Tenant Applicants say the dumbest things

Robin Grimes · 2012-05-22T13:13:55-07:00

Stupid things Tenant Applicant’s say. I had renovated a nice 4/3/2 and put it on the market for lease. Here are some of the comments from people who toured the property during the open house or called me from signage. #1 Young single mother with 3yr old in tow. “My boyfriend will be paying the rent, he said to just go find a place, but I want to rent it in my name, so it will be mine alone.” I’m thinking: I’m not renting to someone without the verified income to pay the rent. Sorry but a promise from a boyfriend just won’t do. I’m saying: Here’s a rental application. The application fee is $25 but you should know that I will need to verify income and whoever is paying will need to be on the application and lease. #2 Middle aged couple with no kids. Wife says “I don’t like the wood floors. If you can put down carpet and repaint to something brighter, we’d be interested. Also you will need to replace the stove.” I’m thinking: The wood floors are new laminate that I just spent $1400 and two days installing. The paint is all new also. If you want to remodel a house, go buy one yourself. I’m saying: Here’s a rental application. The application fee is $25. The property is being rented in its newly remodeled condition. #3 Family. Made appointment and met me at house. Husband says “I need a 3 car garage.” I’m thinking: The 2 in 4/3/2 stands for TWO car garage. Plus the photos show it’s a two car garage, so why are you here wasting my time and yours? Did you think I was hiding a third garage bay in the back yard? I’m saying: Here’s a rental application. The application fee is $25. This house only has a two car garage. #4 Very young guy, young 20’s maybe, called me from sign in yard. He’s parked at house. Says: “ I need a big place for my girlfriend and our 3 month old since we want to have more kids. Could you help me out and rent it to me for $xxx” (about ½ the rental rate). I’m thinking: So you’re requesting that I contribute half your rent so you can have more kids that you can’t house and support. I’m saying: I’m happy to provide an application. The application fee is $25. Sorry the rental rate is firm. .

Nancy Carr

Real Estate Professional · McCalla, AL · Member since 2008 · 67 posts · 23 votes

8y

I once had a potential tenant call about an empty unit. She asks "What kind of people do you rent to?" Me: "The kind who pay their rent on time...." Not sure what she was fishing for, but I wasn't biting.

4 Reply

Peter B.

Investor · Ogdensburg, WI · Member since 2016 · 273 posts · 351 votes

8y

I get a phone call. Tenant needs to move asap. Not good. Applicant states income as 986 a month and that she is a student. I said I beleive that is a loan... You have to pay that back. Applicant "No I don't the school just gives it to me"

We have open house for the place scheduled... I get a call from the same number asking if I can pick them up for open house as they have no money for gas. SMH

3 Reply

Aly W.

Investor · Middletown, NJ · Member since 2008 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

Ok, I think today's tenant inquiry is going to be in the first chapter of my future book. This is for a condo rental in Florida.

An inquiry from someone who argued (in a text) that running his background check twice (I would do it once, and then if I approve him, the association would do it as well), would pile up the credit inquiries for him. Says he's a financial consultant and that he would have no trouble getting approved by the condo association.

I texted back that as a financial consultant, he should know that a criminal background/eviction check is a soft hit on the credit report and has no affect on his score....which we're not checking anyway. He then told me he has a felony charge from 2005 for "Driving While License Revoked - Habitual", and that he had his license suspended 3 times in 5 years in Florida. Says he received a clemency letter in 2007 and currently bears arms.

He also believes in transparency, which I guess is why his next revelation was being arrested for burglary and battery in 2002, after being caught in someone's bedroom. I swear, you can't make this stuff up, and since I'm collecting stories like this for my future book, I let it go on a bit.

I texted back that the condo association would not approve him. He asked why, since he grosses $6400 a month (and he included a screen shot of a pay stub), and why should this matter from 17 years ago? I didn't bother to tell him that 2002 was only 15 years ago, you know, since he's a financial consultant and should be able to count. And with that kind of income, why doesn't he just buy something?

I wished him luck in his search for a home. He replied that he doesn't like being judged by people who make less money than he does, but closed with "God Bless".

9 Reply

Marcia Maynard

Investor · Vancouver, WA · Member since 2013 · 3k+ posts · 4k+ votes

8y

Originally posted by @Michell P.:

Prospect 1:

"I'm earth friendly, professional, employed, positive, no pets, no smoke but I cannot provide my SS# do the the nature of my job (government) etc. But I have excellent references."

I really wanted to ask him if he was a secret agent.

Prospect 2:

Called and rambled about his 5 kids, and how they want to change the world and they throw all these charity events and they're on government assistance and smoke and have support animals but their voucher will cover rent etc

While he's rambling I try multiple times to tell him the property is pending but he doesn't seem to hear.

He ends the call saying he's going to apply and I say "You can apply if you want but the home is pending."

He submits the application an hour later and pays the $50 to get credit checks done. I spend the rest of the day stunned that they would throw away $50 when they hadn't even seen the home - then I send out an email explaining we went with another applicant (you know... the one I said was already pending??)

He responds: "I thought that I had a chance, but I must if that is the case then there is no use in running the background check I would like to know how I can receive the money I paid for the background checks if it was way to late to even apply."

I just... can't.

Prospect 3:

A single guy pulls up to the house in a really nice car and is dressed really nice.

Him: "What's your pet policy?"

Me: "What kind of pets do you have?"

Him: ".... well... it's... a uh... dog."

Me: "Ok, what is the specific breed?"

Him: "uh... well.... ... ... it's a mix."

Me: "Uh huh, what kind of mix?"

Him: "It's a pit bull. But he's really friendly."

Me: "We can't accept pit bulls. It's an insurance requirement, there's nothing I can do about it." (This was in the rental criteria he'd already been sent)

I thanked him for coming and moved on to another prospect while he just stared at me. A few minutes later he walked back over while I was talking to someone else.

Him: "Ok, so what is your credit policy?"

Me: *thinking WTH I already said no* "Well, it should show a history of responsibility paying your obligations."

Him: "My score is really low... like 400 or so."

Me: "Well why's it so low?" (Now I'm just wondering where he's going with this)

Him: "Well, I had a few bankruptcies and evictions."

Me: "Evictions? Did you say evictions?" (Not sure how we jumped from credit score to evictions but ok, he's just volunteering everything)

Him: "Yeah but like just 1."

Me: "Ok we can't accept evictions within the last 7 years."

Him: "Ok but all my evictions were more than 7 years ago."

Me: "Ok if you have more than 1 eviction that's a hard no, no matter when it happened. All our rental criteria is in the email I sent you."

He then stared at me intently for a few minutes before running to his car.

Is this real life?

Thanks for sharing.... I'd go with Door #1. At least to find out what that government job was! :-)

Prospect #2.... he probably didn't understand the meaning of the word "pending". If you didn't process his application and run the background check, then returning the money to him would be the right thing to do. There are many folks who have problems that we can't even imagine.

2 Reply

Chris Szepessy

Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes

8y

I have a bunch of stories, but the most recent was a guy who was living in a local motel. The county had put him up there because he was homeless. On the phone he tells me he just go custody of his son, he's in the process of getting a job, gets some sort of help from the state, etc. He begged to see the apartment as soon as I get out of work. Tell him that's not an option as I have kids who need to get to their sport practices. I set an appt. up for the next day. I get a call at 445 (shortly after I get out of work) from a different number and person (female) asking if they can come quick and look at the apartment. I live right next door so I reluctantly agreed. The girl and a guy with a 10 year old kid pull up and the guy says "yeah, I talked to you earlier today. I had my niece call you because I really need to get out of the motel." I show him the place quick, give him the application that he HAD to fill out right away as we're talking. He leaves the part about convictions blank, so I ask him. He said "Ok, I was arrested once for sales a long time ago, but I don't do that anymore." I said "Ok, I'll get back to you." He offers to pay an extra $100 the first month if I rent to him. I do a quick search later on on the dept. of corrections website and he was arrested THREE times in the last 10 years, most recently in like 2012 (this was in 2014), for drug sales.

I'm not sure how he had custody of his son. I should also mention that his son was wearing $150 shoes while he was "homeless." Wonder how he afforded those...

0 Reply

Chinmay J.

Investor · Northern, VA · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 904 votes

8y

Why do I need to pay you on first of the month. I get paid the week after I work, why can't I pay you at the end of the month, after I have stayed here. lol. One of my inherited tenants.

This is when you have to break the sad news to a 50 yr old man, that he really needs to get a roommate or go back and live in his parents' basement.

2 Reply

Brian Zaug

Lagrangeville, NY · Member since 2017 · 144 posts · 218 votes

8y

Tenant: Hey, my car just got repossessed, could I use my security deposit to get it back?

Me: I'll have my inspector come check the paint and water for lead.

7 Reply

William Butler

mahopac, NY · Member since 2017 · 8 posts · 2 votes

8y

I remember one of my first calls as a realtor came from someone looking to rent an apartment. she tells me she is currently in the hospital in psych ward. she says well i was under a lot of stress and finally broke down. being empathetic i said well its ok, i am sure more then most are one step away from that these days. and i could related being under stress and all kinds of aggravation from every direction in my life at that time. but as she continues on thats when it turned. she tells me she used to hear the voice of god but knows now that she did not. and that they will be going out on a day trip and she would get a way from them and meet me at a designated location.

another person looking for an apartment was a student for college out of country named Osoma and i cant remember from what middle eastern country. so again a green horn i was i gave him my cell phone and this young man called me a few times. this was around 2007 as the above call was. and subsequently after getting and or call this person on my cell, the clicking on my phone and home phone began. i figured some agency was tapping my phone to see if i was some type of threat. i feel sorry for those guys who had to endure my boring phone calls!

0 Reply

Amy A.

Portland, ME · Member since 2012 · 616 posts · 550 votes

8y

I just got a new one today! Inquiry from tenant : "Interested in this apartment. I have a small Bernese mountain dog, wondering if that would be a problem? " Under "current housing" she listed "dorm". I wonder how long she hid a "small" 100 lb. dog before they kicked her out?

3 Reply

Sylvia B.

Rental Property Investor · Douglas County, MO · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

We currently have an empty 3br 1ba & have had some interesting comments/questions about it.

Do you accept pets?
Sometimes. What pets do you have?
4 German Shepherds.
No.

Me: Who will be living in the house?
Her: Me and my boyfriend and our kids, and we have a dog and a cat.
Me: What kind of dog?
Her: Well, it's a terrier mix.
Me: Hmm. So tell me about your kids.
Her: Well he has a boy and 2 girls, and I have 2 boys and 2 girls, and we have a baby together.
[She looks like she's pregnant again, but I didn't ask.]
Me: Well, here's an application. We can only allow 6 people to live in a 3 bedroom house, but if anything bigger becomes available we'll let you know.

[Before seeing the inside of this freshly painted house]
Can I paint the rooms?
If we approve the color and if you pay for the paint and the wages of our preferred painter, and add enough to the security deposit to cover repainting to the original color when you move.
Oh.

Then we had one who is interested in a larger house that we are still working on. I emailed her an application, and when she gave it to my husband he noticed several blanks, so he asked her about them.
How much do you make per month?
$1600
And your husband?
$2000
Ok. You left this one blank. What pets do you have?
Just a small boxer.
Ok. We'll get back with you.
So when we look it over we notice she listed someone we knew as her current landlord - the manager/owner's son at our favorite restaurant. He has told us many times of all the problems he's had with tenants. The next day we went out to eat and asked him about her. "Oh no, you don't want to rent to her." He also told us to talk to her former landlord, which we were planning on doing anyway. [It's a small town and we know her too.]
We go talk to the former landlord, and as soon as the applicant's first name is out of my mouth she says, "No. Just no. Do not rent to them. She's a sweet girl, but no." She then goes on to tell us about filth and roaches, late payments, excuses, and unauthorized pets.
When we get done there I text the applicant.
Me: I'm sorry to tell you that you don't qualify to rent our houses.
Her: What? For what reason?
Me: Your previous landlords did not give a good recommendation.
Her: Could you at least call & talk to me about this? I do have references. I do not think you understand our situation. That should not always be the case we've had a very rough time...
Me: There is no reason for me to call. We will not rent to you.
Her: I just think that's unfair & everyone should deserve a chance especially if you knew who we were. We have never destroyed a house our rent is always paid. All we are trying to do is just better our family by finding something that fits us. If you knew our circumstances I think you'd understand as well.
[After several more texts my husband agrees to meet and talk with her.]
Today when they met he told her what the landlords said and of course she denied everything. They were making it all up and she could prove it wasn't true. She spent 30 minutes trying everything she could to get him to change his mind, and finally ended with, "So you mean to tell me that you're not even going to give me a chance to prove myself? To prove that I'd be a good tenant?"

1 Reply

Rick BassettBusiness Member

Property Manager · Greater New Haven, CT · Member since 2010 · 377 posts · 434 votes

8y

Originally posted by @Sylvia B.:

Me: I'm sorry to tell you that you don't qualify to rent our houses.
Her: What? For what reason?
Me: Your previous landlords did not give a good recommendation.
Her: Could you at least call & talk to me about this? I do have references. I do not think you understand our situation. That should not always be the case we've had a very rough time...
Me: There is no reason for me to call. We will not rent to you.
Her: I just think that's unfair & everyone should deserve a chance especially if you knew who we were. We have never destroyed a house our rent is always paid. All we are trying to do is just better our family by finding something that fits us. If you knew our circumstances I think you'd understand as well.
[After several more texts my husband agrees to meet and talk with her.]
Today when they met he told her what the landlords said and of course she denied everything. They were making it all up and she could prove it wasn't true. She spent 30 minutes trying everything she could to get him to change his mind, and finally ended with, "So you mean to tell me that you're not even going to give me a chance to prove myself? To prove that I'd be a good tenant?"

Stand firm when you make a decision to reject, no means no. There is no room for negotiation or any reason to meet/talk with them again. By having more conversations you (your husband) creates the opportunity to say something damaging that could give them fuel for a lawsuit again you and/or your friend (previous landlord).

Rick

475-900-3100

Bassett Property Management5108 Reviews

Website View Page

9 Reply

Sylvia B.

Rental Property Investor · Douglas County, MO · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

Originally posted by @Rick Bassett:

Stand firm when you make a decision to reject, no means no. There is no room for negotiation or any reason to meet/talk with them again. By having more conversations you (your husband) creates the opportunity to say something damaging that could give them fuel for a lawsuit again you and/or your friend (previous landlord).

Rick

Yes, Rick, that's very good advice. However, as I mentioned, this is a small town, and small towns have their own [unwritten] rules. We would have run into each other eventually, and refusing to talk with her would have made that eventual meeting quite unpleasant. Expressing sympathy for her situation and allowing her to vent her frustrations while calmly remaining firm on our decision not to rent to her was a good compromise. You have to have the right personality for that, though. Hubby is good at it. I probably would have blown up and told her off -- which is why I only texted instead of talking to her.

2 Reply

Amy Webber

Investor · Simpsonville, SC · Member since 2016 · 135 posts · 73 votes

8y

@Sylvia B.

That completely makes sense to me as a reasonable compromise. It used to be that way around here too. Lots of people have moved in though and there are both pros and cons to that. Generally more pros than cons unless you have to drive down Woodruff Rd for some reason! Thanks for sharing!

0 Reply

Gail K.

Augusta, GA · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

Ah, Woodruff road (my partner Bill is from Simpsonville)....

So....My policy is, when someone contacts me on the internet regarding one of our rentals the first thing I do is check our online Marshal's Service. This is the law enforcement agency that handles all "dispossessory" (eviction) notices.

I get an inquiry through HotPads from a fellow whose first name is "Mike". I check out his name and while there's a fellow named "Rodney" with the same fairly common last name who has a list of evictions a mile long, no "Mike". So I call him.

First red flag...the guy who answers says "Mike" isn't there. So I explain I'm calling because someone has emailed me regarding a rental we have available. Oh, just a moment he says. Then the same guy comes on and suddenly "Mike" has appeared! He says those dreaded words every landlord loves to hear....."Now here's my story"....and my heart begins to sink and I honestly think my eyes start to roll.

His "story" is that his rental house burned down yesterday and the Red Cross put he and his family in a hotel and gave them just exactly the amount of rent I'm charging to find a place to live and he needs to get out of the motel ASAP because it's driving him crazy and both he and his wife work and it wasn't his fault the house caught on fire and. .blah, blah, blah. I ask him what he's looking for in a rental and he says "a house"; he doesn't care where, he doesn't care what. Hmmm. I explain our screening policy and requirements and screen OUT factors (no history of evictions, no accounts in collections) and he says oh no, no problem.

I tell him I'm having an open house today (Sunday) and he and his family are more than welcome to stop by and view it between the hours of the open house and he says he'll be there.

In closing I tell him my name and the guy suddenly forgets he's Mike and says he's.....RODNEY...the guy with the tons of evictions to his name.

Gail

P.S. And a quick check of our local newspaper and local news shows no evidence of house burning within the last day or two. The Marshal's Service does show an eviction for "Rodney" dated January 31, 2018.

5 Reply

Gail K.

Augusta, GA · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

Phase two...

The application says "Must be filled out COMPLETELY to be processed"

So many applicants conveniently skip the second page (although they know it's there because they sign at the bottom) which asks (among other things) "have you ever been evicted from a tenancy?"

Just had another one today that did that.

And yes, a review of her "real" name (not the one she gave me over the phone initially...another one) showed 3 dispossessory filings. These were not actual evictions; these tenants were late enough on their rent that their landlords filed for such three times and they either paid what was owed or moved and the landlords did not complete the actual evictions.

Still, our ads clearly state "no history of dispossessory filings or evictions".

In the far, far distance past I'd call and review an incomplete application with a person

Now I just shove everything back into an envelope and send to back to them indicating it can't be processed as is.

IT'S ONLY A TWO PAGE APPLICATION PEOPLE!!!

Gail

4 Reply

Matthew Paul

Severna Park, MD · Member since 2013 · 7k+ posts · 7k+ votes

8y

I just showed the 2/1 I just bought . The add said available March 1 . I am in the process of painting and drywall repair . A couple in there mid 30's come by to look . They ask where is the 3rd bedroom . I tell them its a 2 bedroom like the ad said . So we go down to see the unfinished basement , you have go outside and down the steps . He looks at the wife and says , "I guess we could put the 3 boys down here " I look at him and say " This isnt a bedroom , there is no escape window , no bathroom , and most of all NO HEAT or Air conditioning . " The ad states a maximum of 4 persons at this house .

2 Reply

Gail K.

Augusta, GA · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

8y

Matthew....Your folks must have been related to the ones who asked if grandma would live up in the attic in one of our houses.

Gail

1 Reply

Nicole A.Pro Member

Rental Property Investor · Baltimore County Maryland and Tampa Florida · Member since 2013 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes

8y

@Amy A. I'm still laughing at the small Bernese Mountain Dog. They aren't even born small. lol Very cool dogs though (but not for a rental).

2 Reply

Adam Odom

Columbia, SC · Member since 2014 · 133 posts · 190 votes

8y

I've read this ENTIRE thread while getting over the flu. Helps with the cabin fever. I've got plenty but two come to mind. Had a daughter call for her mom because she was elderly and needed something low maintenance. It's a nice 2 bedroom townhouse for $800/month. She was telling me my price was high and asked if I could do better. Her mom owned a house much bigger and mortgage was cheaper. She was nice enough and I seriously tried my best to explain why renting costs more (responsible for anything that breaks, higher taxes, profit, etc) but she didn't get it and kept calling me back. I finally just ignored her. Another couple wanted to move from $400/month place to this same $800 unit. She was having another baby and not going back to work. His income was barely enough at their old place but they were super nice so I at least ran credit. Literally everything on the report was charged off/collections. No clue how they believed they could afford to move. And I'm with the crowd of not rescheduling for no shows. 15 minutes late and I'm gone if you haven't shown up or let me know running late. Next I'll have to go to the tenant thread and post some good ones.

3 Reply

Chinmay J.

Investor · Northern, VA · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 904 votes

8y

Originally posted by @Matthew Paul:

I just showed the 2/1 I just bought . The add said available March 1 . I am in the process of painting and drywall repair . A couple in there mid 30's come by to look . They ask where is the 3rd bedroom . I tell them its a 2 bedroom like the ad said . So we go down to see the unfinished basement , you have go outside and down the steps . He looks at the wife and says , "I guess we could put the 3 boys down here " I look at him and say " This isnt a bedroom , there is no escape window , no bathroom , and most of all NO HEAT or Air conditioning . " The ad states a maximum of 4 persons at this house .

I think you should consider them.. Look at it this way. When the guy puts 3 boys in the unfinished basement, and ends up in jail, there will only be 4 people left. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have kids.. LMAO.

3 Reply

Susan H.Pro Member

Investor/Landlord · NWA, AR · Member since 2016 · 227 posts · 132 votes

8y

Originally posted by @Matthew Paul:

I just showed the 2/1 I just bought . The add said available March 1 . I am in the process of painting and drywall repair . A couple in there mid 30's come by to look . They ask where is the 3rd bedroom . I tell them its a 2 bedroom like the ad said . So we go down to see the unfinished basement , you have go outside and down the steps . He looks at the wife and says , "I guess we could put the 3 boys down here " I look at him and say " This isnt a bedroom , there is no escape window , no bathroom , and most of all NO HEAT or Air conditioning . " The ad states a maximum of 4 persons at this house .

They might be related to the woman who toured my 3/2 home for non-smokers only who announced her father--who was outside smoking at the time--would be living with her and her kids. I pointed out the "no smoking" statement and she said "That's okay, he'll have to stay in the garage."

0 Reply

Adam Odom

Columbia, SC · Member since 2014 · 133 posts · 190 votes

8y

Another good one that ended up biting my buddy. We owned a duplex together and this applicant wanted one unit but just couldn't figure out how to get his credit report online but offered extra money to waive it. I let them get it on annualcreditreport.com. Told him no and rented to someone else. He got mad I didn't let him know I rented to sometime else. Well same buddy owned another duplex in same neighborhood and guy applied for his and gave the credit report finally. Pages 1,2,3,29,30..... all others mysteriously missing. He asked what I thought and I told him HECK NO! Well he got anxious and went ahead and rented to him. Guess who was evicted after 3 months? My buddy no longer does rental by the way. I bought him out of ours and he sold the other.

3 Reply

Brian Garlington

Realtor · Oakland, CA and a Real Estate Investor with Multi-Family Units and a Self Storage Facility · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes

8y

My turn to chime in.

Headline of the ad says “Nice Clean 3/1 UPSTAIRS unit in this charming Duplex”

First Sentence of the ad and the last two sentences of the ad as well as halfway through the ad it says “No Smokers of any kind, no vaping, no e-cigarettes, no cigars, nothing . Also no pets I. E. No dogs no cats , no snakes no rats. Etc.”

Here are SOME of the responses after we go through some preliminaries such as their name, why they are looking at moving.... etc.

Me....How many pets do you have and what kind?

Caller..... 2 little dogs.

Me.......Did you read the ad?

Caller.....Why?

Me.... The second sentence and the last sentence clearly states no pets of any kind. It also states this halfway through the ad.

Caller.....Oh, I didn’t see it.

Me......(In my mind) Like I said.... did you read the ad?

Me..... Do you smoke and how often?

Caller...... A couple of times a week.

Me.......Which of our ads did you see?

Caller...... The one on Zillow

Me.......Did you read it?

Caller.......(In a somewhat shaky voice).....Yeah.

Me........ The very first words of the body of the ad says No Smokers of Any Kind.

Caller......Oh, I didn’t see that part.

Me.... What part of it did you read if you don’t mind my asking?

Caller....CLICK...... I mean they literally said CLICK.... and then they hung up on me.

Here’s another one....

Caller...... How many bedrooms in this house?

Me.....It’s a 3 bedroom 1 bath upstairs unit in a duplex.

Caller......I thought this was a house?

Me...... Did you read the headline of the ad?

Caller.....Naw, I seen the picture. It looks like a house.

Me.......The ad says it’s a 3/1 upstairs unit in a duplex. The 3 means one bedroom and the 1 means 1 bathroom.

Caller..... How are we supposed to know that “ family”.....why don’t you just say it has3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom.

Me....... I did......I actually spell it out in the content of the ad as well as the boxes I checked to indicate how many beds and baths there are.

Caller......Man who has time to read all of that.

Me......Only the people that I rent to do.

Caller....... (After letting it sink in what I’ve just told him). Thank You for your time sir.

Another one

Caller...... I need a downstairs unit and at least 4 bedrooms and the landlord says I need to be out by the end of next month.

Me....... The ad clearly states in the headline this is a 3 bedroom upstairs unit so it looks like this won’t work for you.

Caller......(She says emphatically and extremely sarcastically) Clearly I read your ad and that’s why I’m calling. I was hoping you had a downstairs unit with more bedrooms, I’m in a Wheelchair and it’s called networking.

Me......If I had any downstairs first floor units available that’s what I would be advertising. I call it advertising what I have available.

Caller...,.(Raising her voice and talking very condescendingly). Oh, do we have a landlord that doesn’t want to rent to someone in a wheelchair?

Me......I believe you already a landlord that doesn’t want to rent to you.

Caller..... Why do you say it like that?

Me...... Because if you’re looking to move from your present residence you already have a landlord that doesn’t want you there. You did tell me earlier that you have to move by the end of next month, right?

Caller......I used to have a landlord like you....I’m glad she evicted me.

Me........ How long ago did she evict you?

Caller....... About 5 years ago.

Me......... Ma’am, my ad states you can’t have any evictions on your record within the last 7 years. I’m afraid that alone disqualifies you.

Caller........ Dang, Aw aight. Thanks for your time.

7 Reply

Brian Garlington

Realtor · Oakland, CA and a Real Estate Investor with Multi-Family Units and a Self Storage Facility · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes

8y

Forgot these

Me..... Are you on Section 8, Vash or Eden?

Caller....... No

Me.......Whats your gross monthly income before taxes.

Caller..... $720 per month

Me...... Maam the rent is $645/mo and we need verifiable income of at least $2,000 a month if you’re not on Vash, Section 8 or Eden.

Caller...... Why so much?

Me (Speechless)........

Caller....... Are you still there?

Me.......Yes. Ma’am we need your verifiable income to be at least 3 times the rent? Otherwise you stand a good chance of not being able to pay the rent.

Caller......Are you saying I should go get on Section 8?

Me........ I’m not going to tell you what to do or not to do about that, I just know I can’t rent to you because you don’t meet the income requirements.

Caller .......OK

Another one

Me...... Are you on VASH Eden or Section 8?

Caller........Naaw, I pays for mines.

Me..... The rent is 645 per month do we need at least $2,000/mo in gross verifiable income. Do you have that?

Caller......I have the verifiable incomes.

Me.......Such as?

Caller..... It verifiables.

Me.......Ok such as......

Caller....... I told you it verifiables from month to month?

Me........What does verifiables mean?

Caller....... Verifiables.... you know like a lot of kind?

Me.......Do you mean “ varies”?

Caller.......I think so. I make good money.

Me.......How much do you make per month that we can look at with pay stubs (I surely wasn’t going to say verifiable again).

Caller........ What if I give you it all in cash?

Me....... Sounds good but we need to see paystubs for the last 3 months and we need to call your employer, current landlord and do a background check..... after we show you the property.

Caller....... But what if I don’t like the place after I see it?

Me..... (Speechless with my mouth hanging open)

Caller....... O wait....that was dumb.... if I don’t like it I don’t have to rent it. Sorry cuz.... it’s been a day.

Me.......(Half jokingly) What did you Smoke today?

Caller...... Some Black Widow

Me........Seriously? Brah that eliminates you from qualification. First sentence of the ad says no smoking of any kind.

Caller....... Naw cuz I ain’t gonnee smoke at your place.

Me....... I know you won’t.

Caller...... How do y’all make sure nobody is smoking in the spot.

Me...... By not renting to people who have just told us they smoked some Black Widow at their spot.

Caller........F$3k You (and hangs up)

7 Reply

Chris Szepessy

Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes

8y

Originally posted by @Brian Garlington:

Forgot these

Me..... Are you on Section 8, Vash or Eden?

Caller....... No

Me.......Whats your gross monthly income before taxes.

Caller..... $720 per month

Me...... Maam the rent is $645/mo and we need verifiable income of at least $2,000 a month if you’re not on Vash, Section 8 or Eden.

Caller...... Why so much?

Me (Speechless)........

Caller....... Are you still there?

Me.......Yes. Ma’am we need your verifiable income to be at least 3 times the rent? Otherwise you stand a good chance of not being able to pay the rent.

Caller......Are you saying I should go get on Section 8?

Me........ I’m not going to tell you what to do or not to do about that, I just know I can’t rent to you because you don’t meet the income requirements.

Caller .......OK

Another one

Me...... Are you on VASH Eden or Section 8?

Caller........Naaw, I pays for mines.

Me..... The rent is 645 per month do we need at least $2,000/mo in gross verifiable income. Do you have that?

Caller......I have the verifiable incomes.

Me.......Such as?

Caller..... It verifiables.

Me.......Ok such as......

Caller....... I told you it verifiables from month to month?

Me........What does verifiables mean?

Caller....... Verifiables.... you know like a lot of kind?

Me.......Do you mean “ varies”?

Caller.......I think so. I make good money.

Me.......How much do you make per month that we can look at with pay stubs (I surely wasn’t going to say verifiable again).

Caller........ What if I give you it all in cash?

Me....... Sounds good but we need to see paystubs for the last 3 months and we need to call your employer, current landlord and do a background check..... after we show you the property.

Caller....... But what if I don’t like the place after I see it?

Me..... (Speechless with my mouth hanging open)

Caller....... O wait....that was dumb.... if I don’t like it I don’t have to rent it. Sorry cuz.... it’s been a day.

Me.......(Half jokingly) What did you Smoke today?

Caller...... Some Black Widow

Me........Seriously? Brah that eliminates you from qualification. First sentence of the ad says no smoking of any kind.

Caller....... Naw cuz I ain’t gonnee smoke at your place.

Me....... I know you won’t.

Caller...... How do y’all make sure nobody is smoking in the spot.

Me...... By not renting to people who have just told us they smoked some Black Widow at their spot.

Caller........F$3k You (and hangs up)

Haha I couldn't stop laughing at the "verifiables." You seriously have to wonder how people make it through life...

I had a person text me (when my ad said to call) and their "signature" at the bottom of the text was Ms. yoyo da baddest. I didn't even respond. You aren't gonna be "da baddest" and rent from me.

Another story...A guy called me and said he and his female friend (but not girlfriend) were looking for a place. Said they both work for a state politician. I'm thinking that these people could make good tenants. Man, was I wrong. They show up before I get there (great, they're punctual), but they're both sitting on the stairs, smoking. We go in, start showing them around and he then says "yeah, we work for (politician), but only for another month. We're working for his campaign and after election day, we won't have a job. We can give you this month's rent and then, uh, we can go from there." I just looked at him. I gave them the application and they brought it back about 10 minutes later, incomplete. My wife and I read what little bit they filled in, laughed, and moved on.

1 Reply

Tenant Applicants say the dumbest things

Tenant Applicants say the dumbest things

Most Popular Reply

1572 Replies