How to convince a spouse that REI is a worthwhile pursuit

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How to convince a spouse that REI is a worthwhile pursuit

Martin Mondejar
Rental Property Investor · Phoenix, AZ · Member since 2018 · 17 posts · 3 votes

Hi! I'm new BiggerPockets and REI in general. I mentioned in my New Member Introduction that I'm currently researching strategies to enter the local Phoenix are market. 

Has anyone had trouble convincing their spouse that REI is a worthwhile/legitimate pursuit toward financial independence? My wife and I have always been fairly financially conservative. I've only just recently convinced her to start putting money into her 401k and an IRA. Based on the conversations that I've had with her over the years, she definitely adheres to a "play-it-safe" model. To top it off, she works in the marketing department of a large real estate company and she has often expressed to me the opinion that "people become real estate agents when they don't know what else to do". We also have a mutual friend that always seems to be into a new get-rich-quick scheme every week, so I have a good feeling that she may view REI in the same vein.

Though I've been recently converted, I'm challenged on how to approach her on this delicate topic. I want to emphasize to her that my interest in REI is not to get rich quick, but to gain financial independence so that we both can spend as much time with our new daughter as she grows up. I really want to shake off this feeling of "I can't convince her" and turn it into "HOW CAN I convince her?" Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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  • David Wright
    Lender · USA · Member since 2013 · 186 posts · 97 votes
    8y
    @Martin Mondejar Ask your wife the following questions: Say Honey..... 1. Who do you think is making the money on our current monthly rent or mortgage payment ? 2. How long have you believed in real estate since you are are paying rent or a mortgage payment ? 3. What if we could make the money lIke the banks or lenders are making off us ? These three questions will hopefully cause your wife to realize she is already in the real estate business and you are just introducing her to another side of the real estate business that she believes in already.
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  • Chris Szepessy
    Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
    8y

    There's a few threads on this topic. My wife wasn't completely on board either. Our first rental was kind of "thrown" at us and we bought it on a whim. She was stressed, I was stressed, but it worked out well in the end. Then we bought another one in almost the same fashion. She isn't really involved in any of it. I handle the management, maintenance, etc. Whenever I bring up the subject of buying another one, she says "do whatever you want." lol She isn't against it, she's just not as into it as me. 

    A couple years ago she disliked her job, mostly because of who she worked with. When I told her we could probably "retire" in 10-12 years, she looked at me shockingly and that was kind of the moment when she realized that RE can work wonders. I would start small...inexpensive duplex or triplex, and then let it go from there. Kids are raised to go to school, go to college, get a good job, and retire at 65...it's probably not her fault that she wants to "play it safe,"  but nobody ever got rich/wealthy off playing it safe, unless you won the lottery. 

    Not sure if you listen to the podcasts on here, but I've recently started telling my wife how people in their 20's and 30's have retired and how they've done it. Give her some real life stories and maybe she'll eventually come around.

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  • Joe Scaparra
    Investor · Austin, TX · Member since 2013 · 662 posts · 1k+ votes
    8y

    Ok I am going to give you a couple ideas to help you with your spouse.

    1.  First have a heart to heart talk about your "WHY".  What is YOUR Why?  My Why was Financial Independence to Retire Early to spend more time with family and friends.  It was not to make more money.  Making more money especially to someone who is conservative has very little meaning.  

    2. Talk to her and ask her where does she see your family financially in 5yrs, 10yrs and at retirement.  However, she answers evaluate: is her perception financially sound.  As a retired financial planner most people (even when they were in their 50s) could not answer how much money they would have at retirement and also how much monthly income they would need at retirement and then where was it going to come from when no one is working.

    3.  Lastly, I found that people are slow to make a decision or commitment when they are locked into it forever no matter how good an investment might be.  Empathize to her that this decision doesn't have to be a all in and never get back out.  I love duplex investing.  Whatever is your specific idea, present it to her as an example and tell her if it doesn't pan out we can go in a different direction but taking some action to solve the 5yr, 10yr and retirement question is necessary.  s

    4.  If all else fails, I used my kids who were in college to help convince my wife that our kids living in a duplex was better than the dorm and the kids were all for it.  That is what it took to get my wife over the hump, after your successful with your first buy then the approval opens up.   Got to get the first one done!!!  Read my profile it gives you my story in a nut shell.

    Good luck

    Cheers..

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  • Christopher Bruno
    Rental Property Investor · East Brunswick, NJ · Member since 2018 · 12 posts · 4 votes
    8y
    @Martin Mondejar there are many people on here now and new members who will join in the future that want to ask this very question so thanks for asking. I know @Brandon Turner would say “give up and go watch Dancing with the Stars”. Lol. But seriously he hosts some terrific podcasts here on BP. Maybe you should watch a few of them together. I’ve seen dozens and never once have I heard him or any guest suggest making a high risk potential money losing investment. Doing this the right way is a very conservative way of investing.
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  • Martin Mondejar
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Phoenix, AZ · Member since 2018 · 17 posts · 3 votes
    8y

    Thanks for all the great insight. You've all given me a lot of material in which I can include in my "pitch" to the wife when I present to her my business plan. I've received so much from this community already only having been a part of it for a short time. I'll be sure to update this thread after I present my plan to her. Thanks everyone!

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  • Martin Mondejar
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Phoenix, AZ · Member since 2018 · 17 posts · 3 votes
    8y

    So I presented my new pursuit to the wife this weekend and just as I feared, it was a spectacular disaster. Let me preface this by noting that my wife and I usually see eye-to-eye and get along really well...about most things. She just happens to be EXTREMELY conservative about the concepts of money. We both have good, fairly successful work-lives. She's just a hard core traditionalist (school-work-save-die) and I knew going in that presenting to her a new way would in all likelihood fail miserably. 

    I tried to cite all of the difficulties that people in our lives, people very close to us are currently facing and attempted to pursuade her that financial independence through the slow building of wealth through real estate may be a way for us to avoid a lot of those issues. She would have NONE of it.

    When I said that wholesaleing wasn't a late night infomercial gimmic, she said "I know a bunch of people who tried that and failed".

    When I said that I would work hard to find good deals to build assets and cash flow, she said "I don't want to risk sinking a bunch of money into any fix-er-uppers and get stuck with them."

    When I cited that both our parents had health issues and will continue to have trouble making ends meet and never retire, she said "they're fine because they have Social Security and Medicare."

    When I told her that I wanted to do it so that I could go to all of our daughter's sporting events, or recitals, or whatever she'll be into as an adolescent, she said "but I don't want you to risk losing any time with her NOW or THEN."

    When I asked her, "what if through REI we could finally be financially free with a little hard work now and it will get easier in the future?", she asked me "Why can't you just be satisfied? Financial independence is just a pipe dream. Why can't you just be like everyone else?"

    I am heartbroken. I still want to pursue real estate, but it feels like it's just going to be so much harder to be successful without her on my team. And with that much fervent resistance, is it worth risking my family even though I know in my heart and mind it's the right thing to do to secure my family's financial future?...

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  • Chris Szepessy
    Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
    8y

    I don't know anything about wholesaling and to someone who knows even less than me, it can seem like a gimmick so I can't help with that one.

    She doesn't want to risk sinking money into RE and get stuck with it-show her that there can be multiple ways out (sell, rent it out, owner finance, etc). Show her the numbers on each scenario.

    SS and Medicare-There's a lot of talk about SS "drying up" before a lot of us reach retirement. Whether it's true or not, shouldn't negate the fact that people need to take it upon themselves to ensure a decent living when they do retire. And besides, $1000 a month is SS doesn't go very far.

    RE investing doesn't need to take THAT much more time away from family. I would get up at 3am and go work on my properties. On days we had something planned, I'd be home by 10am so we could go do something or so I could watch my kids' sports games. Or, you could hire contractors to handle rehabs/maintenance. My job has taken a million times more time from my family than RE ever will. 

    Why can't you just be satisfied? That's more of a personal reason, but for me, being "like everyone else" usually isn't the best option. I used to think the work-save-retire thing was great, too. But, the more I talk to older people and the more reading I do, I realize that isn't the case. And I don't want to be like everyone else retiring at 65-70. I want to be young/active enough to actually enjoy myself and not just sit around watching TV. Or having the highlight of my week being going out to lunch with friends, like it is for many older people. 

    Did you try to give her real life scenarios of people who have actually done it? 

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  • Olivia C.
    Point Roberts, WA · Member since 2015 · 102 posts · 18 votes
    7y

    You could start by investing in REITs.  There are now some which require only $1K as a minimum investment (don't require accredited investors).

    If I were you, I would hire a top personal financial adviser who charges fees by the hour only.

    Ask her about asset allocation and where real estate investments fit in. Let her be the neutral educator. A few hundred bucks could pay off in REI yields later.

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