Help! Unsupportive fiancé

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Help! Unsupportive fiancé

Emily Hill
Rental Property Investor · Fresno, CA · Member since 2018 · 40 posts · 31 votes

Hi all! I’ve been debating on whether to post this or not....

My fiancé has been unsupportive of my real estate journey. I start talking about real estate and he just tunes me out And doesn’t say anything. I told him I just purchased my first rental property and he didn’t even say congratulations or great job babe! 

He’s the type of person that hates his job and does nothing about it. I believe that if your not happy in life, do something about it, don’t blame the world or other people.

I love him and have been with him 7 years (still not married) but don’t know if it’s time to cut my losses and move on. We have no kids and he lives in my home that I own. I am 30 and really don’t want to start all over trying to find another partner. 

Do I stay or move on? I’m just beginning my journey in real estate and would like for my partner to be supportive but don’t want to start all over at the age of 30.

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Shiloh LundahlPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Gilbert, AZ · Member since 2016 · 3k+ posts · 4k+ votes
7y

@Jay Hinrichs thanks for the mention. 

@Emily Hill what I share with you is for educational purposes only and is not considered professional counseling or therapy. 

From what you shared, it seams like your fiancé’s lack of support in real estate is only part of an overall problem with support. I can understand not wanting to start over because you have invested a lot of time and love into this relationship, however, if your trying to move in a direction he does not want to go in and you are hoping he will change, then you may be setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. One thing that you may want to do to see if you truly are wanting to go in the same direction would be to create a shared vision board of how you would like your futures to look like. If he is not willing to do that or is really reluctant to do it, then considering moving on now may save you 2 or 3 years of waiting and hoping he will change.

480-206-1209Podcast Guest on Show #287
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  • Connie Chan
    Investor · Member since 2017 · 239 posts · 149 votes
    7y
    @Emily Smith I’m sorry to hear that... reading your post I can sense your struggle with this and how it must be affecting your happiness. This is just my personal opinion but I believe your spouse should help you achieve your goals and dreams. And if real estate investing is one of your goals, your partner should be adding to your ability to reach that dream. I also think this means that you both might approach money and finances really differently which is often a cause for marital issues (it’s exacerbated once you have kids actually). I wish you the best as you make your upcoming decisions. I personally think you can find someone who you’re extremely excited to spend the rest of your life with. If you aren’t, then the world is a big place and there are others that may be a better fit. Remember, not choosing the right partner is in some ways stealing joy from the future you!!
    0Reply
  • Andres Berdugo
    Tomball, TX · Member since 2017 · 8 posts · 0 votes
    7y

    Hi Emily,

    This is a tough and delicate subject. Through my experience I would say walk away. The point of finding a life partner is to grow old and to find someone that loves you and supports you emotionally, financially, and spiritually and your personal goals through good and bad times and are their to ride and share the journey. The most important thing is your goals and vision align...if they don't this could lead to turbuleance down the road especially when your real estate investing starts taking off.

    No one wants to start over but is it worth staying +30 years unfulfilled and being held back, or finding someone that you can hit all cylinders 10 to 20 years +...

    0Reply
  • Max T.
    Investor · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    7y

    @Emily Smith

    Reminds me of a song from Fleetwood Mac.

    0Reply
  • Kelly McLaughlin
    Real Estate Agent · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2019 · 7 posts · 3 votes
    7y

    @Emily Smith this is an unfortunate situation. From what I can see as I have been in this position multiple times, you know the answer to your question. You are looking for confirmation and support in what you feel - you have it.

    Even if this man has no interest in Real Estate, he SHOULD have an interest in YOU. Your dreams, your goals, your love for this and if he doesn't, it's most likely something deep down in him. Instead of congratulating you and being happy for you, I think he is envious of your success as he has very little going for him.

    Not to be harsh but he sounds like a mooch and you sound like you're motivated, goal oriented, successful and more. Staying with him will only bring you down and you need a partner who is willing and happy to be an everyday cheerleader and be just as excited for you as you are! Sounds like he will soon start to drain you of your energy and motivation and kill your spirit that you have for your career, don't let that happen!

    Good luck to you.

    0Reply
  • Jared Johnson
    Real Estate Agent · Spokane · Member since 2019 · 17 posts · 16 votes
    7y

    Hello Emily,

    To keep things short I have been through this in a smaller way. My situation was a year and a half of dating my now ex- girlfriend, she was and still is a great person but, she got in the way of my career in REI. If I had to spend more time than I said to her as an estimate, working on my business she took it as I didn't want to be with her and spend time with her.

    Constant texts wondering where I am meanwhile she knows I’m working on my property (among more issues, this is the most noteable). Because I’m so new I need to crush it and keep hustling, so things keep moving forward.

    It felt like she was holding my shirt while I was trying to run through mud. Some people just don’t understand what it takes, even if you try to explain it to them.

    In my situation I had to cut the ties and move on to keep going where I want to go and achieve my goals set. In your situation I totally understand your conundrum, I hope everything works out for you for the best!!! Good luck

    - Jared

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  • Josh Bakhshi
    Real Estate Agent · Atlanta, GA · Member since 2015 · 359 posts · 158 votes
    7y

    For the record my wife is a psychologist and I really don't care about her "profession".  It doesn't bother her and I don't care if she doesn't have much interest in real estate.  (I do give her updates b/c if anything happens to me she should know where to find things and who to contact.)  Don't get worked up over this.  The fact that you have been "dating" for 7 years and not married yet??!! Honestly, that would worry me more.

    Good luck

    0Reply
  • John MorganPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Grand Prairie, TX · Member since 2018 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    7y

    @Emily Smith

    Definitely move on!

    0Reply
  • Angelo Mart
    Professional · Parsippany, NJ · Member since 2013 · 384 posts · 262 votes
    7y

    WOW, I was in the same boat as you when I was 30. Its amazing how that number has a psychological effect on the brain when in actuality 30 is the new 20 (for men at least) lol. I was literally in the same exact relationship and completely cut it off when I was 31 and never looked back. I probably would never been able to build my business up if i hadn't done that

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