Hello, friends.

I want something as pompous as possible, something that will just clutch at the heartstrings of every status-seeking, jumped-up piece of white Pittsburgh-area trash. Something easy to write on a check.

My model for this is Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street, who famously named his company "Stratton Oakmont."

The best I can come up with is Cavendish Hawthorne Properties, LLC. The only problem is that it's just too long. I could abbreviate to CH Properties, but where's the pomp in that?