Negative Nancy Naysayer Family Members

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Negative Nancy Naysayer Family Members

Jessie Nunley
Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
Just curious how many of my BP family has experienced negative pushback from family members when you discuss your real estate goals with them? I remember watching one of the webinars recently where they talked about telling everyone you knew your goals. Well pretty much everyone I've talked to thinks it's a bad idea. "You'd be crazy to waste your money like that" is just one of the responses I've gotten.
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Linda S.
Investor 路 Richmond, VA 路 Member since 2016 路 1k+ posts 路 2k+ votes
9y

@Jessie Nunley

"Don't take advice from anyone you wouldn't trade shoes with"

Don't worry about them, you will get A LOT of negative feedback, being scared about the "what if" scenarios, whereas if you have a business plan-- trust it and move forward!   If you think you can do it, and logically it makes sense-- do it!  

Don't let naysayers bother you, those type of people live off fear.  We currently have 5 properties, and one of my friends said  "OMG, what if all 5 HVACs went out at 1 time, you'd be broke!"  stuff like that, totally normal for simple minded people.. whereas if you run it like a business, it's all part of the plan.

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  • MarieChele PorterPro Member
    San Francisco, CA 路 Member since 2016 路 193 posts 路 98 votes
    9y

    It happens quite often I wrote a post about a guy who I met that was negative about it. Thankfully the family who I've told is supportive. I'm still kind of hesitant to tell everyone about it. I think fear is something that holds a lot of people back and stuck in "the norm". I know it's family but look at what they are doing in life and ask yourself if you'd like to be doing that in 30 years, maybe even in 10 years from now.

    0Reply
  • Mindy JensenPro Member
    BiggerPockets Money Podcast Host 路 Longmont, CO 路 Member since 2014 路 7k+ posts 路 10k+ votes
    9y
    Originally posted by @Steve Vaughan:

    My wife's family is intrigued and loves to ask. I always wait for someone to ask.

    I get asked from time to time about general real estate things. That recent webinar had great advice, tell everyone you know. But what he meant was, make sure everyone knows what you're doing, because you never know where your next deal is going to come from.

    I got the same advice when I got my real estate license. Tell everyone you know and everyone you meet that you're an agent. If you don't, someone lists their house and says, "Oh I didn't know you were an agent. I would have listed with you."

    You don't want to hear, "I didn't know you were a real estate investor. My neighbor just let his house go into tax sale foreclosure because he didn't want to deal with it anymore."

    [email protected]Podcast Guest on Show #261
    BiggerPockets
    1Reply
  • Wes Woodhouse
    BOISE, ID 路 Member since 2014 路 77 posts 路 45 votes
    9y
    Great question and great responses. There is a plethora of wisdom in this thread. Especially with family I think tact is essential. Don't push them away and create divides, but don't let them muffle your enthusiasm.
    1Reply
  • Steve Vaughan
    Rental Property Investor 路 East Wenatchee, WA 路 Member since 2014 路 10k+ posts 路 16k+ votes
    9y
    Originally posted by @Mindy Jensen:
    Originally posted by @Steve Vaughan:

    My wife's family is intrigued and loves to ask. I always wait for someone to ask.

    I get asked from time to time about general real estate things. That recent webinar had great advice, tell everyone you know. But what he meant was, make sure everyone knows what you're doing, because you never know where your next deal is going to come from.

    I got the same advice when I got my real estate license. Tell everyone you know and everyone you meet that you're an agent. If you don't, someone lists their house and says, "Oh I didn't know you were an agent. I would have listed with you."

    You don't want to hear, "I didn't know you were a real estate investor. My neighbor just let his house go into tax sale foreclosure because he didn't want to deal with it anymore."

     Noted, Mindy and good points with random people you see everyday.

    This is mostly referring to family members.  I would rather wait for family to ask then be talking about it all the time like a new MLM thing I'm selling or something.  

    1Reply
  • Jake ThompsonPro Member
    Rental Property Investor 路 Albany, OR 路 Member since 2015 路 312 posts 路 136 votes
    9y
    I recently had my dad in town and was trying to tell him some of my goals and plans but he is just so convinced that I need to pay off my duplex before I try to buy a new property. He is a big believer in Dave Ramsey's methodology and I consider him to be my "Poor Dad". I don't think his advice is necessarily bad, it's just not the way I'm choosing to operate. He keeps pushing for me to focus on mutual funds instead. Like I said, that isn't bad advice, and I do want to continue my IRA on the side, but it's frustrating when someone who has never owned a rental property or read any books on the subject, tries to tell you what's best. I end up just changing the subject. He has good intentions but isn't educated on real estate investing so I choose not to let his advice on the subject influence me too much.
    2Reply
  • Bill Goodland
    Rental Property Investor 路 Allentown PA, United States 路 Member since 2016 路 567 posts 路 442 votes
    9y

    I'm the same boat. No matter how much you try to explain it to people, some would rather just shut their brain off and not challenge every decision they've made, rather than admit that what you're doing or trying to do might be worth while. People love to play the what if game rather than take action. Difficult when it's family, but I've gotten to the point where I'd rather shut up about it and show them why it was worth while rather than talk about it.

    "First they ask why, then they ask how"

    0Reply
  • Tasia Turner
    Flipper/Rehabber 路 Justin, TX 路 Member since 2015 路 17 posts 路 10 votes
    9y

    @Jonathan Jewell That is such an inspiring story! It really puts things into perspective to hear such a great success story like that. 

    This has been such a great thread. I needed to hear some of these things myself. Thank you @Jessie Nunley for posting 馃憤

    1Reply
  • Andrew Acuna
    Investor 路 Mission, TX 路 Member since 2017 路 220 posts 路 135 votes
    9y
    Jessie Nunley says the family member who spends $5 every day on Starbucks and buys designer jewelry and purses... I just let it roll and let my bank account speak for itself!
    2Reply
  • Shaun C.
    Royal Oak, MI 路 Member since 2015 路 257 posts 路 230 votes
    9y

    At some underlying level, I know that I got into RE for the simple reason OF proving people wrong. I'm sure that could be said about any path I would have chose. I will say this. Within two months I will be handed a check for close to $200k on a property that EVERYONE said to stay away from. Friends, family, local RE agents that 'sold over 2,000 properties', that own half the town, etc; all told us 'as your friends' to stay away from the one place.

    Now we have passerby's telling us how lovely the place looks. How much nicer it is. 'How did you see the potential in what was here before? It's beautiful!'

    My point is that the ones saying don't do it can have their opinion, and you can have yours. We had 20 people telling us not to, but pretty soon we're going to have 200,000 reasons why we should have.

    What would you rather have? If you believe in your plan then do it.

    0Reply
  • Sunny Shakhawala
    Parsippany, NJ 路 Member since 2016 路 64 posts 路 49 votes
    9y

    I see you recently read RDPD. Great book. I suggest you read Cash Flow Quadrant next.

    Also - try to uplevel the 5 people you spend the most time with. This is a concept I like to bend the rules on a little. Here are the 5 people I spend the most physical time with.

    1 - Wife

    2 - Dad (we do business together) 

    3 - CrossFit Class (3x per week for 1 hour)

    4 - My best bud from highschool and his wife (we usually double date at least once a week)

    5 - One of my college buddies.

    The only person on that list that has a mind for business is my dad. Everyone else is a w2 earner (which there's nothing wrong with - i just feel like they have trouble grasping the concepts we strive to achieve). 

    The next 5 people that I talk to the most are all w2 earners also. None of them understand my goals and aspirations. I am done trying to explain it. 

    So how do I uplevel without ditching the people I love? 

    Podcasts and Books. I spend an extraordinary amount of time listening to the beautiful voices of Josh and Brandon. I listen to a few other podcasts on self development and business. I also read. A LOT. At least an hour a day. So I spend time with the authors. 

    Then I spend some time on BP as well. Reading about other peoples experiences. Reaching out directly for one-off advice. Etc.

    Re; Naysayers - I've started a few businesses that people told me not to. And failed. At the end of the day, I never thought back and said "Damn, that person was right, I shouldn't have done that." It's always been - "OK - lesson learned. Accept and move forward with new information". At the end of the day, I like Jeff Bezos Regret Minimization model. Make decisions from the point of view of your 80 year old self. Are you going to regret not doing something? Or regret trying? 

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @MarieChele Porter thank you for the response! I have mixed responses from family with few being good and many being fear that I will be "wasting my money."

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Wes Woodhouse yes the response to this thread has been amazing!

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Jake Thompson I have had a family member reference Dave Ramsey when talking to them about money and my future goals. I also consider him to be the "Poor Dad"! Thank you for the response!

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Bill Goodland yes they really love to play the "what it" game. I understand the fear and don't think it is something that should be taken lightly but I am also not afraid to put money into something I believe to be the key to my future success!

    1Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Tasia Turner I cannot believe this thread has gotten as big as it has! Thank you for the response!

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Andrew Acuna thanks for the response buddy! Keep kicking ***!

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Shaun C. I am also motivated by proving people wrong! It will be an amazing feeling in 10-20 years when I can look back and say "damn, look what I've built!"

    0Reply
  • Michael Sessa
    Wholesaler 路 West Islip, NY 路 Member since 2016 路 30 posts 路 18 votes
    9y
    Jessie Nunley close your first deal and have them explain to you again why it's a bad idea as you're depositing that $20,000 check into your account and they're looking through the piggy bank trying to pay the rent.
    1Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Sunny Shakhawala I loved RDPD! I will be buying Cash Flow Quadrant soon! Thank you for the response and great advice!

    0Reply
  • Andrew Holmes
    Rental Property Investor 路 Chicago, IL 路 Member since 2015 路 275 posts 路 271 votes
    9y

    @Jessie Nunley 

    @Linda S.

    @Clay O.

    Jessie: A lot of have already commented on this and had some great input. We are all a sum total of our own experiences and perceptions. Regardless of how wrong or right they may be. In most cases family members want the best for you. In some others they think they have better ideas. Still some others are the types of people who see the glass half empty. 

    "A statue is never erected for someone who never tried. It's always for the person who went and did it anyhow" Deep down inside at your gut level you have to know what you want to do and then follow though because otherwise you are always going to loose sleep because you know you are not doing something you must do. 

    When I was young I used to do the same thing. Share my crazy ideas and thoughts and people around me through I was nuts. My parents were honest and told me show but others made faces just didn't want to say it out loud. 

    Even though I am a 100% believer in the fact that " You become what you think about all day long" sometimes it is wise to keep your thoughts to yourself. I wish I knew that at one point in my life. I had a small brain and a big mouth. 

    I always thought that one day I am going to show them. 

    The funny part about life is that once you achieve your goals or start getting close all the people who were against you will starting saying you were lucky to have started at the right time. Of course what you do makes sense. 

    An idea is always ridiculed in it infancy stage. Then come the stage where people are watching from the side lines. They want to jump in but don't have the courage. Once you get moving and your ideas start working some people will jump on board. Some people will never be on board because one you accomplish what you set out to do they will say that you were lucky or of course when you started it was the right time. 

    That is just how life is. Your family is something you are born with and cannot control. Your business friends you can pick. Be great full for the family you have and keep them as family not as a business advisor. 

    If you want to be a business owner talk to other successful business owners in the same field. BP is a great start but in your town/city find your own group that supports you. I have always believed that either you can join the world outside and sing to their tune or you can start your own band and make your own music. When it's you band you can pick each piece that aligns with you.  

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Michael Sessa I really think that is most of the reason they don't believe in what I want to do. They have the mindset that I should just stick to what I am doing and not take any risk. Well, I don't see it as much of a risk as they do. Cant wait to close my first deal!

    0Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Andrew Holmes I am sure they want whats best for me. Much like many parents around the world! I also believe that you become what you think about! Thanks for the response!

    0Reply
  • Abraham Anderson
    Investor 路 Sevierville, TN 路 Member since 2015 路 121 posts 路 674 votes
    9y

    @Linda D. I love that quote! One of the BP Podcast guests said something similar; "You wouldn't ask your dentist for advice on how to fix your car". The lesson is, don't expect your family/friends to give you good real estate advice (if they're not in it themselves).

    2Reply
  • Jessie Nunley
    OP
    Springfield, MO 路 Member since 2017 路 158 posts 路 114 votes
    9y

    @Abraham Anderson thanks for the response! Glad you liked the thread!

    1Reply
  • MarieChele PorterPro Member
    San Francisco, CA 路 Member since 2016 路 193 posts 路 98 votes
    9y
    Originally posted by @Jessie Nunley:

    @MarieChele Porter thank you for the response! I have mixed responses from family with few being good and many being fear that I will be "wasting my money."

     I don't think a learning experience is ever a waste of money especially with the potential that it has to pay you back. There will always be negative comments but only you can decide what's right for you and when you start proving them wrong who knows who would be your next PML....

    1Reply
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