Soon-to-be wife not on board

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Soon-to-be wife not on board

D'Andre Byers
Grove City, PA · Member since 2019 · 21 posts · 26 votes

I've searched around the forums looking for someone in a similar situation but it seems like not many are where I'm at.

I'm 21 years old and just recently got engaged. I don't yet have any investment properties. I know the saying "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want to start our future together on a bad note. She is very adamant on buying a nice pristine house (small starter houses) that range anywhere from $100,000-$200,000. I'm listening to as many podcast episodes here on BP as I can to try and find new ways to invest and also give her what she wants but she won't budge.  I've mentioned live-in flips, house hacking, and just plain old rentals. But it seems that every "solution" that I offer is combatted with another reason that we shouldn't.

She's saying that we are too young (she is 21 as well) and although I know that REI takes time, what better time than when we're both young to formulate a plan, and put it into action? Soon (but not too soon) kids will be thrown into the mix and I fear that they will just be an excuse to put off investing further and further until I get stuck in a situation where investing just won't be feasible.

I just spent my down payment for a house on a ring and now we are planning a wedding so I have time to work her into the idea of investing. This also gives me time to learn more and more about investing before starting out. I'm keeping my mind open to the fact that it may be some time before we are able to save enough to get into our first property. But I want to get her on board with investing before the time comes where we are searching for a house.

Anyone have any advice on ways to go about talking to her? ANYTHING helps.

Thank you for taking time to look over my post,

D'Andre

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Jim K.
Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
7y
Originally posted by @D'Andre Byers:

I've searched around the forums looking for someone in a similar situation but it seems like not many are where I'm at.

I'm 21 years old and just recently got engaged. I don't yet have any investment properties. I know the saying "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want to start our future together on a bad note. She is very adamant on buying a nice pristine house (small starter houses) that range anywhere from $100,000-$200,000. I'm listening to as many podcast episodes here on BP as I can to try and find new ways to invest and also give her what she wants but she won't budge.  I've mentioned live-in flips, house hacking, and just plain old rentals. But it seems that every "solution" that I offer is combatted with another reason that we shouldn't.

She's saying that we are too young (she is 21 as well) and although I know that REI takes time, what better time than when we're both young to formulate a plan, and put it into action? Soon (but not too soon) kids will be thrown into the mix and I fear that they will just be an excuse to put off investing further and further until I get stuck in a situation where investing just won't be feasible.

I just spent my down payment for a house on a ring and now we are planning a wedding so I have time to work her into the idea of investing. This also gives me time to learn more and more about investing before starting out. I'm keeping my mind open to the fact that it may be some time before we are able to save enough to get into our first property. But I want to get her on board with investing before the time comes where we are searching for a house.

Anyone have any advice on ways to go about talking to her? ANYTHING helps.

Thank you for taking time to look over my post,

D'Andre

D'Andre, here's something I always ask about situations like these:

Have you asked her what HER strategy for the financial health of your family entails? Does she have a plan? Is her plan to live in a nice starter home that keeps up with the Joneses and drive nice new starter cars that keep with the Joneses and have expenses that keep up with the Joneses as you both strive and strive to provide more income to keep up with the Joneses...and that you do these things as you expand the Byers family, member by member, and grow the Byers budget, lifestyle-creep-expense by lifestyle-creep-expense?

Because if that's what she wants out of life, I can give you the names of a dozen broke-a$$ simps in their forties with wives just like that.

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  • Account Closed
    Investor · Gardena, CA · Member since 2017 · 445 posts · 398 votes
    7y

    I can't make sense out of your post. Are you saying he should stay single with Option 1 and get rich, or take Option 2, get married and regret it for the rest of his life. 

    Are you serious, or is that sarcasm?

    How about, he gets married, loves his wife and the love between them makes him so strong-willed he educates himself, lets his wife bare half a dozen rug rats and he becomes the next billionaire real estate tycoon without dragging his wife and six rug rats to real estate meetings.

    Option 3 - Get a rubber doll and save a real lot of money!

    0Reply
  • Matt Leber
    Rental Property Investor · Orlando, FL · Member since 2015 · 353 posts · 269 votes
    7y

    @D'Andre Byers talk to her about buying a home in the $100-200k range that could work numbers-wise as a rental if you ever move. Purchase this starter home in a part of town that you both enjoy, where you will both be happy. Don’t rush to move out to make it a rental, but keep tabs on the local rental market and show your wife how your first home could be a wealth building tool should you ever move on to buy another home. Just make sure you buy it right and the numbers work before you jump in. Buy it right and this property could be the “first deal” that leads to more.

    I think your marriage and happiness is more important than getting started in REI as early as possible. I think with some time and REI education, your wife could become more comfortable renting your first home to someone she sees familiarity in - someone looking to enjoy the area you both like and are familiar with.

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor · Gardena, CA · Member since 2017 · 445 posts · 398 votes
    7y

     Sorry! I apologize for getting emotional about relationships and the replies on this thread. I am not going to write another post on this thread.

    0Reply
  • Nathan Hall
    Rental Property Investor · Martinsburg, WV · Member since 2017 · 111 posts · 81 votes
    7y

    @D'Andre Byers if it makes you feel any better on the kid front, I'm an ex-military person who had a couple of marriages when he was young, that didn't stick, then took another crack at it 4.5 years ago and a year later at the age of 35, found out I was going to be a dad (didn't think it was possible, based previously on "experience" and some exposure to certain stuff that limits those chances, in the course of duty).

    Regardless of the fact that I have a good job and income that supports us all comfortably, THAT is when I decided to start applying what I had been learning. I started in October 2017. As of today, we have seven units over four properties, with three more coming online soon as they're rehabbed, in addition to some rental storage units. Plus a nice large Victorian historic home that is technically a liability, but I love and am happy to pay for.

    All of that is to say, don't rush it. Build your life and your relationships first. The loved ones are key. The rest of this stuff will work if you apply what you're learning.

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  • Thomas O.
    Member since 2017 · 20 posts · 7 votes
    7y

    @D'Andre Byers lifestyle creep is real. I came across a good quote a few years ago from a wealthy investor that I know, ‘live like no one today so you can live like no one in the future.’ Delay your display of ‘wealthy’ so you can actually be wealthy.

    I have a wife similar to yours, not very interested in investing in RE. What I did to help her understand the importance is skip the specifics about cash on cash returns and tax benefits and the deal, and just break it down simple so she understands. She is sharp, she has just never been into money/budgets/investing/etc.

    We buy and hold long term rentals.

    Typically a mortgage is the largest payment that people have. At the time our personal mortgage payment was $1200/month. We bought our first rental property that initially cash flowed $400/month. $400/month x 12 is $4800. I explained to her that this single investment will pay for 4 of our personal mortgage payments every year. Initially the $400/month cash flow didn’t get her excited, the amount of mortgage payments the rental profit would pay for on our personal home really seemed to make sense to her. Fast forward several years, it now cash flows $700/month and has increased in value 40%.

    Dont be discouraged, she may be scared because she just doesn’t know the benefits and did not grow up around successful RE investors. Educate her and let her know you want to make sure the family is financially secure in the future.

    0Reply
  • Chris Thompson
    Rental Property Investor · DFW · Member since 2018 · 2 posts · 0 votes
    7y

    @D'Andre Byers

    Congratulations on your engagement! There’s been a lot said on this thread and I’m sure you’re up to your chin in advice, but I feel compelled to pile on.

    I highly recommend purchasing a copy of smart couples finish rich and working through the first few chapters with your fiancé. They have absolutely nothing to do with REI and everything to do with shared goal-setting and organization. That's a nice way to keep it high-level for you both and to keep from getting lost in the details before ever getting started. Once those things are worked through, then you can begin to discuss with your soon-to-be wife how REI potentially fits into the shared goals that you come up with together (note: REI may not fit into your shared goals!). This marriage thing is a partnership and one of the greatest things you can ever do. Investing a little time up front to get organized and set shared goals will pay dividends for you regardless of whether you end up doing REI or not.

    I wish you well going forward, and please feel free to reach out or DM.

    Chris

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    Attorney · Sacramento, CA · Member since 2014 · 300 posts · 172 votes
    7y

    Sounds like the engaged couple has bigger issues than real estate investing, and that's how they look at money. The larger discussion should be how you two think about money, budget, and want to use money to facilitate your desired life together. Real estate investing is just a part of that discussion. 

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor · Gardena, CA · Member since 2017 · 445 posts · 398 votes
    7y

    I thought I had some pretty good points and am disappointed about my post being removed. It was certainly not as distasteful as advising the OP to lie to his fiance, or to tell her he is not going to marry her until after he realizes his financial dreams, or to try to coerce her in any way, or to think that marriage is a 'business relationship'. I am appalled by advice to lie, lack of true live and selfish interests. Especially, when it comes to the bad way women are treated more like vehicle to reach someone's financial dreams. I guess I am from the really old school where women are on this earth to love and share in our good experiences, but that does not mean that our spouse has to be willing share in building the family's financial freedom with or equal to what should be the man of the house. I can't imagine a man faulting a woman for not wanting to have the same interest and financial dream. I can't imagine a man measuring his love for a woman based on her business desires.

    0Reply
  • Denzil Meyers
    Member since 2019 · 1 post · 0 votes
    7y

    My friend, don’t try to sell her. Listen to her concerns. What’s important to her? The feeling of afresh start? Something else. You’ve told me what she says No to, but what can she say Yes to? Find that in your market. Otherwise, you might share your concerns about never getting to investing, and maybe you two can create a savings plan together for a 3 year window and a deadline to invest? Also, how would she feel about a cheaper ring? You are youn g, focus on the marriage first, but you both should figure out if your financial goals match. If not, love won’t be enough. Lots of advice on the web about how to talk about money with your spouse. Good luck!

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