Being Discouraged by Family
Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes
So recently I've been incredibly excited about this new journey of REI. I've been looking at properties in the Indianapolis/Louisville markets and have found some places I'm interested in. No one in my family has any experience in REI and quite frankly have been very discouraging in their remarks about my goals. I'd love to start in a duplex/triplex/fourplex using house hacking, however when I tell family that I get looks like I'm crazy. Any hints/facts I can give family that would help them see the upside that is REI? Thanks!
My wife thought I was insane when my business partner and I got a contract accepted on our first investment property. She pointed out everything that could go wrong, noted how I "didn't have time for this", and was afraid of how much money we would lose on the endeavor.
So what did I do? I completely ignored her and proceeded. And with time, she has even admitted it was a wise decision.
@Jeff Byrne
Take it slow. Congrats. I retire army reserve engineers. 21 years.
@Matt Y.
Yeah nothing like 3am sick at your stomach can’t sleep on that first big deal.
@Michael S. Haha. This is so true. I’m am still in the learning and looking phase and feel very close to making offers to get my first deal. My wife is my least supportive confidante and I am doing the same thing. I’m talking to her about all the stages and trying to get her excited. She’s never been a big picture person and has a hard time grasping what this could mean for us in 10 years.
In response to original post I have been trying to compartmentalize my “sells”. What it means for long term is great but in order to sell it I’ve been trying to focus on how it helps now and my plans for time management. With two kids and full time job it will be tough but I know in my gut this is right move for family and kids and she will be thanking me when I can retire before 50 and we can sit back. Watch our kids mature and succeed and travel.
@Jeff Byrne Don't listen to your family. When you can retire young and have a ton of money in the bank they will know you made the right choices.
@Jeff Byrne
10 years ago I got healthy by doing everything my family didn’t do. I overcame a serious illness in the process, they remain ill.
My favorite quote regarding this dilemma is “don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advise from”. Love them, appreciate them, then listen to people who are successful where you want to go, and do your thing! It’s not about doing it just to show them, do it to show yourself how powerful and capable you are and how you will set your future up!
Plug your ears, kiss mom on the cheek and go!
@Jeff Byrne your family is just worried about you. They have never invested in real estate and they heard about that one friend that had a nightmare tenant, so naturally all real estate is too difficult and not worth your time.
Trust in your process, look to people that have achieved what you wish to achieve and take action.
@Jeff Byrne
My partner and I are getting the same looks (just bought our first fix and flip). We both separately own property as well. His family gave him a very hard time when he bought his (even trying to get me upset that he bought a house and not an engagement ring... they literally used those words). That being said, we decided to not tell them about this house until it’s all said and done. My parents don’t really care either way, I told them I’m doing this with my “fun money” and they know I live within my means.
That being said, who cares?!? It’s not their money!! Do whatever makes you happy and feel secure. That’s the whole reason for all of this. I have zero desire to live the same financial life as my parents and all my other family members. We’re doing something different in a big way because that’s what it takes to break the cycle!
Good luck with basic. I'm assuming reserves or national guard since you're intending on moving back to your area. Check out the military investors page to get details about VA loans and other benefits that can help you with your REI journey.
"Insert gary vee rant here" Does anyone watch his videos? I don't want to resent those close to me for letting them dictate my life. I want to make my own decisions and it sounds like this is something you want as well @Jeff Byrne . Show them how serious you are.
My family had nothing bad to say to me while I was reading a book on RE while home on vacation. I remember after winning, rehabbing and renting my first property, I was foaming at the mouth waiting for them to ask me how things were going. I was a giddy school child telling them about my stablized cash flowing duplex. I'm currently under contract for another and they are slowly becoming believers. It's hard to explain the feeling.. incredible!!
@Jeff Byrne
I’ve been there Jeff, most of us have in some form or another. Keep you head down, focus on your goal and build relationships with people who will support you and encourage you on this journey. It’s certainly has its up and downs, and having someone support you in critical during those down moments.
@Jeff Byrne
Robert Kiyosaki- cash flow board game
I’m struggling to get my wife on board or interested. This board game has helped me to get her wheels turning. You want to surround yourself with like minded individuals but it’s also important to bring the ones you care most about with you. Don’t let others negativity dictate your dreams!! Show them the way.
Go crush it, Jeff!
Jeff, Thank you for your service! I haven't read through every response so my apologies if some of this is redundant. Tony Robbins says people do things for two reasons: to avoid pain or to seek pleasure. And they typically put more effort into avoiding pain. Being nobody in your family has ever owned a real estate portfolio it sounds they are just trying to protect you from what they don't know. My question is, where do you want to be in 30 years. You sound young and you have time on your side. So find someone who's accomplished what you want to accomplish and seek their wisdom and guidance. If you have a family member that is where you want to be at their age then consult them. Otherwise, find someone outside your family. I will say this, as your grow in knowledge and capacity in the real estate space you'll see what opportunities are there. It's not hard to create more wealth on one real estate deal than most work for in their entire life exchanging time for money. Best of luck. Feel free to message if you have any more question.
Jason E. Smith
Edward Management Group
Greensboro NC
@Jeff Byrne Hi Jeff, sounds like we have the same family. Haha! On a serious note, the best way I have detracted their comments & criticisms...is
1.) I sought out a mentor that has 30 or more properties at a minimum. Learn from them only!
2.) I have become close friends with my Property management company owners. When these guys manage over 400 doors, I learn everything I need to know from them.
When family members of mine squabble about what I am doing or ask & make comments. I told my uncle that I appreciate his opinions but I only listen to my mentors that have 30 or more properties. Then walk off with my head high.
It boils down to this from Grant Cardone's book.
"Understand that naysayers are trying to protect themselves from being reminded that they have relegated themselves to an average life. They cannot afford for you to do something big because it will challenge the justifications they made for their own decisions. You are a threat to all thing average. You remind the average that they have settled"
@Marty Summers Thank you for that! I am aware of that not all see the big picture. Actually I was talking to my dad about this and he is all for the leap of faith that is REI. He's actually talked about doing it some himself. It was nice to hear that from him. At the end of the day I just want to build something for myself and the family that I want to have at some point. I know that nothing worth having is easy or easy to build, but I know that this is worth it. I have zero desire to be average, I wasn't raised that way. I know there will be issues and problems along the way, but I know at the end of the day this is the best move I can make. Now it's just a matter of saving the cash to make the first deal a reality.
@Jeff Byrne Im also dealing with the same struggle as you as far as not getting my husband’s support with investing. I tried explaining to him but he constantly brushes me off. So I gave up and now just do it as I see right. I just know that my investment are for the children future and for myself. Im spending my own money, so why not? He just never know what or where I bought my properties at, which is a shame. It would be more fun if I get to do it with a supportive half. Maybe once you get that first property, they’ll see the money coming and will be more supportive? I plan to tell my husband after a few years of my property being rented and already producing income. I just don’t even want his nay-sayings..
@Jeff Byrne generally speaking, no. If they have went this many years without understanding REI it's unlikely that you are going to say something that changes their opinion. However, as you grow, learn, and show the benefits of REI some of them will begin to understand... and of course some will continue to talk about how everything will come crashing down one day.
Do t be discouraged by then though. I would highly suggest finding a local circle of like-minded people to interact with on a regular basis. These meetings will help you keep focused as your building up momentum
@Steve Richardson in your experience, has family came to you for investment help or asked to partner with you on a deal?
@Jeff Byrne. Read never split the difference. It's great book about negotiating and it changed my outlook on negotiations and just communication in general. He talks about doing an accusation audit or finding out what their concerns are and being prepared for them as well as using mirroring techniques. The author was the top hostage negotiator for the FBI for years and it's a fun read. It's also on audible so you can just listen to it, like I did.
@Jeff Byrne I've been there many times in my life. I think most people are generally pretty risk-averse and would rather maintain the status quo than "rock the boat". They then project this risk aversion onto others, especially those more willing to take risks. It's a coping mechanism to help them feel better about their own missed opportunities and regrets. It makes them feel better about their own inaction.
Finally, your willingness to take risks and break norms is often perceived as a threat, even if just subconsciously, which may explain the negativity or even hostility sometimes from people close to us.
Your best bet is to ignore the naysayers and move forward, assuming you do your homework and are willing to honestly re-evaluate your situation from time to time and be open to constructive feedback from experienced individuals.
@Max Vishnev I totally agree with you. As I've said above my parents/brother have been very encouraging, however it has been other family members. My parents and I have talked about the risk involved, which I said the risk is also there in stocks, bonds, ETFs, etc. which they understood. I do think my immediate family just wants me to see the risk involved with everything. However, as my college basketball coach said, "you have to risk it for the biscuit."
In this blog post, 5 Tips to Create Your Dream Life, my number 1 tip is simply to steer clear of doubters. When it's family, this means not sharing your dreams with them. Guard your dreams, share them only with supportive folks. And, House Hacking is part of Tip #4, because sacrificing comfort is something we've all done as we set out to achieve our goals. Just don't give up, and you win! And, once you've started to see some success in REI, your family will believe. We had the same problem, now they all want to learn what we're doing.
I have really enjoyed reading everyone's comments and suggestions for @Jeff Byrne in this thread. I have had literally over a 2000 students over the past 20 years and most of them have had the same negative response from family and friends who just don't have the entrepreneurial spirit or the vision to understand these dreams. People may love you and they don't want you to fail, so we can appreciate that, but the only way not to fail is not to try at all. That is completely unacceptable for anyone who wants to grow and become more and do more with their life. This business is the only one proven time and time and time again to create true long term wealth. What could possibkly be better than letting other people buy your properties for you so that you can retire in comfort and do the things you want to do later in life?
Yes, there are risks, but anything worth doing has risks. Sure there will be learning curves and maybe even some losses, but if you keep going you will always recover and learn something in the process, making the mistakes valuable too.
My advise is like many others have stated. Don't take what they say personal. Stay motivated any way that you can. Get a mentor's help and guidance and keep moving forward with your plans. Revise your plans as needed to stay ahead of market shifts and make your adjustements to stay safe. Screen your tenants thoroughly and interview your property managers carefully. This is an adventure, not a job. Making money is real estate is the most fun you will ever have making money.
I've used all the investing strategies over the years except owning major commercial, which I am in the process of implementing now by buildinig a large, senior, (55 and older) luxury apartment building, using a successful model. I could not be more excited about it. My mother was always supportive and has even partnered wiith me, but my huisband of 34 years has never taken an interest in my investing and has even been negative about it at times, although he lets me use some of his resources once in a while becasue he trusts me and knows that I know what I am doing.
My point is that this is your life and your dreams and no one else can live it for you or hold your visions as their own. Be smart, network, learn from others who have done it, apply lots of logic and common sense to your decisions, plan and prepare well and then go for it! Never look back or second guess your decisions. You can't change the past so let it go. If you make a mistake, find a solution and fix it. Moving forward at all times. Baby steps can take you very far, so take those baby steps, get out of your comfort zone, get creative and do not allow anyone to box you in with conventional wisdom or standard practices.
There is a lot of support here for all of you. Take advantage of it and most of all, enjoy all of it! I always tell my students who are being hassled by family about the risks, or who are struggling to juggle this with a day job, to treat this like an inside joke. When you are needing support, go into your own mind and remember that this is your way up and out of another unfavorbale suituation. If you really want this, you will find a way to make it happen.
@Brendan F. Nagle I’ve been called things as well...taking advantage of people going through a divorce, etc. they need to sell quick and I can meet their need. Most people that react like this are jealous a lot of the time and have no drive or motivation to get things done themselves.
@Jeff Byrne You are champion! I totally know the feeling about negative energy. The reality of the situation is that they have doubts in themselves and it is easy to pass it on to loved ones. The best way to remedy that is take massive action. Dan Pena said that you need to be willing to walk away from it all even family if you want to be successful and that requires a sense of focus. On these Biggerpockets forums there are so many great people doing great things. If you tie that in with listening to podcasts and taking some form of action. The compounding effort will pay off! My wife and I are local investors in SoCal. We are specializing in Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs). We look for distressed properties that have large enough lots that we can add an ADU and rent out the property. Look through the forums and ask questions and find a niche that interests you and take some form of action. Another thing I would suggest is writing in a journal. We are here to support you!
Some of the mistakes my partner and I have over the years have created unintentional problems for my mom. My parents are listed in the local phone book. So an angry neighbor to a rental called my parents home... Now I had every neighbor my card so if there is a problem I can take the call direct. The biggest one was not having a good system for rent collection. Tenants showed up at my parents house looking for my dad. Because they pay cash for rent, and that had the money that day.
Creating good systems can mitigate future problems. Separation of Business and personal.
@Jeff Byrne
I know the feeling! Sometimes you just have to put your head down, keep moving forward and let those around you see the results.