How to get my wife interested in RE?

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How to get my wife interested in RE?

Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes

I am fairly new to real estate investing. As I would expect from most newbies I am very excited about the potential and already have a couple deals under my belt. I am focusing on turnkey buy and hold properties at the moment.

My issue is that my wife couldn’t be less interested. She is supportive, and let’s me do what I want, but has absolutely no interest in learning anything about it. I would like her to have at least a basic understanding of what I am up to, but she literally glazes over when I try to talk to her about it.

I recently read Rich Dad Poor Dad, and really liked the way the information was presented. The author used a lot of stories that were easy to follow, not just number crunching like some books. I asked her to read the first chapter and explained why, but she has flat out refused.

Anyone else have a similar experience, or have any suggestions on how to include her?

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Terrell Garren
Rental Property Investor · Concord, NC · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 3k+ votes
6y

My wife's journey. 

SFHs 1-3  "What the !#$@!# are you doing!

SFHs 4-8 "Well, whatever, do what you want"

SFHs 9-12 "Hmmm, this might be ok"

SFHs 13-17 "Wow, this is cash flowing life. I am so !#$@!# glad I thought of it.

SFHs 18-21 "What are we buying next and hand me another margarita"


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  • Daniel SmythPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Rockford, IL · Member since 2019 · 471 posts · 342 votes
    6y

    [email protected]
    0Reply
  • Jordan Atkin
    Developer · SLC, UT · Member since 2013 · 50 posts · 35 votes
    6y

    @Account Closed I'm not a marriage councilor so I can only speak from my personal experiences.
    My girlfriend of many years is happy with me being in the drivers seat and is extremely supportive. I found the most success in discussing my vision of what the investment/cash flow could do for our future selfs rather than talking about the ins and outs of the deal. There was a lot more buy in and interest when it was about what it meant for us. 

    Do some dream casting and get a vision of your life down on paper. You're doing it for the dream not for today. 

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes
    6y

    @Daniel Smyth

    I related to a lot of things in the book, both on the “Rich Dad” and on the “Poor Dad” side. My dad definitely had the poor dad approach of working hard and saving, but he also lived within his means and didn’t keep up with the Jones’s. He was able to save for a comfortable retirement.

    I'm doing a bit of both. I work hard, and max out my 401k, but I am also doing the REI thing on the side and see the huge potential. Hopefully by combining the two I can get to independence sooner!

    Thanks for the response and best of luck to you!

    1Reply
  • Brett Tvenge
    Flipper/Rehabber · Phoenix, AZ · Member since 2018 · 269 posts · 152 votes
    6y
    Originally posted by @Account Closed:

    I am fairly new to real estate investing. As I would expect from most newbies I am very excited about the potential and already have a couple deals under my belt. I am focusing on turnkey buy and hold properties at the moment.

    My issue is that my wife couldn’t be less interested. She is supportive, and let’s me do what I want, but has absolutely no interest in learning anything about it. I would like her to have at least a basic understanding of what I am up to, but she literally glazes over when I try to talk to her about it.

    I recently read Rich Dad Poor Dad, and really liked the way the information was presented. The author used a lot of stories that were easy to follow, not just number crunching like some books. I asked her to read the first chapter and explained why, but she has flat out refused.

    Anyone else have a similar experience, or have any suggestions on how to include her?

    What worked for me is explaining why I wanted to do this and that's to buy and hold rentals to put our children through college. Also I let her control the entire rehab as far as picking out the materials. She loves it. Other than that she could careless. 

    1Reply
  • Phil Wells
    Real Estate Agent · Spokane, WA & North Idaho · Member since 2017 · 135 posts · 170 votes
    6y

    @Account Closed Maybe try reframing the discussion. Rather than saying, "Look at this ROI! How could you not be interested?" try saying, "Imagine not having to work anymore and being able to visit multiple countries every year, if our ROI is good enough we could do just that."

    Worked for me lol 

    1Reply
  • Jonathan KlemmBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Contractor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2016 · 4k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    6y

    @Alan Feldman - I would suggest getting the book by Tim Shiner called "My wife hates loves rent houses"

    The book is about engaging your spouse in real estate.

    [email protected]
    Quality Builders4.970 Reviews
    WebsiteView Page
    2Reply
  • Suzanne PlayerPro Member
    Attorney · New York City / Long Island, NY · Member since 2020 · 597 posts · 248 votes
    6y

    "She is supportive, and let's me do what I want" - how is this a problem?

    A problem would be if she opposed it & refused to let you get started because she was too scared, or she wouldn't go for it because she has a spending problem and wants all excess cash for immediate consumption rather than investing.  Even worse if she had addictions like shopping or gambling.

    A problem would be if you invested and she wanted to sell and give up the first time you had any problem that investors routinely or predictably will have (if they invest long term) like tenant damage or unanticipated construction.  

    A lot of people would envy your situation, and when you want to talk about real estate we are all here on Bigger Pockets or local groups (try Meetup.com).  Some of us can talk about this all day long.  It's ok to have some separate interests, I don't talk about sports with my husband - but he has his guy friends and endless sports talk radio/TV shows for that.


    516-503-7959
    1Reply
  • Jeremiah GoodpasterPro Member
    Member since 2020 · 28 posts · 15 votes
    6y

    @Dave E. That’s was my wife didn’t care, I had her on the job working on things and discussing what the investment would mean to our family. Guess what she still wasn’t sold until I had her watch a webinar with Brandon Turner on RE. Afterwards she was like we can do that and I was like I have been saying that for a while now. They maybe hearing you but are they listening to what RE could mean.

    0Reply
  • Matt M.
    Specialist · Easton, PA · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    6y

    @Dave E.

    Luckily my wife is on board. Not nearly as interested in RE as I am, she’s more so the money person. She’s interested in how my hard work brings us positive passive cashflow every month. She handles all the bills, paperwork etc, while I handle the tenants and maintenance/rehabs. I think it’s a great thing to be a team, and she’s not in the dark for a second if something were to happen to me.

    Show her the cashflow!!!

    2Reply
  • Account Closed
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes
    6y

    @Jeremiah Goodpaster

    Good point. My wife often doesn’t listen when I tell her something, but if she hears it from someone else it seems to break through lol!!

    1Reply
  • Jon Manke
    Atlanta, GA · Member since 2020 · 3 posts · 0 votes
    6y

    @Dave E. I made a deal with my wife, if she read Rich Dad Poor Dad, I would read any book she wanted. Once she started reading the book she began to understand what I was saying. Although she didn’t immediately turn to analyzing deals, she did “gloss over” a lot less during our deeper conversation. She is now encouraging others to house hack their way to financial freedom.

    My wife also fears losing everything so I’ve had to paint the picture of the risks associated with not doing anything too. This has helped motivate her to move things a little faster than I think she initially would have.

    0Reply
  • Harry Hernandez
    Member since 2020 · 1 post · 0 votes
    6y

    I believe that a good idea is to understand what her future goals are and try to explain how real estate can help her achieve them. Then again, we all have different personalities so having a balance is always important.

    0Reply
  • Joe Cassandra
    Rental Property Investor · Woodstock, GA · Member since 2017 · 517 posts · 772 votes
    6y

    It really depends on your state of life...which I don't know based off the OP. 

    (I have a wife and 3 young kids - my wife basically handles designs and I do everything else)

    ---> if you have kids and she's wrapped up in that --- she may just not want to add anything more to her mental load and plate...that's okay. 

    ---> if she has a stressful job --- same

    ---> if there aren't kids (or kids that need taking care of 24/7) and doesn't have a job/or stressful job ...

    Give her ownership of something. 

    "Hey dear, would you like to handle the books? or Property management? Design"

    Maybe she's more competitive

    "Hey dear, do you want to negotiate with sellers...?" 

    -----

    She may not be interested if she feels she'll just be an 'employee' of you (not a knock on you), and doesn't want to be in that situation. 

    Maybe she wants to know she'll be in control of something. 

    ----

    This comes from similar discussions with my lady. (she owns 50% of our biz too)

    0Reply
  • Syed H.
    Developer · NY/NJ/PA · Member since 2018 · 758 posts · 935 votes
    6y
    Originally posted by @Justin Thorpe:

    @Dave E.

    Seems she is very supportive of what you do but refused to read a book and that’s what got you all worked up.

    I have said this on the forum, all the wealthy and successful people I know (> $10M net worth, average age early 40s) had not heard of such books. These are successful professionals, doctors, lawyers, tech entrepreneurs and business owners.

    I myself had amassed a decent net worth before I even heard of such books. I browsed through them and found them no good. Just my opinion.

    So if she put the book down and did not find it interesting I won’t take it as a sign.

    In the end not everyone gets excited by a book that is essentially telling you the sky is blue often and sometimes it can be grey.

    I was thinking the same thing. Half those books are sold by people that are just good motivational speakers/writers that are good at marketing. Many times they are not good at the actual business they speak about. Tired of hearing gurus talk that barely do deals anymore. (btw Kiyosaki’s company just filed for bankruptcy).

    I personally find books about/from titans of industry way more interesting.


    1Reply
  • Patricia Steiner
    Real Estate Broker · Hyde Park Tampa, FL · Member since 2019 · 2k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    6y

    Just to clarify...your wife is supportive, she let's you invest/do whatever you want when you want, and you're complaining?!!!  Really?  This is your problem?  Do this...when you have a REAL problem, post again.  Until then, buy that woman some flowers and tell her that the best decision you ever made was marrying her.  And, then believe it and go do your real estate thing in silence.  When you have your first project going, take her to it and ask her advice.  All the blah, blah, blah is noise.  Get on with it and show her - not tell her - why real estate is a great investment.  Until then, flowers, silence, gratitude...

    2Reply
  • Account Closed
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes
    6y
    Originally posted by @Patricia Steiner:

    I have to admit, I'm a bit taken back by your response.  I am not complaining.  I was simply asking for suggestions on how to grab her attention.  Maybe I could have framed my original post better.  As I said in my original post, and several of my responses, I would like her to have a basic understanding of what I am doing as it affects both of our financial futures.  This is an open forum with other like minded people who I assume have had similar experiences.  Your feedback was not what I was looking for, but thank you for taking the time to throw your two cents in.  Best of luck to you.  

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes
    6y

    @Syed H.

    Do you have any books about the “titans” that you can recommend? I am always on the lookout for new perspectives and good information!

    0Reply
  • Martin NealPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2017 · 293 posts · 383 votes
    6y

    @Dave E. It’s hard to open a closed mind. You have to let her come to you when she’s ready. I’m my opinion, that’s the only way. It’s good that she isn’t hindering you from doing deals, at least that way later she could see the gains from real estate.

    2Reply
  • James Hamling
    Real Estate Broker · Minneapolis, MN · Member since 2011 · 5k+ posts · 6k+ votes
    6y
    Originally posted by @Account Closed:

    I am fairly new to real estate investing. As I would expect from most newbies I am very excited about the potential and already have a couple deals under my belt. I am focusing on turnkey buy and hold properties at the moment.

    My issue is that my wife couldn’t be less interested. She is supportive, and let’s me do what I want, but has absolutely no interest in learning anything about it. I would like her to have at least a basic understanding of what I am up to, but she literally glazes over when I try to talk to her about it.

    I recently read Rich Dad Poor Dad, and really liked the way the information was presented. The author used a lot of stories that were easy to follow, not just number crunching like some books. I asked her to read the first chapter and explained why, but she has flat out refused.

    Anyone else have a similar experience, or have any suggestions on how to include her?

     The most important thing is that she is supportive, that is a huge hurdle many don't have the luxury of starting with so be thankful. 

    To bring it to the next step of interest, it's simple, show her the $$$$. Seriously, everything is just talk until it turns into something real, make it real and she will take it really seriously. 

    BUT be warned, having a wife who is also into REI isn't all rainbows and unicorns, I know first hand as mine owns her own investment company and is an appraiser, there is pro's and con's.

    I say focus on the work of the work, do your thing, let what comes come and go from there. 

    1Reply
  • Katy Logue
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 13 posts · 4 votes
    6y

    @Dave E.

    You started with a good book “rich dad, poor dad” was my first intro to real estate and it honestly change my point of view about financial education. I highly recommended you to share that book with your wife too.

    Additionally, I highly recommend you and your wife to read “The Book on Rental Property Investing” by Brandon Turner. It will give you both a great foundation about real estate. If your wife does not like to read, you can get the audiobook version on Amazon, I think the first three audiobooks are free.

    Good luck!

    1Reply
  • Syed H.
    Developer · NY/NJ/PA · Member since 2018 · 758 posts · 935 votes
    6y
    Originally posted by @Account Closed:

    @Syed H.

    Do you have any books about the “titans” that you can recommend? I am always on the lookout for new perspectives and good information!

    Some may think of these as boring but here is a small list: 

    • Other People's money
    • The Astors
    • Titan
    • The Power Broker
    • The people's tycoon
    • King of Capital
    • Liar's Ball
    0Reply
  • Syed H.
    Developer · NY/NJ/PA · Member since 2018 · 758 posts · 935 votes
    6y

    Also @Account Closed, There is nothing wrong with her not being interested. Everyone has their own interests. As long as she in supportive, that's all that matters. I personally spend too much time on RE.  I read books on RE people, I read articles about what deals are happening, what's happening in the industry, what new comps came out, I take walks/runs just to see RE; etc etc. That is boring for most people, even RE people. My wife isn't interested at all, and that's ok. Honestly, I'd be pretty bored if I was her as well.

    0Reply
  • Marlen Weber
    Specialist · Plano, TX · Member since 2020 · 2k+ posts · 861 votes
    6y

    Like @Andrea Weule mentioned, you're wife will eventually catch on once she sees where your passion and focus are. She'll naturally want to learn more and become involved. 

    1Reply
  • Account Closed
    OP
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2020 · 562 posts · 554 votes
    6y

    @Joe Cassandra thanks for the input. We are recently empty nesters. Both have super stressful jobs, which is what motivates me on my REI journey. Need to escape the rat race. The sooner we can build some passive income the sooner we can take a step back and enjoy life just a bit more.

    She does love to look at real estate online. Has been doing it for years. Even when we aren’t house shopping. I have thought about asking her to look for deals and giving her some basic criteria. That may be a solid next step!

    1Reply
  • Raul Pastrana
    Las Vegas, NV · Member since 2020 · 6 posts · 1 vote
    6y

    @Dave E. I explained to my wife very easy If One day I die ... what the F... are you gonna do financially, it was an open eye for her since she has no idea how to pay our mortgage right now she is listening to Potcast that got me started !

    It worked for me...

    0Reply
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