I'm getting some decent responses with my direct mail marketing but I'm falling flat on the phone. I'm realizing I need a good elevator pitch describing what I do and how I can help the person with whom I'm speaking.  Here's a sample of a conversation I had this morning with a really nice older gentleman:

Him: I'm responding to a letter you sent me regarding my property at 123 Main St.

Me:  Oh uh...what address was that again?

Him: 123 Main St.

Me: Oh yes!  I...um...was in your neighborhood the other day and was...um... interested in that property.  I'm a real estate investor and I pay cash for homes that are in need of repair.

Him: Ok.  Well that property is actually in pretty good shape.  It's got 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, 1900 sq ft, etc...

Me: Ok do you currently have it rented? (absentee owner)

Him: Yes, a nice family rents it that has always paid the rent.

Me: Do you think they would let me inside to look at the property?

...It went on from there and I got through it but it was kind of painful.  We left it that he would talk to his wife on a price they're looking for and call me back.  Not only did I insult him by telling him his property had fallen into disrepair when he thought it was in good condition, I also didn't do a very good job building rapport in general.

I'm wondering if any other experienced investors or wholesalers have had similar experiences when they were starting out.  Can anyone give examples of elevator pitches they provide to potential sellers?  I'm sure all the other new investors out there would appreciate the advice as much as I will.

Thanks!