with your partner? How did you do it?

Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Alex Breshears · Answer

I would say immediately. lol. If this is someone you want to build a life with, in any capacity, having that person understand your long term goals and commitment to them is crucial. It's not even about the money at this point, it is about making sure your goals are aligned. Imagine finding out later down the road that they are vehemently against real estate investing for whatever reason. Would you maintain the relationship then? Now if you are more in the headspace of trying to build a household budget together, setting savings goals etc, that is a different conversation, but will still touch upon those long term goals. It is possible to stay in a relationship where you two have different expectations and goals around your financial lives, but the further apart you are the more friction there will be. Finances are often the number one rule marriages break up, so think about that part too. Having "the money talk" with someone you want to build a life with is crucial. Now think about why you are uncomfortable with discussing money with someone you obviously trust because you want them in your life over the long term. Is it programming from childhood? Do you think this person will "go after your money"? I would think about what's holding you back, and address that question first. Programming can be hard to get over, so just take it one step at a time!

Bruce Woodruff · Answer

Share everything ASAP. A relationship with secrets is not a healthy one.

Nathan Gesner · Answer

When you are committed to each other, like people that get married, then you should share everything including your assets. If you can't trust her with this information or to partner with you, then this probably isn't a healthy relationship.

Jerry Poon · Answer

Good way to think about it! I appreciate the input.

Scott Mac · Answer

Hi Jerry,

If you don't want to talk to her about (for this long) she may not want to hear about it (as long as the $$ keeps trucking in).

Maybe just set up a Living Trust and have the attorney explain how it works to both of you together. This is in case of death of either of you.

Just my 2 cents.

Dwayne Poster · Answer

I would first establish what is and is not a component of the 'relationship'. If you are bringing resources along, you may want to seek legal advice as to how to shelter it from disputes down the road.

Kevin Sobilo · Answer

@Jerry Poon, I don't have this issue, but I do have a suggestion about it.

I know several investors who find themselves hampered in their investing by their SO who isn't into real estate investing, doesn't understand the advantages and is afraid of the perceived risks.

I suggest to them to treat their investing like a business that is separate of the relationship. You discuss whatever monies are needed to seed the startup of the business but after that its your thing alone. Obviously your SO benefits from any success but they aren't an active participant.

If your SO wanted to start a business outside of your area of interest would you feel you needed to be involved and have a say in it on a day to day basis?!?

Jerry Poon · Answer

I love this. I appreciate the different perspective! Thank you for sending me down the right path. Those questions are ones I will need to really think over.

When to discuss your investments with your significant other?

When to discuss your investments with your significant other?

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