How to handle friends not on the same path as you.

Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes

Hi, I am a college student who is crazy about learning real estate and anything else pertaining to financial freedom. As I have been on this journey I have become more and more secluded from my friends. I feel as if I become distracted from my goals if I spend too much time with them. I do admit it can get lonely, but my goals mean a lot to me. Am I wrong for being like this? Did any of you experience this shift at the beginning of your journey?

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Karl B.

Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes

You are not wrong for doing this. Though I suggest meeting and spending time with successful real estate and/or business people. You can do this at local meet-ups (check BP to see if they have them).

Though it's also good to hang out with some fellow college students. If you don't know any who are into/interested in real estate I would check and see if there are any clubs on campus that could be similar (such as a business/finance club).

Even if you can't find a college group catered toward real estate it would be good to surround yourself with business-minded people who are driven.

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Al Pat
Rental Property Investor · Atlanta, GA · Member since 2016 · 325 posts · 253 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew Well, listen to one of the Jim Rohn’s motivation videos sometimes. In one of them he says “you become who you hang out with, and you are an average of five of your closest friends”. Anyway, it may be time for you to explore new network of like minded people and develop new friends. Obviously, don’t leave the friends you enjoy but don’t allow their company to deviate you from your goals and journey that leads you to it. You are on the right path so carry on.
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Nathan Killebrew
OP
Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes
7y
Gosh, you guys have absolutely no idea the amount of value I received from this. I am trying to incorporate more like-minded individuals to spend my time with. The best place I have found is BP. Thank you for your support and motivation!
1 Reply
Jonathan W.
Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2019 · 512 posts · 301 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew always love and stay in touch with the ones that matter but that’s life and it’s inevitable. Once you leave the small circles of high school and college man your life is your own adventure. You’re more serious then your friends and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Once you leave college you’ll all go your own ways anyways.
Everything is an opportunity cost. You might hate yourself for studying and not being with them now but later you’ll thank yourself for being so far ahead. It’s up to you as a personal choice but regardless more friends will be made, don’t sacrifice your future to hold on to friendships that aren’t strong enough to last especially when you’ll go your own way anyways.
Take care of yourself and since your so passionate, you’ll have fun doing only what you love. Sorry not about the others kiddo
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Account Closed
Flipper/Rehabber · Lafayette, LA · Member since 2019 · 16 posts · 5 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Hi Nathan, I have the same issue with some of my close friends too, when it comes to Real Estate they think its a bad idea. Some of the best advice I have received is surround yourself around other Real Estate investors with the same interest.
I still have my close group of friends, but I’m starting to network and meet another people with a Similar Interest in Real Estate. You can join local meetup groups to start networking too. Good luck to you!
1 Reply
Brendan F. Nagle
Member since 2018 · 104 posts · 94 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Compartmentalization is key. When with your friends focus on them. When jumping into fi find new friends on your path you can run with. Your old friends will get it after you prove it can be done. If not, move on from them. Good luck.
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Farris Gosea
Rental Property Investor · Member since 2018 · 46 posts · 11 votes
7y
@Nathan k
@Nathan Killebrew hey Nathan. Great post. Yes this will happen and you will definitely drift away from people not like minded. I am 25 with 8 rental units and half mil net worth and all my friends are between 50 and 70 lol. The people you hang out with will change because you enjoy discussing different stuff than the usual college kid set out to party through their 20s and not work hard. Good for you and good luck with everything. Would love to connect with another young person who loves real estate, so feel free to message me here anytime!
Farris.
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Cameron Dansby
Member since 2019 · 2 posts · 2 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew I have been out of college for two years now and I too experienced this same shift. My partying days began to rapidly get old and my mind was infatuated with ideas of investing. I learned of financial freedom originally from YouTube and it completely changed everything for me. Stay focused and keep going it sounds like your on the right path!!
1 Reply
Stephen Robertson
Rental Property Investor · Lubbock, TX · Member since 2010 · 55 posts · 17 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Lots of people have suggested you start hanging around people you meet at the REIA, but have you ever thought of starting a campus club for investors on your own is the isn't one? You'll have people coming to you and develop a new network as a result. This will provide you with a peer group of like minded individuals on campus.
2 Reply
Donald Kish
Specialist · College Station, TX · Member since 2019 · 9 posts · 11 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
I have had friends essentially break up with me because I would constantly be unavailable due to work or school *two full time jobs and full time student. If someone is a good friend they will push you forward. Surround yourself with people who are as motivated as you.
2 Reply
Manouk Yeghikian
Rental Property Investor · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2019 · 33 posts · 3 votes
7y
@Karl B. Perfect advice!
2 Reply
Annie Irizari
Real Estate Consultant · Albuquerque, NM · Member since 2019 · 28 posts · 9 votes
7y
This is your financial freedom, you can only do you. Don't worry about naysayers or  what other people think. There's other ways to connect with college friends even if they don't have the same mindset as you in building wealth through real estate. It's okay to  have different types of friends. I have RE friends and mentor, I have volunteer friends. I have travel friends, dancing friends and the list goes on. They all serve a purpose in life. It  will ebb and flow as your life evolves.
Stay focused. Stay on this path. It's okay to be the exception rather than screwed up norm - chase after debt and bigger limited paychecks.  10 years from now when you have passive income, working less hours, not worried about a job, debt free while your friends are still chasing the bigger paycheck to pay debt, they'll be asking you for advise.
Courage to be different is not the absence of fear but rather to keep going despite fear. Are we going to make mistakes - absolutely, that's how we learn. Hopefully not big mistakes that can cost you or set you back in your goals. That's why analysis and financial intelligence is key in this journey. Keep learning and adding tools to your toolbelt.
Anyway, I wish I had a mentor or coach or had done this when I was in college but hindsight is 20-20, I'd have my freedom 10x over of this I'm sure... but it's never too late to start or take action.  I am doing it now. Fear is temporary, regret is forever, in this case, it can cost you your future freedom. As a first generation american immigrant, my parents didn't know what they didn't know, they were from the old school - go to school, get good grades, get a job and stay there forever. It might have worked in their generation but certainly not today or the future...
if you haven't, suggest you read:
Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad or listen to the audio
Robert Frost poem "The Road not taken"
We are working with Kiyosakis I/Investor quadrant(let your money work for you, not you work for your money) as opposed to the E/Employee, S/self employed, B/business owner quadrants-the rat race quadrants of you work/slave for your money.
My parents couldn't guide me in this space since they came from the Poor Dad syndrome - go to school and get a job/journey of the broke and the rat race like the majority population.
Hope this offers some insight and encouragement for you. :-)
4 Reply
Alex KhanPro Member
Specialist · Southeast Michigan · Member since 2015 · 300 posts · 244 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew. Very simple! Get new friends!
248-979-8119
1 Reply
Tanner Marsey
Rental Property Investor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2017 · 439 posts · 578 votes
7y
You’re in college. Hang out with your friends, have fun, party. RE, finances and investing aren’t going anywhere. It’s 4-5 years of life that you should enjoy.
1 Reply
Dean Letfus
Specialist · Memphis, TN · Member since 2012 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
There is an old saying that "You are the 5 people closest to you". If friends put you off or are continually negative, find new ones. Hard but necessary.
2 Reply
Greg MoranPro Member
Investor · Washington, DC · Member since 2017 · 136 posts · 59 votes
7y
College is a great time to explore interests, and develop friendships. Sometimes you can do both at once, sometimes not... I waited for 15 years after college to explore REI, but nevertheless I am also having that same experience. A lot of my friends and colleagues don't really want to hear about how I am doing with this journey. They want to watch their TV, faff about on social media, and go out drinking... Not much has changed since college, except they've gotten sucked into the rat race.
1 Reply
Ian WalshBusiness Member
Lender · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
Focus on the goal and don't worry about the rest.
1 Reply
Michael Noto
Real Estate Agent · Southington, CT · Member since 2008 · 5k+ posts · 3k+ votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew Your circle of close friends will grow smaller and tighter throughout the years and the people you associate with from a business/everyday life perspective will take the place of the friends you were probably never that close to in the first place when you step back and really think about it.
1 Reply
Nick Rutkowski
Rental Property Investor · Ithaca, NY · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
Yep, all my friends said I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have money or a job. I ended up buying a house and lost my friends. Good thing is you can always get new friends.
1 Reply
Steve RozenbergPro Member
Specialist · Houston, TX · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew
You will make the average of the 5 people you hang around. If you are making the most and you are the most successful of your group... change groups and find the people you want to become
1 Reply
Nicole Heasley Beitenman
Investor · Youngstown, OH · Member since 2017 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
7y
Balance is key! It's stupid to throw away good friends just because they're not into RE. College is the time to have ALL kinds of friends. Even ones who aren't that great of friends but are just fun people. Those are the friends you hang out with on Saturday nights and avoid on Wednesday afternoons. They have their time and place, and they're likely temporary, but you'll miss them when you start pushing 30 and can't find anyone to do anything with. Your early 20's are not expendable. Do not spend all your free time holed up in your room studying REI. That won't lead you to success.
That being said, it is never too early to start creating a circle of like-minded friends either! Getting into REIA's is an excellent idea. Your school might even have a real estate group.
But you absolutely need some friends who aren't into REI. There's no reason you can't have it all.
1 Reply
Al Perez
Rental Property Investor · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2015 · 97 posts · 21 votes
7y
Hello Nathan, in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of a natural "evolution". Same happened to me. As a matter of fact, I feel lonely since I moved to Canada twelve years ago but what gives me mental energy and makes me move forward, besides my family, is my passion for RE (in US). When I visit my former country, Peru, my conversations with old friends, from the university or school, are not the same, unless they are entrepreneurs. In my case, due to the fact that I live out of the country makes us even more distant but despite of speaking the same language and being close friends the magic is not there anymore. I'm much more interested in talking to someone who can become a potential client or someone who wants to learn about RE in US. Hope this helps!
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Jeff Ronningen
Investor · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2015 · 242 posts · 182 votes
7y
@Nathan Killebrew. Relationships are important. You don’t want to achieve great financial success only to realize you’ve sacrificed important relationships. Your true friends will support you and respect your time. People who don’t respect your time and who try exert negative influence are the ones you can do without.
1 Reply
Jonathan BombaciBusiness Member
Real Estate Agent · Lowell, MA · Member since 2019 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
I found myself in a similar situation but it was more in my late 20's when I found FI that I experienced what you're referring to. What i found was if I started or forced the conversation about FI or real estate on my friends or family it alienated them pretty quickly. It's hard to believe but some people just don't get real estate. Even less get Financial Independence, it is a mindset shift that challenges the norm and the life most college students parents have planned for them. Some people will never be willing/able to make that mental shift and that is okay.
I found when I started off the conversation on Real Estate investment and/or FI it had a very high potential to come off as judgmental or crazy risky. That might work for you but not for me for blah blah blah. It turns people off so I just stopped talking about it and focused on what I needed to do. Now that it "appears to be working out for me", which it is, I find people are asking me about it. If they bring it up I find it is a much different conversation and pieces of it sink in.
So my suggestion is just focus on you, still hangout with your friends when you can and when it makes sense but don't bring up the FI or real estate stuff unless asked about it. When they see it working for you and when they're ready for it they'll ask about it and by then you'll be well on your journey.
[email protected]978-710-8611
Candor Realty4.760 Reviews
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Gibran Saliba
Murfreesboro, TN · Member since 2019 · 41 posts · 14 votes
7y
@Karl B.its incredible right? Being poor in America is very comfortable. That is why many people choose to stay poor. Had they come from a developing country however they would choose to work their *** off to become at least six figure earners
3 Reply
Josh C.Pro Member
Property Manager · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2010 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
You guys all sound lame. College is a once in a life experience. Needs spent laughing and experiencing things. You’ll never be around that many people in similar situations with so little responsibility. You should always capitalize your opportunities and none better than life long memories. That’s why we all work so hard isn’t? To enjoy life and to provide. You can’t play volleyball and drink beer all day when you are 30 with two kids. I’d say avoid debt, live cheap, and make memories. Keep learning here on BP, but don’t turn your life off because of ambition. Seems foolish to work all the time and not have fun, so one day you can have fun. College is short and not repeatable. Boiler up!
Now once graduation happens and you have money. Still live cheap and get after it.
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