WOMEN IN RE: Comfortable going to meetups? Improvements?

Verna M.

Tujunga, CA · Member since 2015 · 88 posts · 48 votes

11y

I've not gone to a REIA meet-up yet, but my first is April 1st, (no fooling!) I'm not worried at all, and it never even crossed my mind. even though I did see women only business meet ups in my area.

I don't feel the need for women only groups, when networking you need to meet as many people as possible. If anything, I would rather meet other ladies on a forum like this and go to an event together, strength in numbers you know?

Back when I had a job, (I was laid off. not FT investor, yet!) I worked in a male dominated industry, I was an engineer and technician of sorts. When I started back in the 90s and I was the only girl in the studio. Sometimes it sucked, but often it had advantages.

Today? I would say it's maybe 1/3 women in what I do, which is AWESOME! In fact I was talking to a former female colleague the other day about buying her first home and I wanted to drag her to a meeting with me :)

J. MartinPro Member

OP

Rental Property Investor · Oakland, CA · Member since 2011 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes

11y

Originally posted by @Erin A.:

Forgot to mention that I'd love to see an LGBT group start up.

Erin, great idea. And THANK YOU for all the feedback!

I've noticed there are people that would love to see things happen, and those that love to make things happen. Which are you?

When I went to my first RE networking-only meetup organized by @Sarah Lam, and invited by @Johnson H., in late 2013, I saw a great thing that no one was consistently organizing and making happen. So I started a meetup group, and now have over 500 investors on it, and regularly over 50 investors attending. I've learned an amazing amount and met so many great people. That led to.. the day after I met Josh and Brandon at a meetup I hosted in San Francisco in Feb 2014, I announced on BP I would be hosting a Summit in SF, and November of 2014, I got to see you, meet @Brie Schmidt, @Marcia Maynard, @Jonna Weber, and so many other great investors. Just sayin..!

Brie, you obviously have no issue and grab the bull by the horns. But why do these meetups range from around 10% female to almost 40%? Why was there only 1 female moderator on BP before awesome investors like yourself and Dawn were added?(this is no criticism to anyone. I'm really just curious about why. Is it reflective of the % of female investors? Or are females less active/vocal? Other?..) As you said, there is a lot to learn from all investors, no matter gender. I don't want to limit anything. I just want to see if we can do any thing to bring out all the women who might not have come out yet..

To Erin's point, having a safe environment with close-by parking, welcome everyone and helping them connect, bathrooms (clean, too?!), etc might help other women feel comfortable. The venues are probably different in SF/Oakland than Chicago. Thank you Erin for all the feedback.

@Verna , good point about women connecting on here and going to a meetup together. I think I just saw that with two newer females on the site regarding my meetup. Welcome to your first meetup!

@Chrystal T, I'll be sure to emphasize that it's a friendly group with no judgment. Everyone has been very inviting and helpful so far, so hopefully that creates an inviting environment. I know some women that are killing it here in the Bay! Forgot to add @BeBe Cheng above!

This all helps! Thank you!

Account Closed

Wholesaler · Santa Cruz, CA · Member since 2014 · 79 posts · 12 votes

11y

As always J, you are mindful! We would call you a woman's man in our household. Which is a good thing. I have to admit, that while I did notice that there are fewer women than men in the meet-ups, it does not bother me in the least. I agree that I can learn from either women or men and I can teach or mentor to either men or women. I suppose having been in a predominantly male dominated work environment for about 30 years, I don't even give it a second thought. I prefer to have a mix of people and love your meetings! See you soon.

Mel Selvidge

Real Estate Agent · Berkeley, CA · Member since 2014 · 55 posts · 40 votes

11y

Thanks for starting this discussion J. I'm not sure I have a ton to contribute. Coming from the world of science and computers, RE has always felt pretty integrated to me, though as @Erin A. pointed out, the heavy hitters in commercial RE skew pretty male.

For whatever reason I have noticed that I end up mostly talking to women at the big meet ups and mostly they are still looking for their first investment. I don't think a guy has ever slid into a ladies-only circle and introduced himself. Likewise, I'm not very comfortable butting into the little circles of folks, often all male, talking about their investments when it seems they already know each other and I don't. I guess a little structure to the break out might facilitate getting people to network outside of the folks they already know. There are probably guys who would appreciate the nudge to talk to different people too. I'm partial to the smaller events (like the clean up and Lake Merritt picnic), but that's just my personality. They're all valuable, and I appreciate you organizing them.

I think part of the gender imbalance in RE to do with who has money in the first place, and guys still have more of it, especially in Techlandia. (I fact checked myself, and the median man earns 24.3% more in SF. Among those w/ bachelor's degrees, the median guy in Silicon Valley makes 61% more than the median woman. 61% would certainly make the difference between getting by and having a surplus for most people I know.)

There can also be an expectation in married couples that the guys are the real decision makers. Sometimes when J is around, service providers will talk to him instead of me even though he doesn't really participate in my RE investments much. The Mariposa recorder actually only recorded my husband's name and left mine off of our property in Yosemite. It could have been a mistake, but I had the sense that someone figured that his name or both of our names were basically the same thing.

There are only two times I really think about my gender as a limiting factor. 1. I don't want to manage property in certain neighborhoods, and would feel safer having a guy present for open houses or tenant screening. I do look at the Megan's list registry when buying property. There are a lot of good reasons for me to prefer class A neighborhoods, and my personal safety is one of them, but my pockets aren't deep enough to to be cash flowing on SFRs in the Berkeley hills. 2. I also wish that I could swing a sledge hammer and haul demo to the dumpster as swiftly as my contractor. Of course, both of these issues have work arounds, and seeing how other women as well as men deal with them is interesting to me.

Marcia Maynard

Investor · Vancouver, WA · Member since 2013 · 3k+ posts · 4k+ votes

11y

@J. Martin said, it really depends on the venue and the day/time of the event. Also for me, there has to be some substance to the meeting to make it worth my time and energy.

Once I am comfortable with a group I am bound to jump in and share with others as much as I am learning from others. Now you've inspired me to look-for some REI meet-ups in my area to see what's happening! I've only been to meet-ups three times in my life and one was yours! The other two had nothing to do with real estate. I regularly attend the monthly dinner meeting of our local rental association and that is quite fulfilling. Come to think about it, there are many couples there, as well as those who come alone, so that is another dynamic. Most who attend alone are male. The idea of two women planning to attend together has merit.

Ann Bellamy

Lender · Tyngsboro, MA · Member since 2009 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes

11y

Honestly, I'm with @Brie Schmidt, I've worked in a number of male dominated industries. I also hate baby showers and that sort of thing. I avoid them whenever possible.

I also don't see the need for a women's only group. I am one of very few female hard money lenders, and yes, women are in the minority in RE Investing. So what? @Karen Margrave has a construction company. That's pretty male dominated too.

I'm introverted by nature, so would probably not reach out and talk to people at a group if I followed my inner inclination, male, female, it wouldn't matter. You can't do that. You must network, you must meet people, you must make connections and form relationships in this business.

So I put on my big girl pants and go do what I need to do. One of the ways you'll get over being uncomfortable in a meetup is by forming and running your own. I have had two different groups, one with a female partner and one with three male partners. In the end, people care about whether you deliver what you say, whether you know what you are talking about, and whether you have integrity.

So if you have a women's only meetup, you'll be eliminating 65% of the people you could connect with. Why do that?

Karen MargraveBusiness Member

Moderator

Realtor, General Contractor, and Developer · Redding, CA · Member since 2009 · 7k+ posts · 4k+ votes

11y

I think for those women that are more comfortable in women only meetups, I'd say, step out of your comfort zone, and you'll get far more business done. All the successful women I know in business have some common traits, self confidence, extroverts, aggressive (not over aggressive so as to overcompensate), know their trades, etc. We can't be wallflowers and expect business to fall into our laps, we have to get out there and find it, the same as men do!

Though I do not work on jobs, I do have my contractors license and had to know the same things men know when taking the test.. The other day someone called and said, "Can I talk to the contractor" I said "you're speaking to her" and they hung up! I had to laugh.

I must say, I was happy to be the first female moderator on BP! I'm not sure the reasoning behind it, but I don't think it was because I'm a woman (though it may have been one consideration I'm not sure) However; the driving force was they needed another moderator. Maybe @Joshua D. or @Brandon Turner can weigh in on their views of choosing people on various things.

Samantha Hiscock

Investor · Barre, VT · Member since 2015 · 129 posts · 96 votes

11y

I live in a very rural state and if meetups were gender (or any group) specific there would literally only be one or two people in attendance. My local group typically has a max attendance of 25, with about 15 being average. I am often the only woman there. The group is 90% white males over the age of 65; my issue is with age more than gender, as I joined at 25. There are serious generational gaps with strategy, motivation, intention, technology, and wealth that prohibit constructive interaction much more than gender.

208-608-4884 Podcast Guest on Show #80

Jonna WeberPro Member

Moderator

Investor · Boise, ID · Member since 2011 · 1k+ posts · 736 votes

11y

Fascinating topic. I love the diversity at our investor groups and meet ups - and enjoy talking with anyone who is actually out digging up deals and making things happen - no matter what their gender or age is! The intent with a women's investor gathering that @Lisa Kohl is holding here in Boise in our case is supplemental to our monthly Investor Group meetings and quarterly informal BP style meet ups. A lot of women tend to be relational - and deals happen when you take a little time to build report and trust. The more avenues you give people to connect, the better!

Amy Van Ollefen

Park City, UT · Member since 2014 · 45 posts · 18 votes

11y

My comfort level of attending a meetup has nothing to do with being female, but moreso that I am a beginner and feel I don't have much to add to the conversation at this point, and don't want to feel stupid. I'm also introverted so randomly chatting it up with strangers about a topic I don't feel I have much knowledge on sounds like a nightmare lol.

I went to a meetup once, it was actually pretty good. There were some friendly people there. Maybe if you want people to feel comfortable, make it clear the meeting is for anyone (if it is) no matter what their experience level, and be nice to new people and go talk to awkward looking people in the corner, cuz that's probably me. haha.

Making everything into a women's only group is strange... when there also isn't a men's only version.

Prolet Miteva

Investor · Pittsburg, CA · Member since 2015 · 25 posts · 21 votes

11y

I must agree with all of the women so far that having a women specific meetup seems limiting. Honestly I have not been to any REI meetups yet (hope this will change this Thursday :)), but I do work in technology, which is a pretty men dominated field. I am much more comfortable in a mixed meetup environment - it usually tends to stay more on the topic of the meetup, than just discussing gender issues (not that there is no need for that considering that gender issues do exist). The only thing I can ask from the males at a meetup is to try and be more open minded and judge people on their abilities, not just the gender or age. The whole "boys club" mentality can only hinder the possibility of expanded opportunities, or creative solutions.

@J. Martin That said here is my view on the questions posed:

Is there a need for women-only meetups?
- Do not think so - the more people the better the opportunity for networking
Do women feel comfortable going to meetups that are predominantly male?
- I do :)
Is there something I can do to make women feel more comfortable coming to my meetup?
- I think for some women it might be important to see that they are not alone. This I think can mitigate some of the issues raised for security. I do think that women presenters would be great, as it can be beneficial to see successful women not just men.
Is my premise that there is something more that can be done flawed because all women are totally comfortable joining these groups?
- Not all women are comfortable joining these groups, I think some can be intimidated. To that point I am not sure I can provide suggestions. I think @Erin A. was likely most thorough on proposing solutions.
Something I can do better?
- Maybe a word of mouth campaign might be more beneficial (and might already be if you are saying that 39% of the RSVPs are women). You might want to check other REI meetups in other areas as you might already be doing a good job :)

Just my 2c...

Lynn Currie

Investor · Austin, TX · Member since 2013 · 452 posts · 309 votes

11y

@J. Martin!) was one of the best things that I've done for my business.

5 Reply

Marcia Maynard

Investor · Vancouver, WA · Member since 2013 · 3k+ posts · 4k+ votes

11y

@J. Martin , et al. I am inspired! Tonight I went to my first REIA local meeting in Vancouver, hosted by the NWREIA for the Portland Metro area. I was more observant than I usually am since reading this thread. I was noticing what made the meeting work.

The meeting was held in a private room at a local pizza restaurant. Some ordered food and some did not. The meeting organizer was male. There were 8 females and 18 males in attendance, plus the male presenter. Age range 20s - 80s (primarily 50s - 70s), all appeared to be Caucasian except for one person who was Asian (somewhat consistent with our community demographics). REI interests ranged from a mixture of builders, rehabbers, flippers, buy & hold (some self-manage and some outsource to property management companies), private money lenders, vendors. Couples and singles. Some new to REI and many old timers. Excellent presenter on the topic of insurance; his tag line was "Insurance is boring, but I'm not." It was a captivating presentation.

I had no trouble jumping right in. I introduced myself to the organizer when I first arrived and to others as well. I had business cards in my pocket that I traded. I shared with others what I was doing in REI and they shared with me as well. I was genuinely interested in what other people had to say. The people in the group were welcoming. I asked questions of the presenter and networked afterward. It was great!

The thing that struck me most had nothing to do with the demographics of the attendees. What I realized was that I was entirely comfortable with this group because I understood the lingo and understood the concepts of real estate investing due to the time I spend with Bigger Pockets and reading books/publications about real estate investing, as well as having 20 years of experience as a buy & hold investor in residential rental properties and regularly attending a monthly landlord association meeting.

So it gets down to this... make sure the meeting is welcoming for all... have a good presenter sharing some worthwhile information as a focal point... be in a comfortable location... on a date and time that works. As more women get involved, more will be inspired to join. I think women are reaching a critical mass as players in REI and we are here to stay!

2 Reply

Yuliany W.

Investor · Bay Area, CA · Member since 2011 · 92 posts · 69 votes

11y

Hi @J. Martin! Thanks for being so thoughtful. Let me just get to the questions.

Is there a need for women-only meetups?

I don't feel the need for women only meetups, because I don't want to miss a chance of getting to know some awesome real estate investor that happen to be a man. On the other hand, I feel that women will understand each other's investing concerns better than men. Just because men and women are wired differently.

Do women feel comfortable going to meetups that are predominantly male?

Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, I was asked "how old are you?" in one of the meet ups, accompanied with the "are you even supposed to be here?" look.

However, I heard people say "if it doesn't kill you, it'll just make you stronger"

Is there something I can do to make women feel more comfortable coming to my meetup?

You have always been a good host for as long as I can remember. You always try to include everyone and took your time to get to know everyone, regardless of their level of expertise.

- be explicitly inviting to all groups of people: male/female, young/old, all religions, race, orientation, etc.?

Maybe you can try this, but personally, I already made peace with the fact that real estate field has a certain demographic. You can try to make it more diverse but the people that will show up are still the people who are interested in the field.

- gain critical mass of women in the group?

same response as the above question.

- reach out directly to successful women on BP and locally to come out to the group?

This is a great idea, I would love to meet them!

- have at a different time of day or week to make it more accessible?

The San Jose (Johnson's) meet up time and place is perfect for me, that's one of the reason why I mostly attend that one.

- don't make any effort to try to reach out specifically to women because that is sexist?

How about just reach out to them as real estate professionals in general and you don't have to emphasize that you're doing it just because they're women. Some people might be sensitive to that.

Is my premise that there is something more that can be done flawed because all women are totally comfortable joining these groups?

Not flawed at all, people have different comfort levels. You are just being considerate thinking about the other group of people.

Something I can do better?

How about having a speaker for the meet ups. That way, we all can learn about a real estate related topic and network afterwards. Maybe we can even vote on a topic of interest. I don't mind paying a some kind of fee to cover for speaker, venue and food.

3 Reply

Account Closed

Investor · Sunnyside, NY · Member since 2014 · 355 posts · 114 votes

11y

I would estimate that the group I attend in New York is not more than 20% female.

I enjoy going to meetups but I do notice that men are less likely to speak to women. I find when I walk up to a group of men and join their conversation that I have to deal with the "what is she doing here" looks on their faces and I find myself having to prove that I am "qualified" to be there. They tend to lose interest pretty quickly and then they see someone they know or excuse themselves to get a drink or something.

On the other hand, the women have been welcoming and more than happy to share their experience and knowledge.

I would challenge men that go to REI meetups to initiate a conversation with at least one women at the event every time and find out what she does. Tell her what you do. Its called networking. At any meetup there will be a diverse group with different levels of experience in all different areas of REI.

Amanda Sutherlin

Flipper/Rehabber · Spring Hill, FL · Member since 2014 · 234 posts · 132 votes

11y

I'm pretty sure every meeting I've attended has been predominantly male...meet up, REIA, round table what have you. I've never felt uncomfortable at all, its just for whatever reason the RE industry is heavy on the male side.

Is there a need for women-only meetups?

- I don't think so
Do women feel comfortable going to meetups that are predominantly male?

-Yup, I personally have no issue.

Is there something I can do to make women feel more comfortable coming to my meetup?

- I really don't think it has anything to do with male/female....more about location. Is it safe, well lit, close parking. If you had a meetup in a questionable area or the parking lot was dark or had to walk far I wouldn't go.

http://www.meetup.com/LakeMerritt/events/221465688...

J. MartinPro Member

OP

Rental Property Investor · Oakland, CA · Member since 2011 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes

11y

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU LADIES!

I got a lot of good info from this, summarized below. I implemented some of it in the last announcement for the meetup. In addition, I implemented it in my personal life, and will strive to continue with it! I started a non-real-estate-related meetup group for people living around Lake Merritt in Oakland - implementing these recommendations to make everyone feel comfortable. Explicitly inclusive of everyone, considering safety, walking to cars for the meetup.. And no joke – for my first meetup..

ALL 10 RSVP’s BESIDES MYSELF ARE WOMEN! HUH? Over 90% Women? Of the 39 members who have joined the group in the last few days since I started it, about 75% are women. This is a small anecdotal sample, but I think your advice is helping women feel comfortable already! Especially considering the organizer is male.. Thank you! :) Now I'll have to get advice on how to get more males to come out?!

SUMMARY OF FEEDBACK

- Safety – Is the walk to/from safe? How far is parking?Bathrooms? Rowdy/calm place?
- Be inviting/welcome to women (& all) in invite and at meetups
- Introduce newer women to other successful women
- Don’t assume the male is the “lead” investor in a couple
- Maybe adding more structure to the networking
- Consider daytime or weekend meetups
- Women visibly “RSVP’ing” and being active in the group
- Reach out to successful women to join

- Some women think a women’s meetup would draw out other females that might not already be coming, provide another avenue to network, or just create a supportive group (as an addition to their regular networking. But most think this may be limiting, and women shouldn’t limit themselves to that.

@Erin A, @Prolet, @Mel Selvidge , (and thanks ladies for coming out to my last meetup! Hope you felt safe and welcome :) No one is tagging, so I'll just type them.. Yuli, Lynn Currie, Amy Van Ollefen, Jonna Weber, Brie Schmidt, Marcia Maynard, and all the women on this forum, and in the future, thank you! We’re improving ;)

THANK YOU! :)

Erin A.

Investor · Antioch, CA · Member since 2013 · 79 posts · 58 votes

11y

That's awesome, @J Martin! Again, props to you for initially asking good questions, and more so for synthesizing the input and putting it to the test. Yeah!

Account Closed

Business owner/manager · Dallas, TX · Member since 2011 · 3 posts · 0 votes

10y

I haven't attended a meetup yet but wouldn't feel uncomfortable if I were the only female in a male group. I imagine the comfort zone has to do with experience and personality and one's sense of emotional security. I would imagine men would make anyone welcome, whatever gender they are. I don't feel intimidated by being a beginner either. The reason we meet is to grow and I believe when we have dreams, others are ready to help us achieve them. But I have been a business owner for a long while and I believe that female business owners tend to function like men. We've developed various strengths and are comfortable in any setting. So I believe a female's comfort in a male dominated group comes from having a broad range of experience and mental development.

Jennifer Lee

Real Estate Broker · Gibsonia, PA · Member since 2013 · 828 posts · 260 votes

10y

i have no issues, I go to meet up, I like mixed groups so I can get exposure to all of REI

but safety first.

I make sure I go to reputable groups.

at least know someone at the smaller dinner meetups.

I used to be scared but after years of being a Realtor, vet over phone then meet ;)