Being Discouraged by Family

Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes

So recently I've been incredibly excited about this new journey of REI. I've been looking at properties in the Indianapolis/Louisville markets and have found some places I'm interested in. No one in my family has any experience in REI and quite frankly have been very discouraging in their remarks about my goals. I'd love to start in a duplex/triplex/fourplex using house hacking, however when I tell family that I get looks like I'm crazy. Any hints/facts I can give family that would help them see the upside that is REI? Thanks!

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Michael S.

Huntsville, AL · Member since 2018 · 577 posts · 864 votes

My wife thought I was insane when my business partner and I got a contract accepted on our first investment property. She pointed out everything that could go wrong, noted how I "didn't have time for this", and was afraid of how much money we would lose on the endeavor.

So what did I do? I completely ignored her and proceeded. And with time, she has even admitted it was a wise decision.

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Robert Nelson
Member since 2019 · 43 posts · 20 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
In my experience, the bleachers are full of naysayers. I may re-think my idea to make sure it’s sound, but then often move forward no matter what they are saying.
1 Reply
James Schass
Member since 2018 · 7 posts · 8 votes
6y
I know what you are dealing with... surround yourself with people who believe in you and what you are doing and let the results speak for themselves... I put off doing this for 12 years because my family talked me out of it on several occasions... I decided one day to go against the grain and I’m much happier for it... they still don’t know what I’m doing and I’ve been at this for 7 months now. JUST DO IT!
2 Reply
Nick Barlow
Warsaw, IN · Member since 2017 · 229 posts · 270 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne after you get back from basic training you can get into a property you live in yourself for $0 down with a VA loan-every service member has access to one. My primary residence is funded by a VA loan that I didn't put a dime down for.
I’m kinda close to you: PM me if you’d like to talk specifics.
0 Reply
Carlos M.
Investor · Lancaster, PA · Member since 2016 · 94 posts · 356 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne, I started out exactly like you.... my first deal only spun off $400-500 per month.. friends and family saying rude and negative comments... I would never do that, good luck with tenants trashing your place, the 2:00 am clogged toilets.... fast forward 10 years.... friends and family work for me, they ask me to teach them the business, some ask to invest, and the ones that aren’t jealous all have massive amounts of respect for me and the business. In 10 years with zero investors!! And working as a automotive technician I went from zero to owning 62 units at a market value of $6,000,000 and grossing $60,000 per month. Looking to add another 15 unit deal at $1,000,000 to my portfolio by the end of this year... oh, and I’m retired and do real estate full time now... there is no magic plan or secret. Live below your means, work your *** off, ( 12-14 hour days to get started ) and NEVER EVER give up! I told my self over and over again “ I’m willing to live a few years of my life like most people won’t, do I can live the rest of my life like most people can’t )... well I think you know which side of life I’m in right now.
6 Reply
MarieChele PorterPro Member
San Francisco, CA · Member since 2016 · 193 posts · 98 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Distance yourself from the negativity... Even though I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself but if someone is quick to judge without listening to the facts or trying to understand the process and give valuable input they're not the people you should be talking to!
On the other hand you can choose to use it as fuel and motivation to show that you can do it! You're in a great market to get started do your research keep educating yourself and take advantage of it !!
0 Reply
Anthoney Hanks
Real Estate Broker · Forney, TX · Member since 2019 · 1k+ posts · 399 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne I am working on my first renovation. When I started, I thought that people in my family (wife, son in law, daughter, parents) would share my vision for our future. The legacy we would be leaving for my grand daughters. And even though they would help, they did not believe it was a good idea.
So my advice is do not worry about your family, other than your wife if you have one. You are doing this for your reasons. I still want a legacy for my grandchildren. But it is me. For your wife, take her to dinner, lay out your plans, let her know why you are doing,.
Just believe in yourself, and the rest will work itself out.
0 Reply
Cody Z.
Real Estate Agent · Belmar, NJ · Member since 2017 · 370 posts · 200 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Ignore it... I’m sure this is repetitive but people who aren’t doing what you’re doing just won’t understand.
I dealt with the same thing until I started doing and saw some .
Keep going and they’ll come around and if they don’t you’ve already started 🙂
0 Reply
Ibrahim Hughes
Real Estate Consultant · Bloomfield, NJ · Member since 2010 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Why do you need them to see it? The truth of the matter is that they likely won't see it until you produce results. That's what leadership and being a Visionary is all about. Seeing things that others can't and moving forward towards that Vision when others aren't willing to. Everyone else can see it once tangible things actually materialize. They just haven't yet developed their leadership/visionary capabilities. The other day on Facebook I saw a meme that went...
"Have the courage to go first. And then light a fire so that your tribe can find you."
That's what being a leader is all about. Often your tribe or family love and support you but can't necessarily see what you see. That's your job to make it real and convert them to believers.
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Louis D.
Rental Property Investor · 95660 · Member since 2018 · 46 posts · 17 votes
6y
Well Jeff I'm glad you are incredibly excited about your new journey. You need to develop a "thick skin" when it comes comes to negative comments. They don't have ill will they just don't know what they don't know.
If you talked about your plan to a business owner they would be excited for you and maybe share ideas. Maybe there are like minded people in your area you can meet and talk to. Find groups on BP for meet ups. If they don't have on, start one.

If one unit brings in 200 a month after expenses (and savings that you set aside for bigger expenses that arise) that's $2400 year. Over 30 years that's $72,000 of income! You will own the property and someone else made your payments! If you purchase a 200k property at the end of 30 years you will own 200k property plus received 72,000 in cash flow plus tax benefits, plus appreciation, plus rents may go up! THAT'S EXCITING!!! You will be on your way to creating time freedom and residual income!! If your property goes up in value to say to 250k and rents go up even a little ........well I'll let you do that math on those scenarios. Write down your goals. Look at them often. Make a plan to get you there, develop a "thick skin" and yes you have good reasons to be excited!!
1 Reply
Jeff Byrne
OP
Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes
6y
Everyone thank you so much for your quotes, motivation, and information! I firmly believe that it can be done after reading your messages/posts. It's inspiring to know that there are so many people out there killing it and doing what I aspire to do. As many of you have said I may have to be the first person to take that leap of faith and jump in. That's not to say it will be easy because as many of you have stated it's tough. However through education and asking questions I believe that I can offset some of that learning curve. Again, thank you all so much!
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Account Closed
Homeowner · New Boston, NH · Member since 2014 · 9 posts · 6 votes
6y
So I had a very similar experience Jeff. My family more or less tried to talk me out of it. I just couldn't figure it out myself. I bought a place finally (only this month actually) and the reception from the immediate family couldn't have been better. They were nothing but happy for me and even mentioned what a great purchase it was and that I wouldn't regret it.
A huge turn of events and attitude.
Also so far, I don't regret my decision to get into this.
My best advice is to just jump in. Don't look for the best deal (you're not going to find it), just find a good deal that YOU are happy with making.
Best of luck.
1 Reply
Darronte Buckner
Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2017 · 2 posts · 1 vote
6y
@Jeff Byrne You are not alone. Prove them wrong.
1 Reply
Steven Scheetz
Flipper/Rehabber · Reno, NV · Member since 2019 · 38 posts · 37 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
I feel ya! What I’ve come to realize is , if you are like me, you’ve probably been listening to
Podcasts, reading books, doing research for a while now. But your family has not. So when I get discouraging remarks and the eye rolls, I have to remember that that person has not been “plugged in” to that would like I have. And so all they have to go on are preconceived notions, which are largely outdated or unfounded. So try not to take it personally. The best thing you can do is just keep building your network of like-minded people, so that for every discouraging remark, you’ll have someone at the ready to give you 5 encouraging remarks!
One last thing: not everyone who seems discouraging is a crab in a bucket. Sometimes they truly are trying to poke holes in your plan, so that you can address them before they become costly learning lessons. You’ll need to be able to decipher the difference between comments made out of assumption or ignorance, versus comments intended to make you think before acting. It’s easier said than done, when it all feels negative. The flip side is, you also don’t want someone to full support you in an ill-conceived plan.
0 Reply
Matt Millard
Lewisville, TX · Member since 2015 · 341 posts · 264 votes
6y
@Jason Holt
It’s now cheaper to buy a lake house 15 minutes from the city in Tulsa than living in tiny 1 bedroom government housing in Denton County, TX!
0 Reply
Jeff Byrne
OP
Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes
6y
@Matt Millard @Steven Scheetz It is crazy how I have noticed that even here in the great lakes area of Indiana/Kentucky. For reference in my small suburb just north of Louisville, KY some family rents a 1 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment for anywhere from $750-$1300 a month. The amount of money they could save by buying is insane but no one wants to own for some reason. Definitely a key reason I am getting into the game.
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Paul Day
Fort Erie Ontario, Canada · Member since 2019 · 29 posts · 15 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Rule #1
F*** naysayers!
Rule # 2
Teach them. If you dont understand it enough to teach it. Learn more. If the person won't let you get a word in they are a naysayer and you should see rule #1.
Seriously though why are the rich a minority? I think it's because "common knowledge" keeps people poor. It's good to be an outlier. If you haven't read rich dad poor dad yet I'd highly recommend it. Most naysayers are poor dads.
1 Reply
Rob Bergeron
Real Estate Agent · Louisville, KY · Member since 2017 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
The road is paved with indecisive squirrels, we are not that! Come join some of the meetups and meet like minded people. They can learn by example!
0 Reply
Susan E.
Rental Property Investor · Denver, CO · Member since 2019 · 19 posts · 1 vote
6y

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this junk... unfortunately, nothing you say is going to change their minds... you just need to forge ahead and your actions will prove them wrong. When my husband and I started back in 2011, we didn't even tell our families because the few that knew had their own negative opinions and we didn't need the nay sayers.

We proved them wrong and now they are coming to us for advice! You will do the same.
Good luck!
0 Reply
Camry Grant Wickware
Member since 2019 · 4 posts · 1 vote
6y
@Jeff Byrne
If they aren’t paying your bills their views on your financial life are pointless
1 Reply
Gretchen P.
Rental Property Investor · Littleton, CO · Member since 2014 · 150 posts · 114 votes
6y
Ignore them unless they are successful real estate investors.

A house hack is typically the least risky investment you can make, you have the benefit of getting owner occupied mortgage, and a place to live while the tenants pay off the mortgage. Unless you make a terrible buy you will be ahead after a few years. Just run the numbers by the people here, and don't buy for market appreciation.
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Tyler RowlandBusiness Member
Lender · Cedar City, UT · Member since 2017 · 88 posts · 64 votes
6y
I love this thread. My family was also skeptical about it when I followed @Brandon Turner's advice in his first book to start telling people that I wanted to get into real estate investing. Which I can understand especially when I did not know a ton of first hand experience. I probably couldn't explain my plan very well, or articulate things in an understandable way. Through some math and especially the bigger pocket calculators, experience, and time I have been able to show family and friends how great it can be.
[email protected]435-592-4002
Tyler Rowland with Intercap Lending 553 Reviews
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Omar Diaz
Fort Polk, LA · Member since 2019 · 29 posts · 14 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Personally I keep my goals to myself or between others who share the same interests as I. The majority of people are in a fixed mindset so it does not matter if you show them or tell them anything, they are fixed with fear and comfortability. Of course it’s always nice to get support from friends and family but if they’re just going to be negative then screw them, they don’t need to know. Once you start making moves they’ll be interested in what you’re doing, or maybe the won’t. Stay positive and relentless!
0 Reply
Eric Lindeen
Rental Property Investor · Omaha, NE · Member since 2019 · 7 posts · 4 votes
6y
First, always remember people are trying to protect you from a place of love. It is frustrating and common for anyone who steps out of the "norm" to encounter skepticism. My father expressed deep concern about our future and the wisdom of putting our retirement dollars at risk. The irony is that for 30+ years he has told me about a friend who owns 100+ units and how successful he is. He clearly wishes that success for me, but is reasonably concerned for our future. For those you share plans with, you need to be prepared to listen, consider if there is any information of value, then move on.
Second, a successful friend in the business once told me, "You can't talk to anyone about this business, the money is crazy and people just don't understand." Sound advice. Network with other investors through meetups so you have someone to discuss your challenges and success with.
1 Reply
German E Franco
Baldwin, NY · Member since 2019 · 16 posts · 7 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne it could be that your family might be trying to protect you, without realizing they could be harming you. No matter what industry you try and pursue, family is usually the first one to discourage you. I’m sure every great inventor, entrepreneur, investor etc has had some family backlash. It really comes down to you. Are you passionate enough about what your doing that will allow you to push through the noise? What I tend to see with family is that once you succeed they’ll jump in and tell you they always believed in you
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Lindel Turner
Investor · Jonesboro, AR · Member since 2017 · 136 posts · 79 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Do your homework. Then keep them
Out of the loop. I would never discuss business with family after that. I asked my dad for a loan once he said no to risky 20 years later it’s paid for I sold it made 150k. That’s when I told him how well I did. Forget em quit seeking their approval. Your wife is all that maters.
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