Staten Island, NY · Member since 2015 · 265 posts · 59 votes
Hello all! I am sharing my RE ideas with my mother and other close family members and I receive no support. Only comments such as bad tenants, you will go broke and save your money. No one thinks like me or likes to take any chances in my family. I really am just going to stop sharing any of my ideas with them altogether. Anyone go through this with close relatives?
When I decided to quit my full time job with full benifits, retirement, vacation, and making 50k per year in the mid 90s, my mom cried and told me I was ruining my life!
My mother was the very person that got me interested in Real Estate, but when I wanted to go big, it scared her. I do not believe that she wanted me to fail or she was jealous, i just think she did not have the same belief or vision that I did.
I can not tell you that it was always easy or that it was not a ton of work, but I can say that over the past 20 years and over 1k deals under my belt, I have learned more about people and life than I would have ever learned by keeping my day job.
Oh..... The company I left has been chopped up and sold, the very building that I worked in has been demolished and almost 900 workers sent looking for jobs elsewhere.
So the point to the story is that you may make it big or you may fall a few times, but one thing for certain is that YOU are in control of your destiny and the only limits are the ones you set for yourself!
Good luck man!!!! I believe you can do it if you believe it!
Eric DeVito keep fighting bro! Someone's got to be the first one out of the tunnel! That's one ☝️of the reason I love BP! It's full of like minded people! 😎
I took a quick peek at your profile and see that you're a military vet; thank you for your service. Everyone here is right in saying that you need a thick skin and to ignore those people who claim to know better, without actually knowing anything. If they're anything like my family, they probably really respect you for your service, but are worried that now that you're no longer in the military you're taking high risks with no guaranteed reward. That said, not everyone can just ignore all the people they love and respect, so I'll add to the main advice everyone else is giving:
Do your math. You should be doing it anyway, but real estate investing is (in my opinion) 50% math and 50% problem solving. Once you've gotten that, make sure it's clean and understandable, and show that to them. If you have done all the numbers, its impressive and hard to refute. You can fake it pretty well with some of the BiggerPockets calculators, but I'd recommend building your own spreadsheets and presentation tools, because it will force you to really understand the details. Put some easy fluff in there like amortization schedules, projected appreciation, etc, but also put in real info like cap rates, maintenance and repair estimates, etc. A few quick graphs in a PowerPoint will at least give the appearance that you know what you're doing.
BTW, I also saw that you currently own your home, so I want to congratulate you on that. That said, provided your life gives you the flexibility to do so, one of the easiest ways to jump in the game is to buy a live-in fourplex and fix it up as you go. Looks like the VA loan max for Staten Island will be a little over $636k (I'm assuming you're in Richmond county) in 2017, so you could start out with a self-paying asset worth well over a half-million dollars with very little money invested. Even if the property value stays the exact same in 30 years, that's $600k extra (in 30 years, mind you) that you wouldn't have had otherwise.
My Sentiments are the same! I'm a new investor too and my dad who also invests in properties is a negative nancy to me too! I'm in the beginning stages so i feel it alot. I'm just sticking to my plan: doing my homework and being conservative with my decisions. good luck!
Surround yourself with like minded people (like people here on the BP's community). Attend your local real estate investing associations, get a mentor, feed yourself uplifting and inspiring content (i.e. read some of the books here, read management/entrepreneurial ones. One favorite is Think and Grow Rich. A newer one is The Energy Bus.
My parents discouraged me on a lot of things because they thought it was too risky and because they were worried about me..Over time I made it a practice to keep every new venture confidential (even from friends) prior to execution. I think sharing before execution is a distraction, and its more efficient to keep it to yourself (or partners) at early stage. Find out the sweet spot when you can talk about your success and start building your brand.
Family is family, what can you do. It's disappointing not to have their support. I think family members have such a traditional mindset in the way businesses should be ran or how money should be made. REI can be risky and maybe they're concerned.
Instead, confide in people who are interested in REI as well. You could even make a few friends through these forums. Your family will come around eventually.
Absolutely!!! I had to cut them off. I call to say hi and stuff. But you have to get away from the negative energy. Magnets attract. Negative energy does to. Stay on bigger pockets and watch tom Krol on YouTube his positive energy pushes me when I reach a tough spot
My wife fought me tooth and nail. It took me several years before I bought a rental. It worked out because I followed some rules to keep the odds in my favor .1: I screen all tenants very anal 2: I buy in a good location if sh... hits the fan I can sale that leads to 3: I buy only single family homes so I can sale to lots of folks if I have to in a hurry. Once you get money and few houses under your belt then buy duplexes etc...
Its unfortunate how family & friends will try to discredit or discourage what you are doing simply because they have met someone with bad experiences from some uneducated investor or Joe Shmoe who wanted to make a quick buck without doing his due diligence. My family tells me to get a regular job & save my money but they've never experienced the better things from life. From my understanding it scares them to do something different & they dont like different or being uncomfortable. Even after my first wholesale deal they still don't believe in it because she doesn't understand & thinks its a fluke. Both my parents tell me that I need to slow down & just relax but they don't understand whats coming in the near future! Health, Wealth, Love, & Happiness!
My father attempted to get in real estate investing back in the day and bought the wrong properties in the wrong neighborhoods & the whole process was a complete nightmare! One of his tenants even put a hit out on him!!! Was it because my dad wasn't good enough or smart enough? NO! it was the fact that he didn't take the time to lay the right foundation (knowledge) of the field. All that he can seem to focus on is the fact that they bought properties & it was a nightmare instead of thinking about what could be done differently.( Still learning how the mind works so not 100% sure why we as humans do this, but it is correctable once become aware). I love listening to personal development & they say you don't need to reinvent the wheel but merely "copy the right cat"*** or find people who are successful & replicate what they do. Try to take one thing from each person & add it to your repertoire & become a successful business owner to show yourself that you can do it but also to your family who doubted you.
I've just distanced myself from them a little because its POISONOUS to have that negativity in your mind/life. They are only telling you that because they care! Just remember its your life & you've seen how their life has ended up; if you're happy with their results then do what they did but if you want something different then you've gotta take a stand & do different. It will only add to your personal success story. Also when or if you have kids you'll know not to attempt to discredit or throw shade on their dreams. If success was easy then everyone would attain it, please stay focused, EDUCATE yourself on real estate(or any other topic you want to learn about), & find mentors who are knowledgable on the topic you want to specialize in!
I wish you all of the best & hope to see you at the top!
Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad. It's a great motivational book. It discusses the mindsets that people have that are poor, middle class, and wealthy. Especially the section where Kiyosaki talks about assets vs liabilities. If they can't participate in with you in this, just keep it to yourself. If they ask, just say that things are moving along fine. Your business is your business. The only one you really need on your side is your spouse if you have one. And then come here for your encouragement if you need it. And remember failure is just a learning step toward success. So don't give up. Prove them wrong.
I find this hits close to home. As soon as I said I wanted to invest into real estate/multi family, everybody all of a sudden was a real estate guru. Or worse yet just very cynical. I've told the people close to me thank you for your concern, but I've made up my mind and you can support me or get out of my way (i put it nicely). Find like minded people that will support you, they're out there.
The one's telling you it won't work are the same one's who have never done it & are too scared to try it. They're the same ones that will be in the rat race, living paycheck to paycheck the rest of their lives. Either it'll work, or it won't and you'll learn. Keep on pushing & educating yourself. Knowledge is power. You create your luck!
Yes, this is very familiar with the majority of our family as well. They tell us about bad tenants and how they will tear up your home. The funny thing is , they have no experience in dealing with RE so the "advice" given is taken with little consideration. You are going in the right direction, we love what we do and have seen the benefits!
@Eric DeVito You need to distance yourself from all the naysayers. It might be hard especially if they are close family. Spend your time with the most successful investors in your area. Also keep in mind most of the "advice" you are getting, probably has zero experience, in what they are offering advice in. Meaning they have never owned a rental property, or invested in real estate.
I got a lot of negative feedback when I started investing full time for a living. "Is this real estate thing really going to pan out? Shouldn't you be looking for a real job? What do you do all day?"
Then I started bringing in 5 figure monthly paychecks consistently and now they all want to know how I do it....LOL.
The other thing I would suggest is listen to motivational stuff in the car, and not the radio.... Grant Cardone, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robins, etc. Highly recommend Grant Cardone 10x, and Be Obsessed or Be Average.
I have received the same feedback @Eric DeVito - it is people like us who can make the biggest changes I feel like. I am just starting out too - would love to connect at some point!
I've been discouraged by family, ridiculed by colleagues and called stupid to my face. ("I thought you were smarter than that." the insurance agent said. Guess who lost all my future business?) This hasn't happened to me too often, but often enough that I've developed a way to deal with it. Every time someone vents their real estate negativity on me, I ask one sincere question, then shut up:
"Why do you say that?"
Just let them go. They'll tell you their tale of woe, but then you can unpack the "why" from all the garbage, and learn some really valuable lessons. Here are a few tales I've heard from naysayers:
"I invested in a piece of undeveloped land to pay for my son's college. It took two years to sell. Even though I sold it for twice what I bought it for many years ago, it took too long to sell and I had to pay real estate taxes, so it was a bad deal." (Moral of the story: raw land can be illiquid and negative cash flow. Is this a danger to me? unlikely, I'm planning on investing in rental houses, which are more liquid and can produce positive cash flow.)
"I rented out my previous home, and the tenants were rough on the property, which made me feel disrespected. When they moved out, they took window air conditioners that they paid for, but I cut them a break on rent for them to buy. Thieves." (Moral of the story: don't use too nice of a house as a rental, don't get emotionally attached to a house [because they'll get wear-and-tear], don't have the tenant buy and install window a/c units that they pay for and have receipts proving ownership for. Is this a danger to me? possible but unlikely, because I'm buying homes specifically to rent, I expect the tenants to be somewhat hard on the house, and I would never manage that a/c transaction so stupidly.)
I could go on, but I've found nearly all of the conversations I've had about this have ended up with the story-teller relating some problem that's ultimately of their own manufacture, and could've been avoided by management knowledge you get here, or just basic business sense. I usually end up encouraged from these talks, because I can see all the problems I'm unlikely to have since I doubt I'll make their kind of mess in the first place. Also, the person telling me about them feels like they've been heard, which can be psychologically helpful to them.
Hello all! I am sharing my RE ideas with my mother and other close family members and I receive no support. Only comments such as bad tenants, you will go broke and save your money. No one thinks like me or likes to take any chances in my family. I really am just going to stop sharing any of my ideas with them altogether. Anyone go through this with close relatives?
I had a similar experience with my side of the family when my husband and I started investing. It's definitley a mind set in my family that if something isn't easy, it's not worthwhile. My suggestion: join a local REI group that you can talk to about your investments, and discuss questions with. In my eyes, it's not beneficial to talk to someone about significant life choices if they can't comprehend the choice itself.
KEEP PUSHING! My family is super old-school and don't want anything to do with something like real estate. It's too much of a gamble and they know way too many "investors" (aka slumlords) that have lost a lot of money or their reputation.
I have been studying real estate for a couple years now, and I know enough that I can walk them through a couple basic deals. Just try to educate them and show them the numbers. If they don't believe the numbers, just find new people to talk to. I don't have anybody close to me that I can bounce ideas off of, but I have met people through BP and a RE meetup that I went to. I'm starting to find people here and there that are willing to at least listen to me. I know that RE is what I'm passionate about, I know that it has greater potential than most normal jobs, and most importantly, it's what I'm passionate about!
Eric DeVito let the negativity feed your hunger!! Just remember that noone will see your vision as you see it. And noone will believe in you as you believe in yourself. We believe in you!! Be great