Feeling a little discouraged
Rental Property Investor · Overland Park, KS · Member since 2018 · 49 posts · 30 votes
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m never going to advance much further in this whole real estate business because I don’t have the money to make a deal. I’m introverted and terrible at sales and networking, so I’m struggling to find any partners, too. I would appreciate any words of wisdom to help get beyond this rut.
@Erin Auman I don't think money or networking are holding you back. I think it is general lack of action. You need to take action to succeed.
A good first step is create a profile on BiggerPockets. Your profile is EMPTY. Write up your goals in real estate. Share your deals.
Make connections on BiggerPockets. I know you are an introvert, but messaging on a computer is very non-threatening. You have 10 connections on BP currently. Set your goal to double those connections. That means submitting connection requests and include a person note. The personal note should be honest. Send me one and I will accept, so that is one down!
Post more questions in the forums. Questions can be any topic you are stuck on. Examples, "How Do I get Better at Sales" or "How Does an Introvert Make Connections" or "Opinions On XYZ Market".
Respond to forum posts that are of interest to you. With the variety of topics I guarantee you can find some that you can add value to. Tag someone in each of the posts, which will encourage them to respond to you. This is a step towards starting conversations.
You can also look for meet ups in your area. Set key word alerts for your city and state. You may be nervous attending the meeting, but you can just go and listen. People will approach you and all you have to do is answer questions.
As you take these steps, each builds on the next. Don't let fear or excuses shut you down. Just do a little bit every day and slowly you will get there.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m never going to advance much further in this whole real estate business because I don’t have the money to make a deal. I’m introverted and terrible at sales and networking, so I’m struggling to find any partners, too. I would appreciate any words of wisdom to help get beyond this rut.
Hello Erin,
You don't have to have money nor do you need to be good at sales. However, you do have to talk to people and network - that's how you find people who have the items you don't have. Go to your local REI meeting and make it a point to introduce yourself to 5 people, you'll discover others in the same boat. One step at a time and you'll get there. Also, remember that you're doing this to better your future....you're not the MC or the entertainment. It's business. Good luck!
Hi Erin! Don't be discouraged. You will get there! You just have to believe. If sales and networking aren't your strong suit, then figure out what it is that you can bring to the table. Are you good at analyzing and finding deals? Perhaps you're creative and good with your hands? Everyone is good at something. I know networking can seem daunting. How about just starting by talking more on the forums and getting acquainted with people online? I know things are a lot less intimidating for me when I can do it with some time to gather my thoughts! Good luck.
Hi Erin,
I want you to know this is a great step into changing how you feel right now by posting on the forums because you just took some kind of action.
Now keep taking actions by private messaging people who reach out and give you advice on this post.
I also believe 99.9% that you are discouraged right now because you are not educated enough to feel comfortable with stuff.
Please go listen to the podcasts, watch YouTube videos, & read books You will feel 100 times more comfortable then you are now
Hi Erin
I know the feeling about not having any money but likes other said in this post just try to go and talk to someone in the REI meeting. Most people in those meeting are also looking to meet others just like you.
@James Nix
Unfortunately, I learn best by doing, and I feel like I have gotten as far as I can with books and podcasts and I need to take the next step of someone guiding me through the process hands-on. But I don’t know how to find someone to help me with that since I’m bad at networking and I really don’t feel like I have much to bring to the table. I’m good at designing kitchens, but other than that, I don’t know. I can also run home networking, but as far as I know, that’s not in much demand.
@Erin Auman
Here is a good clinical psychologist that has some good tips on what to do in social situations if you have a lot of social anxiety or if you're not good at talking to people. It's about 4 minutes, maybe give his tips a try at a few get togethers or while you're network and see if it helps.
https://youtu.be/KjG3CMQL1HQ
@Erin Auman. Networking is a skill you can improve on just like real estate. Listen to podcasts ON networking, read books and put yourself out there.
I’ve been in a sales field my entire career and those situations only get better by doing it. If you’re in a hotel and you share an elevator with somebody introduce yourself. It may be awkward and they may think it was a strange encounter but you’ll be better off next time.
Networking is a skill that can be developed like any other.
It took me 3 to 4 years of thinking about it trying to find money before I was able to pull the trigger after the 2008 crash .
@Billy Smith
Hey, you’re in my neck of the woods! We currently have a couple properties, I’m just feeling stuck when I want to be growing my business. So what did you do once you finally pulled the trigger? Where are you at with it now.
After I pulled the trigger the next one was still a little tough the 3 one was easier.
I then branched out and helped friends buy rentals. Ownership \ managing, 7 are in Overland Park 1 in Lenexa. My goal is 12 SFH in Overland Park \ Lenexa .
@Erin Auman I don't think money or networking are holding you back. I think it is general lack of action. You need to take action to succeed.
A good first step is create a profile on BiggerPockets. Your profile is EMPTY. Write up your goals in real estate. Share your deals.
Make connections on BiggerPockets. I know you are an introvert, but messaging on a computer is very non-threatening. You have 10 connections on BP currently. Set your goal to double those connections. That means submitting connection requests and include a person note. The personal note should be honest. Send me one and I will accept, so that is one down!
Post more questions in the forums. Questions can be any topic you are stuck on. Examples, "How Do I get Better at Sales" or "How Does an Introvert Make Connections" or "Opinions On XYZ Market".
Respond to forum posts that are of interest to you. With the variety of topics I guarantee you can find some that you can add value to. Tag someone in each of the posts, which will encourage them to respond to you. This is a step towards starting conversations.
You can also look for meet ups in your area. Set key word alerts for your city and state. You may be nervous attending the meeting, but you can just go and listen. People will approach you and all you have to do is answer questions.
As you take these steps, each builds on the next. Don't let fear or excuses shut you down. Just do a little bit every day and slowly you will get there.
I am an introvert also, I feel your pain. Here is my off the wall suggestion. A few things are always true, businesses are always looking for good people and successful people like to help people they view as similar to themselves.
It should be fairly easy to find property managers in your area. Same with wholesalers (call the we buy houses numbers) or maybe even realtors. Call them or better yet go to the office in person and ask if they have jobs available, if so apply (I know this is hard as an introvert but tell yourself if it is a disaster you can just call the next number). If no jobs then tell them you are looking for an internship position. You are willing to work X number of hours each week for free. At the end of 30 days you will be happy to leave if it is not working out, so they won't even have to worry about firing you. I assume you have a real job, so it will probably have to be part time. You may need to adjust your other work schedule to accommodate
Now the key here is that you will be starting at the rock bottom. Your first tasks will have nothing to do with real estate, they will be menial like getting coffee and running errands. But in that time you will be making contacts and learning as you go. If you do those jobs with gusto and enthusiasm you are going to get more important jobs. Pretty soon you have a mentor.
I am generally against unpaid internships, but to get your foot in the door it may be worth it. After 30 days, if they want you to stick around that means you are adding value. Now you are learning as you go and can start to negotiate money for your labor. If it does not work out...there are other names on your list, try again.
None of what I suggested matters, however, unless you have a burning "Why". Are you motivated to change you life? So motivated you will cold call people for a job? So motivated you will work 2 jobs for awhile to get you foot in the door? Decide what your "why" is and remind yourself of it every time they say no thanks or the door slams. I know nothing about your life, but I assume there are structural issues like poverty that are holding you back. You need to use your sweat and effort to overcome those. It will not be easy, most fail. But anyone can succeed, you just have to decide the "why" is worth the effort.
Good Luck
You've made a lot of self-fulfilling statements here:
1. I'm introverted
2. I'm terrible at sales.
3. I need to take the next step of someone guiding me through the process.
4. I'm bad at networking.
5. I don't have much to bring to the table.
I would listen to @Joe Splitrock, who is one of the brightest people on this site. Stop worrying about all that and start doing what you can now. Take actionable steps first and put yourself down later.
I would try to stop listening to the voice inside you that is filling you with self-doubt. Let's start with the big one: God does not hates you and the universe is not out to get you. If you need proof of this, go visit a children's cancer hospital. A hypothetical God-as-Fiend has far more grandly monstrous things to do than ruin your life.
But I don't think that's the voice you're listening to. I think you're listening to the one that is telling you were born with less than the full measure of the potential that other people are. Your parachute is just a nondescript poopy brown color. There's nothing special about you. You were just born with...less than some other people. Your ability to change your life is limited by your many natural personal shortcomings that simply cannot be overcome or even significantly attenuated.
Now that insidious little voice...could I ask you to try to believe, even for just a moment, that there's a shadow of a chance that voice is lying to you?
Let me just address the first one: just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you can't learn to put on a mask and play a part. Look at Harrison Ford, a poster child of introversion if ever there was one. My uncle used to drive Johnny Depp around. You would not believe the lengths that man will go to in order not to be noticed.
For the rest of the statements I outlined above, I think you keep on looking at skills that one develops and thinking of them as attributes that one has or lacks.
I would reserve some doubt that the truth of you is all so cut-and-dried. I wouldn't be sure you know yourself all that well and the extent of the abilities you can develop. You obviously doubt a great deal about yourself...can you at least try to doubt your doubts for a bit?
@Erin Auman all is well remember one day at a time and this too shall pass if you can keep on learning and developing your business model
@Erin Auman. I’m confused. It sounds like you can’t get started but then it sounds like you’ve already got some property in a latter comment. Maybe I’m reading it wrong
I recommend figuring out what you want to do, where, how much money you want to make and why you’re doing this. Figuring out some if those answers may help focus you.
It was an evolutionary process for me and is can still change a little as I change or the markets alter.
Great advise here. We were ALL in your shoes at one time...
I would learn and read and follow and find someone that you connect with and can hopefully watch them complete a few deals, start to finish. That will show you the way.
As far as $ goes, that's the easy part. If you find a good deal, someone (me included) will fund it. I'm sure every investor agrees that no good deal should go to waste. I fund 100% of house/land deals and split the profit. Everybody wins.
Hope that helps!
Jill
@Joe Splitrock
Huh, I thought I had my profile filled out. It's been a while since I've been on here, though; I've been spending more time in some Facebook REI groups that have meetups in my metro area. I work nights, so I'm not able to go to many of the actual meetings, unfortunately. I do like your suggestions, and will definitely start implementing them over the next few days!
@Steve Karpowich
My husband and I have a couple properties, but we came about them in very untraditional ways a couple years ago, so we’re still very much beginners. I feel like we’re stuck trying to scale beyond those properties.
I've documented quite a few times how I ended up with my first rental property...my wife brought me the deal and insisted that we were buying it, my only choice in the matter was deciding if I was going to put my big-boy pants on about it or not.
I had flipped three apartments in Athens, Greece but I'd really never thought about buying a rental property.
It isn't written in stone that things have to be the way they are and they will always be the way they are. This understanding is the greatest gift my father gave me. In the movie, Lawrence of Arabia, there's a scene when T.E. Lawrence's young servant gets lost in the night crossing of the Nefud Desert. The other members of the expedition insist fatalistically that the boy is meant to die during the next scorching day, "God's will, it is written." Lawrence turns back to get the boy, insisting loudly, "Nothing is written." He practically kills himself finding the young man and bringing him out of the desert, triumphantly earning the respect of all his men for doing something they considered impossible. It's one of the most remarkable film sequences in the history of cinema.
That was my dad's teachable moment to me. He would play that scene on VHS over and over again until he wore down the tape and you could see where he had stopped and started the machine over and over again. He would point and shout at the TV.
"LOOK! LOOK! NOTHING IS WRITTEN!"
"NOTHING IS WRITTEN!"
"NOTHING!"
I miss my dad.
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en
The Power of Introverts.
I am an extroverted introvert, it's a thing. Some days I can entertain a huge party and I'm hysterical, other days I need to chill to music with my horses. I'm also better at talking to a huge room full of people than I am at small groups. However, I love snooping around in houses, thus real estate. I get to go exploring with a couple of people so it doesn't freak me out, it's fun. It's about them and their needs so that makes it easier.
Your not selling, your coaching through a purchase or a listing. Selling is about listening. Us introverts are FANTASTICALLY skilled at picking up on the unsaid things that people have a hard time conveying. This is your asset. We are also great listeners. What is selling? Hearing what people really want. If your strong suit is kitchen design, start off by talking about how a kitchen functions. Your lead will relax you. Do you love them? Blog about them. I found a wonderful pic of Monet's kitchen. I made a FB post about it.
Introverts are also generally great at the detail work. Perfect for contracts. Perfect for RE. Also a great space to unload all the peopleing.
Some clients also don't want to talk to a pushy professional sales person. AWESOME - that's not you. We are also taken as being more authentic. Again, perfect because women are generally the ones who make most of the RE decisions. We are going to gravitate to an authentic personality.
I think that the hardest thing for this whole thing is to be able to put your foot down and control a conversation. It took me a long time to do things like deny a client. I've had other successful businesses. It really did take me a while to be able to do this, but I do now, really well. My brother called me a ball-buster. He's right. There are ways to do this without coming off poorly. Again, you will be good at it too because you hear what people want better than most. Controlling a conversation is about understanding your opponent, those who hear know the opposition. This is negotiation. Age helps. Being underestimated helps, A LOT. I love to be able to walk into negotiations and be underestimated. It gives me the advantage. I'm quiet, hear, track conversation, then BOOM My Turn! I lay out the facts, close, go home. You are young so you have this advantage too. I'm short, cute-ish, blond-ish, a woman so yep, I'm the back door secret - closer. It's hard at first because you don't think you should but you should, and it's a good thing. It's ok.
Build your asset list. Ask friends, family and definitely ask people who you don't know well tell you what they think your assets are. Some will surprise you a lot. This is an eye opening exercise. Write that list in Sharpie on your bathroom mirror so you have to look at it every day when you brush your teeth. Memorize it. My asset list: stealth, observation, market watching, title, GIS, maps, topography, stating fact, standing my ground, knowledge - I'm a research fiend, ball buster, I also have a connection to land. I know how it behaves, what is does well, what it's going to be good for etc. This is from my life outside with my horses and farming. Silly things can seem unimportant. Like the mare in my pic. She taught me how to stand my ground. You stair people in the eye, no speaking, expressionless, until they break eye contact, then they agree to terms. Works every time. Best part, it's easy. You do nothing but intensely stair, not glare, just look. Introvert for the win! Let them react as you are unchanged.
I also know my weaknesses, for those I delegate out those tasks to people who are good at them. We have a strong team and we work well together because of it. Balance. I'd hire you do the background things I'm not good at. So that leads me to "Stop caring!" Us introverts are sometimes too empathetic. I'd give away just about anything I own to someone who needs it. I bet you would too. Who cares what everyone thinks? The secret to that is --> It's none of your business. ;) This is freeing. Someone else on my team takes the money, not me. I have a bookkeeper because of that. She tells me my goal mark, I hit it, she handles the rest then sets my next mark. Knowing strengths and weakness' is all it takes. Spend some quiet time on your lists and ask for help. Also a weakness of mine, asking for help. Once you get that down life gets easier.
I'm starting over in a new state without my circle. I hear you. It is hard. It takes a long time sometimes. However, being introverted comes with a skill set the hard core extroverts lack. This is why we exist. You can do this I promise. Understand YOU and you can take over the world, you have the other side of the picture because you understand people and human nature. -->You know more than you think you do. That's another great thing someone said to me one day. It's a truth for everybody. This is long enough so I'm out for now. Go make your lists and get your Sharpie.
OH! One more thing. You are likely a very good and natural networker believe it or not. That hearing skill, that's what it takes. Your understanding of people, their needs, will naturally lead to hooking people up with other people that you've talked to. Practice with little things. You're on FB so read group messages. Since kitchens are your strength join some DIY groups, join some contractor groups. Friend everyone who does kitchen and bath jobs on the contractor's groups. Remember beautiful kitchens, Bob Smith posts, then when you come across someone needing kitchen advice tag Bob Smith in them. Bob will remember you and tag you in RE stuff later. That's all it is about simplistically.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m never going to advance much further in this whole real estate business because I don’t have the money to make a deal. I’m introverted and terrible at sales and networking, so I’m struggling to find any partners, too. I would appreciate any words of wisdom to help get beyond this rut.
Sounds like you might need an accountability buddy to keep you encouraged. If you don't have the money for a deal find the deal and sell it to someone who does and earn a commission from that to build cash. I'm great a networking and being creative when it comes to deals but I try and attract partners that compliment my flaws. I would say keep a positive attitude about it. Make a plan and stick to it. I was in the same spot a few months ago a now on track to acquire 2-4 properties before the year ends. Keep pushing what is holding you back?????
Hey,
I am more than happy to help and answer questions, shot you a DM.
@Erin Auman, you’ll find answers to your questions after reading a book called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, but everything is possible if you have the desire to pull the trigger. I wish you good luck on your real estate investment.