Some of my earliest lessons about making deals had nothing to do with real estate.

They happened around games of spades in the military.

You’d have four people around a table, cards moving, people talking trash, and somewhere between hands, actual problems were getting solved. Guard shifts got traded. Favors got worked out. Information moved. You learned who followed through, who paid attention and who you could count on when conditions weren’t exactly convenient.

Nobody called it networking, we were learning how to work together.

The more time I spend around real estate, the more familiar that feels.

Bring a property to the table and everybody sees something different. The seller has a problem they’re trying to solve. The lender is evaluating risk. The contractor is looking at scope, labor and whether your rehab number was pulled from reality or somewhere else entirely. The operator is thinking about execution, while the investor is trying to leave enough margin for the inevitable things nobody saw coming.

Different hands. Same table.

And much like spades, you probably shouldn’t play the entire game staring only at your own cards.

That doesn’t mean ignoring your return or accepting a bad deal so everybody can feel good. Protect your downside. Underwrite carefully. Know what you need from the transaction.

But understand what everyone else needs too.

Maybe the seller values certainty over squeezing out another few thousand dollars. Maybe the lender sees a risk you missed. Maybe your contractor needs a different draw schedule to actually execute the job. Maybe another investor has experience with the exact problem you’ve spent three days trying to solve alone.

That’s where I think relationships become more useful than collecting contacts.

Sometimes somebody brings the deal. Somebody brings capital. Another person brings experience. Someone else knows the missing relationship.

Then the whole conversation shifts when somebody grabs the proverbial napkin and says:

“What if we structured it this way?”

Now we’re learning and cooking with grease!

Not every opportunity will work. Sometimes the smartest thing everybody around the table can agree on is that the numbers suck and we should walk away.

That’s still a productive table.

Other times, putting enough perspectives together reveals something none of us could see individually.

I think newer investors especially can get caught believing they need to become the person who knows everything before they belong in those conversations.

You don’t.

Know your hand. Ask questions. Listen to the people who understand parts of the game you don’t yet understand. Bring something useful when you can, and pay attention to how everyone at the table creates value.

Because doing one profitable transaction matters.

But building relationships with people who trust you enough to sit down and solve the next problem together?

That can compound for years and it usually does..

Maybe spades had it right all along.

Maybe it's like dancing.

Play your hand. Know your partner. Watch the table.

And build relationships people actually want to deal with again.

For those who’ve been investing awhile, what’s one lesson about working with other people that you wish you understood on your first deal?