Critique my Yellow Letter

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Critique my Yellow Letter

Daniel Hornsby
Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes

I'm about to sit down and start my FIRST mail campaign by handwriting around 100 mailers per week from a list of about 500 leads from listsource. Absentee-Owner and Owner-Occ with a certain percentage of equity.

Before I begin this "labor of love" I'd like some other opinions on it. Letter is yellow lined "essay paper" with red ink. #10 business envelopes with handwritten addresses in red ink and printed return labels. I've seen other examples on BP and tried to create one that fits my personality. Letter reads as follows:

Dear John Doe,

Hello,

My name is Dan and I am interested in your property at 123 Street Ave.

If you're interested in selling this or any other property you may have, call me at :

[local phone number]

I will buy your property in 'as-is' condition and I can close fast.

I look forward to discussing this with you soon!

Respectfully,

Dan

[local phone number]

Any and all criticisms are welcome. Thanks in advance :)

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Michael Quarles
Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
13y

My treat. I will send 100 for free. Lets use a letter that will get a better response. Send me a PM. And I will give u details.

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  • Michael Quarles
    Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    13y

    My treat. I will send 100 for free. Lets use a letter that will get a better response. Send me a PM. And I will give u details.

    2Reply
  • Scott VandenBerg
    Real Estate Investor · Holland, MI · Member since 2013 · 25 posts · 2 votes
    13y

    Daniel Hornsby I think the letter is good. My questions:
    1) What is your goal? Are you trying to buy below market value? Rehab, wholesale, or hold? - whatever makes sense?
    I just wonder if your "message" speaks to what you are trying to do.
    2) For my own info, and because I am working on a similar project I think: Why did you choose list source? Do you know if you can get a list with pre-foreclosure and a certain amount of equity? Cost? sorry to answer your question, with a question :), thanks for the info!

    0Reply
  • Daniel Hornsby
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Scott VandenBerg, my plan is to wholesale initially. I'm pretty sure it is in the best interest for any RE investor to get their properties below market value. Wouldn't you agree? ;)

    I chose listsource because there are alot of people (on and off BP) who recommend it. You can pick and choose the criteria for the searches. I will be honest it took me a while to get the hang of it but I eventually came out with a list I could work with.

    Threads like these helped me out A LOT:

    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/87/topics/81989-critique-my-listsource-criteria-first-time-doing-this

    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/93/topics/82269-wholesaling-marketing-journal?page=1

    0Reply
  • Jerry PuckettPro Member
    Wholesaler · Fort Worth, TX · Member since 2010 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    13y
    Originally posted by Michael Quarles:
    Send me a PM. And I will give u details.

    Very generous Michael, but why do you have to take Daniel Hornsby and this conversation off line? Could you critique the letter here so we can all learn? I know you offered to give, but taking this private looks more like trying to make a new client than contributing to the community. Just my opinion mind you.

    For my part, I am not fond of #10 envelopes with printed labels. I think that screams marketing piece. Much prefer the small 3x5 envelopes with both hand written addresses and return addresses. Looks like those little letters Aunt Mary used to send.

    1Reply
  • Will BarnardPro Member
    Moderator
    Developer · Santa Clarita, CA · Member since 2008 · 15k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    13y

    A recent thread regarding a negative yellow letter response was brought up. One of the items that was "knit picked" was the fact that the sender used ONLY his first name.

    For you yellow letter specialists, do you only use your first name in the letter or do you use your full real name?

    Podcast Guest on Show #130
    0Reply
  • Doug R.
    Financial Professional · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2013 · 92 posts · 7 votes
    13y

    Scott VandenBerg Do you find (listsource) to be worth the cost of buying each specific list?

    0Reply
  • Michael Quarles
    Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    13y

    Jerry.

    Offline is better. Maybe I shouldn't give mail away. Hurts the rest who don't. I get that

    0Reply
  • Michael Quarles
    Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    13y

    Will.

    Yellows. First only. And at time an alias.

    Professional. First and last

    0Reply
  • Daniel Hornsby
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Jerry Puckett, thanks for your input. I wanted to do printed return labels just because I thought that part of the envelope would have much less of an impact than the address part. If I were in the sellers shoes I would think taking the time to at least handwriting the address would send a strong message that I am an actual person and not a printing machine send the mail.

    Will Barnard, I used my first and last name on the return address label and I thought that if the seller really wanted to know my last name they would just look at the envelope. In the body of the letter I feel it is more personal using first names.

    Michael Quarles, professionalism is definitely something I want to convey to the sellers to build rapport and confidence. Should I use first and last names instead?

    Thanks to all!

    0Reply
  • Jerry PuckettPro Member
    Wholesaler · Fort Worth, TX · Member since 2010 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    13y

    Will Barnard, I use first and last name on all direct mail marketing. I believe it makes the message more credible.

    Michael Quarles, humor me, why is off line better? How does the community benefit from advice it can't see? Giving your product away isn't hurting anyone, but answering the OP in private sure doesn't help anyone. I noticed you didn't answer Will's question off line.

    0Reply
  • Michael Quarles
    Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    13y

    Jerry.

    Color me retarded. I offered help. I offered to give them their letters for free. I've even added some advise. If they want free letters they just need to pm me. And I'll tell them who to contact so it happens.

    I guess I'm just mentally handicapped to understand your point.

    0Reply
  • Will BarnardPro Member
    Moderator
    Developer · Santa Clarita, CA · Member since 2008 · 15k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    13y
    Originally posted by Michael Quarles:
    Will.

    Yellows. First only. And at time an alias.

    Professional. First and last

    Question out of curiosity from this answer. Why would you ever want to use a phony name? Aside from being dishonest, if you do get a deal, they are going to get your real name on contract, so I don't see why you would ever use an alias.
    Podcast Guest on Show #130
    0Reply
  • Michael Quarles
    Flipper/Rehabber · Bakersfield, CA · Member since 2008 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    13y

    Will you and I have an acceptable American English name. Some investors don't. In fact their names are so difficult to read yet pronounce that using an alias "nickname" is best.

    0Reply
  • Will BarnardPro Member
    Moderator
    Developer · Santa Clarita, CA · Member since 2008 · 15k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    13y
    Originally posted by Michael Quarles:
    Will you and I have an acceptable American English name. Some investors don't. In fact their names are so difficult to read yet pronounce that using an alias "nickname" is best.
    I see, great point! That makes a lot of sense.
    Podcast Guest on Show #130
    0Reply
  • Scott VandenBerg
    Real Estate Investor · Holland, MI · Member since 2013 · 25 posts · 2 votes
    13y

    Daniel Hornsby, Are you trying to find "motivated" sellers (facing foreclosure) or are you trying to hit that person that has plenty of equity and might just decide to sell cheap? Just studying different strategies, thanks!
    Can anyone else speak to the effectiveness of Dan's approach?

    0Reply
  • Daniel Hornsby
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Scott VandenBerg, there are many types of motivated sellers and I want to reach every one of them. An unmotivated seller, well, isn't a seller at all IMO. Whatever the reason is for a seller to be motivated (behind on taxes, behind on mortgage, out of state job transfer, overwhelming/underwhelming inheritance, etc.) is a reason for them to call me to see if I can help. I don't think anyone just decides one day that they want to sell their home for cheap. Motivation is what's important and that's what you have to find out. As soon as I get a free day I want to hit the local probate court to pick up some probate leads as well.

    0Reply
  • Justin SilverioPro Member
    Developer · Andover, MA · Member since 2008 · 1k+ posts · 489 votes
    13y

    Will Barnard I make sure to use the same naming convention when using yellow letters. If I only use my first name, I only use the homeowner's first name. The same goes when I use my first & last name.

    Podcast Guest on Show How to Easily Find Off-Market Properties (No Experience Required!)
    0Reply
  • Steve Carroll
    Investor · Anaheim, CA · Member since 2013 · 16 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Personally I think starting it off "Dear John Doe" is to formal and makes it sound like a business letter.

    Here is what I was thinking of using for my first yellow letter campaign.

    [i]Hi____,

    My name is ______ ______ and I am interested in buying your property at ----- ----------.
    If you're really interested in selling your house or know any neighbors that are, please call my personal number at :
    ___ ___ ______

    Thank you,
    ______ ______

    PS: I will buy your property in 'as-is' condition and I can close fast. If you have little or no equity or are upside down, I may still be able to buy it from you and get the bank off your back.

    1Reply
  • Daniel Hornsby
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Steve and Berta, looks like a winner! Good luck with that letter!

    0Reply
  • Eric Hettena
    Real Estate Investor · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2013 · 99 posts · 29 votes
    13y

    Everyone, this is a great thread with solid advice from different perspectives. Always great to hear different point of views on the mystical yellow letter.

    0Reply
  • Daniel Hornsby
    OP
    Real Estate Agent · Madison Heights, MI · Member since 2012 · 58 posts · 3 votes
    13y

    Quick update:

    I quickly discovered handwriting these letters takes A LOT of time. I turned my handwriting into a font and whipped up a "mail merge" letter and I have 7 left to stamp'n'seal before I complete the batch of 100. Hoping to finish tonight and mail 'em out tomorrow morning for them to hit their destined mailboxes on Monday. Ill start a new thread giving the results of this 'labor of love'. Thanks to all for your input! Hopefully I get a deal out of this batch but I know that will (probably) be improbable. I can still hope :)

    0Reply
  • Oiluj Lopez
    Investor · Middlesex, NJ · Member since 2008 · 53 posts · 7 votes
    13y

    I'm actually doing the same thing right now.. handwriting became a pain quickly!

    I'll be mailing out 100 targeted letters tomorrow morning, with hopes of getting some calls on Monday.

    0Reply
  • Amanda Fox
    Professional · Denver, CO · Member since 2013 · 69 posts · 29 votes
    13y

    Daniel Hornsby how did you turn your handwriting into a font?? I would like to do the same!

    0Reply
  • Phil Z.
    Real Estate Broker · Orange, CT · Member since 2013 · 951 posts · 218 votes
    13y

    1. Do not bother hand-writing the letter. IF you must, use a hand writing font.

    2. Remove the 'or any other property'. Make it look like you want this property specifically as if you are already familiar with it.

    3. 100 letters is not enough (in my opinion). You should send a minimum of 500 if you want calls.

    1Reply
  • Gary M.
    Real Estate Investor · leawood, KS · Member since 2008 · 55 posts · 1 vote
    13y
    Originally posted by Amanda Fox:
    ...how did you turn your handwriting into a font?? I would like to do the same!

    If you use Google documents you can download different handwriting fonts. Just search hand and script when you "Add Fonts" (at the bottom of the font type scroll). I like Seaweed Script. I am sure you can download other font types in Word also.

    Gary

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