How to handle friends not on the same path as you.
Investor · Clinton, MS · Member since 2019 · 83 posts · 85 votes
Hi, I am a college student who is crazy about learning real estate and anything else pertaining to financial freedom. As I have been on this journey I have become more and more secluded from my friends. I feel as if I become distracted from my goals if I spend too much time with them. I do admit it can get lonely, but my goals mean a lot to me. Am I wrong for being like this? Did any of you experience this shift at the beginning of your journey?
You are not wrong for doing this. Though I suggest meeting and spending time with successful real estate and/or business people. You can do this at local meet-ups (check BP to see if they have them).
Though it's also good to hang out with some fellow college students. If you don't know any who are into/interested in real estate I would check and see if there are any clubs on campus that could be similar (such as a business/finance club).
Even if you can't find a college group catered toward real estate it would be good to surround yourself with business-minded people who are driven.
@Nathan Killebrew I'm 27 now and have gone through, still go through, and probably will continue to go through this. Though it becomes less and less of an issue over time as you stay the path. It becomes more normal and you become friends with other investors/business people.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is tell your friends what you're after and explain that is why they haven't and won't see much of you. Good friends will understand, and may want to join you.
Whoever said you're the average of the five people you are around the most was dead on. Put yourself in situations that move you towards your goals. Spend more time with like minded people than non-like minded people. You'll probably find that you'll still be friends with the old crew, but you'll make new ones that share your interests too.
@Nathan Killebrew
Steve Harvey:
‘Everyone who comes with you, can't go with you. You'll lose friends while you're climbing to the top.’
Nothing wrong with going a different path. Deep inside you know who your friends are and real friends will always be your real friends! Heck, my friends were always hanging-out but i was able to hang out occasionally because i Had to work. While they were hanging out i was already pension vested at my job. Fast forward 25 years and i'm not a rich guy (some may say so but not by NYC standards) but i have a sweet pension before 50 yrs old (that i never had to contribute to), a 401K that was matched for 22 years, fully paid medical, 2 two family rental houses in NYC all paid for and my paid off primary residence 30miles NW of Manhattan.
@Nathan Killebrew Its unfortunate but there is a good chance you will grow apart from those that you are friends with. Maybe someday they will take interest but when it comes to the life you live especially at your age its alright to be selfish. Later in life you won't have the same freedoms if you start your own family and as your current family ages. You don't have to cut them off but you can't lose focus.
It's time for a new circle of friends. Seriously, you can stay in touch with the old crowd but it's time to surround yourself with people that share your interests and that will elevate you instead of pulling you down.
The average person doesn't like to hang around with someone that's seeking success. Why? If you're working hard and improving your life, it will make them feel bad about their own lack of drive or make them look bad to their spouse, family, etc.
Ever hear of a kid living in the ghetto that works hard to study and do well in school? Nobody praises that kid. In fact, they hate him because he makes everyone look bad. The kid is a constant reminder that everyone is capable of lifting themselves up to a higher standard but everyone prefers to stay lazy and blame "the man" for keeping them down.
Your friends are probably the same. They don't want to talk about investing because they prefer the mundane. They don't want to work hard. They want to watch DWS and then blame their lack of success on external sources rather than take responsibility for their own situation. This is how the majority of society (every society) works.
You don't train for a marathon by hanging out with people that hate to run or that only like to run 1-2 miles at a slow, easy jog. Find people that share your interest and your motivation and get after it! Your current friends can join you, tolerate you, or reject you. That's their choice.
I agree with what Nathan said.
It's not easy to be different.
But remember this: all successful people are weird in the sense that they are different than the average person.
The average person wants a safe secure job. We want to be our own boss, without a job but with a business that can produce in one day, more income than what people can earn in a month.
The average person wants a 401k & set aside money with someone else investing that money for them. We want to control our investment and have properties producing passive income.
So, time to spend more time with people who can raise you up instead of pulling you down.
Easy-- find new friends who are into real estate!
Your regular friends won't get it, they won't understand and will think you're crazy.. that's okay... make new friends who are into investing and they will be valuable resources!
Are they quality, driven, growth-mindset type friends? Just because they're not interested in real estate doesn't mean they're "doing it wrong" or that you can't be friends. Some people have no interest in real estate but are successful in other ways. As long as you continue to share other interests and you enjoy their friendship than it's obviously worth maintaining. And stop beating them over the head with real estate or you'll push them away. How would you feel if a friend was always pushing you to join a MLM group he was making a ton of money in (some people actually do)? That's probably how they're starting to feel, especially if you haven't actually been able to prove how successful someone can be in it.
That being said, if you're going to grow and be successful in real estate, you do need your tribe there. You need your friends, your network. Join REI groups. Talk to other landlords. Talk to realtors. Get to know as many people on the same path as you and forge those friendships. You may find that those friendships start to mean more, and maybe some of the other friendships become less important.
But honestly dropping friends just because they're not into real estate seems a little ridiculous to me. None of my closest friends do anything with real estate. None of them own their own businesses. But they are successful on their own paths. My husband and I are both self employed in our 9-5's plus we're real estate investors. My friends and I bond over our other interests and life experiences, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
You're going to go through phases in life where you lose friends, make new ones, and occasionally have very few. This is especially true while you start to rack up successes and wins as well as learn the lessons of some losses.
My recommendation would be to choose your friends carefully with the caveat of caution.
The phrase that you are your 5 friends is pushed SO hard on social media right now.
Make sure that you don't choose friends strictly for what they have, what they can do for you, or if you can learn from them.
Some of my best friendships have been with people that someone chasing the "top 5" would have "outgrown".
I choose to look for inspiring, driven, and loyal humans.
Success is 4 dimensional: Health, Finances, Relationships, and Personal Growth.
Culture glorifies the healthy and the wealthy. Don't neglect your personal development and relationships chasing the former.
Absolutely. Not everyone is wired the same; we spend a lot of time in my company learning and executing personality assessments and their conclusions. This may be considered the 'mean' response, but someone always has to be willing to grease the gears because not everyone can turn the handle or own the machine. Some of my best friends have the exact amount of drive and motivation typical of mid-20-somethings and there's nothing I say or do that can change that. Acknowledging that and then focusing on what you CAN learn from them in return if you spend time with them is the key.
For example: a friend of mine is completely content in his job that I actually used to work and hated. Through continuing to hang out with him and his very laid back personality, it's helped me realize that I was entirely way too tightly-wound and that getting my drawers in a bunch every time I can't change something is a waste of time! (I'm having this beaten into my head repeatedly as an active RE Agent now). That said, it's easy to see the negative of something, but it takes a lot more learned person to find the positives and utilize them.