Staten Island, NY · Member since 2015 · 265 posts · 59 votes
Hello all! I am sharing my RE ideas with my mother and other close family members and I receive no support. Only comments such as bad tenants, you will go broke and save your money. No one thinks like me or likes to take any chances in my family. I really am just going to stop sharing any of my ideas with them altogether. Anyone go through this with close relatives?
@Eric DeVito I'm repeating what many other people have stated on this forum, but stay strong. If REI is for you, then it's for you. When you're a success, their tone will change and they'll start saying they believed in you the entire time.
When Bill Gates left Harvard University to start Microsoft, I am willing to bet there were many people that told him he was crazy. Look where he is now.
The story seems to be the consistent with many people that attain financial success. Notice how the naysayers never seem to attain financial independence?
I want to tell you this is not an uncommon event. I know a lot of people (including myself) that received negative feedback and words of discouragement. This is usually due to lack of knowledge and education from those individuals. It is very easy for people to talk down things they don't understand. Find a meetup group where you can learn, grow and share ideas. Never stop learning and communicating with like-minded individuals. Most importantly never doubt the business and yourself. A lot of people on this site have done multiple deals and know this works so the worst thing you can do is let the negative things influence you and make you start believing the bs. Stay positive, stay busy, and keep hustling. It will all pay off and you will soon find yourself surrounded by people who ask you how you have done it. If you need any help running deals or just have any questions feel free to PM me and I would be glad to help.
Here's some more motivation. Im just 25 years old. many of my family and peers thought I was crazy for buying even more property. With each property I bought, they told me more and more I couldn't do it because I didn't qualify, I didn't have the funds, the rehab was too much, etc etc.
Guess what? within my first year of real estate investing I am going to end the year with a total of 10 purchases all rented out with over 40 high paying and good tenants.
They still think Im crazy, but yeah you gotta do crazy things for a crazy (high) paycheck!
That sucks man! But I can understand. There will always be naggers and negative nancys, find people with experience and who share your positive outlook and surround yourself with them
all the comments above are excellent points. The one scenario left out is a spouse. What do you do when you are moving ahead with REI education but the spouse doesn't and is negative with every discussion of an investment opportunity? Tough situation. I for one don't need validation from anyone. If I could just be left alone with investing, that would be fine (although a prefer my spouse to be a partner) Let's face it, it's always good to have someone to bounce ideas around. But since REI usually involves shared capital as well as credit and risk, how do you move forward? I plan to have a sit down, no distraction conversation with my spouse soon. Although I will be very open, bottom line is, Get in the game or step aside and trust me. No more Monday night quarter backing. Start with small deals to build your spouses confidence in REI and you. I'll let you know if I can still see out of both eyes after our sit down.
You have to remember that your parents love you and don't want you to fail, however if their negativity is getting in the way of you pursuing your dreams then you can't let them get in the way. Of course their are risks, but any good reward comes with good risk.
Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game! And if your parents don't want to see you strike out, tell them not to come to the game at all.
My wife was originally against the idea of real estate investing.
However, the way to overcome the fear is to be prepared. Have a few properties evaluated and make sure the numbers work, then talk to them about it.
Be prepared on questions like how you will mitigate bad tenants, asset protection, financing, etc.
Being prepared is key IMHO.
Eric DeVito what's your intent behind sharing your REI goals with your family? Is it to solicit money, gain moral support, or something else?
As others have said, use the naysayers to fuel your passion and double down. Every minute explaining/debating your REI goals with doubters is a minute not spent on your business--you can't afford to waste that time educating them, actions speak louder than words!
Also, the direct approach to convincing others is often met with resistance. Consider using the indirect approach. Document your progress, goals, challenges, successes on the BP member blogs. Share that link with your family and let them choose to follow along. The real benefit is that you'll grow your REI network on BP, and maybe you'll win over a few family members as well.
Take care and keep us posted!
-Andrew
@Eric DeVito I had the same problem. It gets better...especially after you do a few deals and you don't go bankrupt. If it bothers you, turn it off by keeping things to yourself. If you can turn that negativity into motivation, then mention it every chance you get. My parents still give me the same sage advice: "Hold on to your good job and pray that your 401k and social security will take care of you when you retire." (baaaaaarrrfffffffffffffff)
@Eric DeVito This is why I never speak to anyone outside of real estate about real estate. I only speak to people that are actively involved in the business.
Do you really need to hear advice/comments from someone that has never done a deal? NO!
All they know is what they have heard from someone else, who heard it from someone else, who heard it from someone else.
My advice is to discuss your real estate dealing only with people who are knowledgeable about the industry; other investors. Once the checks start to roll in, then you can tell people how you are NOT fixing toilets at 2am.
@Eric DeVito Glad you're thinking about this, so many people are dissuaded by the negativity and never jump in. Here's a story that I find analogous to this situation.
When I was 16, I rode my bicycle(with a group of 12 others) from the West Coast to the East Coast. Specifically, from our warm-up in the Orcas Islands to Portsmouth, New Hampshire. We looked like circus freaks- imagine riding through the mid-West in lycra, we really stood out, and not always in ways we wanted to. I remember in WA state, people would often ask, "Where ya goin'?" To which we'd respond, "New Hampshire." They looked at us like we were crazy, and often thought we were joking. Same in Idaho, Montana, ND. Once we got to Michigan, they still looked at us like we were crazy, but when we said that we started in Washington, the usual response was "What? Really??" In Michigan and New York, people started believing us when we told them where we were headed, but they were incredulous when we told them we started in Washington.
When I started my real estate journey(12 years after my front bike wheel hit the Atlantic,) I wouldn't even tell people about my goals, because I knew they wouldn't believe me. Now-metaphorically- I'm in MI, and people can't believe where I started. Right now, you're in WA. Or more like the Orcas Islands- you haven't gotten your feet wet. Don't be afraid- jump in, buy some real estate, read books, improve your knowledge base. If you're not ready, usually the work will hammer you into shape, like the two overweight brothers on my bike trip who were woefully unprepared. By the time they hit the East Coast, they were lean, mean, pedaling machines!
@Eric DeVito I go thru that with family and friends too. I don't let it deter me obviously. When I talk about Real Estate investing, I have a few people that say "Man, I wish I could do that". My question is "why won't you? Because you can do it."
@Eric DeVito Oh man it's funny that you mentioned this topic because I'm experience the same thing on a regular basis and can relate 100%. I'm currently in college studying finance and real estate. My roommate in college constantly doubts the importance of finance, real estate investing, and entrepreneurship. The two of us have gotten into some pretty serious debates over this stuff. I believe that all of the people that are pessimistic, negative, and discouraging gives us another reason to try harder to prove them wrong!
At the same time, I believe the topic of investing can be a sensitive topic to many people because it brings up the discussion of money. Most people are not open to topics regarding money without turning the discussion into a volatile debate. All depends on the type of person.. Some people are open-minded and some are closed-minded.
Also I'm in a similar situation with my parents. My mom has a consumer mindset and believes that finding a safe secure comfortable job is the answer to everything and not taking risks. My dad on the other hand has invested in commercial real estate but he doesn't enjoy talking about it because it is too personal & seems to be a stressful topic.
3 - If your goals are strong enough, you won't care what other people think
4 - If your goals are not strong enough, it doesn't matter one way or the other
5 - Find like-minded people/investors and it will expand your personal and professional life exponentially
Two of my friends and I share and challenge each other on financial matters whenever we have something to vet and it's invaluable for me. An unintended benefit of this...if I were to kick the bucket tonight, these guys could help ensure that my wife and kids have the financial help they need. Great piece of mind. Good luck.
Hindsight is 20/20... Sow seeds now... Little sayings like "It'll make sense later." or "One day I'll be able to show you better" Those things will make a stronger impression today then trying to convince them that they are wrong.... Lastly, dont fault them they probably just want the best for you and dont know that they are actually slowing your momentum... Power Through It!
I can only add to what's already been said above. I've gotten many of the same. Be careful to notice and then reject those negative voices that might bubble up from your childhood.
I didn't tell my family about my first deal until after the fact. I wouldn't let your family's opinions sway you from investing. That's funny that they said you'll have bad tenants. You pick your tenants! It's not like they're assigned to your building. My father actually has a few apartment buildings and from him I learned what not to do. He has terrible tenants, but he chooses to rent to people who aren't going to pay and that cause problems - he also doesn't update his buildings. Real estate is certainly risky, however it's not a flip of the coin as to whether you can make a profit. As long as you do the research in your market, work with good lenders, and good contractors, when something goes wrong someone will have a solution. If your very close with your family, I can understand how it would be difficult not to talk with them about it. I would keep quiet and tell them what you did later. The shock on their faces will be priceless.
I am dealing with some negativity as well from family and am just starting to get into REI, so I completely understand. It is hard when you do not get the reaction (support, encouragement, enthusiasm) you want from people you are very close with when you tell them about your dreams and goals in life. But as I have studied REI and have really been getting more into it, I agree with the others that you do have to have a thicker skin and really take advice from people who are actually doing it. So many people like to give advice about things they know nothing about.
Many people will be against what you are trying to accomplish, whether it is from fear or from their own shortcomings. It is time to find another support network that has people who are like minded (Bigger Pockets anyone?) and can give you actual advice from experience rather than fear of the unknown.
Also remember that REI can look risky to those who do not know anything about it, so in their eyes, they may just be trying to protect you. My take on this one is: Don't look to "downers" for REI advice or encouragement, look to other investors who have personal experience to back up what they say. Remember that many people have their own hang ups and personal agendas when it comes to another person's success.
Just keep on doing what you are doing, they may come around or they may not. You will figure out what you can talk about with them and what you can't. Look to local REIA networks or BP and build your own support network and get your goals together! Always move forward my friend : )
Join the club. My sophomore year at college my finance professor expressed to me that what I wanted to do was "financially irresponsible and completely impossible." My grandmother said I will be stabbed at abandoned houses and that I may as well buy a Beanie Baby collection with my money...they will be worth the same amount of money one day. My uncle laughed and told me that I didn't have the knowledge to create wealth like I planned.
In the past year, I have bought, sold, and owned over $2,000,000 worth of real estate. I own four companies and push close to $500,000 a year in wholesale inventory. I own 23 rental units. I am close to being a millionaire. I am 26.
My grandmother's dying words to me were something to the affect of "nothing makes you work harder than someone saying you can't." She could not have been more right. WORK to prove them wrong!!
I went through the same thing. After I bought a 175,000 house with a 25% equity position for $400 dollars they stopped.
But also I know it's hard but you can't share your ideas with everyone. Some people don't care, get jealous, or are scared.
If you're married, you need to get buy in from your spouse first. Your spouse doesn't have to be passionate about real estate investing but at least they need to support your dream. It's also about compromise. Take it slow, do your first deal. Learn as you go. Don't stretch yourself financially - i.e., plan to have a more than adequate cash reserve going in.
One step at a time, treat it like a business (not a hobby), and it will likely work out great. Best of luck!
@Eric DeVito Folks, family or otherwise, are always going to tell you that you can't do it. Try your absolute best not to take personal, as these statements they are emanating isn't directed at you though it may seem that way. These statements come from deep within where their disappointments and failures reside. Anytime someone starts to give you unsolicited advice, you have two choices
1. Blank out and give them the proverbial head nodding
2. Tell them thanks mid-way through their "advice"
Now, you've got a ton of responses from this forum. Go get em'!
I am not that old or experienced but what I have learned in my short time is you become like the 5 people you are closest to so if they are the people you want to end up like then hang out with them and keep talking to them about it(which clearly is not the case). So I wouldn't say shut them out or ignore them because they are your family and friends obviously but that doesn't mean you have to hang around and take their advice career wise. So instead find 5 people you want to be more like and start to go out for coffee with them and pick their brain.
I would also say obviously don't take advice from someone who hasn't done it before, because I find everyone always seems to have advice on something that they have never done but the funny thing is it always happens to turn out negative.
Instead listen to the people who have done it and done it successfully and pick their brain and find out the model they used to be successful and if you do that with every successful person you come across then eventually you form your own model for success!
@Eric DeVito Nix the investing talk with family members, they'll only hold you down. You've found a lot of people here at BP who can encourage and motivate you.