Does Investing Cause Problems with Family/ Friends for You?

20 Replies

I am sure this has been posted in the past, but I want to know if other people have had problems with close friends of family thinking you're crazy or money hungry or whatever it may be for getting into real estate. I have been super interested in successful people for years. I read investment books all the time throughout high school and college. I of course want the things money can bring, but I am more interested in building something up and seeing it grow. In the past I have built websites from scratch on the side while working full-time and going to college full-time. I built Twitter accounts with tens of thousands of followers to try to get into online advertising. There is something just so satisfying about doing something like that to me. I really did not make much money with either and lost interest after I built them up. There is something appealing to me about growing a business or your assets. I think a lot of it is proving to myself that I can do it, and money just happens to be a consequence of putting in the work. Real estate has been a fascination for me and it is something I am going to stick to. I plan to buy my first property (buy and hold) within a year.

Anyways, I constantly read and talk about personal finance and real estate

to the people around me since I finally graduated college and have a good steady income. My family (mother, stepfather, sister) on the other hand think I am money hungry, obsessed with money, think I am too good for people, etc because this is a focus to me. It is completely frustrating and it is to the point where I do not even talk about money period around them. The main problem is my mother. I recently bought my stepdad a truck in cash since he has provided me and my sister with everything I needed in my childhood to get by, she still thinks I want to build wealth and "die with a lot of money like my grandfather". Who I never knew by the way.

Basically it boils down to having a different mindset than the people around me. I do not want to be controlled by having to work for money, I never want to be poor again, and I want to be able to help those around me if they need it. I also find it so exciting to take risks and build something up. This is the reason I joined BP, I love the energy and the drive people have on here. Everyone has a mindset and a viewpoint closer to mine than those I have at home and work.

Has anyone had these problems in the beginning of their business or in real estate with people closest and has their opinions changed over time? I am at the point where I do not care what others say, I am going to go for it anyways. I am interested in if anyone else had a similar experience. Thanks! 

I am surprised that no one has any opinion on this or at least voicing it! I am sincerely interested in REI investor's experience with other's opinions of what they were doing during the beginning of their career and throughout their career.

Jeremy, it is not worth the effort to make them understand.  People either have the heart of an entrepreneur or of an employee...can't be both.  I guess your family tree is mostly the latter (mine too, nothing wrong with that).  

I have totally experienced the same phenomenon.   I found that I cause my own problems most of the time.   This is true in this context.  Friends and family are NOT good business partners.  They make even worse success coaches....demotivational speakers even.  

I learned to keep my mouth shut at family get gatherings with regard to my business ambitions.  

1% are 1% self selected.

There are two kinds of people--people who resent successful people, and people who want to learn from them. I've always tried to steer myself towards the second category. 

Thinking about the future and setting goals doesn't make you a jerk, or money obsessed. It just means you're smart enough to see past your current circumstances. Real Estate is more stable than online marketing, and it's certainly not an easy road, but it's probably the most secure way to build wealth. 

Try and ignore the people who are bringing you down. Stay focused. 

Succes breeds success. You will find people who do you appreciate, value and understand your goals and hubbys. Those who aren't part of this plan you simply will talk about other things. Think of it this way. If you loved to golf, would you talk about it with everyone or just your golfing buddies?

Even after 4 years my husband friends think I am ridiculous and call me a slum landlord. It is in good fun :) Yet I am the the first number they call when they have questions. Just know your audience and appeal to those who are within you audience. Good luck!

My family has gone from disbelief to cautious optimism to cheerleaders to co-investors.

I have friends that I just don't talk about it with though.  They don't get it and likely never will, so we just talk about other stuff and I'm making new friends (through BP, coincidentally) that I can talk real estate with.

Jeremy,

You will find in life that people try to drag down other people that are trying to get ahead.  They aren't necessarily doing this intentionally but don't want you to succeed because they haven't.  Later in life these same people will be coming to you for a loan because you are "rich".  Don't worry about what others say, just find a mentor to help you get ahead.  Good luck in your ventures!

Jim 

Originally posted by @Jeremy S. :

I am surprised that no one has any opinion on this or at least voicing it! I am sincerely interested in REI investor's experience with other's opinions of what they were doing during the beginning of their career and throughout their career.

 I come from a family of employees. My whole family believes that the only way to make money is through working in a job. No one in my family is an entrepreneur. No one is a business owner. No one is even an independent contractor.

I remember being a kid and my dad telling me to get a government job when I grow up because those jobs are "secure". I would get a good benefits and a good retirement. 

When I started buying real estate, my family immediately criticized the decision, bringing up the old BS that we all have heard. "The tenants will just break your stuff, call you in the middle of the night, and not pay, you will not make money." Of course I did not listen and though I'm not rich yet, I am well on my way.

I've found certain members of the family all of a sudden start to think that it's ok to come at me asking for loans when they haven't spoken to me in years.  They have zero collateral, have been known to do as little as possible in life to make their own lives better, and want to make others pay their way.

Those people are always told a very firm No.

I'm working my *** off full time, have a baby on the way, working on building my portfolio, and have about an hour or two a night to myself if I'm lucky to relax, before I have to do it all over again.  So, I'm not about to start handing money out to people who are clearly users.

I have experienced this as well.  It's funny that my wife's family is curious, asks me questions about it and cheers me on. I don't have to bring it up.  My parents and siblings on the other hand, could care less.  They are 'normal' w-2 or government workers with a J.O.B.  We are from different planets and talk about other things and that's ok.

Normies in general don't get us.  That's why we are here on BP! That's why we have meetups.  I feel I've 'come home' at those things.  Finally, other people who live and speak my language!

Folks like us who sacrifice, work hard, budget and take risks for a truly worthy goal are rare. Just as I have no interest in hearing about a normies new car or boat or trip they have just squandered their future wealth on (but they tell us anyway!), they tend to not be that interested in what we do.  It's normal for us @Jeremy S. !

One of the coolest moments for me was at 20 showing my Dad a check stub for a 10k assignment fee. 

There will always be "haters". 

You have to keep in mind what you are doing goes against the norm. So typically people aren't going to support you. They work to pay bills and repeat. You are building an empire. Focus on you. Do your best. Let them deal with their own issues.

Originally posted by @Linda Weygant :

My family has gone from disbelief to cautious optimism to cheerleaders to co-investors.

I have friends that I just don't talk about it with though.  They don't get it and likely never will, so we just talk about other stuff and I'm making new friends (through BP, coincidentally) that I can talk real estate with.

Linda...the psychology behind this is so powerful! Our actions and success stories speak louder than words or debates ever can. Once people see we can live rent free, financially independent lifestyles through intelligent investing, folks begin to become curious. 

Thanks for sharing!

Hey Jeremy, 

Live your life!

You cannot change people, only yourself.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Other than those quotes, keep being generous, grateful, and humble!  Continue to seek like-minded people and spend more time with those who empower you.

I have a similar family and friend situation and I am now aware of how much control I have over their lives and decisions.  NONE WHATSOEVER.

I gave up.  Now I only seek people 'on my level'.  I didn't ditch any old friends or relatives but I stopped pitching education and higher level thought and action.

I haven't run into this exact phenomenon yet (probably because I'm still on the road to buying my first property) but I'm obsessed with the idea of financial independence and most of the people I talk to simply don't get it. 

Like you said, it's a different mindset. I think it's similar to talking to people about religion - everyone has an opinion but most people don't have any idea what they're talking about. Don't listen to these unknowledgable naysayers. (but listen carefully to those who have experience!) When people tell me that early retirement can't be done or that it's a foolish venture, I just ask them what their retirement strategy is. They usually become very quiet very quickly.

I imagine that this strategy would work for real estate investing. Just ask what their experience is in real estate. You aren't interested in the stories of woe that their uncle or distant cousin relayed at a family reunion that one time, you want to know about their expertise. Either they have no experience and stop talking, or you learn something new. Either way is a win.

Happy investing.

@Jeremy S. I'm curious about your mother's relationship with her father who died with "a lot of money". Did he spend a lot of time at work or out on the road making money? Does she see wealth as equaling neglecting family relationships?

Anyway, don't spend too much time bothering people with information or education they aren't going to hear or even absorb. Plant the seed of an idea but don't get too bummed out if nothing takes root. Do spend time with people off line (& on-line) who you can learn from (& vis versa) and have something to teach you (and vis versa).

Most people just want you to remain on the same level as them. They don't want you or have success because it will expose the lack of success in their own lives. My family is full of realtors and people associated with the business and they don't have a clue how to get on the other side of the table. All I heard was "you better be careful" "I'm not sure about that" " hmmm that sounds risky to me" " I'm not writing all those offers" Don't let family, friends , or anyone stop you from reaching your goals. If your honest and ethical & earn it fairly go make by the truck load...

Like other members have said, if they are going to berate you or demotivate you stop talking to them about it.  And Like @Steve Vaughan suggested, start going to meetups.  I have to admit, it's one of the reasons I enjoyed attending meetups and when I moved, started one of my own.  It's so exhilarating to be around people who share your experiences and can talk to you on your own level or higher, about something you are passionate about! 

Once you reach your goals, you'll be surprised by how others change their opinions (as other members have stated!) They come around when you aren't evangelizing what you are going to do, but have a track record of things that you have done.

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