How to handle friends not on the same path as you.

Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes

Hi, I am a college student who is crazy about learning real estate and anything else pertaining to financial freedom. As I have been on this journey I have become more and more secluded from my friends. I feel as if I become distracted from my goals if I spend too much time with them. I do admit it can get lonely, but my goals mean a lot to me. Am I wrong for being like this? Did any of you experience this shift at the beginning of your journey?

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Karl B.

Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes

You are not wrong for doing this. Though I suggest meeting and spending time with successful real estate and/or business people. You can do this at local meet-ups (check BP to see if they have them).

Though it's also good to hang out with some fellow college students. If you don't know any who are into/interested in real estate I would check and see if there are any clubs on campus that could be similar (such as a business/finance club).

Even if you can't find a college group catered toward real estate it would be good to surround yourself with business-minded people who are driven.

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Karl B.
Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
7y
You are not wrong for doing this. Though I suggest meeting and spending time with successful real estate and/or business people. You can do this at local meet-ups (check BP to see if they have them).
Though it's also good to hang out with some fellow college students. If you don't know any who are into/interested in real estate I would check and see if there are any clubs on campus that could be similar (such as a business/finance club).
Even if you can't find a college group catered toward real estate it would be good to surround yourself with business-minded people who are driven.
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Nathan Killebrew
OP
Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes
7y
@Karl B. Thank you so much. I have been blessed by having someone who is interested that I can talk to about real estate. I keep pushing my friends and talking to them. I hope they will make the leap and invest in themselves, but they are probably just ready for me to shut up lol.
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Karl B.
Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
7y
Originally posted by @Nathan Killebrew:

@Karl B. Thank you so much. I have been blessed by having someone who is interested that I can talk to about real estate. I keep pushing my friends and talking to them. I hope they will make the leap and invest in themselves, but they are probably just ready for me to shut up lol.
Yeah. Some of them may invest when they're working, dislike their job, and want an out. But being in college is a fun time and the responsibility of finances is foreign to a lot of college students (most people I knew weren't working to put themselves through college; those people did exist but most of us were able to study, have fun and enjoy the college experience; I worked when I didn't have class to earn some money but life was simple during that time).
You're smart for wanting to get into real estate now, so continue learning and invest as soon as possible.
Personally, I know people who have limiting beliefs and subconsciously prefer being poor and stressed with bills rather than creating passive income. As you get older you'll encounter those people with more frequency. Simply surround yourself with successful people.
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Don Gouge
Johnson City, TN · Member since 2017 · 209 posts · 367 votes
7y
My college days are well past me and in the time since I have learned that people move into and out of your life. As your interests change often your friends will also. These friends may get back with you in a few years when they start seeing your success.
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Nathan Killebrew
OP
Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes
7y
@Don Gouge I definetly see that begining to happen as I have gone through college.
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Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Central, FL · Member since 2016 · 950 posts · 821 votes
7y
Some smarter person than myself said you are the average of the five people you associate with.
Or the other one is If you are the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a different room.
Looking towards your future isn’t a bad thing. I’m sure you can find like minded people, even in college.
As far as friends, they come and go, true friends don’t get butt-hurt if you aren’t on the same page as them 24/7. Unless you are the annoying guy that only talks about real estate 24/7 (I’ve been that guy) if so find other stuff to talk about as well.
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Lewis Myers
Member since 2019 · 19 posts · 5 votes
7y
Originally posted by @Don Gouge:

My college days are well past me and in the time since I have learned that people move into and out of your life. As your interests change often your friends will also. These friends may get back with you in a few years when they start seeing your success.
That is the truth!
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Scott Mac
Austin, TX · Member since 2019 · 5k+ posts · 5k+ votes
7y
Hi Nathan,
Maybe it's time to Expand the number (and age) of your friends by going to local Real Estate meetups.
You can still have the original friends, but focus on making some new older than you Business Friends.
It's called networking, and is an important part of the business for many (but not all).
And if you go, have some basic business cards printed up with your name, phone and email on them.
Good Luck!
2 Reply
Lien VuongBusiness Member
Real Estate Agent · Boston, MA · Member since 2018 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That is a reflection of your goals, net worth, and income level.
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Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Torrance, CA · Member since 2016 · 724 posts · 1k+ votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew I went through the same thing when was in my early 20's. You need new friends. Go to some REI meet ups or something. I think this is something most ambiguous people go through when they're young.
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Brandon Wolvington
Rental Property Investor · Salt Lake City, UT · Member since 2017 · 6 posts · 1 vote
7y
@Nathan Killebrew I just went through this exact same scenario myself, and it is hard! Especially when you have friends that you care about and have been such a big part in your life for so long. Just remember you are a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I don't think you need to cut them out of your life, but as you progress through your goals you will find like minded people that will elevate you to the next level and that is who you want to surround yourself with. No need to cut them out of your life, but you don't want them to slow you down.
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Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
7y
It's time for a new circle of friends. Seriously, you can stay in touch with the old crowd but it's time to surround yourself with people that share your interests and that will elevate you instead of pulling you down.
The average person doesn't like to hang around with someone that's seeking success. Why? If you're working hard and improving your life, it will make them feel bad about their own lack of drive or make them look bad to their spouse, family, etc.
Ever hear of a kid living in the ghetto that works hard to study and do well in school? Nobody praises that kid. In fact, they hate him because he makes everyone look bad. The kid is a constant reminder that everyone is capable of lifting themselves up to a higher standard but everyone prefers to stay lazy and blame "the man" for keeping them down.
Your friends are probably the same. They don't want to talk about investing because they prefer the mundane. They don't want to work hard. They want to watch DWS and then blame their lack of success on external sources rather than take responsibility for their own situation. This is how the majority of society (every society) works.
You don't train for a marathon by hanging out with people that hate to run or that only like to run 1-2 miles at a slow, easy jog. Find people that share your interest and your motivation and get after it! Your current friends can join you, tolerate you, or reject you. That's their choice.
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Patrick M.
WI · Member since 2018 · 123 posts · 69 votes
7y
College is a good time to let loose and try as many things as you can however it's also time to start making good decisions. Due to the nature of my college major I never went on spring break. I didn't miss what I didn't know and looking back I'm glad I was essentially denied that "opportunity". I lived.
If real estate is important to you then continue to focus on that. In my early 20's I was talking to a lot of business guys in their mid 30s and 40s. Made me mature a little faster than I wanted but also learned a lot more from those guys than the other 23 year olds just doing endless happy hours.
You can't convince your friends to follow your mission. It's yours and for you. Some might choose to come along and other's won't. Either way you have to stay the course best for you
2 Reply
Account Closed
Investor · Fairport, NY · Member since 2015 · 124 posts · 74 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew great mindset, just need to be in a different room. Focus on financial independence is unique enough, having that mindset in college makes you a unicorn. You will do great things, stay focused and know others are out there. Good luck!
2 Reply
Michael J.
Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2008 · 342 posts · 123 votes
7y
It's good to join a REIA and get to know others in RE but as far as friends goes if it's a good long term friend then of course you should continue being friends, it would be crazy to end a good friendship because they don't have an interest in RE.
Now proper that are not that great of a friend then I would not get pressured into wasting time on things that take me away from my goals and I would limit time as needed with good friends if I need more time to focus on RE.
I do not agree with the idea that you should disassociate with all non business friends. GOOD friends are important, but I don’t let them pull me from my goals either.
2 Reply
Jim K.
Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
I know it's hard to watch your good friends walk down obviously stupid roads. If it hasn't happened yet, this is probably something of what what you're going to see soon enough:
-----------------
A buddy will get out of college, buy himself a new car ("as a present") and rent an upscale apartment ("so good to finally get out of the dumps I used to have to live in!"). Then, since he spent high school and college busting his hump he never learned much about women, he's going to meet some golddigger with all kinds of upper-middle-class-ideas running through her head and ways of getting what she wants. He'll fall for her and the next thing you know, he'll be marrying her and buying a ridiculously expensive "starter house" with a fat mortgage.
And then come the kids, and the next thing you know, of course they have to get an even BIGGER house, and new cars every three years ("for the safety for the kids" of course).
They'll end up with a truly insane mortgage they can barely pay with nothing left over for pity's sake and he'll spend the next twenty years trying to pay it down while raising kids who have to wear designer clothes and have expensive hobbies. Her entire focus in life will be making sure it all looks good in Instagram as she works her woman's job ("What? What? I WORK!!!"), his entire life will be working as hard as possible to bring home enough to pay, pay, pay, pay the pain away.
And he'll realize his entire life has gone to fund this golddigger's dream of living an Instagram-worthy life, of proving to her mother that she's just as much of a successful upper-middle-class golddigger as Momma ever was.
That's when he'll start the desperate affair (if there's only one) that will lead to him shooting himself in the head in a hotel room one fine day. You'll be sitting with the family at the funeral watching the kids cry as the goddigger explains that, "Your father...your father...your father was a good man, but he was...well...he was troubled at times."
-----------------
There's nothing you can do about it.
4 Reply
Frank Wong
Real Estate Broker · Bay Area · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 3k+ votes
7y
Hi Nathan,
You are in college you are discovering who you are at an early age and sometimes people are not ready to grow up. No one said that reaching the top of the mountain will include all your friends. Some will follow you on the journey most will not and be left behind. This is life and how it happens. Don't worry you will find new friends along the way and you will truly find out which ones are the real friends.
4 Reply
Account Closed
Real Estate Agent · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2019 · 359 posts · 295 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew I started my journey in college and honestly and went through this. I was taking 18 credits with a 30 hr/week job while house hacking (renovating my duplex) that i bought my junior year. i was also already engaged. there was a big separation and i missed countless parties and gatherings so that i could either work or renovate. you end up finding friends who have similar goals as you and today, they are still the best friends ever. we congratulate each other, push each other, and win together. meanwhile, others take longer to get there and thats ok too but its just not me and doesnt sound to be you either.
2 Reply
Dennis M.
Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2018 · 6k+ posts · 9k+ votes
7y
oqp
Only quality people
Sadly Most people young and old alike are drifters In life . Do not be like them ! Set goals ,Have a plan ,and take massive action to see it through .
“An idiot with a plan will beat a genius without a plan every time”
-Warren buffet
7 Reply
Matthew ChalfantPro Member
Investor · Charleston, SC · Member since 2018 · 42 posts · 24 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew, it's normal to leave behind some friends. However, some people in your class will go on to be very successful. If you can find others who are pushing themselves they will motivate you. Also it will be nice to have successful people you could bring deals to and get investments.
1 Reply
Blake Walsh
Huntington, NY · Member since 2018 · 12 posts · 6 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Same. I just read/study rei on the side since i dont have the cash to get into it anyway.
1 Reply
Isaiah Fitzgerald
Specialist · Atlanta, GA · Member since 2019 · 2 posts · 0 votes
7y
@Karl B. What is BP?
0 Reply
Nina Hayden
Rental Property Investor · Dallas, Austin · Member since 2018 · 246 posts · 213 votes
7y
What you’re going through isn’t unheard of and normal for your age. When I was in my 20s I started a new business and hired several people! A scary time; yet, a wonderful and exhilarating time. That came with losing some friends and changing groups of people I hung out with. And that’s ok! When you’re very passionate about something most of your friends aren’t eventually it does get annoying (for both sides). So really the trick here is to be open mindedness to meeting others outside of the norm for you, like older crowd that will elevate you and even guide you.
Best of luck! This is the perfect time to learn and make all the mistakes you need to :)
1 Reply
Chase Westmoreland
Rental Property Investor · Winston Salem, NC · Member since 2019 · 3 posts · 6 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Friends are friends until they become associates. Associates are associates until they become friends. You never know how any story will start or end. Focus on your goal & only like minded goal people will help you succeed. In my almost 34 years of life, I’ve let a lot of good “friends” go. Going out drinking, hanging out, or just having that one night of fun (come on just 1 more drink ) is not worth having to work until your 65. Stay on you path and look at the road ahead on you.
I always tell myself, the person you were in the past doesn’t decide/determine who you are in the future. You become the person that you decide to become and only you make it!
3 Reply
Scott Hibbert
Denver, CO · Member since 2016 · 52 posts · 42 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew Stick to your goals. Avoid distractions and turn your learning into action sooner than later.
I am 36 with one rental property and wish I took action on the knowledge I had when I was in my early 20's.
Also, know that nothing changes as you get older. Those same college students that are your friends today become my corporate co-workers who are living paycheck to paycheck and are now in their early 30's and don't want to talk about real estate, savings or financial freedom.
Learn to know your audience and not talk too much about stuff they aren't interested in. They will learn when they SEE your success but not from talking about future hypothetical scenarios.
There is a large majority of people who spend thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of their lives on college degrees and MBA's but zero time learning on how to manage the hard earned money because it's too boring or they are too tired after working all day. Don't be one of them.
Go to local meetups like the others have already recommended and make new friends there.
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