Critique my Yellow Letter

[Daniel Hornsby]

I'm about to sit down and start my FIRST mail campaign by handwriting around 100 mailers per week from a list of about 500 leads from listsource. Absentee-Owner and Owner-Occ with a certain percentage of equity.

Before I begin this "labor of love" I'd like some other opinions on it. Letter is yellow lined "essay paper" with red ink. #10 business envelopes with handwritten addresses in red ink and printed return labels. I've seen other examples on BP and tried to create one that fits my personality. Letter reads as follows:

Dear John Doe,

Hello,

My name is Dan and I am interested in your property at 123 Street Ave.

If you're interested in selling this or any other property you may have, call me at :

[local phone number]

I will buy your property in 'as-is' condition and I can close fast.

I look forward to discussing this with you soon!

Respectfully,

Dan

[local phone number]

Any and all criticisms are welcome. Thanks in advance :)

[Michael Quarles]

My treat. I will send 100 for free. Lets use a letter that will get a better response. Send me a PM. And I will give u details.