I am fairly new to real estate investing. As I would expect from most newbies I am very excited about the potential and already have a couple deals under my belt. I am focusing on turnkey buy and hold properties at the moment. My issue is that my wife couldn’t be less interested. She is supportive, and let’s me do what I want, but has absolutely no interest in learning anything about it. I would like her to have at least a basic understanding of what I am up to, but she literally glazes over when I try to talk to her about it. I recently read Rich Dad Poor Dad, and really liked the way the information was presented. The author used a lot of stories that were easy to follow, not just number crunching like some books. I asked her to read the first chapter and explained why, but she has flat out refused. Anyone else have a similar experience, or have any suggestions on how to include her?

How to get my wife interested in RE?

Investor · Member since 2020 · 324 posts · 278 votes

My husband was 100% all about real estate...I couldn't have cared less. I think I was supportive, but didn't get excited like he did. I would say give it time. You're already winning in the fact that she's not getting mad at you or trying to stop you.

I think results for most people is what gets them excited. When income starts coming in from a rental and you have extra funds or you can mention how your net worth has gone up, etc....some interest may appear. As you continue to be excited, she'll probably show more of an interest. Just don't put too much pressure on her to be interested, or she'll really start to hate it or resent it.

Give it time and she'll show more of an interest. Especially, when it becomes something you're truly doing, not just talking about. However, she may never love it the way you do and you need to be okay with that as well.

Best of Success!

21 Reply

Michael K GallagherBusiness Member

Real Estate Agent · Columbus OH · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

6y

@Account Closed I wouldn't say that what you have is a real problem...unless its just a personal desire that you want her to be interested in things you are passionate about. My wife and I have a similar relationship, where I am the one passionate about investing, and about crunching numbers all that...but I'm lucky in that she loves the high level strategy. So she's into looking for areas, looking at specific houses, designs that kind of thing. She could care less about the numbers, until we find a potential deal, and then she's just going to ask me to explain the bottom line to her, the risk that kind of think. Perhaps theres an issue with us getting financing, or something to that effect, then she's interested. But on a day to day basis, she couldn't care less and it works.

I'd say that if you want her to be more interested don't focus so much on the REI portion of it, focus on the financial freedom and long term goals of it. I think if you can both agree and align on a long term view, goals, that kind of thing, then she will become more interested in what the specific small things you are doing to get you both to those goals. SO again she may not give a rats behind what a specific deal looks like, but she might want to talk about specific cashflow, or the location of that property, that kind of thing. At the end of the day as long as you are both invested in the long term goal and have clarity from that, I think you'll both enjoy the ride.

[email protected]614-362-2231

5 Reply

Gregory SchwartzBusiness Member

Rental Property Investor · College Station, TX · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

6y

@Account Closed that was my exact situation. She was on board but not "enthusiastic" about the idea. I realize now that I was smothering her with my excitement and even overwhelming her a little with the numbers and possibilities. Everything changed when I deployed and she, bored at home, read Set for Life. She mostly ignores me when I run around talking about ROI and cash on cash returns but has found that she's a natural for property management. I hope this helps.

[email protected]443-812-0357

Schwartz Realty Group5118 Reviews

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3 Reply

Lynn McGeein

Real Estate Agent · Virginia Beach, VA · Member since 2012 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes

6y

My husband disliked it so much that we actually sold all but one of our buy and holds after a few years, and he refused to do another flip, even though we did make a profit on our only one, said he could make more in the stock market without the effort, but he agreed to let me handle the remaining one without him getting involved as I just wasn't selling it. We then adjusted, after he realized it could be successful without him micromanaging, so we framed it where he will participate when he wants to, but it's likely that he couldn't tell you basic facts like their address or current rent. He loves the buying process after I've narrowed it down, does like to help at initial renovation, sometimes turnovers, which saves us a ton, and he'll give advice on repairs if I ask, but, otherwise, he has no idea what's going on with them, and it works well for us. I have no idea what our stock investments are, as he handles most of that. We're probably equally invested in real estate and stocks, so if you find a balance that makes you both happy, it can work well.

6 Reply

Nick Barlow

Warsaw, IN · Member since 2017 · 229 posts · 270 votes

6y

@Dave E. You get her interested by sharing some results now.

Use some of that Cashflow (after accounting for all the standard things PITI maintenance, vacancy, capex etc) and take her to a romantic dinner.

Next year, use some proceeds for a vacation-maybe only a weekend getaway, whatever tje CF can support.

Be transparent that the rentals are paying for it. You’ll have to work with your tax professional how you reimburse yourself, but my 2 cents are make the benefits tangible to her.

If it doesn’t sway her opinion, you still get some quality time with her, so I’d say it’s a win/win.

5 Reply

Account Closed

OP

Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes

6y

Thanks to everyone! All good advice!!

0 Reply

Joe S.Pro Member

Investor · San Antonio · Member since 2020 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes

6y

Originally posted by @Account Closed:

Thanks to everyone! All good advice!!

If your wife is accommodating that is probably the best you can ask for at this time and may be the best you could ever hope for. She may never want to read those books that you like on investing. Your wife spinning in circles with excitement over real estate is not a requirement for being a good wife.

My wife has been accommodating over the years and has never read one of my real estate books. She has went on many appointments with me and has helped me close deals, but could care less about training and such. My wife helps me manage our portfolio and is an expert book keeper.

1 Reply

Justin Thorpe

Member since 2020 · 437 posts · 675 votes

6y

@Dave E.

Seems she is very supportive of what you do but refused to read a book and that’s what got you all worked up.

I have said this on the forum, all the wealthy and successful people I know (> $10M net worth, average age early 40s) had not heard of such books. These are successful professionals, doctors, lawyers, tech entrepreneurs and business owners.

I myself had amassed a decent net worth before I even heard of such books. I browsed through them and found them no good. Just my opinion.

So if she put the book down and did not find it interesting I won’t take it as a sign.

In the end not everyone gets excited by a book that is essentially telling you the sky is blue often and sometimes it can be grey.

1 Reply

Account Closed

OP

Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes

6y

@Justin Thorpe

Appreciate the response. I am not worked up about anything, just want her to have a basic understanding of what is going on is all.

I agree that there is a lot of BS in many of the books, but there are a lot of concepts out there that I wasn’t even aware of until I started my own investigation/education. I find it valuable to get perspective from different people, books make that easy. Was just hoping to share that with my wife.

2 Reply

Joe SplitrockPro Member

Moderator

Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes

6y

Be happy she is supportive. She may get more interested as you show it can be successful. One thing that may help is a common goal that excites her. For example, once we save $5000 in cash flow, we will take a trip to Hawaii. She will be more interested in the progress if she sees the goal.

Still keep in mind, she may never find it a passion. I am assuming she has interests that don't excite you. They may just not be your thing. That is ok.

3 Reply

Kevin C.

Real Estate Broker · Anchorage, AK · Member since 2012 · 89 posts · 77 votes

6y

@Joe Splitrock Agree on trying to find a common goal that excites both of you! Right now that common goal my wife and I share is our dream home and we've both been firing on all cylinders to achieve it. I'm just glad we are a power duo. I'm the Broker at our brokerage while she is a rockstar on the lending side. We also manage over 40 rental units ourselves including 5 (gasp) AirBnBs.
@Account Closed I hope the wife comes around and develop a real appreciation for real estate investing.

kevin

2 Reply

Mike Dymski

Investor · Greenville, SC · Member since 2016 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes

6y

7 Reply

Frank Hinck

Rental Property Investor · Minneapolis, MN · Member since 2020 · 540 posts · 285 votes

6y

@Dave E. & Everyone,

My wife knows that rental real estate is a long term goal for me/us. After getting rejected on the duplex house hacking idea 2 years ago, I’ve now been listening to the BP Podcasts out loud while cooking dinner to let her know I’m interested in it so she wasn’t totally surprised when I broached the subject last week and asked when she thought we should get into it. Her answer was “when we’re more financially secure,” so I asked her to break that down and we narrowed it down to $15k in Emergency Fund (currently have $11k), credit card paid down from $7k to $2k, so really I’m only about $9k total away from starting the Real Estate Fund which itself should be about $15k to invest 20% in the $70k homes we have in our area.

0 Reply

Joanne Eriaku

Realtor · NY · Member since 2020 · 167 posts · 169 votes

6y

@Account Closed, count your blessings, at least she is supportive, this could be way worse and I have a feeling if you keep trying to change a grown person, it just may get to the worse side of the scale. Count your blessings!

3 Reply

Terrell Garren

Rental Property Investor · Concord, NC · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 3k+ votes

6y

My wife's journey.

SFHs 1-3 "What the !#$@!# are you doing!

SFHs 4-8 "Well, whatever, do what you want"

SFHs 9-12 "Hmmm, this might be ok"

SFHs 13-17 "Wow, this is cash flowing life. I am so !#$@!# glad I thought of it.

SFHs 18-21 "What are we buying next and hand me another margarita"

22 Reply

Account Closed

OP

Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes

6y

@Terrell Garren

Well I’m already at the whatever you want stage, so guess I’m ahead of the game lol.

1 Reply

Brian G.

Rental Property Investor · Los Angeles, CA · Member since 2013 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

6y

@Dave E. What @Andrea Weule said. As you become profitable her interest will most likely increase.

2 Reply

Jason Meadows

Investor · Member since 2019 · 30 posts · 8 votes

6y

@Dave E. What IS she interested in? Is there any way her interests and yours intersect? There are a million ways to find common ground here. If she likes design and fashion, ask her opinion on the staging and decor for one of your properties. If she likes to cook, spark up a conversation about her dream kitchen and relate it to what you're doing. If she likes watching sports, maybe get her opinion on making a living room renovation perfect for watching the game with the family. Better yet, buy tickets to an event she likes with some profit from your next deal.

As others have said, it's totally ok if she doesn't love it like you do. Her being ok with you doing it is a win already and smothering her with too much enthusiasm will make things harder, not easier.

2 Reply

Pasi Musaindapo

Lender · Denver, CO · Member since 2019 · 29 posts · 9 votes

6y

For my wife... I started encouraging the aspects of real estate she liked... For her it was the renovating, picking colors and fixtures... Once she saw how it was all connected she appreciated it more... Eventually started planning her own deals

2 Reply

Ian WalshBusiness Member

Lender · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes

6y

Personally - My wife is also very supportive but I left it up to her if she was interested. She either is or she isn't. Her support was all I needed. You might be subconsciously looking for a partner.

2 Reply

Ryan Evans

Rental Property Investor · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2016 · 653 posts · 769 votes

6y

Don't let her use any of the money you make from real estate and maybe she'll come around! haha

3 Reply

Lee Yoder

Rental Property Investor · Lebanon, OH · Member since 2016 · 224 posts · 228 votes

6y

I was (and still am to some degree) in the situation as you Dave. Luckily my wife trusted me (and God's guiding of me) enough to allow me to pursue something risky like REI. The reason she was so resistant is because she had no reason to trust REI. No book, or spreadsheet, or pretty picture of what the future "could be" will convince your wife to trust REI. Only time and results can do that. My wife did finally agree to read Rich Dad Poor Dad and her takeaway was, "I can see why this book would speak to someone like you, but I don't think like this." And she probably never will. But after three years of results, she's more on board than ever.

2 Reply

Jim K.

Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes

6y

My experience was very different from most. My wife brought us our first rental property deal. I think seeing residential real estate, especially handyman fixer-upper properties, as an investment is very different when you come from certain immigrant cultures that have histories of doing this: as my wife is Russian and I am Greek with a significant personal and family history in this work, it wasn't so difficult.

But in general, when I am convinced that something is worthwhile and I think my wife should look at it, I give her a manageable amount of material and ask her to look at it. That's very much how we ended up altering our personal spending habits from middle-class American norms to more reasonable patterns informed by an understanding of the financial independence movement.

0 Reply

Alan Feldman

Eastern Shore MD · Member since 2018 · 139 posts · 79 votes

6y

I'm in the same boat. I get so excited about the latest and greatest. Like mobile home parks, syndication, STRs, apartment complexes, storage facilities, note investing, and on and on. Oooh, look over there, something shiny.

I needed something to simplify the strategy and help her come up to speed.

I decided to make a presentation of an investment scenario to my wife. I went through some beginners guides that I have obtained over the years and settled on the "7 years to 7 figures" ebook by @Brandon Turner. I made the presentation to my wife a few weeks ago. I went page by page through the 7/8 year investment. We had a great discussion of what was happening and where. She appreciated many factors of the presentation and investment scenario and felt more comfortable with moving forward on our first investment. I then made a few spreadsheets showing the numbers with more conservative and higher priced 4-plexes (which I will share later) to see if it still works with today's numbers and surprisingly (or not so much) it does work. Looks like we have an investment strategy we can both wrap our heads around.

BTW, I did give her the ebook pdf, which she has not even touched so far. I'll take my win's where I can get them.

@Account Closed, maybe you can do something similar with the Rich Dad book? Choose something from that book and make a presentation.

3 Reply

Daniel SmythPro Member

Rental Property Investor · Rockford, IL · Member since 2019 · 471 posts · 342 votes

6y

Hey Dave, did you start reading "Rich Dad" and then find that the whole book was about you?
Well, most of it anyway? I did! It spoke to me like I was looking at my life from a bird's eye view. I find that I have switched from the Rich Dad to the Poor Dad many times!

Without knowing your wife, and anyone in her family, to see what mind set she carries, I can't offer much in the way of "The trick" to get her hooked.

However, I would advise you to push on and prosper as you can. If your deals bring in regular ADDED INCOME to the budget, you are on the right track. I suspect, that at some time there may be something that she might wish to have, that you really cannot afford with the "job" income to have. Chicago is a long way from so much she would LOVE! I know, as I live in Rockford! I have an idea!

If you can somehow manage to funnel a bit of your RE profits to a "coffee can", there may be a time when you can actually get her interested. You may, with some good investing, be able to take the family to Hawaii or another place you would have a hard time driving to.
Wouldn't you just LOVE to see the look on her face when you tell her that she needs to take a few weeks leave from work because you already booked a nice luxury vacation on Oahu, HI.?

I don't know you or your wife, but I would bet heavy on the chance she would enjoy EVERYTHING you do with RE after something like that happens! She may even wish to do something crazy like get her Real Estate license so you can make even more money SELLING the homes you own as a flip!

My wife and I were strapped with severe medical issues in 2008. We have ZERO retirement or credit that is not maxed. My wife knows that my venturing in RE is only a WIN/WIN either way. So far, she is on board with what ever I wish to do. I have a feeling that in time, your wife may warm up to the idea of money just flowing into the bank.

If the wife needs time, give her all she needs. I once bought the Carlton Sheets program for WAY too much money. She was disgusted, but I used the extra money from side construction jobs, so it was not the end of the world. I never got to use the program, because that is when the world turned bad for the both of us. We are on the mend, and the Rich Dad in me is searching the how I cans instead of the why I cannots. (pardon the poor grammar done for effect)

My wife is a member of Bigger Pockets, but really has no desire to follow the site as I do. However, she fully supports me when it takes 2 hours to go to the store, because I just MUST drive through another neighborhood and take pictures of property I don't own.

Sorry for the long post. I wish you the very best! Say hi to the wife for me. She will look at you like you are REALLY out in Left field! Well, perhaps not! Take off the mask and let's get the road on the show!

[email protected]

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How to get my wife interested in RE?

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