Starting Out - Spouse NOT on board. What do I do? HELP!

Starting Out
7yFollow

Starting Out - Spouse NOT on board. What do I do? HELP!

Kevin Christensen
Rental Property Investor · Delaware, USA · Member since 2018 · 43 posts · 48 votes

BP,

I am in the education phase right now.  I am consuming every drop of information I can via reading, blogs, podcasts, YT, etc.  I am ready to move forward with my first property as soon as the first of the year, maybe sooner if we can close within 30 days around Christmas time.  My issue is, my spouse is not driven for long term goals like I am.  She wants to enjoy our money that we've worked hard for, while our kids are young, and make memories.  To her, that is more important than long term wealth.  We aren't promised tomorrow.  Before anyone clowns about finding a new wife, we've been together almost 18 years and she is my best friend.  No amount of money is worth losing her.  With that said, have any of you gone through this type of struggle early in your real estate journey and overcome it?  I am not worried about getting her involved.  I am worried about her being friction in between me and MY goals.  She is super supportive of my mindset and my goals, she just doesn't support things that cause time to be taken away from family stuff or money to be hoarded that could be used for memories.  I really appreciate everyone's feedback.  

11Reply
293 views

Most Popular Reply

Ned CareyPro Member
Moderator
Investor · Baltimore, MD · Member since 2008 · 17k+ posts · 13k+ votes
7y
@Kevin Christensen ask her “Do you want less today or more tomorrow” That is the choice she is making. You don’t have to spend money today to enjoy today. There is no requirement to spend money in order to spend more time with your kids.
23Reply
See this reply in the discussion

111 Replies

Jump to latestLatest
  • Peter Pratti
    Rental Property Investor · Knoxville, TN · Member since 2017 · 147 posts · 65 votes
    7y
    @Kevin Christensen I’ve been through rough opposition to time away due to real estate. Your situation is a little different but I would say the long term benefit is very worth it. Think about not having to worry about a college fund etc. One of my mentors says that when people ask him about how we saved for his kids college, he replies that his college fund is located at “XXX Smith Street” which is one of his rentals. Just goes to show that you can work toward long term goals, and he still has time for his family.
    0Reply
  • Kelvin Vinston
    New to Real Estate · Tacoma, WA · Member since 2018 · 34 posts · 6 votes
    7y
    @Ned Carey Very True!
    0Reply
  • Jeremiah Mon
    Rental Property Investor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2018 · 44 posts · 36 votes
    7y
    @Kevin Christensen When negotiating with your wife, “never split the difference!” -C. Voss Good luck to you sir!
    0Reply
  • Matt Cecil
    Rental Property Investor · Eden Prairie, MN · Member since 2017 · 35 posts · 13 votes
    7y
    @Kevin Christensen The initial compromise for us was a vacation every time we buy a property. She also enjoys the design part of the rehabs. As long as she understands the budget then let her design a bit. So far so good for us.
    0Reply
  • Johnna F.
    Scranton, PA · Member since 2017 · 45 posts · 31 votes
    7y

    Get a divorce.. just kidding.. Inspire her! Talk about all of the family vacations you can go on in the future, college and wedding funds to help your children, the freedom to travel and not be trapped in a 9-5 until retirement age, extra money as security for possible disasters or unexpected health problems, etc. Of course you can invest in this type of future and still spend time with your family, making memories. It's all about balance. I don't think it's smart to wait until later on in life to start investing in real estate, as it isn't typically a get-rich-quick strategy. It takes time, self-determination, and patience. Good luck! I hope your future is filled with  wealth and a happy marriage. 

    0Reply
  • Nate Thatcher
    Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 1 vote
    7y
    @Kevin Christensen I have a friend who has a track record of getting really excited about something then investing tons of time and money then not following through. His wife hates every new “goal” he comes up with because he is a natural born starter- not a finisher. I would try to figure out what is at the root of your wife’s concern. Past experiences can often play a big role here, whether with you or others close to her. Most moms can see the upside of delaying some fun for a more secure future. She just has to be relatively confident that will actually happen.
    0Reply
  • Marques Jackson
    Flipper/Rehabber · VA · Member since 2017 · 28 posts · 5 votes
    7y
    @Kevin Christensen For me the best path was patience. Another aspect is shared ownership. We have biweekly meetings where I update her on the status of the deals in play. Ask for her inputs and get back to her on questions about strategy or execution. Another aspect is when I closed my first flip I set aside a portion of the profit to get a new living room set she’d been eyeing. And paid back all the borrowed principal. Rolled the rest of the profit forward for the next flip. Good luck!
    0Reply
  • Steve Powers
    Developer · Atlanta, GA · Member since 2017 · 33 posts · 27 votes
    7y

    @Kevin Christensen
    First off, Semper Fi and THANKS for serving. My son is currently at Parris Island; Lima Co. 3rd Battalion, Platoon 3000.

    What really struck me on your initial post was "My spouse is not driven for long term goals like I am." Hold the phone, you don't have a real estate investment agreement problem, this is a whole other issue. You both should sit down with a financial advisor to discuss the benefits of long term planning FIRST, then work in RE as a potential avenue to achieve some of those long term goals. If after all that, she still doesn't even agree with long term planning then honestly for the sake of the marriage, I would hold off on your much desired plans until some more life experience opens her eyes.

    1Reply
  • Tony Kim
    Rental Property Investor · Los Angeles · Member since 2018 · 844 posts · 1k+ votes
    7y
    Originally posted by @Kevin Christensen:

    BP,

     She wants to enjoy our money that we've worked hard for, while our kids are young, and make memories.  To her, that is more important than long term wealth.  We aren't promised tomorrow.    

    If that truly is her set of values, then your aim should not be trying to convince your wife of the financial merits of real estate because she probably already understands them. To her, financial wealth is subordinate to family and she views true wealth through a different lens. 

    With all the stories we hear about how 'such and such made a ton of money in real estate', I'm sure she understands that if you devote your time and effort into becoming a real-estate baron, you will make a lot of money and be able to buy her whatever she wants. But believe it or not, some people don't care about that or would prefer to have you around all the time instead of you going out and building your RE empire. 

    I agree with @Steve Powers....  for the sake of what I'm sure is an amazing relationship, hold off on your real estate dreams for now. Try and spend a lot of time understanding her perspective and the potential happiness that her vision will bring, because when I read that sentence above, it doesn't sound all that bad to me. 

    1Reply
  • Jim S.
    Flipper/Rehabber · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2018 · 80 posts · 51 votes
    7y

    @Kevin Christensen Sometimes they need to see a little bit of success before getting fully on board.  

    20 years ago when myself and a partner started our own business (not in real estate) my wife was a little skeptical.  To say she was a little worried when a few years later I quit my job to pursue this business full time would be an understatement!  That first year was a little rough but as our incomes grew she got on board rather quickly.  

    Here we are two decades later, I've sold the business for a nice buck and am now working for the group that bought me out.  I'm also getting my start in real estate investing as a side gig that I hope will someday be full time.  After the success I had previously, she is a lot more on board this time around with regards to a new venture. I guess I proved myself!

    I think that if you can show your wife a little success and then put some of these earnings towards "enjoying life" I think it would be a good compromise.

    0Reply
Join the conversationCreate a free account to reply, vote on answers and follow this thread.
Log InJoin for Free